Transition

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I stole this from Evonne!

This is no sprint, it's a marathon.

She was talking about the entire journey - from the realization of gender dysphoria (duh) until the final destination (whatever that is). We tend to get so excited and in such a hurry we often... ummm... 'crash' for brief periods - and... hopefully we eventually recuperate!

Me anyway - I am exactly like that! Once I discovered what had been going on my entire life, and there were 'options' - and I chose those options - wowwwww - 100MPH.

BUT

I made some bad decisions and got caught up in some really dreadful situations! 2009 was a roller coaster of up and down. I was so... all over the place!

Apparently, being flighty is part of my personality - I never knew it until I let myself out. So I am working on constraint and reasonableness (BORING!) It is so necessary!

SO

Look at those successfuly transitioning here at Laura's. They are very patient, and very slowly trying to accomplish their goals. That method seems to work better, the 'slow go,' somehow! Well, not to say they too have their missteps and their bad judgements, but their journies seem... well... controlled and doable!

AND

I suppose this is directed to you who are starting a journey of discovery and self acceptance. It is also directed to you who have decided to transition:

This is no sprint, it's a marathon.

Amen to that!

You will need to put all the strength you have into this journey! HARD being gender dysphoric!

Just an opinion? Others have any comments?

Lizzy

[Guest nymphblossom]

And the key to a marathon is self control.

We need to learn to not let ourselves be ruled by our inner selves and emotions, so overwhelmed by finally being free to be who we are that we act like giddy teenagers or prostitutes. I am surprised that more therapists don't see this as the most important thing we must learn to do once we have finally accepted who we are.

Blossom

[Guest Donna Jean]

I totally agree with you, Lizzy......

Most of us get off to a "jack rabbit" start at first....a race....

I did, too. In our newfound excitement ...we tend to want it all at once and it clouds our judgment...and we can't have it or do it all at once.

Totally unrealistic....

I also ran over anyone and everything in my path at first, not realizing the consequences....

But, it caught me square in the face and I had a huge realization.....

So, now, I'll soon be 1 year HRT and I'm doing it nice and easy and having no problems with it at all...

Smooth....

It has a lot to do with Paula's "Baby steps", too.......

Set a pace and don't end up in a Crash-N-Burn!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Sally]

So does this mean that I finally got something right?

Is my snail's pace and seemingly endless patience actually right this time?

I have said all along that this isn't a race - but there is so much emphasis on competition in our world that we cannot just go on our own and let others breath - we must get there first whatever the cost - the first to the end and what did you win?

It is a good idea to look before you leap - there is a great deal of danger even in shallow water.

Caution and thinking are not bad things - being seen as a coward sometimes is only being smart.

I am not going to be reaching whatever destination is for me for a little while but I want to go their with a smile so enough of the people trying to hold me back but don't try to rush me because now I am living this life for me.

I may not leave a great imprint behind but I will be happy if someone says, "Sally never harmed anyone."

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest viv]

Lizzy,

you have described me ""down to a tee"", thanks .

I came here just a few months ago when a lot of the

women were way ahead of me re therapy etc. What

you said there hit home big time , it really is a long

haul journey . I have also been described as being

flighty ,,,dunno where folk get that from

lol . Sometimes we cant see the forest for the trees

and need to be reminded ,,your post did that for me ,

thanks again hun, luv,viv

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Lizzy,

you have described me ""down to a tee"", thanks .

I came here just a few months ago when a lot of the

women were way ahead of me re therapy etc. What

you said there hit home big time , it really is a long

haul journey . I have also been described as being

flighty ,,,dunno where folk get that from

lol . Sometimes we cant see the forest for the trees

and need to be reminded ,,your post did that for me ,

thanks again hun, luv,viv

Oh my - you are such a good poster with sage advice all the time! Quite a compliment! THANK YOU! We sometimes stumble onto a 'truth!' But it was Evonne who said it originally.

Lizzy

[Paula ult]

Lizzy,

You said it best "This is no sprint, it's a marathon", believe it or not i was one of those in the beginning that got on that runaway train going full speed towards the end of the line, it took a couple of post op woman to make me come to my senses and get off that train before it crashed and burned, since that time i took it in baby steps and i am glad i did, but what worked for me may not necessarily work for anyone else.

Paula

[Guest Joy]

And the key to a marathon is self control.

We need to learn to not let ourselves be ruled by our inner selves and emotions, so overwhelmed by finally being free to be who we are that we act like giddy teenagers or prostitutes. I am surprised that more therapists don't see this as the most important thing we must learn to do once we have finally accepted who we are.

Blossom

Amen to that. I guess Male-me still has a job for a while yet. body guard and protector of his creator's chastity? Even if I do have to put on unwrinkled shirts before girl me will let me out of hte bedroom.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Indeed Lizzy,

Since transitioning is a marathon, one must pace themselves. Trying to go too fast results in frustration and heartache.

Take your time and know that you will get there. What would you rather do? Move fast through stormy and dangerous seas or sail leisurely through calm waters with sunshine and a caressing breeze.

Love

Brenda

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Indeed Lizzy,

Since transitioning is a marathon, one must pace themselves. Trying to go too fast results in frustration and heartache.

Take your time and know that you will get there. What would you rather do? Move fast through stormy and dangerous seas or sail leisurely through calm waters with sunshine and a caressing breeze.

Love

Brenda

YIKES Brenda! It's more like 'Either run wild and crash up against the trecherous rocks hidden just below the waterline - or sail carefully through stormy and dangerous seas, with the charts firmly in hand!

HEE HEE

Lizzy

[Guest Chandra]

Hello Lizzy,

First off, she spells her name, Yvonne.

Second, is she not one superwise caring supportive sweetheart, whom I'm very proud to have her listed as my newest friend.

Third, I kind of got a feeling I know the person she was referring to when she came up with that brilliant phrase.

Truthfully, I am so proud of all of you here for your loving support. I feel like I have been taken under everyones wing, and thats a great place to be for someone as new as me.

I would not even have made any attempt at this without my new family, I love each and every one of you, more than you could imagine.

I spent last night attempting to tone down my look, and had my first try with a curling iron on my real hair, wow was that a picnic.

A lot harder than you think. I think those pics will sit on my hard drive for a while.

But seriously, it is so comforting to have all of you to lean on, as I get deeper into this, I thank you all.

Deepest Love to everyone,Sincerely Chandra

[Guest Elizabeth K]

OOOPs Yvonne - of course!

And yes - wise lady!

And finally - welcome to the world of self discovery! Remember how you feel right now - later, if things get rocky, you can use how you feel now as a counter-balance!

[Carolyn Marie]

Great topic, Lizzy, and a welcome reminder.

A couple of other thoughts to go along with ones already mentioned.

When just entering the world as the other gender, and I'll speak here of just MtFs for now, there does seem to be a tendency for some of acting with too

much, shall we say, youthful exuberance. Goes right along with the whole marathon thing. If you exhaust yourself at the beginning of the race, you won't

have anything left to finish with. It can be really hard to resist starting the race at full speed, but resist it we must.

The other thing was pointed out by my G.T. At the beginning, many of us focus on the mechanics of transition because that's the easiest to tackle and has the

greatest immediate results. The voice, the clothes, the walk, the facial hair removal, coming out here, there and everywhere...you get the idea. Don't lose

sight of the less dramatic changes that have to occur, and the things that a therapist can help you with: integrating your male and female personas, especially for

older transfolk; dealing successfully with family and interpersonal issues; learning how to be female, or male, when you've lived your entire life as the other gender.

Harder things to master, but just as important.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest sarah f]

I am definately taking the marathon approach to this. It really is the only way to go so that you are 100% sure this is for you. I know what I want but still taking time doesn't hurt me anymore than waiting as long as I already have. It is always a good idea to take your time.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest NatalieRene]

This metaphor applies for all sorts of long term goals. You have to break the long term goal into shorter goals that can be reached more easily that compounded together bring you to your long term goal.

Sadly what is controlling my pace is money. Although for now I think my pace is going well. My main anxiousness is trying to save up enough money for srs so I can have it done as soon as I get my letter after my rle. Beyond that I'm just going with the flow.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Great topic, Lizzy, and a welcome reminder.

A couple of other thoughts to go along with ones already mentioned.

When just entering the world as the other gender, and I'll speak here of just MtFs for now, there does seem to be a tendency for some of acting with too

much, shall we say, youthful exuberance. Goes right along with the whole marathon thing. If you exhaust yourself at the beginning of the race, you won't

have anything left to finish with. It can be really hard to resist starting the race at full speed, but resist it we must.

The other thing was pointed out by my G.T. At the beginning, many of us focus on the mechanics of transition because that's the easiest to tackle and has the

greatest immediate results. The voice, the clothes, the walk, the facial hair removal, coming out here, there and everywhere...you get the idea. Don't lose

sight of the less dramatic changes that have to occur, and the things that a therapist can help you with: integrating your male and female personas, especially for

older transfolk; dealing successfully with family and interpersonal issues; learning how to be female, or male, when you've lived your entire life as the other gender.

Harder things to master, but just as important.

Carolyn Marie

Carolyn hon, very good of you to point this out. I have worked on my self image and way of life. I also have focused more on coming out to those that I love with great care. For me, having a base of support in my real life was very important to me. I really did not want to have to be me without at least some degree of understanding and support from my family. I would continue even if I did not have that support, but I preferred having it, and I knew that if I gave subtle hints for a while before I came out, coming out would have more chance of success. I was right.

More deeply, coming to terms with my self-identity that extends beyond gender needed work too. Simply put, I had to quiet down, and listen to myself. Over time, things became more clear and my expression is from the real me, not the facade me, the real me!

Now that I have my emotional base in place, I can move to the next step

Love

Brenda

[Carolyn Marie]

Now that I have my emotional base in place, I can move to the next step

Love

Brenda

Brenda, I'm very glad that you've come this far along your journey and things are on the right track for you.

When you are ready for that next step, I'll be right there with you, and for you. You can count on me, Sweetheart.

Love

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ricka]

Wonderful thread,my dear, sweet sisters!! For me it's not so much the destination but the journey and I want to stop and smell the flowers along the way as a woman. I sooo relish being in the moment being a woman---being who I am. What is my next step? I honestly don't know. I know that I do not have to reach any goal to experience and savor the joy of my womanhood now. For me it is about being connected to my body, expressing my inner self and going from black and white to technicolor as a person and just plain liking myself sooo much more as a woman.

Hugs, Ricka

[Guest Angelgrlsue]

Thank you Lizzy for posting this, I have recently been moving a little too fast and my therapist caught me last week and wants me to slow down. Sometimes I think she is too overprotective of me, but I'm glad she is because I know she is looking out for me. God knows I can barely see a thing as it is. Lol. Indeed this is not a sprint but a marathon. I should know better, I use to run marathons. You have to train slowly and smart to complete the long trek. Once completed you feel accomplished, proud and like a new person knowing that you did the most incredible thing in your life.

So for all those that are starting out or are running too fast, SLOW down, train smart and it will be smooth sailing to the finish line.

[Guest yvonne]

Great topic, Lizzy, and a welcome reminder.

A couple of other thoughts to go along with ones already mentioned.

When just entering the world as the other gender, and I'll speak here of just MtFs for now, there does seem to be a tendency for some of acting with too

much, shall we say, youthful exuberance. Goes right along with the whole marathon thing. If you exhaust yourself at the beginning of the race, you won't

have anything left to finish with. It can be really hard to resist starting the race at full speed, but resist it we must.

The other thing was pointed out by my G.T. At the beginning, many of us focus on the mechanics of transition because that's the easiest to tackle and has the

greatest immediate results. The voice, the clothes, the walk, the facial hair removal, coming out here, there and everywhere...you get the idea. Don't lose

sight of the less dramatic changes that have to occur, and the things that a therapist can help you with: integrating your male and female personas, especially for

older transfolk; dealing successfully with family and interpersonal issues; learning how to be female, or male, when you've lived your entire life as the other gender.

Harder things to master, but just as important.

Carolyn Marie

Oh, Girls and Boys,

Carolyn Marie, you've hit it on the head once again. If I may contribute here, it's not just the MTFs or the FTMs that express a little too much "youthful exuberance", it's young people, too. This is a natural part of discovering your own sexuality. (Wow, I'm suddenly sexy, I've never been that way before).

This is quite common in those undergoing a divorce, too. It stems from wanting to validate the concept that the individual is desirable or "sexy". We must resist the temptation to leap into the fire. This is how teen pregnancies occur or, as your parents used to tell you--"Keep it in your pants" for the boys and "Keep your panties up" for the girls.

Think about natural development for example. It takes years for boys and girls to learn proper social and interacting skills as they naturally mature. Doesn't it only make sense that it will also take us years, yes YEARS to learn similar things if we're to accomplish our real objectives and those are simply to live as our true selves and be accepted as who we are?

You're right about looking, acting and sounding like our real gender is our main focus, but what do we really know about the social dynamics of our newly expressed genders? How do the transmen get along with the guys and how do transgirls interact with other women? These are pretty important issues to learn if we really want to be accepted and feel like we belong and are no longer outsiders to society.

Far too many of us feel like outsiders and have a complex about it. We shouldn't. We're wonderful people who happen to have a medical condition. It's NOT mental, it's medical and there is treatment for it. The treatment is in the form of medications, but there's also the equivalent of physical therapy. Just as those with serious leg and hip injuries may have to learn to walk all over again by painful therapy, we must also show up at our different therapies and go through a certain pain to do so in order to finally walk in the sunshine as normal people.

This is a great issue to explore. Thanks Lizzie for bringing it up, we need to do more of this.

Hugs,

Babygirl (I'm 12 years old!)

Yvonne