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New Self/old Self - What Have You Kept? What Not?

Guest Joy

By Guest Joy,
in General Forum

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Guest Joy

Guest Joy

Posted
Posted

I always engaged in self-talk, imagining a disembodied drill sargeant or athletic coach encouraging me as I worked out or firmly taking myself to task when my focus wavered.

Now it's often an imagined dialogue between my girl and man selves. as in the indignance in my mental voice when I told myself to take off that clean but wrinkly shirt (which would have never bothered me in the past) and not go out dressed like a hobo.

Maybe I'm taking a single article too much to heart but one bit of liturature I read says that you're literally letting a little girl of the age you were when when you started hiding what you were out and growing her up. she in turn has to deconstruct this 3D illusion/Camoflage that was the 'you' she showed the world until then. Radical changes in tastes and values can be expected.

I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with this, I mean I want to know who I really am... but does the 'real' me actually hate firearms? (I always thought I was a 'gun nut'). How does the real me feel about soldiering. I thought I was proud to be member of the CF, even though I was only 'weekend warrior' and a 'cold warrior' and never ever got shot at. (I also would have said that I 'dug chicks in uniform' but It was more like I respected them wanted to emulated them wanted to be their comrade in truth)

So I was wondering how's it been for you girls who are well on your way? What's changed? what's stayed the same? would you say any of your core values and deeply cherished interests have changed?

I think some of my hobbies will change. not so much due to a lack of interest so much as because they were second choice things done instead of the things I couldn't pursue as a guy. that doesn't bother me. I'm more worried about core values and cherished beliefs and passions. Do those change? and how much?

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Guest ~Brenda~

Guest ~Brenda~

Posted
Posted

Joy hon,

Transitioning does not mean that you all of the sudden become this different person with a different personality. The core of what makes you you remains the same.

You are going to still have the same likes and dislikes that you have today.

I would say that as you work on your transitioning, your mannerisms will evolve and of course your looks will change, but your soul does not. If anything, you will be happier in life :)

Love

Brenda

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Guest Donna Jean

Guest Donna Jean

Posted
Posted
I think some of my hobbies will change. not so much due to a lack of interest so much as because they were second choice things done instead of the things I couldn't pursue as a guy. that doesn't bother me. I'm more worried about core values and cherished beliefs and passions. Do those change? and how much?

Honey.....

Your core is your center....

The thing that everything else is built on!

Your values remain, your religious beliefs, politial beliefs, all of those sort of things...

Do you like chocolate now...?

You still will!

I've liked firearms, too.....and I still do.

11 months HRT.....I love my girly clothes, makeup, female things.....

But I still love chocolate, too......

You'll be fine, Hon!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

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Guest Donna Jean

Guest Donna Jean

Posted
Posted
Well so far, except for the giddy school girl moments most it's just been a truer, more open expressions of what was alrady there.

Joy, Honey, did you say you were on HRT or not.....

If you did, I'm sorry that I missed it...

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

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Guest Elizabeth K

Guest Elizabeth K

Posted
Posted

Joy - you answered your own question. You stay as you are but what you are is something you newly discover every day! And honey - there is NO male you if you are truly trans. You have always been a woman, are now - always will be. Its infuenced everything you do - always has been.

Yep - my therapist says we are stripping off the 'male' layers to find that young girl in the center. I challanged that - she clarified - stripping off the 'defenses' and 'compromises."

SHES THERE! Talk to yourself - see what you REALLY are!

She is YOU you know. You have HER values, you just adapted them to your playacting male persona!

My opinion anyway.

Lizzy

ALMOST FORGOT! Chocolate with cherry and chili! OH MY!

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Paula ult Rhenium Member

Paula ult

Posted
Posted

Joy hon,

I had a topic awhile ago wondering the same thing, i thought after awhile on hormones lots would change and there would be bells, whistles and fireworks, but guess what, my brain has always been female and other than enhanced senses and being more emotional the core person is still the same, pretty much same likes and dislikes as i had before transition.

All i can say is just because you are transitioning does not mean you have to abandon anything you did before , if you like firearms continue to do what you did before, some like riding motorcycles and continue to do so, i liked motor sports before transition and still do.

Paula

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Guest Joy

Guest Joy

Posted
Posted
Joy, Honey, did you say you were on HRT or not.....

If you did, I'm sorry that I missed it...

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

Nope just newly self confessed. haven't been.. 'officially' well anything for more than two weeks.

made that whole. "This is who I am" self statement around january 2nd. everything has followed from that. new energy new focus. the ability to love myself. a sense that my body, mind and soul are working in unison for the first time in my life.

and yeah I have moments when I really feel like a girl and finally feel... REAL.

whearas my male self such as it is as distinct part of the whole self has gone from unwitting camoflage to being sort of armour/wearable white knight. most of the falseness is gone. I'm not defensively/aggressively -overly- male anymore. I don't care.

but yeah when I'm feeling most girly I find I'm more giggly, and flirty and prone to tease. Things I never dared as guy. putting up a humourless and dignified (as well as hyper-respectful of other's dignity) facade at all times.

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Guest Donna Jean

Guest Donna Jean

Posted
Posted

YEP! You got it!

You know...the self realization is THE most important part of our transition...where we accept, drop the facade' and release it all!

It sounds like that is what has happened to you.....

People ask me if I started crying when I began HRT...

NOPE!

It happened at the stage that you're at right now...it all just broke lose!

Sounds like you just took a HUGE step and things are coming to you as fast as you can absorb them!

Good for you, Girlfriend! ...Good for you.......

LOVE & HUGGS!

Donna Jean

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Guest Joy

Guest Joy

Posted
Posted
YEP! You got it!

You know...the self realization is THE most important part of our transition...where we accept, drop the facade' and release it all!

It sounds like that is what has happened to you.....

People ask me if I started crying when I began HRT...

NOPE!

It happened at the stage that you're at right now...it all just broke lose!

Sounds like you just took a HUGE step and things are coming to you as fast as you can absorb them!

Good for you, Girlfriend! ...Good for you.......

LOVE & HUGGS!

Donna Jean

Indeed. I have to reign myself in. taking a day off and just playing Mass Effect like I always had was fun. (didn't have to change much I always make female avatars in computer games.)

this time around I wasn't shy about having shepherd act like girl towards some of her crew though. >>blush<< (( sorry game reference... ))

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Guest Joy

Guest Joy

Posted
Posted

January 2nd to use a biblical reference was like 'simon on the road to damascus'

I also had some good news on the diabetes front that's been coincidentally aiding my mood, motivation and clarity of thought.

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Guest viv

Guest viv

Posted
Posted

Hello Joy,

You sound so happy re your decision, for me that first step is

so important as its a huge weight off your shoulders , good for you hun.

I too had a Diabetes issue a short time ago - now resolved . As they

say , "your health is your wealth" ,,,and the road to Transition, luv,viv :)

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