Am I Becoming A Teenage Girl?

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

More and more I find myself identifying with the teens on this board, rather than people in my own age group or older. I even the other day found myself wondering what it would be like to go back to high school as a girl, I hated school, it was a nightmare almost everyday, I dropped out early and had to get my GCSEs at college.

And then just earlier I was out for a walk (10pm, pitch black on an unlit footpath by the river, probably won't be able to do that when I look that part) and I had boyband songs blasting out of my ipod. All this stuff has been causing me to think about my past, think about my parents (who are no longer part of my life) I guess I never really got to be a teenager last time, I hated myself and I hated people in my age group, they were obnoxious and smashed things and got drunk and smoked and were typically nasty and stupid. I've always befriended people considerably older than me. and When I was 16 I left home, so then I was an adult.

I've been reading some stories and accounts of transsexuals and it's the ones who transitioned young that really get to me, I guess because I so dreamt of being able to do what they were able to do.

And now, my depression seems almost completely lifted and it feels like I've been treading water for 10-12 years, it feels almost as if none of that life was real, it was just a nightmare and now i'm waking up, and I have triple math today and then cheerleading practice.

[Guest sarah f]

I would also love to go back to High School and start to change then. I think I have waisted too many years of being a happy woman.

The only set back would be that I would not have had my kids or my wife. I love them all and would do anything for them.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Donna Jean]

Sam......

I know how you feel...

So many of us have missed our childhood in the correct gender...And it's so sad sometimes..

And now so many of us are reverting to being teenage girls on HRT...The emotions, new body parts, seeing the world through a young girls eyes...

It's all become wonderful and although we won't be able to live it...We will still experience many wonders....

Now...get to cheerleading practice...you'll be late!

Huggs...

Donna Jean

[Guest Soph]

And now so many of us are reverting to being teenage girls on HRT...The emotions, new body parts, seeing the world through a young girls eyes...

It's all become wonderful and although we won't be able to live it...We will still experience many wonders....

I second that!

One thing I've been noticing lately is that as I come to accept myself and learn who I am I care less that I missed so much in my life.

I would still love to go back and relive my teenage years (well, I still have 1/2 a year left in my teenage years) properly, but it doesn't consume me.

But just like Donna Jean said: we still have a lot ahead of us. Why bemoan the past when you can have a better future?

[Guest Mila]

Sam, I know you were probably having those bitter-sweet memories/thoughts going through your head, but you are still very young. Yes, you have missed out on that time, but you have so many greater times ahead! =) I too left the house around that same age as you...

You know you got some good stuff coming =) Cheer up girl! and dont forget your pom-poms!

Mila

[Guest Isobelle Fox]

I agree with and can relate to every single thing you said. : )

I think I have definitely reverted, to some extent, to a late stage teenage phase, and for exactly the reasons you mentioned. I didn't get to be a teenager. I had a few very good friends when I was in highschool, but I didnt have a peer group per se, and I was perpetually uncomfortable and virtually asocial. School was hell. I didn't feel "normal" back then, and I don't feel now, looking back on my youth, like I had anything like a normal childhood. Though it wasn't bad, really, I still feel cheated. How different things would have been....

I never dealt with my transgender feelings very well when I was young, but I had my moments. Many were the times when I would day dream about going to bed, falling asleep, and waking up as a girl. About how different my life would be and how much better.

Thing is, other than not beating myself up over it, there wasn't much I could have done back then anyway. Things are much better now, and I feel like I have a genuine second chance. The past seems a lot less important when there is hope for the future.

[Guest Nikki A]

More and more I find myself identifying with the teens on this board, rather than people in my own age group or older. I even the other day found myself wondering what it would be like to go back to high school as a girl, I hated school, it was a nightmare almost everyday, I dropped out early and had to get my GCSEs at college.

And then just earlier I was out for a walk (10pm, pitch black on an unlit footpath by the river, probably won't be able to do that when I look that part) and I had boyband songs blasting out of my ipod. All this stuff has been causing me to think about my past, think about my parents (who are no longer part of my life) I guess I never really got to be a teenager last time, I hated myself and I hated people in my age group, they were obnoxious and smashed things and got drunk and smoked and were typically nasty and stupid. I've always befriended people considerably older than me. and When I was 16 I left home, so then I was an adult.

I've been reading some stories and accounts of transsexuals and it's the ones who transitioned young that really get to me, I guess because I so dreamt of being able to do what they were able to do.

And now, my depression seems almost completely lifted and it feels like I've been treading water for 10-12 years, it feels almost as if none of that life was real, it was just a nightmare and now i'm waking up, and I have triple math today and then cheerleading practice.

i feel like i missed a childhood a lot of times, usually when i see things like all the little girls who dressed up for the princess and the frog with there little dresses and it was Uber cute! and then my mind goes to a dark little corner and says to itself " ive never had that and i never will" and sadness consumes...

hugs, Nikki

[Sally]

We all missed the childhood that we should have had, in my case and for so many others we missed all the way up to and even past middle aga - I even had my mid life crisis in the wrong gender - but I can never recapture my youth - I cannot go back and try living through the elementary school - high school bonding with the girls instead of being tormented by the boys - I can never experience college as a young girl - so many other things that I have missed and with the release of the emotional barriers that we all had I could sit around and weep about it - I do about everything else but that is in the past so I will continue to move along into the future and rejoice in the fact that my golden years will be spent as me at last.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

More and more I find myself identifying with the teens on this board, rather than people in my own age group or older. I even the other day found myself wondering what it would be like to go back to high school as a girl, I hated school, it was a nightmare almost everyday, I dropped out early and had to get my GCSEs at college.

And then just earlier I was out for a walk (10pm, pitch black on an unlit footpath by the river, probably won't be able to do that when I look that part) and I had boyband songs blasting out of my ipod. All this stuff has been causing me to think about my past, think about my parents (who are no longer part of my life) I guess I never really got to be a teenager last time, I hated myself and I hated people in my age group, they were obnoxious and smashed things and got drunk and smoked and were typically nasty and stupid. I've always befriended people considerably older than me. and When I was 16 I left home, so then I was an adult.

I've been reading some stories and accounts of transsexuals and it's the ones who transitioned young that really get to me, I guess because I so dreamt of being able to do what they were able to do.

And now, my depression seems almost completely lifted and it feels like I've been treading water for 10-12 years, it feels almost as if none of that life was real, it was just a nightmare and now i'm waking up, and I have triple math today and then cheerleading practice.

Sam let me put it this way I am 51 going on 14, and yes I would love to go back to High School and experience all the fun and romance in my correct gender. Well being lesbian Im not sure how much of it I would see unless I put the mask on and played straight; but it would be fun thats for sure.

[Guest Fwip]

Sam, I've thought about this quite a bit, about how nice it would be to "do-over" highschool as the proper gender.

But I think that no matter _when_ I transition, I will always wonder "what if I had done this five/ten years ago?" Even if I'd figured this all out at, say, 14 and started transitioning then, I think I would wish for a second chance at elementary and middle school.

So, I'm thinking it's more important to focus on the here and now, and maybe a *weensy* bit of looking forward to what's coming down the pipeline. It's too easy for me to turn idle thought and reminiscing into regret.

-Fwippy

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

I have lots of hope for the future. I really don't have much of a plan, because well I was always just gonna kill myself someday, my plan was not having a future. But that's changed, life seems so much more worth living when you suddenly find you can be generally happy during the 99% of it that you aren't doing totally awesome things. So now I'm really looking forward to a bright and happy future, and I have so idea what I'd like to do as a career, and I think I wanna go live somewhere hot probably, eventually, but concrete plans right now don't extend past the end of the year, and I have no idea at all where i'll be in 3 or 4 years time.

[Guest Donna Jean]

I have lots of hope for the future. I really don't have much of a plan, because well I was always just gonna kill myself someday, my plan was not having a future. But that's changed, life seems so much more worth living when you suddenly find you can be generally happy during the 99% of it that you aren't doing totally awesome things. So now I'm really looking forward to a bright and happy future, and I have so idea what I'd like to do as a career, and I think I wanna go live somewhere hot probably, eventually, but concrete plans right now don't extend past the end of the year, and I have no idea at all where i'll be in 3 or 4 years time.

DANG!

I REALLY like this part.........

LOVE

Donna Jean

[Guest Isobelle Fox]

Me too, Donna Jean.

Again, I can definitely relate. Never figured I'd live to be 30.