Basket

[Guest Elizabeth K]

A Clothes Basket?

I had a dream last night. I suspect it was influenced by my recent house cleaning where, in my genius for organization, I sorted things by throwing them in empty clothes baskets – we have about six or seven of them. So that was obviously rolling around in my head!

The dream was that I was ‘cleaning out’ my head. Strange that I was doing this - a result of a year’s transformation, I suppose. I was looking in my brain and deciding it was now full of stuff I didn’t need any more. Male stuff mainly. I hadn’t used some of it, maybe most of it, in a year. Like a computer full of unused programs, old ‘cookies’ and miscellaneous junk, my brain was not working at optimum. I was going to clean it out!

BUT there were no ‘delete’ buttons or options other than just gathering everything up and… well… placing it in the nearest discard pile… a laundry basket.

Stuff that I was discarding was not really large – mostly the size of a dirty dish towel, all balled up – or maybe a lump of coal (obviously a Christmas thing). So I was very surprised that I filled a whole clothes basket! My brain isn’t really that big, you understand?

BUT what was it I was tossing away? What WAS all this old and unusable stuff? I looked so very closely and…

It was most of my old male things – playacting or not - some of this ‘stuff’ had become imbedded like junk files on a computer. AND what was so amazing is it was about 2/3rds of what I had in my mind! That left only 1/3rd remaining! I was shocked! Could I function with what was left? I mean, a whole life of ‘stuff’ collected and throwing out that much? Was I losing myself?

Dreams are like that, mixed metaphors and hidden meanings.

I desperately ran my hands through the discards to see what was there! YIKES! Well… it was interesting what I found. Remember, this is a real dream, not making this stuff up!

There were old bad jokes and terrible male humor. There were nasty words and cursing expressions a man uses, there were prejudices and racial slurs. There was contempt for women, children and ‘weaker’ people - that was appalling! And there were experiences of risk taking and penchants for self destruction. I found hatred and discontent and unhappiness and discord – all with the parts of the world I felt was against me. There was a hodgepodge of some really stupid male attitudes and tendencies.

For example, I found a lust for guns and cars and machines and all that tomfoolery. I saw a potential for hate and ignorance that just BLEW ME AWAY! All THAT was there? What had I been?

GARBAGE – so much GARBAGE.

There was more – but dreams tend to wind down.

I realized there were probably some good male stuff in there also – a brute strength, a tendency to scoff at illness or injury… a bullet-proofness that had kept me from destroying myself through terrible risk taking. And some things I thought MIGHT be there were not! Apparently my values on GOD, my family, and yes… even myself, seemed to have remained in the 1/3 part I chose to keep.

I swear I am NOT making this up! I had a laundry basket full of stuff!

Then I thought of something totally out of place? You know how dreams are. How do I get rid of this stuff? Do I give it to Good Will? Some of it might be useful to others! Would some of the FTMs have an interest? How could I make it available to them? Would they exchange for some female ‘stuff’ I could use.

NOPE – no way! Too personal. So much of what was in the laundry basket might be very valuable – but so much was not. It is best to put it out with the garbage. After all, I didn’t need it anymore.

Strange dream? YES!

And I swear it happened that way!

But my thoughts afterward? Most of what I picked up and threw away was sitting on top of some other stuff, like a rock on a delicate fern. I saw how there was a chance for the hidden underside to blossom forth. I think it will happen that way... kindness and a feeling of connectiveness with the world, that was buried under a selfishness – all that will be restored.

I always had it!

And finally? My brain, emptied of all the old ‘trash’ – things I no longer need – it’s running just fine! I feel light and delicate! I am so energized now! I have discarded so much – and it is so good for me! I have empty files in my computer – ready for my new life experiences.

But – a laundry basket? Why not a trash bin? Why not a ‘follow through’ on the computer analogy?

Dreams take us where we cannot go otherwise, I guess…

Thought you might like this – all you who are taking away the old to make way for the new. A house cleaning of sorts!

A New Year’s story

Lizzy

[Guest Donna Jean]

Oh God, Lizzy.......

I loved that ....I REALLY DID!

Yes! The getting rid of the old male stuff......not clothes, and metal things...

Attitudes, feelings, prejudices, stupidity......oh how wonderful that must feel.....How totally freeing...

And the 1/3 left....room to grow, develop....love, gain things that are way better by our comparrison...

OMG...What a dream.....

I'll be late tonight.......I must set some laundry baskets about for when I go to sleep.....

So much to do....so little time!

LOVE

Donna Jean

[Guest sarah f]

Wow what a dream. How do you feel today after that. You must still be tired with all of that going on in there. I know from experience that when I dream that much stuff, I am still tired the next day. Looking back at it, it must have been a refreshing dream to discard all of the male items.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest viv]

LIZZY,

I recently replied to a thread where I could not comment positively

or negatively cos of lack of knowlege, no biggie . Got to comment on your

post AND in general your other posts,(I read a bit). First I loved what Ive

just read , loved it. Next, ,,,,,,I would bet my last cent there is a book of

short stories in you , you have a flair, its easy to read your stuff as it

**flows** along as you tell your story. Technically your writing style is

good too, there is a ""page turner"" in you Lizzy. Food for thought ??..

And now for the "bad bit", my dreams, I can never ever remember em,

wish I could but no , never. Dont know what that says re me but if its bad,,,

I dont wanna know. Thanks for your post hun, luv,viv

[Guest Elizabeth K]

LIZZY,

I recently replied to a thread where I could not comment positively

or negatively cos of lack of knowlege, no biggie . Got to comment on your

post AND in general your other posts,(I read a bit). First I loved what Ive

just read , loved it. Next, ,,,,,,I would bet my last cent there is a book of

short stories in you , you have a flair, its easy to read your stuff as it

**flows** along as you tell your story. Technically your writing style is

good too, there is a ""page turner"" in you Lizzy. Food for thought ??..

And now for the "bad bit", my dreams, I can never ever remember em,

wish I could but no , never. Dont know what that says re me but if its bad,,,

I dont wanna know. Thanks for your post hun, luv,viv

Sweet reply! Thank you dear! You are one of my favorite people now! GRIN [silly - you were before too!]

Lizzy

[Sally]

Well, Lizzy,

I have not had the dream but I have been throwing out useless junk from my mind.

For me it was more a job for demolition crews to come in and start tearing down all of my barriers, my defenses against feeling, caring and loving.

Fortunately I did not have to do the job alone - Donna Jean donned her foreman's hard hat and had you help draw up the plans (who better than an architect to find the weak spots in any structure).

The two of you worked on this volunteer project for over a year and finally one day - it hit me and I will never be that person again.

I have a long way to go still but the journey is so much lighter when you can share it with friends, laughter, compassion and love.

By the way it has been almost an hour since I told you that I love you and I am wearing your Christmas present to me.

Keep writing Lizzy but above all keep growing, loving and believing.

Love ya,

Sally