The Force From With-in

[Guest daphene]

It is amazing to me that I have this relentless driving force deep inside me that makes me believe that I can loose everything I have ever had and loose everyone I have ever known and still be happy as long as I am Daphene. I just find it hard to understand how my need to be Daphene is more powerful than my need for everything I have ever known. I am now thinking how life will be without family, friends and the material things I now enjoy. This is what I wrestle with most because my wife has made it clear, she will have no part of Daphene and all I know will cease to exist for me. Knowing all of this, I still want to become Daphene somewhere other than the closet. This drive to proceed beats all I have ever seen. Its like nothing else is important anymore. I care about nothing but becoming Daphene on a daily basis. My transgender feelings occupy my thoughts all of my waking hours of the day. Is loosing everything you know really worth your happiness and freedom? I think it may be? What do you people think?

[Guest JD_Divine]

I really sincerely hope you can find comfort in yourself persuing that which is true to you.

I often think the same things about being Jae... I mean, I AM Jae but...

Im also mommy. Daughter. Sister.

And the transition will mean the loss of 2 of the 3, possibly all...

To sacrifice the self for the greater good or risk it all in hopes perhaps they just want me to be happy?

I guess my biggest question is "Do I want to be Jae alone?"

~JD

[Guest ChloëC]

Daphene,

You and a lot of people here may be too young to remember a famous line in a song,

'Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.' (Janis Joplin)

To me, the important thing here is that you understand the consequences. Maybe not all of them, I think that it's hard to see everything, but if you're prepared, and this is what you need to do, then only you can make that choice.

In some ways, it's a lot like divorce (because that's what often happens!!!). You and/or your spouse grow apart, for whatever reason, and one or the other (or if lucky, both) decide that being together isn't in one's best interests. And you part, and both go on to lead your own lives.

Usually, it's finances, or another person, or just a weariness, or a feeling to do something different (if it isn't abuse or some other form of hate), or it just isn't love anymore, and one feels that love from somewhere is still needed. Lots of reasons, some problems, difficult choices. Only you know what's best for you and your situation.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest Donna Jean]

I hope that all of us who feel this way, and I do, realize just what is at stake.

We have so much to lose......

So, what drives to take those risks? Put our family, home, job, friends...on the line??

Could it be the overpowering drive to have and exist within our idenity? To truly be ourselves?

Can the scientists cut open my head and say.."Well, here it is! The thing that drives Donna Jean to do what she's doing!"

Are we on a path to happiness or just causing more, misery for ourselves?

Will it balance out? Give up some happines for another form of comfort and happiness...which outweighs the other?

That's the built in problem.....

We don't know what lies behind door number 1, 2 or 3 until we open them and then it's too late to change your mind....

I'm 11 months HRT...do I regret doing it?...no.

Am I scared?...yes.

What is going to become of me?....I don't know.

Donna Jean

[Guest ricka]

To love someone in the highest, truest, most authentic sense of the word is to love that person unconditionally, to love who they are at their core, to accept and support that person to be themselves and to follow their own path to realize their dreams. In marriage this is unfortunately very rare as it is in life. Family and spouses are "supposed" to love us unconditonally but the reality is that they don't very often. Here at Laura's many of us experience unconditional love for the first time. Perhaps learning what it is not we learn what it truly is. The worst suffering is to be loved inauthentically. It is easier to be hated or despised outright.

Ricka

[Guest sarah f]

Daphene, I feel the same way you do. I am fearful of losing everyone but my desire to become Sarah is over riding my desire to stay my male side. My wife also told me at the start she could not stay with me if I was to transition. I am going to start HRT anyway hopefully next month. I hope she realizes that I am serious about this and will eventually accept me for who I am. I don't want a divorce but if that is what it takes to be truly happy with myself than that is what I will do. I will at least start HRT and go from there. Good Luck with your wife and hopefully she will come around.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Ripley82]

Hi Daphene,

Well, I had a girl friend for 6 years and we have 2 kids and she knew everything about me and ws totally cool about it. So I thought Hey this is awsome. I was so scared about loosing what I had but I knew that I had to be samantha for the sake of my sanity and life. She thenn changed her mind and hates everything about me now. (I still get to see my kids!! ).

I was so excited that i wasnt going to loose that part of my life and then so devestatingly crushed.

My feelings were overwelming and I could not live as my male self anymore. There are things I miss but I am finally becoming happy with myself!!! I have lost a lot, thankfull not my job yet, but I could not be happier being who I am, being Samantha.

HUGGS,

Samantha