Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

The First 20...and The Next 20


Carolyn Marie

Recommended Posts

  • Admin

My wife and I celebrate our 20th anniversary today. For me, it is a happy day, tinged with feelings of

doubt and hope, anticipation and questions.

Several months ago, when I came out to my wife, I wondered if I would be living in our house when our

20th rolled around. I had so many fears. My wife has been far more resilient, patient, understanding and

supportive than I ever had imagined or hoped. I guess you don't really know someone until you reach a

crisis that tests everything you believe.

So we start our 21st year together as much friends and sisters as "husband" and wife. It is something both

of us have to get used to. This will be an ongoing process of discovery, and I'm sure there will be backward

steps along the way. I'm prepared for those. But I'm far more optimistic than I was back in August, that

we can find a way to make this work.

The final chapter isn't written yet, but I just wanted to share my revelation that success IS possible for

a married couple. I hope I can report the same a year or two from now. Here's to the next 20.

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean

*raises cup*

Here's to the next 20, Carolyn......

And like you, it seems that my wife and I have become more sisters and girlfriends, too....*sigh*

But, on the other hand....what could I expect....?

You are doing great, Honey.....

Congratz!

LOVE & HUGGS!

Donna Jean

Link to comment
Guest NadineB

Congratulations on the first 20yrs. I hope the next 20 will be the happiest with you best friend, sister and wife. I know how tough it is coming out to that special person and trying to make it work. I am so happy for you. I recently came out to my wife and after weeks of tears, doubts, feeling guilty and feeling relieved we have both decided to take it one day at a time. I hope we get to celebrate our 20th yr of unity. Once again congratulations.

Luv Nadine

Link to comment
Guest BeckyTG

*Raises glass of cheap wine*

Here's to you, girlfriend. May the next 20 years bring you more satisfaction than ever.

As an intended encouragement to you, I met a wonderful couple last week. The (former) husband had just completed SRS 2 years ago. The wife went with her during it and has been totally supportive the whole time. We met at a support group meeting and she was as bright, bubbly and positive as you'll get. They have children at home and consider themselves to have a bright future.

She told me that it's no different than any other medical condition--go for the treatment and make the best of it. Why should this affect a marriage?

I about cried at hearing that.

So, Happy Anniversary and may you have many more,

l love you,

Becky

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

sniff....

Oh Carolyn... here's to the next 20!!!

Dearheart, the sharing of your experience has been so inspiring.

I wish you, your wife, your son, all the best.

Love

Brenda

Link to comment
Guest sarah f

Happy Anniversary Carolyn. Wow 20 years, that is a long time. I have been only married for 9 years this year but we have been together for 15 years. I hope your next 20 are just as wonderful if not better.

Love,

Sarah F

Link to comment

Hi Carolyn,

Congratulations on your anniversary.

Marraige is like anything, needs care and maintenance to keep it working well. I think you have the abilities for that.

I'm glad that your wife has also shown the resilience needed to make it work. Best of luck to you!

Love, Kat

Link to comment

I raise my icy mug of root beer high to toast you and your wife, Carolyn and again for all of the others whose wives have stayed to be their best friends, sisters and girlfriends.

I salute all of you for your hard work and your wives' hard work and understanding in becoming your sisters - I became an only child, so here is to the wonderful SOs that try!

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
  • Admin

Thanks, all of you, my dear friends. My wife and I had a wonderful dinner full of good food, good drink, good conversation, laughs and love. Can't ask for more

than that.

Next year's celebration should be more, shall we say, interesting? Just two ladies out on the town in their finest. Strange new world...

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

Happy 20th Anniversary, Carolyn!

Hope the next 20 years will be so blessed for you two.

*tips his cowboy hat and raise his wine to toast*

I sure hope that next 20 years stay strong and well.

Link to comment
Guest julia_d

Happy Anniversary .. 20 years is a landmark by anybodies standards. Many happy returns and may the next 20 be a little less eventful maybe?

You reminded me.. It's 20 years in July that my failed thing was made.. wow.. time sure does fly.

Link to comment
Guest Joanna Phipps
My wife and I celebrate our 20th anniversary today. For me, it is a happy day, tinged with feelings of

doubt and hope, anticipation and questions.

Several months ago, when I came out to my wife, I wondered if I would be living in our house when our

20th rolled around. I had so many fears. My wife has been far more resilient, patient, understanding and

supportive than I ever had imagined or hoped. I guess you don't really know someone until you reach a

crisis that tests everything you believe.

So we start our 21st year together as much friends and sisters as "husband" and wife. It is something both

of us have to get used to. This will be an ongoing process of discovery, and I'm sure there will be backward

steps along the way. I'm prepared for those. But I'm far more optimistic than I was back in August, that

we can find a way to make this work.

The final chapter isn't written yet, but I just wanted to share my revelation that success IS possible for

a married couple. I hope I can report the same a year or two from now. Here's to the next 20.

Carolyn Marie

I understand the upheavals, the nerves, concern and fear. In December my wife and I started the second 10 of our marriage and even then it looked like we may not make it but things have done a 180 and now she and I are back to being a couple and sharing the same bed. Congratulations on making it this far, many marriages dont here's to the second 20 for you and yours.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 228 Guests (See full list)

    • MaybeRob
    • AllieJ
    • MaryEllen
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770.1k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,094
    • Most Online
      8,356

    MossycupMolly
    Newest Member
    MossycupMolly
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Angelo christoper
      Angelo christoper
      (38 years old)
    2. Joslynn
      Joslynn
      (61 years old)
    3. Kaltia_Atlas
      Kaltia_Atlas
    4. Rika_Lil
      Rika_Lil
      (40 years old)
    5. Summerluv
      Summerluv
      (19 years old)
  • Posts

    • April Marie
      Welcome to the forums, giz! We’re so happy you found us. You’ll find lots of information and many wonderful people here. Each of us is unique but we all share similarities as well. Look around, ask questions and join in where you feel comfortable!
    • Heather Shay
      NPR tiny desk winner 2024 - REALLY ENJOYED - simple song with wonderful melody, retro sound, reminds me of Billy Preston....  
    • Heather Shay
      What is happiness for you?
    • Birdie
      Funny.....   The day-centre transportation director told me yesterday morning that I was to receive an award, my picture on the website, etc... for having won the billiards tournament (I knew better).   Later that afternoon he returns to "shake my hand" and tell me, "thanks for participating."   I could have told him that was all I would receive earlier. I'm not well liked by management. 
    • Heather Shay
      Feelings are joyful as happiness spreads.
    • Heather Shay
      The Power of Feeling our Feelings: a story of joy and pain https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/57cc4071725e25df3ef3c66a/1683051267452-AAZVC5ZJZ5E2XRBOOPRE/unsplash-image-rOKbmUbcOVg.jpg Does “joy” feel like a distant memory or an intangible experience for you?  Are you on the journey of seeking more joy in your life? Maybe you’ve found this blog, as in your healing journey, “more joy” is the beacon that gets you through the tough times, and you are fearlessly on the quest to learn more about trauma, anxiety and depression and how to support a more joyous life. If that sounds like you, then welcome, this post is for you, and if that doesn’t feel like you that’s okay too, I invite you to stay for a story. Let me tell you a story about a woman named Ellie who came to therapy with the goal of “wanting to feel more joy + lightness in her life”. She sat on the couch across from me…she was so eternally wise, and self-aware. She had worked so hard to get to this place of understanding herself, but she still felt stuck and nowhere closer to her joyful, fulfilled life. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/57cc4071725e25df3ef3c66a/1684948947151-PH97YWGUXYF7JJT25K1I/image-asset.jpeg She came back session after session, explaining her struggles and breaking down the gritty details of who she was, until one day I said, I paused her again in attempts to help her connect more with her emotional experience, For the first time in her therapy experience, Ellie was still, she took a moment to check inside and find her sadness…she was really being with her emotional experience. Sometimes as humans we can be aware of feelings, but struggle to FEEL the feelings, tuning in to our emotions and letting them take up space. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/57cc4071725e25df3ef3c66a/1684949533886-EOI9VPKBEQ2EZHERTYT1/image-asset.jpeg All of a sudden she felt her throat getting tighter, her heart sinking, and tears welling up in her eyes. She said, as she began to cry, “ yeah I feel so sad because…” I so ever gently interrupted her again “hey Ellie it’s okay, can we just let the sadness be there, it's SO important why, and also its SO important to just feel, so just feel sad my dear”. Ellie, hearing this, felt her shoulders drop and soften in surrender, and spent the next minute or so letting her tears flow, crying, and being guided by me, to find support in her own breath and the pillows and blankets on the couch. This somatic release, was exactly what she needed. She cried, while I held space, providing compassionate support and company, until Ellie felt a huge sense of relief wash over her body and exclaimed “woah that felt so cathartic, I feel lighter”.  I cracked a very stereotypical nerdy therapist joke and Ellie let out a HUGE chuckle, beginning  to laugh deep into her belly, and that feeling of lightness transformed into a moment of JOY! Could it be? Ellie settled into a feeling of calm after her chuckle with me and asked, “What just happened? For a moment there I felt so light and wow, I really laughed. Is that joy? How is that possible?” I then began to share a bit of on emotions…."Let me explain the connection between our pain and joy. They might be more connected than you think!” Emotions are an integral part of the human experience. They provide us with valuable information about ourselves and our environment, and they can motivate us to take action or change our behavior. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/57cc4071725e25df3ef3c66a/1684950220510-2BYGYE4A5XKZODNS2I0Y/image-asset.jpeg However, it is common for people to try to avoid or suppress emotions such as sadness, anger, and fear.  They may try to explain it away, finding logical and “cognitive” ways to cope with the pain…. While this may seem like a reasonable strategy to avoid discomfort, it can actually have negative consequences, including a reduced ability to feel positive emotions. Our emotions are interconnected and interdependent, they are all processed in the same areas of the brain. The neural pathways that process pain are called the nociceptive pathways. The nociceptive pathways send signals to the brain's pain center, the somatosensory cortex, which processes the sensory information and generates the experience of pain.   However, the same neural pathways that process pain can also process pleasure and joy.  This is because the somatosensory cortex does not just process sensory information related to pain; it also processes sensory information related to other physical sensations, such as touch, temperature, and pressure. When we experience pleasure and joy, these sensory signals are processed in the same way as pain signals. However, instead of activating the pain center, they activate the brain's pleasure center. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/57cc4071725e25df3ef3c66a/1684950865903-TQRJXIIXD3SHELV065QA/image-asset.jpeg This means that the same sensory channels in the brain can be activated by both pain and pleasure, but the experience we have depends on which part of the brain is activated. When the pain center is activated, we experience pain, and when the pleasure center is activated, we experience pleasure and joy. Pain and joy are actually closely related to each other, cousins if you will! In other words, our emotional experiences are not isolated events, but rather a complex and dynamic system of interrelated experiences. When we try to avoid or suppress our perceived negative emotions, we are essentially shutting down a part of our emotional experience. This can create a "numbing" effect, where we feel less overall emotion, both positive and negative.  This is because the brain processes emotions as a whole, so if we try to suppress painful or uncomfortable emotions, it can also reduce the intensity and richness of positive emotions. Research has shown that people who struggle to identify or express their emotions, particularly painful ones, often experience lower levels of overall emotional experience, including positive emotions. This is because our ability to experience positive emotions is dependent on our ability to process and regulate negative emotions. By suppressing negative emotions, we may be hindering our ability to fully experience positive emotions. _____________________________ So, to wrap up this short story with a nice bow… Ellie was able to FEEL into her sadness, thus allowing her to FEEL into the depths of her own experience of joy. She was activating “stuck” pain and moving through the experience, using those key areas of the brain, so her JOY was fully expressed as well. This is why….I extend an invitation for you to FEEL it all my dear, the heavy and awful, the light, and all the emotions in between. These different parts of us, make up who we are. If it feels too scary at first that's okay, maybe find a trusted friend or a therapist that can help support you in feeling safe  to express your emotions slowly, bit by bit, over time.  And If you are ready to lean into those heavier feelings, let them out, because the pain that you may be avoiding feeling, just might be the very thing you need to feel, to then welcome and unlock the feeling of JOY. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/57cc4071725e25df3ef3c66a/1684950934538-PW47TOU8LXR9AINGG53F/unsplash-image-ktPKyUs3Qjs.jpg At Integrative Psychotherapy we help clients engage in therapy so they can feel more comfortable in their skin and befriend alllll their emotions.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • LucyF
      So I have started HRT and its been almost 3 weeks. Here are the changes I have seen so far:   week 1 - Hours after I started, it felt like a fog has lifted and I felt so much better about everything. Almost like I can now actually be happy. My skin is so less oily and so much smoother   week 2 - I have noticed that my senses seem to be more refined. I smell things I just didn't notice before. I can concentrate so much better. Its almost like going from video to and HD blue ray disc.   week 3 - ok, boobs are itching on and off and tiredness is setting in slightly. Still feel on top of the world.   Apart from that, my daughter (9 year old) is struggling at the moment. We are having open dialogue which is helping, and I am getting in touch with a child psychologist that will hopefully help.     Onwards and upwards.
    • VickySGV
      I want to hold back on this one until more solid information comes out.  The defendant is claiming it was accidental, but the Trans side is demanding a hate crime scenario which an accident would preclude.  Pardon the phrase, but as I read this folks are jumping the gun here.
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.advocate.com/crime/trans-teen-jazlynn-johnson-killed   This is a tragic ruination of two young lives.  It is very sad.  May Jazlynn rest in peace.   Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, here's the big questions:  What does it mean to be masculine?  What does it mean to be a woman?    I've been around a lot of rule-bending in those areas.  There's all sorts of "traditional" views about what men and women do.  Men work on mechanical things, defend/protect, earn a living, play rough sports, etc.  Women cook and clean, are gentle and nurturing, value aesthetics over function, etc.   Yet, my very "masculine" industrial-manager husband cooks just as well as any Betty Crocker wannabe, and tells the bedtime stories that are most in-demand by the kids.  My GF, who is surely "ALL Girl" is a highly skilled mechanic, a street racer, was busily laying concrete while 6 months pregnant, and practices kenjutsu (Japanese sword fighting skills).  And me?  I'm AFAB but I'm infertile and I feel like I should have had a male body...yet I possess very little in the way of "manly" skills or desire to acquire them.  I'm in my boy form these days, but pretty much useless for accomplishing "boy stuff."     I think my family blew those definitions out of the water.  Yet, somehow our family structure is also religiously patriarchal....and happily so!  It'll bend your brain to try to figure that one out.    I'd say its just important to be you, do what you do best, and stick your tongue out at anybody who doesn't like it. 
    • JenniferB
      Welcome to the board gizgizgizzie! I sure can understand what dysphoria feels like. I found it stayed in my head during nearly all waking hours. Although, sometimes held in a little deeper. But it was triggered easily. I hope you can find that place you feel comfortable with yourself. This is a good place to find help as you traverse your journey.   Jennifer
    • VickySGV
      Welcome to the Forums @gizgizgizzie we have folks in your situations to talk to and share with. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...