New And Lost

[Guest Jenifer Turner]

Hello. On the Chat and Forum i will go by Jenifer or Jena.

I am Completely new to the whole site, and would appreciate everyone's help.

Im 21 and Live in Texas. I am currently a College Student at UNT.

I have a girlfriend, younger brother, and some wonderful friends. (although they're out of state now for college)

I have been having these feelings since around 8 or 9, cant really remember. But now in life i just feel stuck.

Im Majoring in Chemistry with a double minor in Math and Japanese.

I have been bottling these feelings up for so long that its really taking a toll. I have let some of my closer friends know and they are totally supportive.

I feel like im not living my life, i feel like im living for the expectations of others, i.e. my dad.

I joined Laura's Playground yesterday and i feel that this is the next step for a better me.

I have long been in the closet, dressing up in secret, and lying my way into a whole.

The reason i feel stuck, i think, is that i feel like i cannot move forward in life until i decide whether to remain as i am and press onward, or

find help and let my real self out. I dont know if that will make me happy, but i need to try.

For about 2 years, it seems like life has lost that sparkle, that shine that makes us look forward to the next day.

I am trying to take my life one step at a time, and i wanted to wait until i graduated to enter a therapists office,

(again to hide from my parents) But due to events my plan is being extended longer.

I fear to come out to my parents, my mom would try to ignore it, and my dad would disown me from the family. He looks down on Gays and Transsexuals.

Lets see... I have started my Journal back up (this time on my computer password protected)

my other journal was found and it was pretty bad.

I would really like some advice, help, and whatever friendship people can offer.

If anyone has questions feel free to ask.

(after rereading this, it seems a little dark, but trust me im not suicidal. )

Thanks,

Jena

[Guest van-na]

Hi Jena,

<<hug>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have MTF meetings-Mon & Sat 9pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Jena

Hello - I am one of the older transpeople here and I see so many new people come to Laura's with the same feelings,questions and problems you mention. I went throught a lot of what you are going through now, as a matter of fact. Right now you seem a bit lost (to be expected) and you are trying to get an idea of how you feel and what you can do about it. And Jena, you are in a good location here. Everyone at Laura's understands instantly. We are not therapists and we are not formally trained, but we can give you support and we can give you the benefit of our experience.

And we do leave much of that up to you. You can read and watch - looking all around to see what is going on. OR - You can also participate - which is what most people do. Please know that here in the forum it isn't like chat. You may not get an answer immediately but usually someone will post a reply or an opinion that might help you.

But you also are helping us. That is why we SHARE so much. We learn from each other all the time.

ANd we also have a feature that after you have 5 or more postings you canPM (private Message) anyone. So let me say I would be glad to talk with you on specifics if the forum does not help you. I was born in Texas and there are a bunch of us here for some reason. Must be something in the water! GRIN

I DO hope you get the help you need and I also suggest you might want to look in the teen forum - although you are welcome anywhere. Even if yo are older, the teens are going through that self identity thing and having to deal with parents.

WELCOME

Lizzy

[Guest sarah f]

Welcome to Laura's Jena. You came to the perfect site for you at your time of need. Everyone here is so wonderful and loving. All I can add that Lizzy did not is that I know you don't want to see a GT until you are out of college but you still might consider seeing one sooner than later. We can only help you out so much. If you are worried about your parents finding out, they won't know a thing if you don't tell them.

On a side point, Wow majoring in Chemistry and a double minor in Math and Japanese. You are a busy girl. Good for you.

Keep on posting and we will try to ease your mind.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Welcome Jena!!

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Sweetie you made a very wise decision to join Laura's Hon, you are going to go through periods of doubt and uncertainty sometimes, but don't worry, that is normal. You will regain focus and deeper insight and a new found excitement and joy in each day as you find yourself.

Keep posting to the forums hon. In time, you will see how very theraputic that is. You are not alone in your feelings, we all go through the very same thng.

Post, Post, Post! You will be very happy

Love

Brenda

[Guest Donna Jean]

Jenifer....

Welcome to the Playground, Hon!

I see that you've had some wonderful responces so far. Good!

I'll lighten the mood a bit....let me get you some nice hot coco and some of Sally's cookies...you can sit near the fire and get all comfy......OK?

Then I'll ask if you've read the forum rules...there is a link at the top of most pages...I'd really appreciate it!

And please know that we're a moderated site. We read every post before it goes up to keep everyone safe!

Slide your shoes off and just sit back...there is a lot of wisdom and help here and lots of wonderful folks that will lend a hand an ear and a shoulder if you need it!

It's so nice to have you!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Sally]

Hello Jena, I like that name and due to a past unpleasantness with a couple of Jenifers I think I will use this if you do not mind.

I understand completely about life losing its sparkle, I spent years wandering around through a lack luster world of disappointments and heartaches but do you know what dispelled all of that - well I am sure you don't so that was rhetorical - coming hers was the start, my gender therapist sent me here for additional support as I am not out in the city where I live for business reasons (starting month 6 of HRT pretty soon so I will be coming out sooner than later).

The wonderful and caring people here gave me a home, a place where I could be me and everyone accepted me for who I am not just what I look like and they shared their love and we are offering you that some opportunity.

The wonderful lady who just brought you the cocoa and some of my cookies has made me realize that the world never really lost its sparkle, I just refused to see it.

After you get your 5th post any time you want to talk to a fellow Texan send me a PM.

Welcome to the family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest SamIThinkIAm]

Hi Jena,

Welcome

I'm sorry about your parents--really---and I understand---my family is/was very much the same way. The only thing I can say is that, at some point, I know I hit a critical point where I couldn't take it anymore and the choice was death or coming out and being me--regardless of what my family or anyone else thought. I often asked myself whether or not it was worth them loving a lie---and I decided that even if they were going to push me out that at least they'd know the truth. So if it ever gets to that point, remember--you owe the truth and joy of living that truth to yourself.

It's a tough road definetly---but hang in there---there *is* a light at the end of the tunnel

I'm new here as well but everyone is really nice so if you need support, guidance...whatever it is don't be shy.

-Sam

[Guest Jenifer Turner]

Thanks everyone!

It feels so nice to actually be accepted into something instead of in fear of being rejected. You dont know how good that feels.

To the Mods, Yes i have read the rules, i practically surfed the site for a few days before i got the courage to join.

To SamIThinkIAm: i was touched by your topic in introductions and i think i had posted on it as well. You had my first post.

And of course yall can just call me Jena. Someone had mentioned that name on chat the first time i was on and instantlly fell in love with the name, and was like "that is me"

Thanks for all the support and i hope we can all become friends and support each other.

Thanks,

Jena

[Guest Pól]

Welcome to the Playground, Jena!

[Carolyn Marie]

Hi, Jena! Sorry I'm so late to the party, hon. I got caught up at work and didn't get a moment to breath until coming home.

I see you've met my wonderful Mod sisters and some of our other terrific members. They are just the tip of the iceberg here as far as friendly

and supportive people go - lots more where they came from

I look forward to reading more of your posts. You are among friends now - family actually. We look after each other and protect each other.

Family members wouldn't have it any other way.

Relax and feel at home, hon, because you are!

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest viv]

Hi Jenna,

Welcome hun to Laura"s . I have read so many posts from Trans women your age

and still in college and you know what hun, you will be ok, you will. As is the case with

women your age you will find a way to get through the next few years till you start your

transitioning . You will get plenty of advice here from your peers and plenty of support

from everyone . So , my advice to you hun, become absorbed with us here. Over the next

year or so and with the help of a Gender Therapist you will know your true path . Your new

friends here at Laura"s will be beside you every step of the way . BTW, there is a teen section

and a wonderful bunch of Mods experienced in talking to your age group , your gonna be

ok hun, you will, luv,viv