My Sister's Underhanded Comment

[Guest Soph]

Two days ago my sister told me I looked terrible. This was in relation to my weight (I'm anorexic, as is she). She only came home from school because she thought I was eating better, but she wasn't pleased with how well I was doing and feared that I would trigger her own anorexia.

Well, turns out I did somehow. Yesterday she hadn't eaten anything by 7:00 PM, and when my mom asked her if she had eaten anything and she answered no that triggered my anorexia. Now, anorexia is like a terrible person inside of you who sometimes whispers in your ear that you are worthless and takes control occasionally. So I said something hurtful to her (along the lines of "Go off and die; it would save us all a lot of pain"--not a nice thing to say, I admit). Then I mentioned that I was just upset by what she had said the day prior. Thats when she said it was "just like a guy" to say something in one situation that is an emotional response to another situation.

This set me off. I tossed the plate I was eating and went back to my room. And cried... a LOT. And my sister ran away to school like she always does as soon as stuff gets difficult at home.

She knew what she was saying; I'm out to my family and presenting full time. When she gets in an argument she automatically strikes at the weakest point, and she is very good at finding the most hurtful thing to say.

Prior to hormones I would not have been upset at either scenario in the least. I would have been able to remain objective and recognize that it was my sister's disease talking. Instead, I passive-aggressively waiting until a situation presented itself and then attacked her. I'm scared that I am losing some of my objectivity. As a philosopher, the idea of losing objectivity is frightening- to say the least- as it keeps emotion from playing a role in decisions and views.

I mean, I see so many people talking on here about how someone said things far worse than what my sister said and they took it fine. I am unable to do this; is it just because I am new to the emotions associated with estrogen? Is it because my emotions were heightened by my ED? Or is it because as a female I am unable to take insults whatsoever? When I go to school I'm going to deal with a lot of idiots who will say harmful things upon finding out I'm trans. Will I respond in kind?

I'd really rather not be a terrible person ;-;

[Carolyn Marie]

Soph, you are not a terrible person. Repeat that as many times as it takes for you to believe it.

You and your sister are going through some really difficult emotional turmoil. Both of you are reacting emotionally and

striking out at each other, not because you want to hurt each other, but because neither of you knows how to deal with

your pain and inner struggles. So you just lash out at the least provocation.

I'm not trying to sound like Dr. Phil (oh gosh, certainly not!). If its possible, you should both see a therapist, together

preferrably, so you can find other ways of interacting with each other and deal with all of your issues. Barring that,

then talking alone to your therapist on better ways to cope would be beneficial.

I hope you both get the help you need, before either of you does irreparible emotional harm to the other.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest viv]

Hi Soph,

A few sessions with a therapist will be very beneficial to you and your sis.

The two of you will sort out your differences cos your family . Its your fellow

students , they will be a different hurdle Soph. You will need to learn a few defensive

moves (verbal) and build up confidence for college but,,,you have got this far ,that

took courage so you know thats there . I bet you will be ok , the strength of your

character comes across in your posts hun. Keep posting ,we are here for you ,viv