Tired, Overwhelmed

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

Am I really strong enough to be able to do this?

I'm just feeling a little run down I think, but right now I'm not so sure, I've been looking towards the future with such optimism, but some of the realities are starting to hit home.

For several years I've wanted to go back to college to study massage, it's something I think I would be really good at and would really enjoy, it pays pretty well and would let me work almost anywhere in the world.

But today I'm thinking about it, I've been too sick these last few years with depression and anxiety, that I couldn't cope with going back to studying, now I feel like I'm making so much progress that this summer is it, I could do it. But will I be able to enroll as Sam when I go? I'm hoping to be passable by then, I should be just about done with the laser, I really wouldn't want to have to go as the old me.

But I'd likely qualify for government assistence, so what kind of paper work and information is going to flow, I'll have legally changed my name by then, if eveything goes according to my timetable, and I might have been able to maybe get a provisional drivers licence with an 'F' marker, that will depend if I can find a doctor or therapist who'll write me a letter. But it seems like I probably wouldn't be able to keep my previous identity secrect from the college administration. And this is a massage course, it involves us practicing on each other, how the hell can I remain stealth if I'm supposed to strip to my underwear?!! and if I do explain the situation quietly to the tutor and ask that people not practice on me, are they then going to not want me to practice on the other girls?

maybe i'm worrying about nothing and there are ways to sort it out, a lot can happen before then, and I have time to prepare, but today I just feel overwhelmed and vastly under prepared for everything coming.

[Guest Nikki A]

Hello Sam,

Transition can be the pits at times! I think we all worry too much about the "what-ifs" we'll be facing. But you have some time now. I'd write to the school and ask them what their transgender policies are. It would be better to know now and not worry about it for the next 6 months.

Best of luck to you! Kat

I second this, and it really is a good idea to call the college about their trans policies! as soon as i did that it took about 987 out of my 1000 worries off my plate momentarily!!

hugs, Nikki

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

Do you think I should have someone contact them on my behalf so that if it isn't a positive response, I won't have blown my chance to go stealth?

[Guest Donna Jean]

Do you think I should have someone contact them on my behalf so that if it isn't a positive response, I won't have blown my chance to go stealth?

Sam, Honey.....

Why don't you just make a G-mail or Yahoo account in whatever name you want and e-mail them with that?

You have access and remain stealth.

TA DA!

Donna Jean

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

I do have someone in my corner who has the power to take them to task over their discrimination policies should there be a problem. But it sure would be nice to just be able to go and be a normal girl.

[Guest Nikki A]

Sam, Honey.....

Why don't you just make a G-mail or Yahoo account in whatever name you want and e-mail them with that?

You have access and remain stealth.

TA DA!

Donna Jean

a wonderful idea! or you could always check the website for their policies, and look to see if you can find anything about a ts support group that way even if the policy isnt very protective you can still try to go stealth and have a supportive comunity to help you!

Hugs, Nikki

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

because colleges are government funded, I'm pretty sure they're legally required to adopt the government's non-discrimiation policy. But that probably only extends as far as allowing me to enroll, what considerations or restrictions they'd have toward me, I don't know. But it will only be a part time course, with other adults. It won't be a class full of 16 year old girls. That said I did at one time think about studying a full beauty therapy course, but one thing at a time, I'm not sure how interested I'd be in learning to do manicures and stuff like that really.

[Guest Chandra]

Hello Sam,

Take a deep breath, sit back and relax. You can, what if, yourself to death about any situation by over thinking it.

Your thinking process has developed into a cycle that feeds upon it self and keeps growing.

Your transition is a HUGE change, unforeseen problems and challenges are imposable to foresee. I must also tell you that I have no experience with this, and am way, way behind you. But I have learned that if you want something bad enough in life you will find a way to make it happen.

You seem to be a very strong willed person to have made it as far as you have, it is only natural to have anxiety for the many unknown variables in your future. Turn your depression into excitement, by looking deep into yourself and ask, are my mind and body in harmony working together as one. I know you would answer no. Just think how good you would feel, when you complete your process.

By being together as one with yourself will give you the confidence to not worry to much about things beyond your control.

The road you are starring down is certainly tough, you must find it within your self to be tougher. Challenges brings out the best in us.

You must adopt this attitude. Do not try there is no try, either do or do not.

Dear Sam, I think you are over thinking this, thats were the overwhelming feelings comes from. Don't try creating problems that are not even there yet. Problems will come, but knock them down one by one as they arise.

I believe you have what it takes to make your dream into reality. When you are at one with yourself, you are a very powerful force that can do almost anything.

Best Wishes and Good Luck Love Chandra

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Sam,

For all of us, timing and balance is everything. You are concerned about returning to college and not being able to present as you are, but as others expect you to be. I know and completely understand. I and many people that I know have to continue to present as their biological gender at work because of the complexities involved in coming out at work and the time may not be right yet for them and it is not for me right now. So, what do I do? Well, I present as "technically" male at work with as much femininity shown that does not out me, but makes everyone assume that I am gay. And that is quite alright with me.

Now I am sure that if you persue "massage therapy" as your choice of profession, you won't be put in any compromising situations anytime soon, if ever.

Transitioning is very complex (especially from a sociological standpoint), you are going to have to make choices as to how and when to present yourself. Of course when you have completely transitioned that is no longer the issue. The tricky part is getting through the "transitioning".

For me, I have reconciled that at times, I have to present as male for now when it is the safest and simplest thing to do. In time, I am sure that will no longer be an issue for me as it will not be for you.

Most if not all educational institutions are transgender aware and are supportive. I would expect that an open discussion with the administration of the school will provide you with the necessary help to allow you to have a rewarding educational experience, and still be who you are.

Brenda

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

Thanks people. I actually feel a lot better now. Compared to what depression was like just a couple of months ago, this is a freakin walk in the park. I never expected to be happy all the time of course, if I did I'd probably addicted to drugs. Now I can actually have a bit of a cry or panic or whatever and then get on with my life.

Massage therapy, yeah I mean provided I always pass, and I get my voice sorted, then I think it shouldn't be a problem. There is always the slight danger of what happens if a customer tries to get "over friendly" but that of course is a danger to any woman in that job. It is something I'd have to work as stealth of course, but that won't be a problem in the end since in the UK we get to completely change our legal status (yaaaay!!!!) and the record of the change is hidden (double yaaay!!!)

And frankly I ought to pass, I'm just young enough that hormones ought to do everything I want, I have reasonable feminine features, especially my face. the only thing really standing in my way is all this blasted hair.

I really don't want to have to go as male, apart from the fact that I'd hate it, I'll hopefully be not far off actually having an appointment with the Gender Identity Clinic, and studying as my adopted gender would count towards RLE.