Grr Gym

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

So last week sometime I registered at the gym, and then I went back the next day and did my induction, that was all fine. I had to get changed in the toilet because I refuse to put boy's underwear back on but c'est la vie.

After the induction the guy gave me a slip of paper and told me to take it to the front desk to sort out my membership card. I looked like a mess, so I decided I'd do it next time I go back. But I haven't been back yet, I keep putting it off, and primarily I think, because I don't wanna have to have my stupid photo taken for the membership card, it would never have bothered me before, but now it's like this record of 'not me' it's not my face and it's not my name. I still look like a boy, there's nothing I can do about that right now, but I don't want the reminder. I can do my hair nice and stuff before I go, but they take the picture with this stupid grainy webcam, rather than just letting me provide my own photo where I could have skillfully airbrushed out the stubble first.

Sooooo yeah, I've gotta get over it obviously, but it just kinda sucks.

I'm still trying to get used to seeing myself dressed in girl's clothes, my more androgynous stuff is ok, and i love wearing it, but don't really like looking in the mirror. for years and years when i cross dressed i would just see myself and i was just a guy in a dress, it was horrible, and i felt so dissapointed because I wanted so bad to be pretty.

Well I'm gonna get there eventually I swear.

Good news is I have my first laser session booked for tuesday. I might post about it all in detail later.

[Guest Vivian]

Hi,

Good for you for going to the gym! Don't worry about the picture so much, just get in there and get in some good cardio work.

Laser session, so the battle against facial hair begins.. Don't get discouraged, it will take time to get all those hairs.

Vivian

[Guest julia_d]

Sam.. the gym is a nasty cisgendered place. I had to give up all that kind of thing when I transitioned and I still haven't been back 21 years later. Same for swimming pools.. off limits to trans until after the chop

You feel the burn.. not your name and not your face.. so it isn't your place either is it? That's telling me you have passed that certain point in transition where you just can't do "the act" any more .. Oddly it happens at or around the first laser treatment.

Now then.. I found a sport that is non gendered.. table tennis of all things, where I could dress how I wanted and be me.

laser.. go to your docs and ask for some "emla" cream.. and try some on your face a day or two before you go.. It caused a bad rash of spots for me and didn't help with the burning pain.. going out in the cold is better.. The weather is nice and cold which is a real help, as you will find out in 6 months when you are being a vampire hiding from the sun and darting from shadow to shadow plastered in factor 50 sunscreen.. all to get a bad sunburn XD

In 6 or 7 visits yopu won't be able to do the bloke bit with stubble going for the appointments.. then you can go full time and not worry about staying out overnight by accident and stuff..

Laser.. the most life changing thing a girl can do.

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

it didn't hurt too bad, depending on how quick she goes and if she pauses i think it'll be ok, different parts of my face will hurt more but i think it would be the building intensity from being repeatedly zapped that would push me toward the brink.

I didn't tell her I was trans, she seems nice enough, but since it appears to be the only clinic in town I decided not to risk it for now, though obviously in a few months it's gonna get pretty obvious.

hopefully i'll have had 6 sessions before I have to start covering my face in sunscreen

[Paula ult]

I had been a member of the YMCA 7 years and i knew just about everyone there, my changes were really starting to show after over a year on hormones, and i would feel uncomfortable transitioning there, it happens a new gym was opening just down the road and the monthly rate was cheaper than the Y so i changed, i told the new gym upfront that i was transitioning, i had to because my name had not been changed yet, the guy signing me up said he would have not known if i had not told him, the workers at the gym are cool about it, all i do is leave home ready to work out then after i am done i leave and change and shower at home, problem solved.

Paula

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

I don't drive, so I have to walk a mile and a half through the park to get to the gym, and it's pretty cold right now so I won't be doing that in my shorts

but it's not a problem, personally I don't get the whole changing rooms thing, I mean it's not like there aren't gay people at the gym. either it should all be private stalls or it should be unisex. I doubt I'd want the second option, but logically just sticking people of the (supposedly) same gender together, doesn't cut it. But yeah I can get changed in the loo, maybe if I build up some confidence I won't even care if I'm wearing my knickers in the communal area.

It's just a depressing reminder that I don't yet reflect who and what I truly am.

[Guest julia_d]

Gyms in the states are very different places. In the UK we still have a huge amount of the gender stereotype garbage hangovers and hangups. I find even 20 years after transition they are bigoted "rules is rules and we decide what you are not you" places.

Maybe it's just the north, but I wouldn't trust anywhere in the UK not to throw some bigoted discrimination at me at any random time.. regardless of what I can prove I am.

The YMCA eh? .. oh that is not a place I would dare to venture.. never in a million years would I expose myself to the dropout teen thugs selling their drugs sent by court order, the live in junkies, and the scroungers who run the places because they can't get work. They are far from my list of "choice for somewhere nice to go" places.

I went once as part of a mental health outreach project and the place scared me half to death.. I don't by choice mix with the dregs of society (took me 8 years to drag myself out of that layer) and unfortunately in the UK that's pretty much all you encounter there. It's a religious order after all.. full of prejudice and "good deeds" .. grah!

Sorry Paula.. this is the UK where transphobic and homophobic prejudice is actually on the rise.

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

and racism too.

I'm not sure the YMCA in the US is quite the dump that it is here. But I wouldn't want to associate with anything even vaguely religious.

[Guest viv]

I just use my gym to jog. When it becomes obvious I am transitioning

i will do my jogging in the nearest park. Problem solved,,,,viv