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Outing


Guest Elizabeth K

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Guest Elizabeth K

OUTING, anyone?

I wrote a reply to 'sam" on another site that got me thinking about 'outing'. I have been transitioning for over a year now. I think I have been 'outing' to about everyone who is really in the need to know. It seems NOW that the 'outing' thing is somewhat involuntary - which is a natural progression of the process, apparently.

BUT

Many of you are just begining to out. This TOPIC is not about that very personal outing to your parents, or to your S>O. or even to your children. It about the general need to tell people who you are, and what you have chosen to do. "OUTING" is an unfortunate term. I wish there was a better word - like confidental confession of gender dysphoria - explaination of the choices you have made to be happy in your own being. It not really outing, more like 'transforming" or even 'transitioning." But those ar not adequate words either.

ANY SUGGESTIONS???

So anyway - the posting I wrote to a newly emerging MTF (edited):

OUTING

Sorta gets easier! I just spent half a day trying to compose an Email to a friend I knew at work five years ago - we were office buddies for ten years and I really liked him! He and I had the same off-center humor and both had, still have probably, wildly disfunctional families (although we are perfectly normal).

He was really supportive in his reply! I suspect he thought I was going to tell him I was dying or something serious! He sent an email showing "(old name) / Elizabeth". I can imagine how weird it was to find out I am now transitioning.

But - the main point? We have to out to ALL medical professionals - family practitioner, endo, prescribing physician (HRT - he would know already), and therapist (also would know of course. But there are some that you don't expect - Dentist for example. Also the various nurses and associated people in these offices. YIKES.

Counting - I have outed to about 22 people in a year. My wife outed me without permission to about 50 - so it is totally out of control. DANG

I was big news for about two weeks in our little bedroom community - now nobody cares! That is perfect!

Outing is scary at first - especially to family - but it gets somewhat easier. The key is to NOT make it into a big deal. At first I was so nervous and serious I translated all my anxiety to the listener. Now I almost joke about it - and that makes it easier, somehow.

Just an opini0on or two (of five or six - grin)

Lizzy

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The dentist?

The last two times I've been to the emergency room I have not outed myself, because it was for superficial injuries (sprained/broken wrists, stitches). Sutures work the same regardless.

The other two times, I did have to explain, and one incident was awkward and involved less than friendly staff, the other was amazing and renewed my faith in humanity.

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Guest Michele H

Elizabeth, I wish we lived closer together - I think we would be great friends - our experiences and thinking are so alike. We are close to the same age - you are much prettier than me though - and about in the same place in our journeys. I went full time in July of 08 and had my name legally changed in April of 09. I agree with your thoughts, I have always been a women - but one with major birth defects that I have started to correct. You are also right that with time it does become easier to "out" yourself. I think that after the experiencing transitioning at work, outing myself to anyone else is rather tame. I still reserve the right to decide to whom and when however. I'm at the point where its like having breast cancer - some people you tell, others you don't.

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Guest Donna Jean

I'm attempting to come out at my own speed as per my Therapist and because that's how I want it!

But, recently I've been "outed" by well meaning friends to other friends with the explaination.."I thought you'd want them to know!"

Well, no...If I did I'd have told them...

I come out to the people that I do for my own reasons and I really don't enjoy finding out about folks that know before I'm ready or had a chance to tell them myself!

Now, luckily, my wife has outed me to no one....none of her friends or family....

I want to be able to pick my own person, time and method to do it. It's an extremely personal thing and not a "Guess who bought a new Corvette?" sort of thing.

I came out to my Electrologist (Duhh) when she gave me a medical history to fill out and on the back one line said "Hormone Therapy? Explain"...so I did.

Doctors...yeah sure...good friends...yeah...

Casual acquaintances?...Naw...in time...This stuff ain't easy and we don't need any help rushing things that we're not prepared for!

I HATE being caught off gaurd.....sux!

Huggs

Donna Jean

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Guest Elizabeth K
Elizabeth, I wish we lived closer together - I think we would be great friends - our experiences and thinking are so alike. We are close to the same age - you are much prettier than me though - and about in the same place in our journeys. I went full time in July of 08 and had my name legally changed in April of 09. I agree with your thoughts, I have always been a women - but one with major birth defects that I have started to correct. You are also right that with time it does become easier to "out" yourself. I think that after the experiencing transitioning at work, outing myself to anyone else is rather tame. I still reserve the right to decide to whom and when however. I'm at the point where its like having breast cancer - some people you tell, others you don't.

Michele

Wow - be right over - put on the coffee pot! [others put out the herbal tea which I also LOVE]

I don't know about the 'prettier part' - working hard on that too.

Yes - I had an emergency room thing myself where I had to out myself. They lined up at the door. I don't think my little bedroom community ever had a TS before. It was an experience - they wanted to ask soooo many questions, but had to stay with protocol I think! I never did trace any 'leaks' back to them, so they DID honor my privacy.

You have your name changed! I need to get that moving. I have talked with my therapist and she said to go slow. An I TRIED transitioning at work - twice - lost my job TWICE (what a coincidence!) So my therapist said use male mode at work - so I try. But they interviewed me looking like I do now ('cept a ponytail) so the think I am just one of those feminine looking men I guess. WHO CARES - just so I keep my job. My therapist is giving me full credit as full time - I think she knows I tried so hard - no question there.

Yes! I wish I could chose whom I want to know. It gets out of contol after a year I think - well, more beyond our control. BUT it turns out that is probably okay too.

We get so accustomed in our new life, we actually don't mind as much, I think. Eventually it will come back to haunt me. I really would like to just fade into the community - totally ignored - just a taller woman than usual (tell them I once coached women's basketball!)

Coffee ready?

GRIN

Lizzy

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I agree with Donna Jean (big surprise I know you are all shocked) I want to control this process as much as possible.

I don't want strangers coming up to me at work and saying, "I heard you wanna be a woman."

Who are you and how who told you?

"I'm Jed and my mother's dog walker's second cousin's hairstylist is a good friend of the Pepsi delivery driver at the grocery store where your ex-wife's sister buys her dog food."

No thank you, I would rather select them and the time as well as how I tell them.

But some people are well meaning and some are vindictive and either motive yields the same result.

Love ya,

Sally

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Hui Lizzy,

I am not looking forward to coming out at work, its all male , well in my department

anyway. I will ask my employer to be transferred to another dept. Once work is sorted out

the rest will be a breeze. Stay in my own community till I am confident . After that its need

to know . Tell ya what though Lizzy, I am gonna live :D live :D live :D ,,,viv :)

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Guest Elizabeth K

Outing

Four negatives (as far as I know) - some other people may turn up their snoot - but I really don't notice - or care. BUT these four hurt:

One was my wife's 'redneck' son. He called me "tootie fruitie" - shows how sensitive and caring he is - also how he REALLY UNDERSTANDS! We think he was told by one of the PHARMACY techs where I get my diabetic meds (we heard she thinks my wife is actually married to a woman). I switched pharmacies. He thinks I am gay I think. It's ironic because his wife's brother, his brother-in-law, is gay. They socialize all the time and seem to get along fine. We cannot figure it out! He said both my wife and I were seen at (named a hair solon we never use) and I was getting a perm. Fabrication of some sort.

Another is my daughter's husband. He originally said he supported me. At a 'confrontation' by the family he said some things that show he really doesn't. He also said he doesn't mind if people have made life style choice to change their gender, and be gay. NO understanding. And my daughter is a family practice psychologist! We think he may have his own problems with sexual identity.

Finally - BOTH my sisters! They think Oral Roberts was a liberal. They hated the BOY SCOUTS - too Communistic! They home-schooled their children to keep them safe from the evil world! Therapist do the work of the devil! Homosexuality does not exist.

They didn't exactly reject me - more like "you are going to burn in hell." They came to see me when they found out (my wife called them up without permission) and we talked for two days. I explained that I had spoken to my GOD and He has said I am perfectly fine in His eyes - and He allows me to be myself in my later years. They questioned if I REALLY talked with GOD. I challanged them by saying, "Shall I believe you when you say I am wrong, or do I believe HIM when he says I am right?" They say they still love me. They say I am going to hell. Strange coming from a woman married to a convicted child molster and is an ordained minister! The other sister left her husband and three boys to live a year with a man she met on the internet, then went back. Let he who is without sin...

Oh - by the way - my two sisters called up everyone here in Louisiana they could think of - and told them I was 'taking hormones to become a woman.' THEIR WORDS! Fortunately, most everyone already knew I am gender dysphoric and am in transition. ITS AMAZING the EVIL that can be performed IN GOD's NAME!

Horror Tales

YIKES

GRIN - it can be difficult sometimes!

Lizzy

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Guest Donna Jean

Well, Lizzy.....

How about a "percieved" outing that happened to me?

When I first want to my gender doctor for the first time, I went in male mode because I had no idea what to expect....

I sat in the waiting room and then the nurse came in and called out "Donna Jean!"..

OMG! THAT'S ME! NOW EVERYONE KNOWS!!!

I went in and the nurse said "Hello, Donna Jean"...oh my...

Then the girl came in to take blood..."How we doin', Donna Jean?"..OMG...THEY ALL KNOW!

Then the doctor..."Hello, Donna Jean...."..... Hello, Doc...*sigh*

When it was over I went to the receptionest to get my next appointment.."Was everything ok, Donna Jean?"...

Yeah....fine just fine....now the whole place knows...

Well, I never went back in male mode and everything dovetails just perfectly!

I'm Donna Jean to them all and I just love it!

And, I can't be outed, because I'm me!

TA DA!

Donna Jean (the real one)

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Guest Joanna Phipps

Im pretty much the same way, living and working as a woman and still chosing who I tell my story to. I have no interest in having it spread all over this lil 1/4 horse town. Thinking about it, there are many people who have to know and then all of the ancilary people to them, Im probly over 40 people myself.

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Guest Angelgrlsue

Your right about the first time being very nervous and all. I was too but after that it does get easier. My therapist wanted me to let my job recruiter know since she works with me every week in finding work. She did not take it so well, it is to be expected though. I did come out to my primary doctor last month, my endo suggested I do so. The doctors nurse found out first and she was very excited to hear about my transition, the doc was not so excited but is accepting. He did say he does not know much about transgenderism and will continue to treat me no matter what gender I am. My next person will be the gastrointerologist next week. Have been having problems swallowing lately so my doc wants me to see the specialist. Since I have to inform him of what medications I am taking I am sure he will want to know why I am taking estradiol.

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Guest doodle

outing. well I have to still out myself to my two daughters. That is about it, but it is a big on since I'm afraid to lose them but the day is coming soon. I'm out to all my doctors and don't care if I have to meet new ones. I was outed at my job by of all people my shop steward. I may still have my job because of the union . I'm still presenting as male there, but other workers are noticing. I'm getting taken for female at work with a suit and tie on. I don't know how long it's going to be until I'm full time. I'm trying to hold off until I have some cosmetic work done and I come out to my daughters. I'm just so scared.

kelly

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