Been Trying So Hard To Stop And It Backfires

[Guest Thorndrop]

I made a new years resolution for myself to not get on the scale all through January. I stuck too it, and a couple of days ago as February began, I had to see how I'd done. The theory was that I'd forget about calories (which happened for the most part) and stay the same weight anyway, easing my worries. Backfires. I apparently gained 2lbs. I can actually feel my belt buckle is slightly tighter, so it's not all in my head. It's depressing. I thought I was so close to getting over it, and now I'm worrying again. If I gain weight, I gain curves. As of now, I'm happy with my body. Granted, I'm underweight, and I don't like being able to feel my ribs, but I like the boyish figure that comes with it. I like how I can just throw on a baggy t-shirt and not appear to have a 'chest'. I like the fact that my backside is flat as a pancake. Though I am technically 'too thin', I don't look much different than any other teenage guy when I'm wearing mens' clothes, only my hips don't give me a completely straight body, but it's as good as I'm going to get at the moment. I'm scared to death of losing the figure I created for myself. I've been bigger before, and I hated it. I was depressed immensley and hated my body at that time, and I'm scared of going back to it, even a tiny little bit. I know that when (more like 'if', at the moment, since it feels like a distant dream that'll never happen, or not for about 10 years) I transition, this'll go away. It's about my body more than my mind, I think, which I know can't be said about a lot of peoples' eating disorders. I just have no idea how to cope right now at this moment.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I made a new years resolution for myself to not get on the scale all through January. I stuck too it, and a couple of days ago as February began, I had to see how I'd done. The theory was that I'd forget about calories (which happened for the most part) and stay the same weight anyway, easing my worries. Backfires. I apparently gained 2lbs. I can actually feel my belt buckle is slightly tighter, so it's not all in my head. It's depressing. I thought I was so close to getting over it, and now I'm worrying again. If I gain weight, I gain curves. As of now, I'm happy with my body. Granted, I'm underweight, and I don't like being able to feel my ribs, but I like the boyish figure that comes with it. I like how I can just throw on a baggy t-shirt and not appear to have a 'chest'. I like the fact that my backside is flat as a pancake. Though I am technically 'too thin', I don't look much different than any other teenage guy when I'm wearing mens' clothes, only my hips don't give me a completely straight body, but it's as good as I'm going to get at the moment. I'm scared to death of losing the figure I created for myself. I've been bigger before, and I hated it. I was depressed immensley and hated my body at that time, and I'm scared of going back to it, even a tiny little bit. I know that when (more like 'if', at the moment, since it feels like a distant dream that'll never happen, or not for about 10 years) I transition, this'll go away. It's about my body more than my mind, I think, which I know can't be said about a lot of peoples' eating disorders. I just have no idea how to cope right now at this moment.

Transitioning DOES NOT CURE ANYTHING but gender dysphoria.

Eating disorders are a separate problem and this can really be a difficulty when transitioning as the HRT plays with your body chemistry in ways you never expect.

So there are no easy answers. If there were the world would be perfect - and everyone would be fit.

Just a sad ole opinion!

Lizzy

I DIET CONSTANTLY - diabetes mainly!

[Guest Nigh]

Transitioning DOES NOT CURE ANYTHING but gender dysphoria.

True, but it seems gender dysphoria has quite a bit of comorbidities.

[Guest kaydinface]

I'm having a similar problem. I'm not underweight, but getting there, and though I don't want to be emaciated I'm deathly afraid of going back to my curvier shape. I think my ED is a combination of body and mind problems, neither of which is allowing me to eat normally again.