Going A Way For A While....

[EVAN_DESU]

I can't take it.

I can't see why I'm living...

There isn't a good enough reason...

Everyday seems to get worse...

I don't have much of a life at all..so basically I'm a waste so far in life.

Today just adds on to my depression.

In 4th period I started feeling really really bad...

It's that time of the month, oh joy.

In 5th period I was so close to crying because the pain was unbelievable...

I thought I had skipped since it came a week late, but no. It was probably one of the most horrible pains I've had besides breaking my foot.

So in art (6th period) I asked to go to the clinic..I went down and my dad who's on the road says there's NO WAY I'm coming home, because god forbid I miss another day of school! Not even! It'd just add to my..what is it now? nine? Nine days of school I've missed in my entire life. Mostly all this year due to depression and sickness...

So in the clinic we went through this whole fiasco of...trying to find someone to pick me up....Twenty minutes later I just told the lady to forget it and that I'll go back to class. After all, I only had one class left......

Oh, on the way back to class I passed my ex.

And I just happened to accidentaly drop my clinic pass right by her, too.

Whatever. I just need to accept what the hell happened and move on and stop hating her and getting nervous whenever I'm around her. It's stressing me out..

Then I come home to find out my mom went to the hospital for the 4th or 5th time in the past month and a half...which means having to stay with my grandma, grandpa, two mentally challanged cousins, and my crazy aunt....

BUT...My dad said he'll be home tonight...it might be late..but he'll be home atleast, So I won't have to go...yet...He's only staying for four days.

Great, so now my dad doesn't have the money to buy us food....

or stuff I need...let alone all the money he owes the hospital now.

Whatever. God, sometimes I wonder what my purpose in life is...

I really do...My art is crap (don't lie, I know I'm not very good) and my writing is pretty good, but writing isn't my passion, art is...and if I can't be good at it...well then I just feel like total crap.

I'll probably be back every now and again, just not posting...

I don't contribute to this forum..I never help anyone..

I only seem to seek help for myself, so I'm sorry...

[Guest Robin Winter]

Now you stop that! If you feel like you have to go, then do so, but don't do it because you're not feeling useful. This site is HERE for people to come when they need help and support, you're not doing anything we all didn't do when we found this place to begin with. Sometimes all you need to do is be a friend, and I *know* you're capable of that. This is a community, not a hospital, you don't have to fix anyone to be valued, and I for one value you.

So take some time if you have to, I've done as much, but don't you dare feel bad for being here, and please come back.

*Hugs*

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hey there Evan.....

Don't you know that you are a major contributor here at Laura's? Gosh Evan you do help so many people here. You may think that right now you just post your needs because of how you feel, but just think of how many times you have posted to other people's topics.

You are so needed and loved very deeply here hon.

Now my dear, you are going through a tough patch at the moment. This is only temporary. This does not reflect on how your whole life is going to be.

Remember when you got that Art award from school last year? You know I was so proud of you

Dearheart, I am at work right now, but I will be home in a few hours. If you want to PM me, please do.

I love you so very very much

Brenda

[Guest Donna Jean]

I'll probably be back every now and again, just not posting...

I don't contribute to this forum..I never help anyone..I only seem to seek help for myself, so I'm sorry...

Well, that's odd....

That's not how I see it at all...

how 'bout...

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...mp;#entry142586

or

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...mp;#entry142586

and....

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...mp;#entry142265

this....

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...mp;#entry142265

not to mention this.....

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...mp;#entry142259

And I could get tons more, but, you get my point.

Gee, Hon.......everything sux right now...or it seems like it to you....

Please don't take away your participation here...you're very well thought of, you know...

And you DO help lots of people!

I LOVE YOU!

Dee Jay

[Guest Neuro]

This is a support forum, we're all here for you. To support you. Like Donna Jean said, you HAVE been there for us through many hard times. I know for one you put up with me!

School sounds like a big problem these days, especially for people like us. (mental and physical). There are all sorts of factors that can go into being in as much pain as you are, not just trans issues, but problems that us on here could still try to help you with.

You are still young. You shouldn't HAVE to know your path or 'point' in life is--that's why you have to live it, to find out what you want to do. It can be hard to figure out, but that's what we're all here for! c:

When I was in between the ages of 9 thru 17, I wanted to be...

An astronaut

A ballerina

A jockey

A sci-fi author

An actor in 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'

A D-cup. (THAT'S RIGHT!)

When those didn't work out, I gave up on them, or grew out of them, I went to the next thing and it happened again. A depression cycle. Now, I want to work with comics. But in 5 years, maybe it will be something totally different that's my calling!

The point is, don't worry about making a mark on the world. Things tend to work out when you don't even know you're trying. And they work faster when you've got some friends who are more than willing to lend an ear (or keyboard.)

If god forbid, you died today--you would have ALREADY made a difference, just by being my friend. By being a member of this little community. It might not be a huge Albert Einstein difference--but just by being here, you have made a difference, and have a 'point.' I know for one, a lot of us here might not be the same (or even be here!) if you had never joined up.

I hope things start to go better for you. It's not fair your family is putting school before your mental and physical health. But even more than that, I hope you realize how important you truly are.

~Michael

[Carolyn Marie]

As I hope you can see from the prior posts, hon, you could not be more wrong about your value here.

There is never a requirement, stated or otherwise, that members need to "contribute" a certain amount of time

or energy or enthusiasm to the site. People post want they want to the topics they want. Some are active and

some aren't, some ask for help, and some give it. Most do a little of both at one time or another.

You are certainly not a burden - all of us are here for each other. This is, after all, a support site. Right now

you need that support, and we are here for you.

I know things seem bleak right now, hon, but they won't always be that way. Get through this one day at a time, and

the future will take care of itself. Be good to yourself, OK? Please don't beat yourself up. Hang in there and things will

get better.

We care about you, never forget that.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ChalenAustin]

This is probably an older post but I just stumbled across it today....

That first post Donna Jean put up on her list- it really made a difference for me when I read it that day even though it was posted for someone in particular.

Not everyone is so kind and generous as you and you helped save me from having to write a very serious depressing topic by putting things in retrospect for me.

Just knowing that there's someone one here like that makes a HUGE world of difference honey!

I haven't read everything you've ever posted but I've never come across anything where you've just taken and never gave something else back!

I hope you do see what some of the people here put together for you and please PM if you need someone to talk to or whatever it may be- or any one of us for that matter- it could be a bigger help than you know for your situation right now!

Ours are very similar actually- you don't even know girl!

Please come by and visit us oftern and NEVER think that you don't contribute. You saved me from myself that day.

And as far as art goes, sweetie I'm a proffessional artist and I own my own business off it.

You want to talk about art some time or get some tips- no problem.

And finally know- you are in ALL our prayers!

[Guest Elizabeth K]

STOP STOP STOP

Don't go

Dont do anthing stupid

Don't quit your art

DO keep writing - you are very good!

Do keep working on your life - you DO make progress - I see it

DO - well - just DO whatever you have too...

Personally? I like seeing your posts - I always read them! You are a part of us now... so don't go.

ummmmmmm - I HATE IT when people get so low! So unfair! We can't help what we are!!!

Lizzy

[Guest Vivian]

Evan,

It's OK if you want to just read posts for a while. Just to let you know, I like reading your posts.

Thinking of you,

Vivian

[Sally]

Evan, I am going to tell you the best kept secret in the world - you say that you do not contribute to anyone else even though Donna Jean has proved that untrue there is another way that you are helping more than you will ever know.

The thousands of people to shy to state their own problems will read your posts and learn from the replies - if you don't ask the questions, who will?

You are a part of this whole family and we need you more than you know, we are here to help each other but how can we if you never say anything?

Please do stay and your art is very good - I could never do work so well although I have tried so often throughout my life - go with your passions and never mind the world they don't even know what gender you are and yet you simply hand over control to them - fight back!

Be yourself and live your life - come here if you want and post when you want - not when I want you to or Donna Jean or anyone else - just when you want to post - take control and be you - that is good enough for anyone!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest scooby]

hey-dont go-but if ya have to-be quick to come back!

i often need to run off but this is just the way it is-

things is often swings and roundabouts Evan-but everytime we feel like this-this is just another step to being us-

and everytime we fall over-we get up and is a bit stronger!

scooby x