Other Identity Disorders

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

There are people other than transgendered people who believe they were born in the wrong body. For example, sufferers of body integrity identity disorder. These people want to have their limbs removed and believe that they are incomplete without the removal of them. I think this is utterly insane but I guess they have the right to do that if they really want to, as long as tax payers don't pay for the removal or for disability money. One thing that does offend me about this is that they compare their insanity to what transsexuals go through. This is completely absurd! There is no way that they have an amputees brain inside a healthy body the way us transgendered people have the wrong gender for our brain. However, as long as they don't claim that I am fine with them. It is their life and I don't care what they do as long as they don't hurt others. On another, somewhat more plausible strain is the phenomena known as otherkins and furrykins. Otherkins are people who believe they are the reincarnated souls of non-human entities such as fairies and angels. Furrykins are people who believe they are the reincarnated souls of animals. These people often claim to feel a degree of dysphoria about this. Furrykins I am prepared to believe as I believe in reincarnation and I could easily see how someone who spent a pass life as an animal and strongly took the experiences to their soul could feel confused at being reincarnated as a human. Otherkins are a bit more of a stretch. On one hand the probability of fairies and such creatures existing is extremely unlikely and on the other hand there is a very slight chance that they do exist. There certainly plenty of accounts of their existence. I am prepared to give otherkins the benefit of the doubt. Otakukins are another story. These are people who believe they are the reincarnated souls of anime characters. That's just utterly insane and I could see absolutely no scenario as how this could be possible. What are your opinions?

[Guest ChloëC]

I wonder about all these other strange or exotic maladies myself. However, I wouldn't be surprised if for some people who claim to suffer from a particular disphoria, that it may be just a way to cope, or maybe even a way to have a little fun. Though, I would guess for some, that just might be what they really deeply and truly feel.

It's difficult for me to look at myself and say or think, ok, this isn't anything bad, this is all right. And then look at someone else (who is exhibiting a personality that is not harmful to anyone else nor themselves) and say, hold on there, I don't agree with that at all. It's like that old saying, everbody is crazy except me and you...but I wonder about you sometimes.

Of course, regarding the possible existance of the faerie-folk, there are an awful lot of tales in an awful lot of cultures that describe similar appartitions. In our keenly scientific and physical mindset, it's hard to accept that kind of creature, but I also wonder if we're missing something sometimes.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

I won't comment on the other stuff rightnow cos it's past my bed time but BID, I don't think is rediculous, we have an internal body map, it's why we miss limbs if they're gone and can suffer from phantom limb syndrome, and is almost certainly one of the largest factors in us knowing that we're in the wrong bodies. Is it really un thinkable that they might have a body map that doesn't include their left leg for whatever reason? You sound a little too quick to judge things you don't understand, as people who suffer from other's ignorance everyday I think we should try to hold ourselves to a higher standard.

[Guest My_Genesis]

I heard about the BIID thing in an article I had to read for my abnormal psychology class. I agree with you on that one... the other stuff...well, I don't know enough about it to comment.

[Guest Ryles_D]

What would you want people with BIID do? Get treated? They've tried- http://biid-info.org/Can%27t_you_just_take_a_pill%3F

"Treating" a transabled person is exactly the same as "fixing" our gender identity. Have you ever heard of a treatment that takes a transgendered man and produces a woman? No- all it does is produce someone who's undergone potentially damaging treatments, may have been traumatized or even pushed to the brink of suicide, and who still needs to transition.

I've heard of at least one transabled person who lives full time as the paraplegic he should have been born as even though he can't medically become it. Others spend time with leg braces or such things to simulate the body they should have been born with to alleviate dysphoria. These aren't people who go in with no knowledge of what it's like to be differently abled- just like transgendered people "crossdress" privately and simulate their correct body before making permanent changes, transabled people often simulate their real body as best as they can to help alleviate dysphoria.

Two transabled people have actually had surgery to get the body they should have been born with- this only happened after over a year and a half of therapy to make sure there was no other problems causing it, and they're both extremely happy for it. There has been a study showing that the best treatment for transabled people is to let them get the right surgery.

Read this from a transabled man who should have been born a paraplegic and tell me that it doesn't have a few parallels to what a lot of transgendered people say about their journey.

By age 4 or so, I had my first transabled experience. I remember going on long drives and thinking about my legs being paralysed. 
By the age of 15, 16, BIID was pretty much set.

I didn’t understand it. I thought I was sick and perverted. I was guilt and shame ridden. It’s hard to grow up and have these negative feelings about yourself.

In my mid teens, I rented my first wheelchair. I hid that in the basement of our appartment, and escaped every time I could to use it. It wasn’t difficult, my mother worked evenings a lot.

Around the age of 21, I came out to my parents. I told them about my feelings. They did not take it well, no surprise there. At the time, I didn’t know I wasn’t the only ‘freak’ with this condition. I just knew I needed to tell.

Wheeling full time, well, that was stepping out of the shell and saying "Look out world, here I am, at long last!". I saw my self-confidence grow in leaps and bounds. I learned more and more about disabilities in general, and paraplegia in particular. I knew quite a bit already from reading books. My academic knowledge suddenly took shape and form and became alive. My view became three-dimmensional. I finally was home. Home within myself.

To some people, the idea of taking a fertile male and "mutilating" hir and rendering hir sterile just to make hir female is just as inconcievable as cutting off a healthy limb. Obviously transabled and transgendered people don't face the exact same issues and they aren't the same thing- but there are similarities and we could be allies. With both BIID and GID, to a non-trans person it looks like you're taking a normal, healthy body and deforming it for "no reason". We shouldn't sit around saying "we're normal and they're insane" or passing judgement.

We should acknowledge that we're fighting for the same thing- the right to have the body and life we know we should have had and to be treated with dignity and respect.

I won't comment on otherkin or therians. This post is long enough as is and I've never heard of a therian trying to transition human to canine.

You sound a little too quick to judge things you don't understand, as people who suffer from other's ignorance everyday I think we should try to hold ourselves to a higher standard.

I agree completely with this.

[Guest Neuro]

Otakukin?? I can has be Gendo Ikari, yes? //shot did you hear about the guy who sued to marry this one anime character? Never heard how that went. XD!

XD no, seriously I have heard some of these things before, like I know some actual furries in real life D8 and there is such a huge spectrum. I don't think I have any of these disorders, but I'm not gonna diss anyone who thinks they might have them. (Because I think I might believe in past lives.) There are a lot of 'crazies' out there, but eh, who's to say that about us?

And, of course, I believe in all the mystical creatures like faeries and dragons and loch-ness-monsters and EVERYTHING... love it! Can't wait 'till I see them, too, someday~ (it will happen. Maybe.) Sadly, I do not feel like I was anyone particularly special in a past life. Maybe a mangy coyote, a kid who died of the plague, a fruit fly. Not everyone can be the reincarnation of a princess or a dragon or a noble silver wolf.

As for the amputee-people you mentioned? The only knowledge I have of that is from certain, ahem, image-hosting sites where amputees are a sexualized fetish in certain anime and manga. On such sites, I have heard people saying they have cut off fingers and such from the desire to do so, and regretted it. Could never be sure if it was true, though (don't believe everything you hear on GuroChan!)

[Guest CharlieRose]

As I-is-Sam pointed out, it is best to generally be open and accepting to these types of people, especially since we're such a misunderstood minority ourselves... And I agree with that assessment of BIID; I do think that we have a map of our bodies in our heads. But I also agree with you, praised, in that it's not the same as transsexuality. Transsexuality is in my opinion mostly a matter of identity, not just matching your "body map" to your actual body. I mean, that helps, but if you could have SRS without being allowed to socially transition, well, that wouldn't do all that much good, would it? So it's similar in one way, but otherwise completely different.

As far as the other things, uh... well, I try to be open minded, but "faeries" aren't real (according to every reputable science organization there is, that is) and reincarnation has yet to be proven in any way, so I'd chalk that up to kookiness. There is clinical lycanthropy, where people think they're animals... But that's a mental illness. And even though transsexuality has also been called a mental illness, I think that there is a line between different but reasonable and, well, actually insane. We have to draw the line somewhere, and I'd say an animal in a person's body is on the other side of the line as transsexuality. If you want a strictly logical approach, well, science is proving that male and female are different variations of the same thing, and they can at times be on a sliding scale, like with intersex people. So, it makes a lot of sense that there could be mixups and in-betweens. However, humans are always the same species, human. There's no such thing as a part-animal human, they're all human. If you can show me something like an inter-breed animal human that occurs in nature, the furry version of intersex, then maybe I'll take those types of people more seriously.

[Guest Freyja]

I read an article in my psychology class on BIID to XD. The girl in it had frozen her legs twice using cold ice. The first time for an hour, the second time for 4 hours. She did this as an attempt to force doctors to amputate. Both times failed, but she realized after she needed to do it for 6 hours before her legs died. She inquired into the legal proficiency of doctors about doctors amputating, and the court held that she had a right to have her legs amputated due to the fact that A) They would never make a full recovery after what she did to them, and considering the fact she never wanted them in the first place it would be unjust to keep her suffering, and she may end up killing her self in an attempt to move her legs, as many BIID people have done before. Commonly by placing there unloved limb over a train track.

I personally don't ming people with BIID, even if it costs the tax payer. I mean, I'm gonna get hormones, hair removal and SRS on the NHS, that's all tax that goes to helping me with some thing the average person doesn't gain from, and lets face it, the average person doesn't really understand. When I told my doctor he asked if I got sexual satisfaction out of dressing in female clothes! I mean, I know there are some odd fetishes out there, but wanting SRS to be sexually arroused 24-7 would be absurd! Yet, he is in a position where he would generally know more about the average person in health matters, and from what I gathered, knew very little about GID.

Apparently the doctor who performed the amputation for her went to some global doctors conference thing in paris, and she spoke about it to them. They said thing's along the lines of "Now you mention it, I have had to perform amputations on some patients with ambiguous, or obviously made up story resulting in injury. Then the next day they check out of the hospital happier then they came in, and seem ready to start there lives as if nothing ever happened!".

This shows that BIID is in fact every where, and is very real like GID.

How ever, the only thing I disliked about this person was she claimed that gays gained acceptance from society 100 years ago, and transexuals gained acceptance 50 years ago. She then asked why can't it be BIIDs turn to gain acceptance and not fear coming out of the closet?

The majority of the people I know who are gay aren't allowed there lover home, and there parents refuse to speak to them about there lover. How ever, amongst every one my age, it seems apparent that in 5 to 10 years time when we start pushing out kids, if they ended up gay, we would be fine with it. When I told my Dad and step mum about my GID, my step mum said I can dress in female clothing in my room, alone, at night past 10p.m. I'm not allowed to tell any one locally about it, and I am not allowed to dress in female clothing around the local area. If I break any of those rules, I will be homeless.

So, I would say gays are only just being fully accepted by society, and the next generation of gays will be the one's who are for the majority, accepted. As for transexuals though, we appear in the media next to statements such as "omg she's a crossdresser!?!?!?". We seem like shock stories, and the media dose like to paint the picture of creepy cross dressers at the weekend, hoovering in the maids outfit or some dress your nan wouldn't wear whilst getting a huge sexual relief out of it.

All I'm saying is BIID do deserve acceptance along with gays and transexuals. How ever transexuals, being more obscure then gays need to wait our turn until the gays finish their revaluation before we can kick start ours. Then once we are seen as our desired gender in stead of some creepy cross between, then BIID people will get there revaluation, being the more obscure..

Wow, that turned into an essay!

Personally, I love every one...

Hugs for every one on earth XD

[Sally]

I can only assume that BIID is real and I will not pass judgement on anyone else for feeling wrong about their bodies - I cannot imagine wanting to have a body part amputated - well an arm or a leg because after all boys and girls we have a bit of a similar condition don't me - the MTFs have certain body parts which we feel we must have altered or removed and FTMs have the same - it is a part of our GID.

No one gains acceptance very quickly and we all tend to think that others have gotten it long before they actually have.

We of all people should consider this problem to be real and not call the people who have it crazy or insane - they just have a different disorder that we don't understand - we ask others to accept us, shouldn't afford them that same consideration?

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest sarah f]

I agree with Sam on this one. We should not judge anyone as we don't want to be judged. We can't say for sure that something is wrong with what they are doing or feeling.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Donna Jean]

I can only assume that BIID is real and I will not pass judgement on anyone else for feeling wrong about their bodies - I cannot imagine wanting to have a body part amputated - well an arm or a leg because after all boys and girls we have a bit of a similar condition don't me - the MTFs have certain body parts which we feel we must have altered or removed and FTMs have the same - it is a part of our GID.

Love ya,

Sally

Good point, Sally.....

Yes, MTF and FTMs want/need things removed from their bodys, too....

And no matter how strange BIID may seem to us ...we must appear equally strange to others....

Don't be quick to judge....

We don't want that...lets not be intolerant also!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Ryles_D]

I mean, that helps, but if you could have SRS without being allowed to socially transition, well, that wouldn't do all that much good, would it? So it's similar in one way, but otherwise completely different.

I know at least one woman who would happily live her life as a man so long as she could have the right body.

Yes, for most transgendered a social transition is just as or more important than a medical transition- but that isn't true of everyone. Both social and bodily dysphoria are spectrums, and some people have more of one than the other. Just like there are transgendered people who are happy with their body and have primarily social dysphoria, there are people who are happy with their social situation and have primarily bodily dysphoria. And there's nothing wrong with either of these.

As for the amputee-people you mentioned? The only knowledge I have of that is from certain, ahem, image-hosting sites where amputees are a sexualized fetish in certain anime and manga. On such sites, I have heard people saying they have cut off fingers and such from the desire to do so, and regretted it. Could never be sure if it was true, though (don't believe everything you hear on GuroChan!)

There are also people who fetishize being the opposite sex and who would likely regret transition because they aren't really the opposite sex, they just think it's hot to pretend. Does that mean transsexuals are just fetishists? That we'll all regret transition? Do we appreciate everyone assuming we're just sexual perverts? Of course not. It's the same thing with the amputee-fetishists and transabled people. There are some people who fetishize being an amputee, and there can be a sexual aspect to BIID just like there can be a sexual aspect to GID, but it isn't the whole thing.

How ever, the only thing I disliked about this person was she claimed that gays gained acceptance from society 100 years ago, and transexuals gained acceptance 50 years ago. She then asked why can't it be BIIDs turn to gain acceptance and not fear coming out of the closet?

Uh.... Homosexuality was still a Mental Disorder 40 years ago (it was taken out of the DSM in the 70s). I'm pretty sure we still have a few anti-gay hate crimes going around as well as the assertion that allowing two loving people to marry will traumatize children. So I'm gonna sit here and say "No, they don't have acceptance". And we all know transgendered people don't.

I'm agreeing with you here- where did the writer get her info on that? O_o The North Pole?

[Guest Elizabeth K]

There are no answers here at Laura's. I have talked with furries and they are a larger group that most people know - and they show up in great numbers on 'metamorphis' sites - and consider us as kinda like them in a limited way (just one specis, but a different gender) - and interestingly some furries like to invision themselves as opposite gender in their animal forms.

My guess is it is really more related to the same causes as cross dressing (excuse that assumption, all you CDers) whereby it seems episodic and a need to express a non-human side of their personality.

Like all we gender dysphoric people here, it if a condition. Unlike the BIID and other conditions, the furries seem to be able to live within the acceptable range of society, without causing harm to themselves. Conventions - both SF and Fantasy - are FULL of cross specis dressing. Halloween is a great example as well.

People are seemingloy wired to NOT want to be what they seem assigned to be - not ALL the time.

We transsexual have a pretty permanent condition. Others? I am not trained to understand - but I can say - YES I KNOW what it is to want to be what you feel you really are.

Lizzy

[Guest Kaitlyn88]

Well when I first saw BIID mentioned here I had never heard of it and it sounded crazy. Then I looked it up and read about how your brain has an internal body map and parts can be left out it started making some sense. I mean thats how I feel about my male genitals. I've never heard anyone trans say anything about them other then they feel wrong being there or it disgusts them. Well for me I feel like someone with BIID feels about a limb, my brain has no connection to that part of me, I constantly forget that it is there until I'm forced to recognize it and using it for anything feels so unnatural. Like it bewilders my mind that it's even there att all because I "know" it's not there. So maybe my body map doesn't include that part of me because I'm intersexed and there's just doesn't include a leg. Not so far fetched and crazy anymore. I'm pretty liberal when it comes to your own body, as long as you aren't hurting other people and whatever it is that you want to do is persistent and strong enough, who is anybody else to tell someone that they have to have a penis or a leg? If it brings them happiness, then good, not everyone is made happy by the same things.

It's surprising how your views can change so fast with a little research and thought. I wish more people would do that.

[Guest Soph]

Well when I first saw BIID mentioned here I had never heard of it and it sounded crazy. Then I looked it up and read about how your brain has an internal body map and parts can be left out it started making some sense. I mean thats how I feel about my male genitals. I've never heard anyone trans say anything about them other then they feel wrong being there or it disgusts them. Well for me I feel like someone with BIID feels about a limb, my brain has no connection to that part of me, I constantly forget that it is there until I'm forced to recognize it and using it for anything feels so unnatural. Like it bewilders my mind that it's even there att all because I "know" it's not there. So maybe my body map doesn't include that part of me because I'm intersexed and there's just doesn't include a leg. Not so far fetched and crazy anymore. I'm pretty liberal when it comes to your own body, as long as you aren't hurting other people and whatever it is that you want to do is persistent and strong enough, who is anybody else to tell someone that they have to have a penis or a leg? If it brings them happiness, then good, not everyone is made happy by the same things.

It's surprising how your views can change so fast with a little research and thought. I wish more people would do that.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[Guest CharlieRose]

I know at least one woman who would happily live her life as a man so long as she could have the right body.

Yes, for most transgendered a social transition is just as or more important than a medical transition- but that isn't true of everyone. Both social and bodily dysphoria are spectrums, and some people have more of one than the other. Just like there are transgendered people who are happy with their body and have primarily social dysphoria, there are people who are happy with their social situation and have primarily bodily dysphoria. And there's nothing wrong with either of these.

Good point. Body and brain sex and gender can be mixed up, doubled up and crossed over in a variety of ways.

[Guest Kaitlyn88]

As I-is-Sam pointed out, it is best to generally be open and accepting to these types of people, especially since we're such a misunderstood minority ourselves... And I agree with that assessment of BIID; I do think that we have a map of our bodies in our heads. But I also agree with you, praised, in that it's not the same as transsexuality. Transsexuality is in my opinion mostly a matter of identity, not just matching your "body map" to your actual body. I mean, that helps, but if you could have SRS without being allowed to socially transition, well, that wouldn't do all that much good, would it? So it's similar in one way, but otherwise completely different.

For me physically transitioning is whats most important. I just drives me crazy that everything is all wrong. As far as socially I would be happy being treated androgynous, if that was as accepted as male or female is. Since it's not and I feel that my body needs to be female and I don't have any male interests I'm happy to be accepted socially as female. I guess that I'm saying I would be happy socially as long as I wasn't considered male while physically I need a female body.

[Guest Ivan Le Renard]

There are no answers here at Laura's. I have talked with furries and they are a larger group that most people know - and they show up in great numbers on 'metamorphis' sites - and consider us as kinda like them in a limited way (just one specis, but a different gender) - and interestingly some furries like to invision themselves as opposite gender in their animal forms.

My guess is it is really more related to the same causes as cross dressing (excuse that assumption, all you CDers) whereby it seems episodic and a need to express a non-human side of their personality.

Like all we gender dysphoric people here, it if a condition. Unlike the BIID and other conditions, the furries seem to be able to live within the acceptable range of society, without causing harm to themselves. Conventions - both SF and Fantasy - are FULL of cross specis dressing. Halloween is a great example as well.

People are seemingloy wired to NOT want to be what they seem assigned to be - not ALL the time.

We transsexual have a pretty permanent condition. Others? I am not trained to understand - but I can say - YES I KNOW what it is to want to be what you feel you really are.

Lizzy

Most furries don't actually want to be their animal identities and just use them as an extension of their identity. In fact, many furries I've talked to think that the more 'spiritual' and 'otherkin-esque' furries are sort of weird. o:

I'm a bit of a furry myself, but I don't really want to be an owl. (the animal I draw myself as) It's just an artistic hobby for me. :3

Another interesting thing I've seen in the furry fandom is that there are many transgendered furries! Having a fursona (Animal character to represent yourself) is an easy way to be a part of their desired gender. : D

/nerdtalk

On a slightly unrelated note, most otherkin I've come across were just teenagers who claimed to be [insert being here] for attention. Dx

I know there are some genuine otherkin out there, I do! They're just overshadowed by the crazy ones.

[Guest Emily Violet]

that last ones pretty weird

[Guest JeanVier]

<slightly nervous>

Well, I have been a shadowy member of the Otherkin community for about five years, and I think it has merit... True, things like reincarnation and spirit guides and fae identities cannot be proven. But, hey, nor can it be proven that I am indeed, without any scientific doubt, a guy born into a female body.

*shrug* Maybe it is a matter of degree? To my uber-conservative, right-wing family, I doubt it would make any difference if I said, "Hey, I'm really an Elf" or "Hey, I'm really a guy".

I do have Native American ancestry, so stories of Otherkin seem to align with family stories of shamans and animal spirit guides and such...

Even so, I have been wondering, of late-- what part, if any, does my 'Kin-ness play into my trans-ness? How many levels of disjunction are we talking about? I am a guy in a girl's body? I am an Elf in a human body/time/place? 0_o

To learn more about Otherkin, I recommend rialian.com and otherkin.net... And, of course, I would be happy to answer any questions-- though I am in no way (underline, bold, italics) an expert on this. Just one perspective.

-JV

[Guest CharlieRose]

<slightly nervous>

Well, I have been a shadowy member of the Otherkin community for about five years, and I think it has merit... True, things like reincarnation and spirit guides and fae identities cannot be proven. But, hey, nor can it be proven that I am indeed, without any scientific doubt, a guy born into a female body.

In respect to your nervousness, and in an attempt not to start a debate, I must politely disagree with that last sentence. Just because something has not been proven yet does not mean it cannot be proven. We're several enormous steps closer to finding a biological cause for transsexuality than we are for finding any type of evidence at all regarding souls existence, let alone reincarnation.

[Guest JeanVier]

Just because something has not been proven yet does not mean it cannot be proven. We're several enormous steps closer to finding a biological cause for transsexuality than we are for finding any type of evidence at all regarding souls existence, let alone reincarnation.

Charlie:

I agree. With the advances in physiological psychology and neuroscience, I believe that we will find tangible biological factors in the development of transsexuality. In contrast, we have yet to locate -any- biological proof or trace of a proof for anything spiritual.

My qualitative psych background leads me to play devil's advocate, though-- is biological/physical/tangible evidence of something a prerequisite for giving something space to be, or encouraging tolerance?

Still, I definitely hear what you are saying.

-JV

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

I have to agree with Charlie. It has not been proven yet but I think we are getting close. For example brain scans have found striking similarities between transsexuals' brains and the brains of their identified gender. If these experiments are repeated enough and come to the same conclusion we could have enough evidence to call the hypothesis of transsexuality being an intersex condition caused by a disparity between the brain and the rest of the body a theory. At this point though there is no empirical evidence for the existence of a soul, reincarnation or any other spiritual thing of the sort and there probably never will be since the very idea is by definition untestable.

[Guest Ryles_D]

For example brain scans have found striking similarities between transsexuals' brains and the brains of their identified gender. If these experiments are repeated enough and come to the same conclusion we could have enough evidence to call the hypothesis of transsexuality being an intersex condition caused by a disparity between the brain and the rest of the body a theory. At this point though there is no empirical evidence for the existence of a soul, reincarnation or any other spiritual thing of the sort and there probably never will be since the very idea is by definition untestable.

This is not true. That study is a pretty popular bit of evidence in the transgendered community, but that was done on post-ops who'd been on hormones. Pre-transition? Nope.

From this '06 study: http://www.eje-online.org/cgi/content/full/155/suppl_1/S107 'Changing your sex changes your brain: influences of testosterone and estrogen on adult human brain structure'

"Prior to cross-sex hormone treatment, no differences in brain volumes between transsexuals and comparison subjects were found" (in the 'discussion')

[Guest Isobelle Fox]

The fox in my name comes directly from the decidedly, unquestionably furry part of my nature.

I used to participate in the furry community quite a bit, and I used to attend Anthrocon every year, even though it meant travelling half way across the country. I never cared so much for the art or fantasy elements of the phenomenon. I was one of the ones that would have labelled myself as a dysphoric, and I always had been. Being human and living in the human world was extremely, extremely awkward and uncomfortable to me. I love nature, I love animals, and from a very young age, I just always identified with them more than with humans. Id have skipped out on my human life in a heartbeat had there been the means : P

The furry "community" ten or eleven years ago, was also the first place I ever let myself identify as female, the first environment in which I met another trans person, and the first person I ever spoke to about that part of my own life was a very close friend that I met through the furry community. I think, in some ways, that it was actually healthy for me. I found very little judgement amongst the furs, and so I was able to find some room to breathe without judging myself as well.

When I finally gave up the fight and let Isobelle see the light of day for real, and when I started therapy, the "furry" part of me suddenly made a lot more sense. It was one of the early breakthroughs that I and my first therapist had. I found that upon accepting myself as transgendered, my desire to keep the world and everyone in it at arms length, and the desire to retreat into the internal world of my animal identification just evaporated- for the first time in over 30 years. I still love foxes, I still love nature, and I honor that part of my heart and soul by retaining the name Fox. I still feel very connected to that in my heart. But its not the same, and I'm glad.

I've had the occasion for a couple of years now to think about this, and that therapy session I had a couple of years ago helped. The therapist was completely unsurprised when I talked about all of this and how strongly I had identified with animals since childhood. He said it was it was a very clear case of transference, and I agree. Being unable to function in a normal and happy way, and being unable to safely express the reason for my distress and discomfort, I created an outlet, or maybe an inlet would be a more appropriate word. Whatever the case, I think it very much kept me afloat for many, many years.

When comparing the two things, being "furry" in the particular way I was - ie, not a fan of art or anyyhing, but just strongly connected to my phenotype/ totem/ animal spirit, whatever you want to call it- and being trans, I find them to be two sides of the same coin in a lot of ways, but also very, very different. I put so much of the person that is Isobelle into that part of my life, almost as if for safe keeping, and when I finally decided to stop hiding and stop being miserable and unhappy, I was able to bring my true nature safely out of that internal worlk and into the real world. I was relatively reclusive in the furry days, and so they were marked by isolation and a desire for removal from the presence of other humans, whereas now there is a strong desire as a trans person to live, to be, to explore the world, and to share it with people.