I Think I Won't Pass, Please Be Honest

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest Chandra,

I know... you posted with the expectation that you pass, and that we all would say "yes you pass". Well dear, you almost do Sweetie with just a little more work, you will pass so beautifully, you could not imagine

Now my lamb, you have all the fundamentals all ready in place to be such a knock out woman!!!! Don't you realize that you are so natural in your femininity already? Geeze sweetheart, we are all here to help you in every way. Everyone here babe tried as hard as they could to give you constructive advice. This advice was never intended to make you feel dumb nor embarassed. We all try very hard to help each other, in every aspect of our lives.

Dearest, please trust us, please trust me. I mean you no harm. I want you to be happy.

We are all here for you. I PM'ed you, I left a comment on your profile page.

I love you

Brenda

[Guest Chandra]

Everyone Please Forgive Me,

I am so inexperienced, and over sensitive, I did'nt see that all your responses were nothing more than constructive criticism.

I realize I could never leave because I love you all. I never felt such love and acceptance before in an area where I am so very shy and have kept hidden for the last 40 years. Plus I have no other family, other than my two sisters, which one I have not told, to share with

.

Plus my over active ADHD brain created false delusions that ran away, and we not true.

I re read everyones responses and found that they were all true and I was wrong. I hope you all forgive me. I should be very thankful for your support and care, it really saved my life.

I asked for honesty and I got it, but because this is the very first forum I have ever been on, and I had had difficulty possessing it.

I sincerely hope you forgive me I meant no harm, I respect all of you very much and am proud that smart wise people like your selfs would accept an mentally impaired one as me. I look up to all of you as mentors, and hope you will help me down my path of self discovery.

I guarantee my next set of pics will be more appropriate.

Most sincerely, LOVE and HUGS your friend Chandra

[Guest Anna_Banana]

My only experiences of going out as a woman come from going to the rocky horror picture show play, where I try to do my make up gerrishly heavy and dress like a street walker. I guess that I kind of adopted this mentality with out even realizing it.

Going to that play everyone overdoes it. Boldness and excess are the norm and anything goes. I am dressing as an actress in a show instead of an everyday woman.

Grr! See, this further cements my hate for the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Unfortunately, that's the first thing I thought you were going for when I looked at your pictures. You really don't want to look like that. It sends a very bad message to everyone.

.Anna

[Guest viv]

Hun, I swear to you , look back at posts in the recent past. 100% of

the content passing between the women here is honest advice born

out of our love for one another . You are one of us, your well being

really is our concern . I bet you will be ok , but as I said earlier, a

little work ,,just like me is needed. No problem there ,we can handle

a little change in how we present to the world. BTW,,keep your

Rocky Horror stuff up as well,, THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS HUN,

why not ???? just tone down as any woman would re every day life.

You /we will get there Chandra ,,luv,viv

[Guest JD_Divine]

I've got a friend in Michigan... if I ever plan a trip out there for a weekend I could maybe give you some pointers on make-up applications and dressing. I figure 26 years having to fake being a woman must have paid off in some skills with applying the costume. Plus if it helped you feel more confidant and happy, I'd be proud to have had the knowledge to pass along to someone more needful.

~JD

[Guest Donna Jean]

Everyone Please Forgive Me,

I realize I could never leave because I love you all. I never felt such love and acceptance before in an area where I am so very shy and have kept hidden for the last 40 years. Plus I have no other family, other than my two sisters, which one I have not told, to share with

Most sincerely, LOVE and HUGS your friend Chandra

AWWWwwwwww.......

{{{{{{{{{{HUGGGGGGGGG!}}}}}}}}}}

LOVE!

Donna Jean

[Guest Nicodeme]

^ I don't think "costume" is the way to word it when applying it to a woman, JD. It's like saying estrogen is evil. Save that for the guys!

Chandra,

Before I go look at the gallery, I'm going to say, always keep in mind that hormones are pretty incredible things. Even if you think you are completely impassable, hormones will smooth and round you out, and to an extent thin out your (body...and to a slightly lesser extent, facial) hair. (The hair on your head will, if anything, get thicker.) I mean, I'm going the other direction entirely from what you are...but having gone through female puberty (well, that, and knowing plenty of transwomen) I can say from experience that estrogens have one Hell of an effect!

And you'll get boobs! XD

But, I mean, really, considering the flatness that's expected for guys, ('cause, you know, apparently guys never ever have boobs. ) if you develop breasts I have no doubt you'll have a much easier time passing. It is possible that you may pass mostly as a masculine woman...but you'll pass as a woman. That's the important part.

Er, getting back on the subject of breasts...are you using falsies or anything of the sort? 'Cause if you are, I'd recommend going for a slightly smaller size. What you're using right now looks to me like it's in the D range and it looks...a little...well, to be brutally honest, odd. And going for something about the size of a B or C will look more natural, anyway. Just something I noticed in photo 25. Maybe it's the color of the dress. 'Cause in the next photo with the black dress it looked a little less odd. (Though you should obviously try to use the same size every time, unless you put on or drop weight, because a ciswoman's breasts don't change size too terribly much on a daily basis. I mean, they change a little bit in size every month, but it's gradual and a fairly subtle change. Which I'm sure you know, rendering this long parenthetical statement totally redundant. XD) Other than that, I think that's a pretty darn good photo of you.

Another thing I liked about photo 25 was the hair. The color and style really suit you!

However, dark makeup...not quite so much. The dark lipstick is okay, but I'd go for a slightly lighter shade of red or even pink for everyday wear. Especially with black dresses. There's something about seeing a woman with candy-apple red lipstick and a black dress that I find really, really nice. Very pretty, in a kind of nostalgic way. It's a nice look.

Also, unless you're going for the goth look, you should definitely opt for lighter and warmer colors. A little bit of light brown or translucent red/pink eyeshadow will make your eyes look a lot more open, and therefore they'll look a little bigger. Which in turn will look a little more youthful and girlie. And mascara is never a bad idea, in my opinion.

I'm not sure what to say about the blush. It might help counteract your cheekbones making you look masculine, but I've heard conflicting information about what kinds of cheekbones make for a masculine or feminine face. Also, back when I wore makeup during that "I WILL LOOK LIKE A GIRL BECAUSE I HAVE GIRL PARTS SO I MUST BE A GIRL" phase, I never wore blush. So I have no idea how to use it.

That's just my impression. I don't know a whole heck of a lot about colors other than light/dark warm/cool and the best thing you can do to learn how to do a good job with makeup and find what colors will work for you is to either have a friend with experience and a little more in-depth knowledge do it and give you some instructions, or to walk up to a makeup counter and ask. I understand how that can be a nerve-wracking experience, especially when you're convinced you don't pass. But from what I've heard from some other women here on Laura's, the folks at makeup counters are very nice about it.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

OH STOP IT!

You asked for help. Everyone loves you - can't you tell?

Lizzy

Chandra

I am serious - we DO want to help you! We don't want you to feel ANY embarrasment. Honey - this is a support site! We do understand - we do try to be helpful - we DOOOO love you! Something said in fun is just that. We are laughing to keep from crying, most days! Pleas understand that?

It's hard to get a good start sometimes. Being gender dysphoric is really hard. We are VERY sensitive creatures!

You are fine sweetheart. Just fine. We want you around!

Lizzy

[Sally]

Hey Chandra,

I am so glad that you have decided to stay.

Now I can let you in on a little secret, come closer to the screen I don't want anyone else to know.

When I was first trying to cross dress I applied my makeup with a silver plated Tammy Faye Baker Autographed makeup trowel and stuffed my bra with at least six pairs of panty hose in each side - I was a lumpy, freakish clown and at the time I thought it would work, but I was skinny and anything more than a B cup looked out of place and the makeup would have made Bozo look even funnier, now I am extremely over weight and have a good start on my boobs from my 5 months on HRT and I go out without makeup, no padding just a good fitting bra and nice, stylish, age appropriate clothes and everyone calls me ma'am.

You can ask Lizzy and Dee Jay about it - they said that I passed with no effort and they were all worrying about hair and makeup - not me!

Love ya,

Sally

[Carolyn Marie]

I sincerely hope you forgive me I meant no harm,

Most sincerely, LOVE and HUGS your friend Chandra

Chandra, Sweetheart, there is nothing to forgive. You did nothing wrong. You have nothing to apologize for.

We are here to help you, honey. We will continue to be here and if you ask for advice, advice is what you

shall have. We do not and will not pass judgment on you.

I'm glad you're sticking around. You mean a lot to us, and to me. Hang in there, girl, you're going to be

just fine!

(((HUGGSS)))

Carolyn Marie

[Guest JD_Divine]

Sigh... I was just trying to be nice and offer some insight. Won't do that again.

~JD

[Sally]

Sigh... I was just trying to be nice and offer some insight. Won't do that again.

~JD

JD, you stop that - I was a lot like you and then Lizzy and Donna Jean came around and threatened physical violence if I didn't stop being so sensitive, Lizzy even attacked me with an epilator to prove that they meant it.

You have a lot to offer and believe me it was not your offer of help that made Chandra want to leave, it was the thought that she had embarrassed herself and wanted to hide - we've all done that one time or another, she is better now and I want you to keep helping.

Now we can all just relax a bit, I would like to invite both you and Chandra to Pm me anytime and I will be glad to help anyway i can - I am somewhat of an expert on issues of low self esteem, extreme sensitivity, desires to run away and hide as well as feeling useless all from my own experiences so why not let an old lady share some life experience that might help you two to avoid about 30 more years of wandering around in the dark.

Love ya,

Sally