I Think I Won't Pass, Please Be Honest

[Guest Chandra]

Hello everyone,

I finally threw some pics. in my gallery, mabey I should'nt have.

Compared to me, everyone else looks great, me and the ugly stick had a few rounds and I think the stick won.

But seriously, I want you to be completely honest, as a true friend would do. This could save me from much indignity down the road.

Should I abort any ideas of progressing down the road, and stay hidden. Or do you think there is a chance, with everyones help,I may someday live my dream

Do you see what I mean when I talk about being cursed to be stuck in this big male body.

Please be honest, I wont break

Most Sincerely, Love Chandra

[Sally]

OK, you want me to be honest so I will be - let's start with the bad news and a few suggestions to help.

Lose at least three pounds of the makeup - that draws a lot of attention to you.

Think again about showing so much skin around the waist and a little longer skirt as well as losing the huge opening fishnets - not a lot of natal women wear them.

Better wigs or your own hair.

Now to the positive and it is a big one - your face is not as masculine as you think, there is a bit of Tracy Nelson going on there and she's very cute.

OK, everything that was bad is easily fixed and the thing that was good was very good - so pose a little more subtly next time in some new outfits and hair and you should be stunning.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Honesty

(Don't you hate it when a reply starts that way!)

I think you are going to respond very well to HRT - you have the body size for it. I lost my 'bird legs' pretty early and my knees and ankles rounded up. I can't judge your face - you seem okay but way too much make-up to see it - but here it comes:

My apologies to the crossdressers here, but as a transsexual you are WAY TOO outrageous! You need to go for natural. T-girls do not depend upon clothing and accessories to pass. There is only a need to dress your gender - so look and see what others in your true gender (women - even T-Girls) wear and how they do it.

Waaaay to far 'out there.' Better to be more conservative - 'semi-passing' - knowing you will eventually get your female looks in a year or two - rather than than to yell out "TRANS."

But like I said - completely 'doable!'

Lizzy

[Guest ChloëC]

Chandra,

I will agree with the above suggestions. I think you're trying just a little too hard. Just relax and think about being a little more natural with your looks. Less make-up, and more typical outfits. Your body structure gives you a better start then some of us (I'm at least 20 pounds over what I should be if I were really trying)

What we call 'passing' is a lot more then clothes or makeup or a wig, as I have read a number of stories here about women who are just very positive about themselves and are accepted because they look (and go about their lives)pretty much like anyone else in a crowd. Individually one may notice them (and sometimes do, both good and not so good) but in a crowd, they're (for better or worse) just another person.

Lizzy, no need to apologize to me. What some people decide to wear in their own private moments is fine with me. My pictures, for example, are probably not what I would wear if I were going public (maybe if I were a 'few' years younger). I think there are all shades of cross dressers. (and transvestites and she-males and drag queens for that matter)

Chandra, you have a lot going for you, actually, so a few small changes, and you'll look fine, I'm sure.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

Chandra

What I would of liked to see was a picture of you as you are naturally, now I understand that is sometimes hard for us to do here because we don't want the world to see us here. But that would of given me a better look at your possibilities.

Now as the girls have said cut out the tons of makeup have you ever heard the term Less Is Best. You don't need that much lipstick or blue eyeshadow. I know makeup is the hardest part but go on youtube and lookup transsexual makeup and the girls will give you some great lessons. If you want makeup advice pm me and I will help you.

Clothes oh my god girl do you want to be a street walker if you don't that's not what your cloths scream. As the ladies above have said more conservative works for us. Maybe go out and get yourself some ladies jeans and some pretty tops. You will pass much better in some more toned down clothes.

With hair first thing I would suggest is throw those street walker wigs away and start growing out your own hair but until that gets long enough you need to invest in a nice wig that fits your face and size. there are synthetic wigs that come pre styled and human hair wigs as well as what's called Lace Front Wigs that have a super fine lace that the hair s threaded through the are some of the best. But I would recommend going to a quality wig shop and asking the sales people to help you pick out a decent wig. Spend a little money on your wig because it is going to define who you are until your hair grows out.

Last but not least don't overload your chest with those monster breast they do not fit your body at all, if you were natural like that you would be bent over with all that weight. I would recommend getting yourself a B cup breast form maybe a C cup but I think that would be too much for your size. I would go out and get a B cup bra that fits you and try to fill it with some of the techniques that are out there. Trust me on this one it will help you pass better as well.

Ok Chandra the best news is you have the right sized body for a girl once you start HRT you are going to fill out beautifully, your face isn't overly masculine so I think you have some great possibilities but you need to work on your presentation. Once that is tqaken care of you will be a very lovely young lady and that's what you want to be I hope.

Like I said PM me if you need any advice and help you did ask us to be honest.

Love

Charlene Leona

[Guest ricka]

Chandra Hon, I will weigh in with the other girls here. Do you have a cisgirl friend (or a gay guy friend) to help you with your make-up, hair and clothes? The goal isn't just to be passable but to to look your best and find your own unique look as well. Hon, the bright red lipstick has to go! And so do the wigs. I have been very pleased with Paula Young.comfor wigs on line BTW. They have a chart which will give you examples of styles that compliment your face shape and I recommend going with something close to your natural hair color----our skin and hair tones come in a package and it is rare that changing hair color from our natural color looks as good.

Sweety you are tall and thin like a model and I think your features are exotic. Definite possibilities here as being a very striking woman and being totally passable. Think "Natural" and you won't go far wrong. And I so agree with Chloe about passing----you are not putting on a show, you are just letting the woman inside of you come out and be who she is.

Hugs, Ricka

[Guest viv]

Hi Chandra,

You got a good bod , good legs too, and a wonderful smile also.

BUT !!!!! you have to tone down some. You asked for honesty and ok, I

will be honest hun. Our aim is to blend in Chandra. So , realistic hair ,

realistic makeup, and clothes also , they need to go west. Generally

there are two different make up ""looks"" day and night,,, not too much

for day wear and a little more at night to be glam . I went to make up

lessons yesterday and the tech says , less is best . You will get there Chandra

but like me ,,,,a little work needed first. luv,viv

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Sweetie,

When we first start to express ourselves, there is a tendency to over do things abit I know, I was there.

Now dearheart I don't want to cramp your style nor impose my sense of style onto you.

I have seen some crticism on your wigs. Personally, I think that your wigs are OK if you simply style them a little more. I know that you are working with what you have so I am not going to advise on getting more expensive wigs (that is not practical). When you can afford it, I would look into real human hair wigs (in my opinion they are the best).

Now makeup is a tricky thing. My motto (as I have posted many times here before) is "less is best". You don't want to overwhelm your natual beauty. You simply want to enhance it. For starters, I would simply stick to some foundation, a natural color lipstick, and some mascara for now. Once you have those three items down, then go for a little (I mean a little) eyeliner, but don't go to the eyeliner just yet. Get used to a little lipstick, foundation (no rouge!!) and some mascara. This will force you to keep the makeup tame.

While I am on the subject, if you are wearing perfume.. a drop or two is all you need (no more). Too much perfume is worse than too much makeup.

First, I want to say that I love your outfits.. very cute. But hon, (I used to do the same thing) do you think that some of those outfits are not really age appropriate for you? Case in point, the picture with the white blouse and the black skirt showing your midrif. I too went through the "dress like a teenager" stage. Feels great, but is not realistic. I am not saying to dress matronly, but be careful not to dress 20 years younger than you should. By the way, I love the black skirt outfit you have in your first picture .

There is a fine line between sexy/chique and inappropriate. Restraint and finesse are two key ingredients to looking very lovely.

Now don't sweat it hon, this all takes practice and lots of practice. In time, you will come into your own. I know it is scary to post pictures, and I am glad that you did, so that I can help you.

Keep exploring yourself hon. As you grow into your expression, your style will naturally come out.

Don't be concerned with passing at this point in time, as you become more your natural self, passing just follows.

Don't try to pass, just be yourself

You know... the ugly stick lost the fight. You ARE a real looker. You have what it takes

Love you

Brenda

[Guest Kaitlyn88]

First of all you say that you are transgendered so I'm not sure what exactly your dream is. Do you want to cross dress and look good, or pass? Maybe you want to completely transition or just be a good looking transgenderist? Each one has different goals of how to look or what can be achieved. I'll go with transsexual and passing since that is what I know.

The only thing that can't be changed is your skeleton. I'm guessing that you haven't started hormones or hair removal? That can make a big difference in your face and if your aren't happy with that there is always FFS. Hormones will also help your body too. If you are 7 feet tall with size 23 shoes like my dad there isn't anything you could do to change that. Like the others have said the wigs aren't very good looking, you could use better ones or to grow it out if possible. Also most women that aren't teenagers don't wear clothes showing their stomach, etc and since we are being honest if I seen someone your age wearing that I would assume that you are a cross dresser, even if you managed to pass I would think you had mental problems or maybe were a prostitute. I hope that doesn't sound mean but that is honestly what I would think if I saw any 50 year old out in public dressed like that. No offense to you, if you feel the need to wear those kind of clothes go for it, just understand that is what the public will think. For me I don't care about what kind of clothes I wear as long as they look good on me. I'm 21 and I feel too old to wear things like that, not because I won't look good enough, but simply because I don't want all the added attention and want a more grown up look.

[Guest Chandra]

Dearest Sally,Lizzy,Chloe,Charlene,Ricka and Viv

Thankyou very much for your help. I really appreciate your honest advice, I know you are trying to help me not hurt me.

After reading everyones post, a light bulb went off in my head.

My only experiences of going out as a woman come from going to the rocky horror picture show play, where I try to do my make up gerrishly heavy and dress like a street walker. I guess that I kind of adopted this mentality with out even realizing it.

Going to that play everyone overdoes it. Boldness and excess are the norm and anything goes. I am dressing as an actress in a show instead of an everyday woman.

Wow did you gals really help me to understand whats happening.

As you know I am very new here and inexperienced, thankyou all for teaching me my first lesson, and for letting me know, when toned down I might be able to pull it off. I can't tell you how happy I am now.

And Sally I did'nt know who Tracy Nelson was so I looked her up I was shocked that she looked like one of my sisters.

I have two older sisters and no brothers. I think I should have been the third girl. My mother was 48 years old when I was born, wonder if that could have had something to do with my problem.

I always try and greet the new comers, that they will learn here. You all proved me correct by me learning from all of you.

Deepest respect goes to all of you, from your little less confused yooper friend

Most Sincerely, LOVE and HUGS Chandra

[Guest Donna Jean]

Chan......

You're a beauty in the making.....

You have all the basics...............

We're sincere....and we care....

Love

Donna Jean

[Guest Chandra]

Dear Brenda and Kaitlyn 88 you both jumped in there before I got my reply off. You both should have been included in my response.

I now feel so em barest by my pics I am going to remove eyerything . And Kaitlyn I don't know what I am, but I know that I am really screwed up. The joy of finding laura's was so overwhelming I became over the top with feelings that were released after keeping them inside for forty years

Love Chandra

[Guest yvonne]

Chandra,

WAIT!!! It's not too late for me to jump on the pile.....

We are so much alike. I did the same things in my cross dressing days. Now, I'm still finding outlandish things to toss out. Don't be ashamed, you really do have all the raw materials.

This Fall, I went shopping to a nice store and got a lot of help from the staff. I got several really nice outfits. Tops and slacks that go together. They said skirts and dresses aren't worn so much these days. DARN! Well, I still have several conservative skirts. I got necklaces, bracelets and ear rings to match each outfit. In short, I got some very nice stuff.

Last week, I went to a serious wig shop (specializing in chemo patients) and told them I wanted to look like the President of a bank. (hey, gotta look like somebody, right?). The first wigs he put on me looked like dead animals. Then, he put on the one in my photo. It was me! Wow. I wore it out of the store, presenting as a guy.

Then, I went to a department store and found a lady who was sympathetic and really good with cosmetics. I told her the same thing. I had the wig on and told her I wanted to look like a bank president. Well, someone said I looked like a librarian--I'll take it!

So, now I've been out 4 whole days and received all kinds of compliments. You can do it too and now you know it. Just change who you get advice from and decide what your "look" will be.

Yvonne

[Guest Natalie Foster]

I want you to be completely honest, as a true friend would do. This could save me from much indignity down the road.

I am going to base my response on the assumption that you are a transsexual that is transitioning into her true identiy. It is my opinion that you should focus on the attributes that make a man rather than trying to cover them up.

1.) Facial hair removal should be priority number one plain and simple. Choose between lasers and electrolosis. With lasers It will take between 3-6 months on your face. Get some electrolosis to take care of that which lasers cannot get rid of. Or use electrolosis. This can take up to 24 months with weekly or bi-monthly visits depending on various factors. Electrolosis is permanate. Lasers can reduce hair growth by 90%. I used lasers and it worked extremely well for me. I go in twice a year for maintenance (just to be safe). if I did it all over again, I would use electrolosis, it's forever.

2.) Grow your natural hair out.

3.) Learn to put on makeup. Priority number two. You should work on perfecting those makeup skills. Watch reasonable videos, have some girlfriends help you and read girl magazines. They always have makeup tips in there. I always notice that makeup is always too much or an extreme. It takes time. There is no magic pill that makes everything happen right now. Transition and hormones take years. Don't rush it.

4.) Wear reasonably modest clothes. Why a lot of transsexual women wear just flashy, slutty clothes is beyone me. That type of clothing is designed for one thing: Attention. Until you are comfortable, stay away. I mean it's fine every now and again if that is what you are into, but it does not change the fact of what it is or what it represents to society.

5.) After Starting hormones and getting to the recommended doses as prescribed by your Endocrinologist, eat lots of fatty foods (not the bad fats) so your body has lots of excess fat to redistribute. Do non-muscle gaining exercises. If you light weights, STOP. Do cardiovascular exercises. If you do this you will notice a dramatic increase in your donkey and hips over the course of the first year.

6.) If fat distribution does not do much for your face after a year; then you should consider some cosmetic surgery. I know it's expensive, but its worth it if you truely need it. I know a single girl that saved up her extra money from working in a fast food restaurant with a child to get cosmetic surgery because she knew and accepted the fact that she would eventually need it. If she can do it, what is someone elses excuse (she is a transwoman)?

I do not mean to offend or hurt anyone's feelings. You wanted honesty and I gave it to you to the best of my ability. I hope this helps.

[Guest Jean Davis]

I now feel so em barest by my pics I am going to remove eyerything . And Kaitlyn I don't know what I am, but I know that I am really screwed up. The joy of finding laura's was so overwhelming I became over the top with feelings that were released after keeping them inside for forty years

Love Chandra

Hi honey

First of all I would like to say that you must have missed every swing that ugly stick took because I really don't see you as ugly at all. But I'll have to agree with the other ladies as far as the makeup and clothing. Though I know what you're going through, I have some clothing I bought at first that should be burnt. WOW I mean what was I thinking, teenager only clothing there. It's kinda fun to have it around the house but I don't think that I would ever wear it out, I guess it's all part of growing up. I would suggest that you go visit your local good will store or check out the Good Will Site . The clothing that you find there will more than likely be a year or two out of fasion but you can find a lot of good clothing there. As far as your wigs go, perhaps you know of someone that could cut and style them for you until your hair grows out. I don't see the reason to spend a lot of money for a wig unless you plan on wearing on a permanent basis.

Also don't be embarrassed about your photos, I still have my first one up in the album. Personally I want to keep it there so I can remember where I started and see just how far I have come. Plus it's good for new members to see how we start out, it gives them a sense of hope to see where we started and where we are now. I just wish that I had more photos to put up, I'll have to work on that a little more.

Also as far as being confused, we all have that going on. Just keep trying new things until you find what you are comfortable with and throw those labels away. A label will only slow what you are trying to do and that is finding just what makes you feel good about yourself.

LUV

Jean

[Guest Kaitlyn88]

It's ok, I was just trying to help out. There are plenty of people that dress like that and don't care what people think. If that is how you want to dress and decide that you are just a cross dresser then how you are is perfectly fine. If you decide to go all the way and transition you'll need to dress more like the average white woman your age in your area, if you want to pass and blend in. In the end it's all about being yourself and finding a balance with that and being accepted in society. You can't fight every idiot out there.

Dear Brenda and Kaitlyn 88 you both jumped in there before I got my reply off. You both should have been included in my response.

I now feel so em barest by my pics I am going to remove eyerything . And Kaitlyn I don't know what I am, but I know that I am really screwed up. The joy of finding laura's was so overwhelming I became over the top with feelings that were released after keeping them inside for forty years

Love Chandra

[Guest Chandra]

sorry i'm such a dork i'll remove my stuff and most likely leave

Chandra

[Sally]

Chandra,

Don't worry about being a dork - this site is full of us and most are really wonderful caring people.

Don't leave- we want you to stay, you are very sweet and we want to help you to find your look - you have already started your journey of self discovery, we just want to help you polish up the exterior.

You have a pretty face and that is a great starting place - take it from one older dork - you just have to keep on going or you will never get where you are going.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest ocsurfer999]

Just like everyone else is saying it depends on your goals. If you are dressing like that at home and are comfortable than it is fine for now. If you go out in public like that you are going to be clocked quicker than a fire engine red Corvette. If you need makeup advice the best thing I can recommend is to get some help and or advice. I found a great salon in my area that is TG friendly. I did not know anything about makeup but have gone for lessons on how to apply it. My makeup skills are still not that great but I know what colors do and do not work for me. Just my $.02

[Guest ~Brenda~]

sorry i'm such a dork i'll remove my stuff and most likely leave

Chandra

Chandra hon!!! No No No!!! You are not a dork!!! Sweetie we are all going through so much and very much the same things!!! You did nothing wrong!!! Don't be embarassed hon. You have nothing to be embarassed about.

You are such a sweetheart hon. Please stay, you need to be here baby. It took great courage to post your pictures. I am sorry if some of the comments were not as supportive as they could have been, but hon we are all here to help you and to help each other. Think of how many people here who have not posted their pictures have learned from your courage.

You contributed a great deal here hon. You are needed here my sweet.

Love you with all of my heart,

Brenda

[Guest ChloëC]

Chandra,

You're not a dork, and we would all be saddened if you left. You did a very brave thing, first by coming here, because for all us, life is rather scary trying to live it alone with all the thoughts and desires and hopes and disappointments we all go through, and coming here and telling us about yourself takes a lot of courage. Just ask the lurkers.

Then you did an even braver thing by asking us to be honest and give you suggestions. I'm sure there are many here that would never dream of doing such a thing. That takes real courage and you have lots of it. There are questions I have at times but I'm never sure how to ask them (or if I should), and then someone else does and I kick myself because why did I wait.

And you have so much going for you as others here have said. If you are thinking about transitioning, or just want to try to pass, you've got a great start and there are so many people here who are at all the steps on that journey, that know what it's like and been like, and really want to help others along the way.

Whatever you decide, we'll all be here for you, to cheer on your successes, to comfort you during the bad times, all as best we can. Laura's is a very caring place as you can see by all the people that actually care about you.

I (as I'm sure do others) hope to keep seeing you around.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest Elizabeth K]

sorry i'm such a dork i'll remove my stuff and most likely leave

Chandra

OH STOP IT!

You asked for help. Everyone loves you - can't you tell?

Lizzy

[Carolyn Marie]

Chandra, leaving Laura's wouldn't make you feel better. You would miss us, and we most certainly would miss you.

You are a wonderful woman, Chandra. You've offered huge amounts of support for other members in your short time here, and this site is better

for having you here.

Any "mistakes" you made in dressing are easily fixed. Very easily. And when you do, and have a look at who you've become, you will be so proud and

so happy it will make you cry. We'll be crying with happiness for you. I look forward to the next set of photos that you post, honey. I know they will be

absolutely amazing, and you will be beaming with pride at the lovely woman in those pics.

Stick around so we can see you blossom into the real Chandra. I want to be there to share it with you.

Love

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Natalie Foster]

sorry i'm such a dork i'll remove my stuff and most likely leave

Chandra

You need to learn to deal with constructive criticism and listen to those people that have been in your place. Many girls, exspecially girls like us, are the object of fear, hate, violence and even death to the ignorant people in our society that do not understand and have no intention of ever understanding. If you ask a population, whether in your real world or a forum community, you need to expect that people will be honest and give you their opinion. You also need to understand that what they have to say may not always be what you want to hear. I do not lie to "protect" any person(s) feelings and I expect the same in return. If I am brave enough to ask I need to be strong enough to listen. If you have a hard time with this, that is what your terapist is there for. To help you through this process. If it wasnt for constructive criticism and people being honest with me, who knows where I would be right now.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hello everyone,

But seriously, I want you to be completely honest, as a true friend would do. This could save me from much indignity down the road.

Please be honest, I wont break

Most Sincerely, Love Chandra

Honey, I have to say that I was hopeful by your opening statement...asking for bluntness and honesty...

And when given you got upset.

I honestly don't feel that anyone here set out to be mean...just honest...

Girlfriend...during the time that you've been here you've been very loving and helpful...

I was hoping for that to continue...

But, if you ask for honest opinions, you'll need a thicker skin.....

Please stay......OK?

We'd really like you to remain....

LOVE & HUGGS!

Donna Jean