University Life..to Live Or Not To Live?

[Guest S. Chrissie]

Hi there,

I haven't been around for some time now, been trying to avoid this place

Anyway, I am having a headache on an issue that I am facing at the moment. Initially, I wanted to post this in the teen's section, but I hope to get input from adults too.

I am currently a first year psychology student and I am hoping to get a credit transfer to the UK, Manchester specifically. Of course, the main obstacle is finances, funding my studies overseas. (1 quid is equivalent to around 5.5 dollars in my country) My family is probably able to fund my studies, but it would probably put stress on our funds and probably a huge burden too. Also, there's the whole unpredictable future in a foreign country which scares me.

I've been pretty worked up with the whole studying in a new place thingy. It feels exciting, leaving behind those familiar people and places and just start anew. At first, it really seems like I wanted to go to the UK because of the better education, and I led my family to believe that.

But after much consideration, I realized that the main reason for me to want to get my transfer is because I wanted to be able to, you know, live my last 2 years in university as myself, a girl (or not really a girl, since I will be stuck in the awkward "between" stage of transition) I just want to be able to have a relatively normal student life without hiding under a persona before I graduate and get thrust into the adult world. It's not much of getting a far superior education that I hope to get to the UK. Even if I stay back in my country to finish my degree, I still get a pretty decent education (probably not as good as the UK, but still decent) But it's apparently more of wanting to transition, that drives me to want to transfer to the UK.

However, I feel guilty about the whole financial burden that I might place on my family and maybe myself, and also the fear of the unknown in a place so far away. It feels foolish to, you know, run far away when I am still financially dependent, just to....be myself for the last 2 years of being a university student. Then again, if I stay back in my current university to finish my studies, that means no transitioning for the next few years, including working, until I am able to go for my postgrad studies.

Why can't I transition? My country is a Muslim country and you get nil resources or therapists that deals with gender issues, they are not even recognized.

So I really need input in regards to this issue, from fellow teens, young adults and even older working adults. What would you do if you were in this situation? Having a one shot chance to transition in university far from home, but by incurring financial stress and burden. Would you do that? Or would you put off transition, graduate, work and then leave and transition? Inputs are really really appreciated!

I am so lost...

Sherlyn

p.s. Not sure whether the post turned out as what I intended it to be, but it's late here. I just hope I got my message through

I am wondering whether I should just ditch this whole fantasy thingy =\ my life as a student has been a wreck anyway.

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hi Chrissie

Your post turned out just fine.

Now here's my advice. First of all if you and your family think that you can afford the schooling I would go for it, even for a year. This may open up the doors for possible grants or financial help, don't put off your education it only gets harder the longer you wait. Plus once you graduate you'll have more oppertunities for jobs and higher paying ones. When you start school, try to find a part time job. Many companies will help with the costs of schooling if the coarses are in a field that their company needs. It'll be tough but well worth it.

As for your transitioning, you'll have to play that by ear. Please place your schooling first, without getting a good job these days transition will be awful tough to do and you'll probably find yourself waiting a lot longer.

Also once you aquire your diploma and get a full time job you can always return the money your parents helped you with before they retire.

Hope this helps

LUV

Jean

[Guest Vivian]

Hi there,

Tough one. If I were in your position, I would be tossing these questions around in my mind.. Keep in mind I've never lived in a "Muslim country" nor the UK so these are all just ideas I'm thinking.

1. After you graduate, would it be possible to find employment where you live now? (I'm thinking it might be near impossible to get employment as a transsexual in a Muslim country with nil resources as you say, maybe easier in the UK. Transferring to the UK those last two years of college could probably serve as a jump start to a new permanent life there. Those last two years you need get busy though: maybe getting a part time job, maybe working on getting citizenship, networking with people for future career employment there, and whatever else to make the move from student to adult worker smooth)

2. After you graduate; which place would offer a better quality of life for a transsexual: a Muslim or non-Muslim country? (I'm guessing it would be many times more difficult in a Muslim country, so maybe why not just try to stay in the UK if you ended up going to school there.)

3. Can your family truly afford this move? Like, have you had an honest sit down discussion with your family about financing such a move to the UK?

4. Have you researched possible financial aid to help fund your studies in the UK?

5. Do you think you could stand being so far away from your family and everything your familiar with for a long period of time, maybe even permanently? Do you get homesick easy?

Probably many more specific questions need to be seriously considered. You are about to make an adult decision here. I wish you the best.

Love,

Vivian

[Guest Amanda joan]

Hi Chrissie,

I am glad that you came to us for advice. We are a family here and we want to help you as best as we can. Your post was easy to understand. It is a complicated topic and I can understand why you felt the need to seek out some guidance. Your education is going to be a great asset to you in your life. You will need to have a good source of income to proceed with your transition. You will also need to consider many things about moving to the UK for your education. Will you have anyone there to help you get settled in? Where will you be living? Will you be able to be "out" in this new living arangement? You stated that you have been struggling, will you be able to handle a more challeneging course of study? Will your new found freedom keep you from focusing the proper attention on your studies?

I strongly urge you to take this all into consideration. I also feel strongly that you should go for it if you think it will work for you.

Peace & Love Amanda

[Guest S. Chrissie]

Thanks for the replies!

Now here's my advice. First of all if you and your family think that you can afford the schooling I would go for it, even for a year. This may open up the doors for possible grants or financial help, don't put off your education it only gets harder the longer you wait. Plus once you graduate you'll have more oppertunities for jobs and higher paying ones. When you start school, try to find a part time job. Many companies will help with the costs of schooling if the coarses are in a field that their company needs. It'll be tough but well worth it.

Either way, whether I get a transfer or not, still means that I finish my undergrad studies and get a Bachelors in Psychology. So that isn't really a big difference, except for job opportunities. (Transfer to UK=job opportunities there, not transfer=job opportunities here) As I said, after thinking it through, I think the main reason I even want to transfer is to, hopefully be able to live the last 2 years of my student life as myself but it's going to be hard.

As for your transitioning, you'll have to play that by ear. Please place your schooling first, without getting a good job these days transition will be awful tough to do and you'll probably find yourself waiting a lot longer.

That's true In the end, it feels really foolish to want to have a relatively "normal" student life, with all the risks and financial issues involved. Maybe it's just a stupid fantasy after all.

Also once you aquire your diploma and get a full time job you can always return the money your parents helped you with before they retire.

Now this isn't something I am going to worry about, I have 2 brothers currently working that could do that and a third in another 4-5 years? I am more worried about my future and paying back the money that we might borrow from loans and stuff.

Sherlyn

[Guest S. Chrissie]

1. After you graduate, would it be possible to find employment where you live now? (I'm thinking it might be near impossible to get employment as a transsexual in a Muslim country with nil resources as you say, maybe easier in the UK. Transferring to the UK those last two years of college could probably serve as a jump start to a new permanent life there. Those last two years you need get busy though: maybe getting a part time job, maybe working on getting citizenship, networking with people for future career employment there, and whatever else to make the move from student to adult worker smooth)

1. Well, considering how the current mental health system in my country is, it would be pretty hard to get into the field I am interested in, regardless of whether one is a transsexual or not. (But it will be harder because of the TS status) And yes, that's pretty much what I was thinking about! Two years in the UK could probably serve me well in the long run. in terms of networking, employment and getting citizenship (ahh..a dream)

2. After you graduate; which place would offer a better quality of life for a transsexual: a Muslim or non-Muslim country? (I'm guessing it would be many times more difficult in a Muslim country, so maybe why not just try to stay in the UK if you ended up going to school there.)

It's pretty obvious which country would be better.

3. Can your family truly afford this move? Like, have you had an honest sit down discussion with your family about financing such a move to the UK?

Not really....they asked me to calculate all the costs and stuff first and I am just about to finish with it.

4. Have you researched possible financial aid to help fund your studies in the UK?

Yes, so far there's only one feasible one, and I need to have already studied there for a semester before I am eligible to apply for the loan

5. Do you think you could stand being so far away from your family and everything your familiar with for a long period of time, maybe even permanently? Do you get homesick easy?

Never felt homesick in my life. "Home" isn't really the place I want to be most of the time, mainly because of our family background.

Thanks for all the input! Trying to think of more important questions that I should ask myself.

[Guest S. Chrissie]

Hi Chrissie,

I am glad that you came to us for advice. We are a family here and we want to help you as best as we can. Your post was easy to understand. It is a complicated topic and I can understand why you felt the need to seek out some guidance. Your education is going to be a great asset to you in your life. You will need to have a good source of income to proceed with your transition. You will also need to consider many things about moving to the UK for your education. Will you have anyone there to help you get settled in? Where will you be living? Will you be able to be "out" in this new living arangement? You stated that you have been struggling, will you be able to handle a more challeneging course of study? Will your new found freedom keep you from focusing the proper attention on your studies?

I strongly urge you to take this all into consideration. I also feel strongly that you should go for it if you think it will work for you.

Peace & Love Amanda

Well, a friend of mine from church is going there with me, can't really help me to get settled in, but at least there's a familiar face.

Being "out"...I am not too sure, but it sure seems easier to do so, of course there's the whole NHS thingy to deal with.

Not really, I do not struggle much when it comes to studies. The struggle's more of with wanting to "fit in" with people in my current university

New found freedom..that's something I never thought about. Wouldn't say the freedom is much different from the one I have now, since I am already living far from home. But currently, I rather lock myself in my dorm room than going out because of depression. That's also one of the worries I have if I stay back. I am sort of afraid I might get to dependent, since in my current university, I do not need to worry much bout anything, except about my own issues, which means more internal struggle.

I plan to do my postgraduate studies in the field of Clinical Psychology. And that means that, even if I stay back here and finish my Bachelors, I am, hopefully, able to leave this country for my postgrad, albeit it might take a few more years of working and saving up. But there's the concern of having a job and adapting quickly if I wait until my postgrad before I move out.

Still, it is a solution right? I can not transfer now, and just move out when I plan to do my postgraduate studies?