Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Outed To 2 Of My Guy Friends


Guest Neuro

Recommended Posts

Facebook is a dreadful thing.

Let's separate this into 2 things,

it's fast reading

plllleeaassseee do read, I am in a funk r/now my dears.

This week, I was nearly 'outed' by 2 of my male friends.

The older one, 'Aaron', had been weird with me for a while.

He knew I wasn't kawaiidesu cute skirt-y like the rest of my friends, but he seemed to tease me oddly.

Like, creepy following and such.

So, in case he was falling for me (BECAUSE, AHUM, THAT'S WHAT I NATURALLY THINK OK, I AM VERY PWITTY RITE?)

--I started to act out more like my true self. Being downright rude.

Spreading my legs.

Telling retarded jokes and gawking over his friends amazing hentai collection

(...adult cartoons. not allowed on Lauras!)

So he gets on facebook the next day? Didn't work.

He said he likes me, and wants to date.

I said the first thing that came to my flipped-out skull: "I'M SORRY. I-I JUST CAN'T." (smart.)

He looks closer at my profile. "Why does yer profile say 'M' for male?"

I type back "BECAUSE I AM A MAN."

He flipped out, apologizing first. Then disbelief. "You're way too cute. You're too short. Hey--Tara said you were a girl! What's up?"

So I have to yank out the whole story and say

"I was born in a girls body, but my mind and heart are male.

They always have been.

It's called being transgender."

He acts all betrayed and goes "Noooo, I can't see you as a guy... you're too cute. That'd make me... noooo...."

I get tired of it and just say "You don't HAVE to call me 'he,' if you're that uncomfortable...."

So he's all happy now.

Talking to me about guy stuff, doing stupid things.

We even wore the same shirt once--all my friends cackled and said

"THAT LOOKS WAY SEXIER ON SAKURA" (my girl name).

He got embarrassed and said, "But it's a guy's shirt."

"Sakura's a way hotter guy than you."

It's awkward.

We're like friends, but he keeps calling me by girl things and constantly bringing up my 'short cuteness' which is my biggest pet-peeve.

He even asked how much I weighed, if I was anorexic.

IDK what this dudes' beef is, but I don't wanna get involved with him "THAT WAY."

I'm a guy, I can't help it.

(It's not that I don't like guys sometimes, but I don't want a relationship with ANYONE r/now.)

He's not even considering the fact that I bore my soul to him

*insert emo scene*

about my gender disorder.

When I told him to forget it, he friggin' DID and keeps treating me like his girlfriend.

Like that made my gender dissipate.

This guy is really nice, and I'd like to keep him as a friend.

But if all he sees in me is a cute lil' girl he can pay lunch for, or pat on the head all cute then I think I will have to talk to him somehow.

Thing is, I hate 'talking about it.'

THEN.

Another considerably younger male friend notices my facebook. "OMG UR A DUDE?"

I am annoyed and say "YES."

He says "no way. I saw your boobs once. And you wear tight pants."

I tell him I am transgendered.

That on the internet and IRL, I would rather keep it a secret because I am a guy at heart, and to please not spread it around.

Know what he does?

He understands right off the block.

He apologizes and says he understands that stuff, he goes to a lot of therapists and learns a ton from them.

And that it made sense, the way I acted and dressed, and bickered with him like a brother or something.

We're now really good friends, who love to make stupid jokes, and don't see ourselves any weird way.

He's only 15, but he just GETS it, unlike 'Aaron.'

This guy is just happy he is not the only 'straight guy' who likes yaoi and BL.

XD!!!! So I sent him some scary Gravitation and he died a little inside.

We laugh at it together, but secretly love it.

Sigh.

Coming out isn't fun when people are mules.

But sometimes the people you expect the least to be accepting,

Can be the people who are the most supportive.

Sorry for the long post. I hope someone reads it. I'm not sure why I am down-ish about it...

Link to comment

Hello Neuro,

What your going through is the pros and cons of transition and imo

your doing a v/good job of it hun. Totally agree with you, you do tend to find

understanding in surprising places . Your older friend is just a little bit more set

in his ways and probably finds your stuff a little difficult to swallow , should

respect you regardless though . Swear to you hun, I got this voice in the back

of my head telling me guys are really dumb when it comes to the **important**

things in life, people things .In a couple of years from now you will look back at

this episode and smile :) , till then , grin and bear it??,,,luv,viv :)

Link to comment

It looks like you hit 50% acceptance so compared to my less than zero, I cannot understand your depression - you have found a great friend, a little brother and that has to be better than just having one that doesn't accept but still likes you (all be it in a manor that you do not care for).

I think we all dwell on the negative aspects of things too much and that is what makes us depressed and unhappy with our lives.

Remember the good and forget the bad - they rewrite history in textbooks to make it sound better - rewrite your own, edit out all of the bad stuff and remember the good, cherish it and you will be much happier.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment

When did this happen with Aaron? If it's relatively recent, then here's my guess: he thought you were a girl, felt attracted to you, he's straight (?), and so the basic superficial things were all lined up for it to be OK for him to date you (never mind your consent, for a moment). Now he finds out you're actually a straight guy, and now he has to deal with the idea that he's attracted to another guy, who's straight. That's kind of a paradigm shift in a major way. I don't think he's forgotten about it -- I just think he's trying to deal with that shift, and he's not doing it particularly well.

I think maybe in the short term if he treats you like you're (*goes back up to check the term*) kawaiidesu, just kind of glare at him a little. If this continues for another, say, two weeks, it might be worth talking about again. He already knows what you have to tell him, so this might be one of those conversations where you mostly listen (and gently guide him to the fact that you're a guy and not interested in dating him).

The thing about your other friend -- that's so cool. I think Sally's right -- dwell on this interaction more, because that's so surprising and great that he understands it so well.

Link to comment
Guest julia_d

one mistake.. your reply should have been "Tara is having a laugh with you.. good joke.. hahahaha"

too late now.. and I guess if he keeps pushing this date thing you could get your own back by telling people he's hitting on a guy so what does that say about him? .. or you could run with it for a while and see where it goes. That's a matter for your own personal choices and comes down to your sexual preferences. Straight guy? .. then mates for beers and football.. anything else.. who knows.

If he's creeping you out it's time to move on and get some new friends ;)

All in all a good learning experience.. but Tara needs her arse kicking.. sorry :)

Link to comment

XD thank you. Yes, the other person (the 15 year old) is very cool, def. brought me a smile when I was stuck about what to do about 'Aaron' XD

My sexual preferences are--well, both to a mild extent, but mostly women. However, I don't ever want to date anybody because of personal reasons =u=

Sally is right. I need to focus on the positive that is large rather on the negative that is small. It is very lucky that this 15 year old friend is so understanding, it turns out we have a ton in common.

Link to comment
Guest Amanda joan

Being Trans and sexually confussed seems to come with the territory. I have led on so many women in my life with out really knowing it that it made me feel the being good looking was a burden. You sound like you are in the same situation at the other end of the rainbow. My problem has been that when Men hit on me I just don't know how to handle that at all. Maybe we can trade secrets and help each other figure out how to do this?

I told a guy the other day when I was not dressed as Amanda that I was Trans and he asked if I was intending on have surgery. I said yes and all he could say was, that is really going to hurt. Then there was an akward scilence and then he walked away and did not speak to me again. I was not particularly attracted to him but, I have been wondering what I could have done differently if I had wanted to get to know him. I think there has got to be a better way but, I don't know what it is.

Maybe we need to have a dating and socialization thread to help people like us figure out how to be who we want to be with others.

Enjoy the sucesses.

Peace & Love Amanda

Link to comment
Guest Ryles_D

In my experience, guys who like you have the hardest time (and maybe girls, but I dont' have much experience in that). As he said "But that would make me..." Yeah. He can't see you as a guy because that would make him gay. *rolls eyes*

It's great your other friend was so accepting, though. :)

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean
As he said "But that would make me..." Yeah. He can't see you as a guy because that would make him gay. *rolls eyes*

LOL.....Yeah, watch out for that one on either side...

Donna Jean

Link to comment
Guest Kitsunenene
one mistake.. your reply should have been "Tara is having a laugh with you.. good joke.. hahahaha"

too late now.. and I guess if he keeps pushing this date thing you could get your own back by telling people he's hitting on a guy so what does that say about him?

If he's creeping you out it's time to move on and get some new friends ;)

All in all a good learning experience.. but Tara needs her arse kicking.. sorry :)

Hahaha Julia I love your way of dealing with situations.

While I don't suggest making him question his sexuality (Ariel always on the lookout for danger haha)

However if this does continue I suggest once again talking to him and this tie in person show him how serious you are.

Explain to him that the girl he likes doesn't exist. While I wouldn't say you're feminine at the moment you have a slight Shota quality to you ( oh grace I'm turning your friend into a pedophile!) anyways...just explain if he can't deal with your true self then your friendship is probably not going to last. I'm bad at advice, considering the 2 people I've told have been understanding.

Link to comment
Guest Ivan Le Renard

One of your other FB friends was chatting with me and noticed this. o:

She said, "Lol some guy thought Daioh was a girl! xD"

It's great that the other friend understood you so well, especially since he's only 15!

Being trans definitely makes relationships difficult. It's so frustrating. ;__;

I'm wondering if I should tell everyone on FB about being trans...3/4 of them are family, but I hate looking at my female name and stuff all over the site. Makes me feel like I'm living a lie. Dx

Link to comment

LOL, Kitsunenene, he is always talking about how "He likes the loli type." D: (as in cute, underaged girl for those who are unfamiliar with lolicon.) Yeah, I don't want to make him question his sexuality. But, I guess if everybody understood everything, there would be no need for help forums and rallies and such, ja? Ah, someday~ I'm not sure if being trans is the reason I'm not keen on relationships, so I'll blame it on homeschooling. XD!

Really, Ivan? XD That's hilarious. She was probably talking about the 15 year old. He made some comments on my profile until I told him, then he (to my amazement) took it all back and made it sound like a joke all "Yeah, well, you can't blame me, it's almost believable." I didn't even ask him to go that far XD he's pretty smart for his age.

That's the reason I do not have my family on my facebook. They would flip if they saw how people address me, and what my profile information is as 'M' after all. FB is a turd XD

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 168 Guests (See full list)

    • KathyLauren
    • Susie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      769.8k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,081
    • Most Online
      8,356

    brightmom
    Newest Member
    brightmom
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Ben1868
      Ben1868
      (22 years old)
    2. Charity
      Charity
      (41 years old)
    3. EagerBeaver
      EagerBeaver
    4. Nagato
      Nagato
      (33 years old)
    5. Star
      Star
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      My condolences to the people of WA.  A huge warning about that type of politician though, those who broadcast the Anti-Trans message rarely if ever attend to any important legislative issues to benefit their constituency.  They are mostly single trick dogs, whose trick is to empty their food bowl and whine for more food.
    • Ivy
      This stuff seems to be the major talking point for "conservatives" these days.  Just shows that they don't know what they're talking about, and don't particularly care.
    • Jani
      You are both beautiful.  Have fun.
    • Willow
    • Mirrabooka
      Mother's Day, so I thought I'd do the right thing and cook. So, we got Chinese takeaway! 😆   Actually, we planned it days ago, just thinking that tonight we would treat ourselves. Complete with a lovely bottle of Cab Sav.
    • Mirrabooka
      Exactly.   A plain old "Good morning" should always suffice, for example, whether the recipient expects a gender specific greeting or not.
    • Ladypcnj
      Hi awkward yet sweet, yeah, I tried dumping her but my current health insurance keeps directing me back to her as my primary, yet there are other doctors to choose from, but they are far away.
    • Ladypcnj
      Hi Birdie, I can relate to that.
    • Mirrabooka
    • Mirrabooka
      This sort of stuff makes my blood boil. A prospective state politician has gained approval from his party's state council to run in their state election next year.   He once stated that the + part of LGBTQIA+ is where pedophiles are categorized.   For clarity, in Australia the Liberal party is our main conservative party. They have lurched further to the right over the past 10 years or so. Our main progressive, union backed party is Labor.   WA Liberal party approves Dr Thomas Brough, candidate who linked LGBTQIA+ community with paedophiles - ABC News
    • Willow
      Happy Mother’s Day    I have to be at church earlier than normal for a mic check.  I have been going over what I am to say, both silently reading and reading it aloud.  My concern is that my voice will freeze as it sometimes does.     I felt I was honored very highly yesterday by my minister and supporter on my journey.  He and another minister are Standing together to become the next co-moderators of the Presbyterian Church (USA).  They included me to receive an advance copy of their initial submission.  I was one of only 6 people listed on the email to receive this.  Later this week it will go out to all the voting commissioners that will be in Salt Lake City for the meeting.  I have asked to be allowed to attend the meeting to support him and Rev CeeCee Armstrong, whom he is standing with.    We’ll time to get ready .   Willow
    • Mirrabooka
      Nup. Not an option. You need to keep going and keep us all in the loop, and we need to keep seeing your beautiful smile!   Party, schmarty. I'm 61 and haven't had a birthday party since I was 30. Even that was just a crummy meal at the pub with a few friends who we have since lost contact with. Don't sweat it.
    • Mirrabooka
      On behalf of everyone reading your entries here @Sally Stone, THANK YOU for creating such an informative thread. But there is one thing you might have neglected to say at the end, and that is, "And they all lived happily ever after!" ❤️   Reno sounds like a pretty good place to call home. I understand the attraction of living in a place that is not too big but not too small.   I look forward to reading your subsequent posts about specific aspects of your journey.
    • Betty K
      Hi and welcome. A few things...   1. You're right, you can't trust your friends w/r/t the question of passing. How would they even know if you pass or not? My sister used to do the same thing, telling me that no-one knew I was trans and that to her I just looked like a cis woman. I still don't know if she was serious or just trying to make me feel good, but I learned to not listen to her on that topic.   2. Buuuut, having said that, I thought I looked good, and I think that is all she was really trying to tell me, that she liked how I looked as a woman. Maybe this is obvious, but I feel it gets overlooked: passing and looking good are not the same thing, not even remotely. Your friends (I presume) are trying to tell you that you look good as you are.   3. Having said all that, I think non-passing transmascs have a harder time than us non-passing transfemmes. All I have to do to get gendered correctly 95% of the time is wear a dress and makeup and only a few seriously ignorant folks and diehard transphobes misgender me. For you, it's much harder to find signifiers powerful enough to send the same message.   So in short, I don't have any answers, except that you're right, it sucks, and I hope the situation improves over time. But passing isn't everything. Maybe you're right, and in a less conservative state it wouldn't happen so often, because you'd have more people like you surrounding you. I know that where I chose to live while transitioning has been a big part of making the process a positive experience. I'd hate to be in Texas atm.
    • Mirrabooka
      Thank you, ladies.   At the time I went from euphoric (my normal state) to not euphoric in an instant, and the lingering thought was one of self-doubt, manifesting itself with the unsolved question that maybe I never really felt like I had the soul of a woman, I just thought I did. I know I'm not the only one to ever feel this way. All part of the ride on this roller coaster I guess.   Yep, and yep. Makes sense now.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...