Really Tuff Question Ahead

[Guest sarah f]

I have a very tuff question ahead of me with work. I just met with someone yesterday about possibly buying out his business which I would have to take out a small business loan to do but I would be able to make a lot more money than what I do today. The only problem with it is that if I buy the business, I would not be able to make too many changes at least for a few years until I can get the customer base to accept me and gain trust in me. I am in the transportation business right now and would buy out a repair vendor. He is just wanting to retire so that is why he wants out. This is the perfect time to buy right now because hopefully things will turn sooner than later and it will be even more profitable for me.

My question is, do I stay at a job and still risk losing it after I start to transition or wait a few more years and buy a business where I can have the money to do just about anything I want to do in transitioning? I could set up my family for a long time. I would have the money to send my kids to college and not have to take it out of my retirement which I don't have any retirement money right now. The biggest part of buying him out is that there is no debt in the company. Everything is payed for so it will be all profit at the start.

So that is my delima right now. One good thing that would come from this is that it would give my wife more time to accept Sarah before I transition. I still could possibly start taking HRT after a while and present myself as a male until the time was right. I am so confused on what to do.

Love,

Sarah F

[Sally]

Dear Sarah,

I am going to hope that you have researched this thoroughly and you are not just taking his word on the state of the business.

Now assuming that he is telling it straight and you think that this is a good business oportunity - do it!

There is nothing like owning your own business to aid in transitioning - if mine had been going better I would have hired another person as a first contact point like a secretary or receptionist and started coming out long ago.

If you do buy it do not plan on putting off your start of HRT - go with the schedule that you have planed and work weith your therapist and wife on when to actually start - you can continue to pass as male for a pretty long time by careful dressing and people tend to see what they expect anyway.

By the way would you have any opennings for a very sweet, very large transwoman?

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

it's likely to take you at least a year until you're ready to be sarah full time, so that gives you some time to do other things. So I think it would be ok.

But and this is gonna seem really harsh but it needs saying hun, If your wife divorces you over your transition, she'll get half the business and you won't be able to afford to buy her out. This could be both financially devestating to you, as well as really hard on you if she's in your life like that, at your work, making snide comments about sarah.

I know it's all really horrible and you don't wanna think that stuff about your wife, but from a purly numbers point of view, I think you need to talk to a lawyer about possibly securing the business from her if you're going to do this.

[Guest sarah f]

Sally you never know if everything goes well and I can get more work into the shop, I just might need a secretary.

I know he is not lying about the business because I have known him for 11 years. I have gone to his house to go fishing on the lake he lives on. That is why he is open to selling it to me right now instead of later.

Love,

Sarah F

[Sally]

So in other words, don't quit my day job?

Still love ya,

Sally

[Guest Donna Jean]

Tough one, Sarah.......

Geez, don't give up the opportunity to advance your business.....

BUT!

You're in therapy now....that means you'll be opening things up that you hadn't addressed before....

And if you're like most everyone else you'll want to get your letter and start HRT......

BUT!

I've been on HRT almost a year and still present male at work (yeah, good luck with that, Dee Jay!)

So, many say that one can hide the effects of HRT as long as needed...years for that matter...

What ever you decide...good luck, Honey....

BesT ...

Donna Jean

[Guest nymphblossom]

In addition to my day job, I've run a half dozen different part time businesses over the last 30 years. There is alot of truth to the old saying that the only thing more overrated than natural child birth is owning your own business.

Having marketable skills that you can turn into your own business puts you miles ahead of people who must rely on a job. The company doesn't own you. You hold the cards and can go somewhere else or start your own business as you chose. But there is alot to be said about a day job. Albeit the financial returns are less, but the demands are much less than running your own business.

I think putting yourself in the position of taking over a company and trying to make it successful while you are dealing with your gender issues is a formula for disaster. If you go into business now, I dare say you risk losing quite a few customers who will not be able to accept your transsexualism. Ever being stealth is certainly out of the question. You have a much better chance of making it work after you transition.

I would stick it out at the day job, possibly start a part time venture to see if owning your own business was even right for me and begin doing whatever I needed to do to control my gender dysphoria until my long term financial situation was stable.

Blossom

[Guest viv]

Hi Sarah,

If everything checks out ok then you should buy that biz.

As you said you can begin your hrt AND hair removal. Opportunity

never strikes twice in the same place imo , go for it hun, luv,viv

[Guest ChloëC]

sarah,

From my understanding, one of your main concerns according to your post is to get the new customer base to accept you. I would guess that means getting to know them and letting them get to know you, and how will that impact your future transitioning. (besides all the other issues going on!)

I would ask the previous owner to stay on in a consultant capacity (with an agreed payment for services), and you both meet with the customer base over several months. That way, if any customers get antsy about anything they can always call their 'old friend' and feel comfortable. This also allows for the previous owner to transition out gracefully.

In effect, if you do decide to buy him out, say, 'Part of the deal is that you will stay on as a consultant for xxx months at yyyy salary. You don't have to come in every day, just when you want, but I want to be able to call on you and if I think it would help in the customer relation department, have you in on occasional customer meetings. Something like that.

If the customers see a familiar face for several months, by that time your face will be familiar.

Regarding the actual decision between starting transition or looking towards other areas of one's life, gee, that's sort of what I've been preaching, it seems. There's a lot more to making decisions than just 'oh, transitioning is the only thing that will make me happy.'

I don't know all your circumstances, sarah, but it sounds like a wonderful opportunity. I know I'm always looking to try to improve the security of my family's future. I still wonder how I'll ever pay for two weddings, one of which may be within a year or so. Just make sure you do what the business schools call 'due diligence' before you sign anything.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I don't know if this helps.

My therapist and I discussed job transitioning, and with surprising results! She has long said I need to be in my job because i need the income to accomplish my transition - AND I need the satisfaction! I am a design professional and I am in a rare league as I LOVE what I do! I credit architecture with saving my life! It fit well with my gender dysphoria.

And I can be 'artistic' and wear jewelry - have long hair - and buy expensive clothes that are very gender neutral! (I think so!)

SO

She gave me credit for full time (I really am most everywhere) when I am really kinda androgenous at work (supposedly presenting male). Look at my avatar - but with my hair tied back and no make-up on. That's me!

BUT THE POINT!

She said I NEVER have to actually tell anyone - even AFTER SRS!

This shocked me? Do I need the affirmation of being accepted as who I am to be happy? Do I want to do that?

It's an intersting point!

The women in my profession look like me - jeans, long hair in a ponytail out the back of the hardhat. All my clothes are women's already - shoes and boots on a job are gender neautral anyway. No make-up because of the weather extremes - what's the difference? And the constructon people? Earrings - long hair! Heck - I ALREADY FIT IN!

So I am thinking - some see me as a woman anyway probably. Its don't ask - dont tell? So it evolves into that? Hey - one day everyone says -YOU ARE A WOMAN? I say - YOU JUST NOTICED?

HEE HEE

No panty checks in transsexualiity!

Lizzy

[Guest Soph]

I'm oversimplifying a really difficult matter..

But I don't think you should let anything stand between you and transition.

It might be hard getting through it, but you will regret it if you're standing down the road 5 years from now caught up in work and still male.

Or, even, if you're a multimillionaire 5 years from now, but still haven't transitioned.

There are some things money can't buy--and Mastercard isn't going to help here either!

I'm just saying, don't let business affect who you are. If you make leeway here and pause transition then it might set up a cycle of you trying to avoid the difficult matters (I'm not saying you're lazy, trust me, but anyone would want to find an excuse to continue living in the miserable but familiar life of a male). You need to tackle the difficult matters as soon as possible or your motivation might wane.

Although I do realize that there are financial issues related to this--I said I was oversimplifying!

[Guest Elizabeth K]

And I guess my point is you can be a woman and work in a business without making it a big deal. And in owning your own business, it depends on the clientel - how accepting they are of a bit of diversity. And if there is a problem - HIRE someone for the client or customer contact.

So transitioning SHOULD be on-going, my opinion. I could never put it on hold for any reason - genie is out of the bottle!

Lizzy

[Sally]

Sarah,

As you well know I have my own business well sort of, it is al but gone due to the depression - both monetary and my emotional one - but the end result is I am working part time at a job where I have no joy and do not make enough money to pay my bills.

There is no security in this world where loyalty is a word with no meaning in business so although it may be very hard for you to do because you believe your current job to be secure (that is just an illusion) and your concerns for your family's future there is only one guarantee in life - you can never be happy unless you do what your heart tells you.

That goes for business, love and transitioning.

I would dearly love to be able to tell you that there is a way to ensure that all will go well for you and your family but I can not do that, you are my friend and you deserve the truth.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest NatashaJade]

Sarah, you know you can't unring a bell. Once you accept yourself and commit to it in your mind, it's hard to go back to keeping yourself down in the hole. However, as Lizzy said, there is no reason you can't make it all work if you allow that you can present male for as long as you need to even if you are transitioning. That is how I am getting through this. So seize the day, let the chips fall where they may...

Luv

Gin

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Sarah hon,

As we all know, we have to be practical. Of course, I would love to go fulltime as Brenda right now, but that would be problematic for me right at this moment in time. I can tell that you are handling your life and your transness well and are balancing the two with grace. I would make your decision about buying the business based on if it is a sound investment or not and not based on your transitioning goals.

Since transitioning is a long process over time, you will have plenty of opportunity to come out to people in your own way and in your own time.

Financial decisions should always be based on practicality

Love

Brenda

[Guest yvonne]

Sally you never know if everything goes well and I can get more work into the shop, I just might need a secretary.

I know he is not lying about the business because I have known him for 11 years. I have gone to his house to go fishing on the lake he lives on. That is why he is open to selling it to me right now instead of later.

Love,

Sarah F

Transportation shops like his are built over time by relationships with "the guy" who works there. People come to trust him and rely on his judgment and management skills.

There's a lot more to running a business than just getting the signatures changed on the company checkbook....

A few questions: Have you ever done what he does for a living? (In other words, just because *he* can do it doesn't mean *you* can do it).

Does he have employees? How near retirement or leaving are they?

Do YOU have any experience managing employees?

Do you have any training in business management? This includes marketing, accounting, employee management, inventory control, how to properly bill individual jobs so the bottom line comes out OK at the end of the month, scheduling, production management, customer relations or other business training.

You might ask him if you can simply work for him for 6 months or so, just to see if #1--Do you like doing what he does? Life at a job you don't like absolutely sucks, even if you make a lot of money at it, #2--will the customers actually relate to you, #3--will the employees relate to you? #4--does it seem do-able.

I've seen far too many viable businesses destroyed and done by management changes and it can come very quickly. The public can be very fickle. They change over and come in slowly and can leave in a hurry and in large herds.

I hope you find what really works for you.

Love,

Yvonne

[Guest sarah f]

Thank You all for your responses and I am not taking this decision lightly.

Yvonne, I have been a manager for the past 6 years of a trailer leasing company and have my own mechanics that I have to manage. I order the parts, keep up with the inventory, and deal with customers everyday on what has to be done. I have to bill it out and some of the times justify the cost to them. I have been in the business for 11 years now and have a really good understanding on how everything works. I have a lot of contacts out there already that know me and most of them already do business with the company that I want to buy out.

As far as his employees go, most of them are in their 30's if not early 40's so they aren't going anywhere anytime soon. In dealing with this vendor for the past 11 years, I know most of his employees already and get along with them.

My biggest concern is the market not the customer base. You always need semi-trailers out on the road but if business stays slow than that makes everything else slower than usual.

His lowest year of billing was last year and that was 1 million. I don't know yet exactly what profit he made with that but it is at least 150,000. He said he would disclose everything to me when I decided if I want to buy the company for sure. That way I know what I am getting into before I sign the dotted line. He just didn't want me to know exactly what he was bringing home every year if I didn't decide to buy.

I am pretty sure I am going to persue this and I am looking into getting the loan I would need to buy him out.

Thank You for all of your support.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Roberta1]

Sarah,

Both Chloe and Yvonne have raised the right questions. For the past 30+ years I have had a property repair/management/security service that

has been very self satisfying to me. I entered into a 5 yr buyout contract with another home security service. So far, with the economic

turndown, things have sort of stagnated, and so I find myself in business with a partner. Not his fault, not my fault.

Perhaps one of the employees who already works at the repair shop could be the new manager, and you could be the phantom owner. That

may be one way of getting around being the new guy. Believe me I know about customer relations, and wanting to deal with those who are

familiar as opposed to dealing with the new guy. Also, there may be less upset at the shop between the employees with this kind of

arrangement.

Sincerely,

Roberta

[Guest julia_d]

Interesting that you peg his profit at $150k .. that's peanuts I'm sorry to say on a turnover of a million+

I ran my own business for 9 years and it folded because the market changed in ways we couldn't handle.. Work literally dried up in the space of a few months.. not because we were rubbish at what we did (we were regarded as the best in our line in the region) but because the businesses we supplied to changed their business direction or just packed up and sold out to the property management chains. Went from more work than we had the staff and gear to do to nothing for weeks on end within 6 months.

I have been watching the current economic trends.. they are still down, especially in retail spending (people going in shops and buying stuff) which is having a huge impact on the transport industry. Top that with environmental considerations.. there well be a return to far more goods being shifted by rail as it is far more fuel efficient and faster..

So look very carefully. Now is not a good time to borrow money to buy an environmentally sensitive business (both environments.. climate tax/fuel tax and retail/goods sales) The transport industry is one of the first to get hit in a recession. People tighten their belts as they struggle to keep houses over them and food on the table.. luxuries go to the wall.. followed by the shops that sell them.. followed by the associated service industries like transport and manufacturing.

It may be the best possible time to buy this business.. but offer 50% of the asking price because right now is not a good time to be investing heavily in any business which is at the mercy of the consumer driven market. I wonder why he is selling up actually.. waiting to retire.. what.. no children to hand it on to?.. or don't they want it? There's another little point to all this.. last year was his worst ever.. now why was that.. because of the economic downturn or because he wants to retire and doesn't care any more? .. you may even find that the staff have stayed on from personal loyalty or because they have no other option. I don't know why but I get a feeling of a general air of depression hanging over the business.. The owner wants out.. and perhaps the staff feel the same way..

I was a realist.. I sold my failed business for pretty much it's equipment valuation while there was still something worth selling.. the business I sold to were 10x larger then me.. and they went broke 2 years later because they found out the hard way too.. you can't fight a changing society.

Now then.. practicals.. if this is a limited company they have to publish year on year profit and turnover returns for the shareholders.. if there are any.. but you want to see at least the last 5 years totals before even considering buying. If the owner is as straight up as you say about wanting to retire and selling for no other reason then how about pitching a few conditions.. like he stays on as a director (on a small salary) for a year to act as a consultant and to give general advice on customers and all that stuff.. Just a thought.. it's a buyers market.. he's against the wall here or the large competition would have bitten his hand off already.