For Us Newly Transitioning Girls......

[Guest Emily_MI]

I know that I am just in the beginning of my transition and will not talk with my endocrinologist until the end of March and I just find it SSSSOOOO hard to stay positive and not be depressed. Whenever I look into the mirror I just see my male self and so yearn so badly just to see my female self. For those girls who are in the beginning stages of your transition(and unfortunately still part time) how do you keep positive and not be discouraged???

Love you all;

~Hugs~

Emily

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Emily hon,

You have begun your journey. You realize your gender dysphoria. You will get there sweetie.

I know you want to snap your fingers and whamo instant girl. You know that transitioning does not work that way.

Little by little you will evolve outwardly to who you know you are inside. Think of it this way... You are on a ship to a destination. You are anxious to get to your destination, but you must be patient and let the ship bring you there.

In the meantime hon, what else are you doing while you are waiting for your endo appointment? Did you know there are infinite ways to express your femininity that will really help you to look and feel good.

Love

Brenda

[Guest Emily_MI]

Emily hon,

You have begun your journey. You realize your gender dysphoria. You will get there sweetie.

I know you want to snap your fingers and whamo instant girl. You know that transitioning does not work that way.

Little by little you will evolve outwardly to who you know you are inside. Think of it this way... You are on a ship to a destination. You are anxious to get to your destination, but you must be patient and let the ship bring you there.

In the meantime hon, what else are you doing while you are waiting for your endo appointment? Did you know there are infinite ways to express your femininity that will really help you to look and feel good.

Love

Brenda

I am not trying to delude myself into thinking that I could snap my fingers or take a magical pill and instantly I am a Woman(what I would not give for that though) and I do have to be realistic about it all. I do things to express my femininity; such as dress at home whenever I get the chance(which is pretty often) but even when dressed at times and when I look into the mirror I see myself (and please excuse my phrasing of this) as a *Guy In a Dress*, which I HATE this term but it is how I feel and see myself at times

[Guest Donna Jean]

Emily.....

Sweetheart, it can be difficult to stay positive all the time in our transition.

Once we reach the stage that we're going to move on it, we want results...we all do!

Let me tell you something...Lizzy has been on HRT for 15 months, me...12 months and Sally 6 months and we all still present male at work...

That sux...but, sometimes we do what has to be done for the greater good!

Hang in there, Honey....you'll be just fine...

LOVE

Donna Jean

[Guest sarah f]

For someone who has not started HRT yet it is slow and agonizing to see yourself as a woman but with the appearance of a man. I feel your pain. All I can do is just remember what my ultimate goal is and keepworking toward it. We will get there it just takes longer than we want to wait for. Hang in there and we will be the ones answering the questions on how it feels to be on HRT.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Well

I remeber well waiting to see the therapist! WAITING for an HRT okay- WAITING TO SEE the prescribing doctor... WAITING FOR RESULTS - auggggghh

We do muddle through. It DOES happen. I am FAR from finishing transition - waiting to save money - waiting to get the SRS - WAITING to live full time!

Yet almost a year and a half later? I look back. Seems like I have just started sometimes. Girls take years to turn into women. We trans have the same wait I guess.

So how to keep from getting depressed? Think how depressing it would be if you had not even started yet! If you were STILL thinking, "am I or am I not trans?" If you had yet to understand you have always been and always will be female? What if this was still all balled up in a knot in your heart?

You are ON YOUR JOURNEY! Celebrate that!

Just some PollyAnna here

Lizzy

[Paula ult]

Emily sweety,

I was where you are right now 19 months ago, it was not that long ago that i do not remember how it felt, looking in the mirror and seeing him looking back, today i see very little of him looking back.

I like to use the analogy of the runaway train, when we start transition we want to jump on that runaway train and tell anyone and everyone we are trans and wanting results yesterday, in the end the train crashes and burns, i was lucky i got on that train but i listened to post op's i met who said slow down, i jumped off that runaway train and took a bicycle instead and have reached my destination in one piece.

To ease your depression and feel like you are moving forward there are several things you can do now while waiting to see your Endo in March, if you have not done so start growing your hair, this takes a long time, something i did not start soon enough, also start laser or electrolysis if you have not, this part takes a long time to complete and can cost as much as GRS in the end, lucky i started at the beginning and still go once a week. If there is a support group in your area start going, these groups are a great source for resources in your area.

Paula

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Paula said some great things!

Grow out your hair! I started even before I met with my therapist. I have about 16 months on it (the avatar is two months old - my hair is LONG now)

Electrolysis! (OUCH)

Start your voice training! Two hours a day for 12 months for me - JUST STARTING to get the range! Inflection and cadence is easier. It takes at least two years for most of us to get our good and consistant female voice. I had to use DVD and CD training programs. There were no professional voice trainers in my area familiar with our TS requirements.

Finally - learn to groom yourself. Do it even if still presenting male. No one really ever seems to notice or care. This is facial moisturing, hair removal, eyebrows - also lose that weight! All that MALE distribution fat has to come off. That HRT 'redistributes' to a female fat pattern is a myth. NEW fat developed when on HRT will destribute in a female pattern. The old fat just stays there untill you loose it (and all the female fat gain).

BUT

I forgot to say this:

I SEE MYSELF IN THE MIRROR NOW!

So - That's coming for you! VERY liberating! I NEVER thought I would live to experience that!

Lizzy

[Guest Emily_MI]

Emily sweety,

I was where you are right now 19 months ago, it was not that long ago that i do not remember how it felt, looking in the mirror and seeing him looking back, today i see very little of him looking back.

I like to use the analogy of the runaway train, when we start transition we want to jump on that runaway train and tell anyone and everyone we are trans and wanting results yesterday, in the end the train crashes and burns, i was lucky i got on that train but i listened to post op's i met who said slow down, i jumped off that runaway train and took a bicycle instead and have reached my destination in one piece.

To ease your depression and feel like you are moving forward there are several things you can do now while waiting to see your Endo in March, if you have not done so start growing your hair, this takes a long time, something i did not start soon enough, also start laser or electrolysis if you have not, this part takes a long time to complete and can cost as much as GRS in the end, lucky i started at the beginning and still go once a week. If there is a support group in your area start going, these groups are a great source for resources in your area.

Paula

I have already started(5 sessions so far) laser hair removal on my face and neck areas and moving to electrolysis here very soon. I also started to grow out my hair and YES it does take a long time; especially since I am not on HRT as of yet. I always have had short hair and it is a lot to adjust to for having longer hair(well long for me at least) and really need to find out how I can make it work for me, right now my hair gets REALLY spiky on top which is hard for me to try to maintain and look decent. I am looking for local support groups right now which should help but living in a small rural town it is hard to find support groups that I don't have to drive two hours to get to.

[Guest Emily_MI]

I have already started(5 sessions so far) laser hair removal on my face and neck areas and moving to electrolysis here very soon. I also started to grow out my hair and YES it does take a long time; especially since I am not on HRT as of yet. I always have had short hair and it is a lot to adjust to for having longer hair(well long for me at least) and really need to find out how I can make it work for me, right now my hair gets REALLY spiky on top which is hard for me to try to maintain and look decent. I am looking for local support groups right now which should help but living in a small rural town it is hard to find support groups that I don't have to drive two hours to get to.

I also been working on my female voice as well quite a bit, attached to a recording I did awhile ago to see how I sound?

[Guest viv]

Hi Emily,

In the same boat as you there hun,,I dont get to see an Endo till mid May.

I hope to start anti T same month and Estrogen 3 months later when I am androgen

free. So hun,,,,what do we do in the meantime????I am keeping fit ,,gym 5 days a

week,,,had 8/9sessions of laser ,,finish makeup lessons this Sat followed by the

first of my electrolysis Fri.after . I am letting my hair grow till about a week prior

to my endo appointment then I will get it cut etc. There is plenty to do to keep

enthusiasm flowing ,,,make up,,,practice till the cows come home , I am right now

letting some moisturisor settle on my face and then do my self up ,,just to practice.

Keep the chin up hun ,,,blink of an eye and your on hrt,,,,,,,luv,viv

[Guest Emily_MI]

Hi Emily,

In the same boat as you there hun,,I dont get to see an Endo till mid May.

I hope to start anti T same month and Estrogen 3 months later when I am androgen

free. So hun,,,,what do we do in the meantime????I am keeping fit ,,gym 5 days a

week,,,had 8/9sessions of laser ,,finish makeup lessons this Sat followed by the

first of my electrolysis Fri.after . I am letting my hair grow till about a week prior

to my endo appointment then I will get it cut etc. There is plenty to do to keep

enthusiasm flowing ,,,make up,,,practice till the cows come home , I am right now

letting some moisturisor settle on my face and then do my self up ,,just to practice.

Keep the chin up hun ,,,blink of an eye and your on hrt,,,,,,,luv,viv

Do you have friends help you with your makeup or do you go to a consultant for help? I found a local Marykay cosmetics consultant that is TGirl friendly and contacted her for assistance with my makeup(still waiting for a reply back) I do work out several times a week and been trying to slim down even more right now; though I have been told that I am pretty slim. Why do you wait a week or so to get your haircut before going in for your endo appointment?

[Paula ult]

Emily, oops i did forget to mention voice in my previous post, i have to say your voice is really good, have you tried it on the telephone yet, that is the true test if it passes or not, it passes in my book.

Paula

[Guest Maelee]

Sounds like you are doing a lot of great things already. Your voice sounds really good too !!

I still get depressed a bit too when I look in the mirror. My body is changing quite well but not my head or face. Fighting baldness is not helping it either (wish I could grow out my hair but it would really look bad at this point).

When I get a bit down I focus on how far I have come since I started off from my ultra low point. I have been following a diet from a book I found, The Abs Diet For Women. Between being on HRT, that diet and working out for 20 minutes almost every day (my goal is every day but sometimes I get a bit to busy) I have lost almost 50 pounds since moving back to Michigan May of April of 2009. I am 6 foot 2 inches so with my current weight I look really slim, plus I have lost a ton around my waist.

Another great thing I do if I am down is get together with my friend Tanya. She has been amazing support and encourages me to be myself. Tanya and I both love to shop. We can spend hours in resale shops!! That is a lot of fun and it really perks me up being with her. If you have any female friends I would highly recommend doing things with them, it makes you feel right and good about yourself and the path you are taking.

I would of never met Tanya either if I had not gathered all of my old friends from northern Michigan together and came out to them. Her brother was an old friend and introduced me to her. Trust me, it was a very hard thing to do but I felt so much better about letting it out.

I am not sure where you live but definitly check out the support groups around you. I know the rural thing, the closest support group near me would be 3 hours away. My HRT doctor is in Detroit and it is a 4 and 1/2 hour drive one way . But I found a LGBT support center in the gaybrahood in Detroit that has a few great support groups. I schedule my apointments with my doctor so that when I go I can attend at least one of those meetings. That was how I met my therapist.

Find ways to express who you are too. I know I get a lot of stares when I go out, since I do not look passable at all, but I wear one of 2 pairs of boots that either have 2 inch or 3 inch heels. Combine that with my brightly colored skinny jeans and I stand out just a bit in northern MI. Ohh, and I have some color on my nails all the time and both ears are pierced twice. Even with the looks I get I still feel better about myself for showing who I am instead of staying buried. It may not work for you, heck, sometimes it does not work for me (sometimes the stares just get a bit to much) but keeping myself buried led to my self implosion.

Best of luck to you and big *HUGS*

Mae

[Guest SusanKG]

Oh the mirror! That instument of torture for so many of us (and for many GGs as well!) If we judge our progress by only three or four major steps (therapy, HRT, RLE, SRS, then the long stretches of time between them can ddrrraaaaggggg on, seemingly forever.

I hope you've made a list of all things transition, big and small, and put them in an order that makes sense to you. Try and do at least one thing from your list each day, buy a bra, go to a support group, work on your nails, get your ears pierced, read a book, research a specific subject online, revise your list, make a budget, talk with someone, paint your toe nails, have a cry, make a post here, respond to a post here, put it your diary if you keep one, start a diary (or blog) if you haven't, anything so that at the end of the day, you look in that mirror and can tell it about your progress. You might practice putting on makeup, then wash your face well and put on moisterizer. In the morning, look in that same mirror and tell it what you are going to do today. And soon, you will be able to say "I'm going to the doctor today to start my hormones." And check it off your list, or better yet, put it at the end in a "Completed" section.

Complete a few things and you'll see where you are on a roll, one that very soon will impress that nasty ole' mirror! (and you!)

SusanKG

[Guest AshleyRF]

I know that I am just in the beginning of my transition and will not talk with my endocrinologist until the end of March and I just find it SSSSOOOO hard to stay positive and not be depressed. Whenever I look into the mirror I just see my male self and so yearn so badly just to see my female self. For those girls who are in the beginning stages of your transition(and unfortunately still part time) how do you keep positive and not be discouraged???

Love you all;

~Hugs~

Emily

I've been living fulltime for over a year now and I still see nothing but a guy looking back at me in the mirror.

[Guest Steven22]

how do you keep positive and not be discouraged???

Emily

Not to be the poopy pants here but avoidance. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Then I turn to coping measures which usually end up getting me to the next day where its vaguely possible it wont be so bothersome because sometimes for some reason its not as hard hitting as others. Other than that I try to fake it. I endure what I must to that end I will endure because I am just to dang stubborn. Of all my vices stubbornness has to be one of my greatest strengths.

ZOMGZ I found a positive? I never do that. That means there is a snowman in a very hot place asking "What the... am I doing here... ?"

I've been living fulltime for over a year now and I still see nothing but a guy looking back at me in the mirror.

Something tells me when I get there I shall have a similar sentiment.

[Guest angie]

I've been living fulltime for over a year now and I still see nothing but a guy looking back at me in the mirror.

That is because you can't see yourself through other people's eye's pretty woman.

All I see is a woman,what remains of the man that was,is fading fast my sister.umhm

Hugs Ash,

Angie

[Guest BeckyTG]

I've been living fulltime for over a year now and I still see nothing but a guy looking back at me in the mirror.

Ashley,

In all the times I've seen your pictures, I've never seen that. I've only seen a pretty girl.

I do remember my early days of membership here, and I remember your face standing out to me as quite feminine-looking. I remember thinking how powerful hormones must be to make you look like that.

Hugs,

Becky

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

I know that I am just in the beginning of my transition and will not talk with my endocrinologist until the end of March and I just find it SSSSOOOO hard to stay positive and not be depressed. Whenever I look into the mirror I just see my male self and so yearn so badly just to see my female self. For those girls who are in the beginning stages of your transition(and unfortunately still part time) how do you keep positive and not be discouraged???

Love you all;

~Hugs~

Emily

I'm not a girl but I still struggle with gender dysphoria as well so I'll put in my two cents. The important thing is to look at the positive side. The strength you gain from transitioning will make you better able to handle life's other problems. You also understand what it is like to be a member of an oppressed group so you can have a degree of empathy for people who are downtrodden such as the poor, the disabled and any given minority. Another important thing is to realize that what is in the mirror is not who you really are. Who you really are is in your brain. Looking like a male makes you no less female. It can feel horrible but it does not and never will change what is in your brain.

Still, even if you intellectually know that it's what on the inside having an outside that doesn't match your mind still can be painful. One way to deal with this is by taking up a hobby. It can be creative like art, music, writing, cooking, fashion, flower arrangement or poetry. I have one MTF friend who likes to draw and write poetry and another who plays bass and guitar, sings, and designs clothes. It can be intellectual such as recreational mathematics, chess, puzzles, philosophy, debate, language learning, reading, programming, web design or recreational studying. The latter is actually a great deal more fun than it sounds, especially if it involves an interest. Sometimes athletic pursuits can be helpful. It doesn't have to be ladylike necessarily; you just have to enjoy it. There are also ones that don't really fall into any of those categories such as gaming or blogging. Helping other people can also make you feel much happier about yourself. This can be volunteering, tutoring, or activism. Spirituality has made many people feel better about their lives however sometimes it can upset people more because of the question "Why would any god do such a horrible thing to me?" If you can't get support from a deity, and even if you can, you should seek support elsewhere.

By being part of this site you are already getting a lot of support but having real life allies can help as well. You can go to a local transgender support group or a gay group. Even if you are straight you are still allowed into the gay group. After all, we are allies. Not to mention the friends and family that accept you can make you feel much better about yourself. Hanging out with friends can be very fun and make you feel so much more happy and peaceful.

Another important aspect of keeping happy while transitioning is to have hope. You will eventually have your outside match your inside. Bernie gave some good advice when she said to think of transitioning as a goal and a process. She said that no goal takes a short while and transitioning is very different. I think this is a very helpful attitude to have.

In short, look to the future while enjoying the present, for this life may be the only one we have and we need to make the most of it while we are still around. I wish you the best of luck.

[Guest Emily_MI]

Oh the mirror! That instument of torture for so many of us (and for many GGs as well!) If we judge our progress by only three or four major steps (therapy, HRT, RLE, SRS, then the long stretches of time between them can ddrrraaaaggggg on, seemingly forever.

I hope you've made a list of all things transition, big and small, and put them in an order that makes sense to you. Try and do at least one thing from your list each day, buy a bra, go to a support group, work on your nails, get your ears pierced, read a book, research a specific subject online, revise your list, make a budget, talk with someone, paint your toe nails, have a cry, make a post here, respond to a post here, put it your diary if you keep one, start a diary (or blog) if you haven't, anything so that at the end of the day, you look in that mirror and can tell it about your progress. You might practice putting on makeup, then wash your face well and put on moisterizer. In the morning, look in that same mirror and tell it what you are going to do today. And soon, you will be able to say "I'm going to the doctor today to start my hormones." And check it off your list, or better yet, put it at the end in a "Completed" section.

Complete a few things and you'll see where you are on a roll, one that very soon will impress that nasty ole' mirror! (and you!)

SusanKG

Some things I do to help me feel more feminine such as paint my toe nails, shave and moisturize my legs, work on my makeup and of course dress whenever I can. Some things though unfortunately I cannot do yet such as pierce my ears or do my nails on my hands since I am not full time yet. I do admit though that I do really need to work on my makeup more. Actually I found a somewhat local Mary Kay cosmetics consult who is T- Girl friendly who I left a message with and awaiting to hear back about what services she offers.

[Guest angie]

The reality of fulltime hits you constantly,when you

realise,the clothes you wear are all women's wear.

You decide on what you are going to be wearing,what

shoes will go with your outfit,have your nails polished

immaculately,or chipped,what am I going to do with my

hair today,wear in an updo or down,what accessories

are going to match,and it is simply because this is how

you live,every single day.

And as the man that was fades into the distant past,

you revel in your new found freedom to express your

womanly self,any way you please.That is fulltime.(big smile)

Angelique

[Guest viv]

Do you have friends help you with your makeup or do you go to a consultant for help? I found a local Marykay cosmetics consultant that is TGirl friendly and contacted her for assistance with my makeup(still waiting for a reply back) I do work out several times a week and been trying to slim down even more right now; though I have been told that I am pretty slim. Why do you wait a week or so to get your haircut before going in for your endo appointment?

Hi Emily,,,sorry re late reply hun. I got 4 m/up lessons from a beautician where I

got my laser ((discounts)) and they will cut and style my hair . I am gonna wait for

a week prior to appointment for cut so as to get as much length as poss. I would love

to get **some**kinda color in as I am very gray , will take advice from hair tech.

luv,viv

[Guest AshleyRF]

I know I'm my own worst critic. I wish I could see what I'd like to see staring back in the mirror at me, and honestly, sometimes I do, but there are days when I get up in the morning to put on my makeup and I'm like "ewww god you look terrible."

[Guest AshleySummers]

Hi Emily!

I actually started the therapy process last week, and it will be the end of April before I get an HRT letter However, the things that have helped me feel less depressed are this:

1. Support. Having my fiancee there for every step and every concern is so so so so so so so so helpful. I can talk about things openly, she's been doing as much research as me, everything from finding workplaces that are TG friendly for me to switch to when I begin my RLT (My current employer will fire me immediately if I transition at work) to even finding places who cover transitioning expenses in their medical expenses (Knew I should have applied for that job at google ) I checked out about 5 books from the central library in our county about it and her response was "you beat me to the library!" So while I'm one of the lucky ones with a supportive significant other, try to find ANYONE in the group of people you told who will be even remotely as supportive. It really helps me get through my day when I text her about shoes

2. Dressing. Now that I'm out of remission, and have started to dress frequently again, I feel a lot better. It's a great reliever of stress for me, because even with no makeup I can look at myself in the mirror (albeit from a few paces back) and feel pretty. I wear panties constantly, even at work in "Male mode" although they do make me feel self-concious about bending over lol. I wear "casualwear" around the house, and sleep in nighties, or cute sleep pant cami combos. It just makes me feel better about myself in general... more congruent to my true-self. If you feel confident in passing (good tucking techniques and "breast illusions" helped me a lot, based on my already feminine body type) GO OUT! Even trips to Wal-mart or the grocery store will make you glow for days afterward at first if you feel good enough to pass.

3. Shaving. Everything below the neck. Shave it all off. You will be constantly reminded (especially if you live in an area currently experiencing winter) of your feminine side. I either wear pantyhose or knee-high socks now because the cold air loves to shoot up my baggy work guy-mode khakis and threatens to freeze my legs off. Besides all that, the act of doing it and the just general smoothness when you brush your legs together in bed will really make you feel feminine, and by proxy, happier.

4. Beauty care. Paint your toenails. Give yourself a pedicure and manicure. Paint your fingernails with clear nail polish. If anyone questions, tell them you're trying to break the habit of chewing on your nails. Exfoliate. Switch to feminine deoderant and body wash. Pluck your eyebrows. I had the misfortune of growing horrible bushy eyebrows, and decided to pluck them. I got a total of one comment, which I responded "I tried to clean up my uni-brow and got carried away with making them even" Nothing else after that.

5. Pierce your ears. I pierced mine a few days ago. Tons of guys have both ears pierced, just don't wear dangly earrings and you'll be fine. Opt for diamond studs, or play ignorant like me and ask the sales-clerk "Don't you guys have any guy kits?" The clerk pointed out which earrings most guys pick. They look like guy earrings until I curl my hair (down a little past my shoulders) then they make me feel amazing!

Obviously these things are what are working for me so far, and may not work for you, or everyone depending on how nasty testosterone was to you (thankfully I think I lucked out and got a low dose, we'll see in 3 months) And I really don't suggest to do them all at once, unless you don't mind people at work thinking you might be gay, or a bit of a flake. At this point I've been practicing my female voice on the phone to customers at work, so I could care less. I work for a major retail chain, and with 8 years of retail experience could walk into any of it's competitors and walk out with some kind of work, so if they want to fire me over being girly at work, screw em lol.

Tons of hugs!

Ashley