Having Children As Transgender Parents...

[Guest Nicodeme]

(Apologies if a similar topic already exists; I looked around and didn't find any.)

My fiance (an androgyne, but as I found out recently, she fully intends to transition) and I (well, it says what I am over on the left) were planning on having children, and we still plan on it. I had assumed I could put up with being a "woman" for a little while longer so we can get married and at least bring one kid into the world before we started transitioning...but as I'm starting to realize, three to five years (I'm 17, and planned on having our first when I'm 20-23) is starting to look like an unbearably long time for me to hold out, and I don't want the risk of infertility holding Ryan back from doing what she needs to do to be happy.

I know that going on testosterone doesn't carry quite as much of a guarantee of making me infertile as estrogen would for Ryan (and I know it would take about 6 months for that to happen for her; but with T I've heard of guys ceasing to menstruate after just the first shot) but the slim chance that it might...terrifies me. I want to transition. Badly. But at the same time I really want to be able to have children with Ryan...and I know that if I lose that I'll be too crushed to benefit from transition anyway. And I know that even if I do stay fertile, testosterone will affect my eggs, and seeing as nobody quite knows whether it has negative effects yet, it's another risk I'm not quite willing to take.

I looked into having my eggs saved for later, but seeing as egg harvesting carries with it the risk of infertility (counterintuitive much?) as a result of possibly damaging my ovaries, and the fact that I'd have to essentially make myself go through a bout of fake menopause (my mom's going through menopause right now; I'm pretty darn sure I don't want to do that for another 30 years.) and take a plethora of...*sigh*...estrogens...is obviously really off-putting. And if my ovaries are too damaged from taking T, I couldn't maintain a pregnancy to save my own life. (Let alone make a new one!)

So it's looking like the only option I have is to wait, and if Ryan can't wait to transition, we can bank her sperm for later. I'm open to the idea of adoption, and I was planning on that eventually anyway, (if agencies don't turn us away for being trans, at least, which I can't help but think some might :/) but it's really important to me that I have at least one biological child with Ryan, because...I just really want to see kids with her pretty face and know they're ours. Which I know is a sentiment that might have triggered a few eyerolls. Haha.

She can help me wait out the handful of years, and I've told her that I want her to do a little "genetic safekeeping" before she transitions, so we have that established...but I'm hoping to make sure there isn't an alternative (surrogates and IVF are right out, because we probably could never afford it, and I have personal issues with the idea) that I've missed...and also to find out a little more about what's involved in banking sperm. I'm doing a little research right now, but if any women here have done it, some words of advice would be very much appreciated. The same for any guys here who've had kids. (Well, been the one to bear the kids, I mean.)

Thanks so much in advance to all of you for whatever help you might be able to offer.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Donno

Not many have had to face this in exactly the same way you two are. Harvesting eggs and freezing sperm may work just fine. Some fertility doc is gonna have a wonderful time working with two transpeople!

Good luck and let us know what you find out?

Lizzy

[Guest CharlieRose]

Hey, I responded to this idea at length in another post. I'll link to it: http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...c=15059&hl=

Basically, going on testosterone does have a gradual effect on your fertility over time, but it can actually take quite a while. Many people who've been on testosterone, even for a matter of 3-5 years, have gone off again and had their periods come back. Basically being on testosterone artificially induces a very PCOS-like condition. (That's polycystic ovaries) It can make conceiving harder, perhaps even requiring fertility treatment, but it won't necessarily make you infertile.

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

What about estrogen blockers? would they make you infertile? I mean if you came off them again. And perhaps low doses of T would have less of an effect or at least take longer to become a problem. That might be a compromise you could cope with. And you could at least have top surgery if you really wanted, obviously it's not ideal but plenty of women for whatever reason don't breast feed. Your child would be just fine on formula. They wouldn't have the protection of your immune system, I don't know if you can get them immunised earlier if you aren't breast feeding. Obviously you need to talk to doctors and therapists about this, but you aren't necessarily completely out of options.

[Guest ChalenAustin]

I'm sensing a trend here?

We need a club name! I'm thinking the Seahorse Club or something with seahrose in it.

Nicodeme, PM me sometime, for real. We should talk.

[Guest cjnoble71]

I can't do much more than second what Liz said. There is a lot they can do with that, and finding a surrogate is hard, it's not impossible.

[Guest Nicodeme]

I'm sensing a trend here?

We need a club name! I'm thinking the Seahorse Club or something with seahrose in it.

Nicodeme, PM me sometime, for real. We should talk.

Now I'm going to be doodling seahorses with soul patches in my adventure log. XD

And I'll be sure to PM you!

Some fertility doc is gonna have a wonderful time working with two transpeople!

Especially since we're both downright crazy!

Hey, I responded to this idea at length in another post. I'll link to it: http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...c=15059&hl=

Basically, going on testosterone does have a gradual effect on your fertility over time, but it can actually take quite a while. Many people who've been on testosterone, even for a matter of 3-5 years, have gone off again and had their periods come back. Basically being on testosterone artificially induces a very PCOS-like condition. (That's polycystic ovaries) It can make conceiving harder, perhaps even requiring fertility treatment, but it won't necessarily make you infertile.

Thank you so much for the links and information. I do hope to be on a relatively low dose to at least get my voice to change to something passable pitchwise (which I don't think will take too terribly long; my brother's voice dropped about two octaves in six months when puberty hit.) without putting too much strain on my system. And to mimize that crash from a lack of testosterone, 'cause from what I've been reading, it sucks. (And I'm sure the return of normal female hormone levels wouldn't help...PMS should be considered a form of biological warfare!)

Though you do mention in that other post that my uterus could atrophy a little...which is disconcerting. I'll put it on my to-do list to approach my mom about seeing an OBGYN (they raised the age of requirement from 18 to 21 and I'm a virgin, so she didn't see the point in getting me one yet) so I can talk to someone with more in-depth knowledge, and probably experience, on the subject. (I'm going to have to start seeing one once I'm on hormones, anyway.)

Oh, and as for freezing an actual ovary (in reference to the other post,) I think it's actually a lot more expensive than banking sperm. And the success rate seems to be much slimmer than freezing just eggs. I think only three or four successful pregnancies were created with that method. At least, that's what I read while reading up on alternatives for people who get endometriosis. (My mom had it, so I'm already at higher risk, and I was trying to find out if T would increase it even more; but apparently it's one of the treatments, so I'm guessing it serves to prevent it.)

What about estrogen blockers? would they make you infertile? I mean if you came off them again. And perhaps low doses of T would have less of an effect or at least take longer to become a problem. That might be a compromise you could cope with. And you could at least have top surgery if you really wanted, obviously it's not ideal but plenty of women for whatever reason don't breast feed. Your child would be just fine on formula. They wouldn't have the protection of your immune system, I don't know if you can get them immunised earlier if you aren't breast feeding. Obviously you need to talk to doctors and therapists about this, but you aren't necessarily completely out of options.

I thought of estrogen blockers. But if androgen blockers will bring about sterility, I figure the same would happen to me with estrogen blockers. That, and I don't think it's actually healthy to block one sex hormone if you're not replacing it with another. Estrogen and testosterone help keep...well, pretty much every system running correctly, it seems.

I'm going to see a few local gender therapists to ask what they know as far as reproductive options, and to see if they would be inclined to write a letter for surgery before hormones. Most surgeons seem to want you on T before top surgery for (arbitrary) reasons like "changes in musculature" or "gauging your feelings," though. And I think I have to wait until June at the earliest to get surgery anyway. (As I'll be 18.) Even for a reduction. I asked my doctor if she could recommend anyone for a breast reduction and she said the chances of someone willing to operate on me are slim just because of my age. (Which is stupid because it's going to be a far more invasive surgery to make my ribcage convex again, you know?)

And my research on sperm banking is turning up some banks being incredibly cheap (at least, cheap for cryonics, I imagine) and others being outrageously expensive. There's like, 4 in my state. So I'll find out what they charge and discuss it with Ryan again when I get the chance.

[Guest DisDwarf]

I'm a female trapped in a male body... and I want kids very very much. yeah I've got mother instincts LOL.

I think about transition a lot, not that I've the money for it, but I feel the need for it, but I feel that my responsibility as a female is to do everything possible to have kids and raise them, even if that means making me unhappy. So because I want kids the natural way (have found sperm banks on my area but prefer not to be depended on them), I hope I can start a family before transition, have my kids, and only then transition if I still feel the need for it (probably will).

But I'm 28 years old, with no experience in relationships (never had one and im a virgin too) so I wonder if my idea is unrealistic. Oh, and I've no job too, which I think is necessary in order to have a family and feed kids (I want as many as possible, LOL, maybe 4 or 5!) oh and it's also necessary for funding the transition.... Do you think it's do-able to do all these life-changing things in a few years so that I could transition when I'll be about 32-33? well maybe 35 or 36... what is the average age of transition anyway? the more I wait the more life in my correct gender I lose... perhaps I should just bank sperm and forget about all that stuff. too undecided!

[Guest Nicodeme]

Actually, Fairfax Cryobank apparently has among the lowest storage costs in the country. (If you live in the US, that is...) So you can probably do a little banking there before you meet someone so you can finally get your transition underway.

Here's a link for you to check out. You might be able to find others with similar pricing, too.

http://www.fairfaxcryobank.com/

(hopefully that link's allowed. :X)