Life And Milestones

[Guest ~Brenda~]

My Dearest Brothers and Sisters

Due to the snow storm today, I took the day off from work.

As I sat on my couch watching TV, I saw many ads about getting

this or that degree fast with the appeal that one could get on with their life and quickly.

While watching these ads it dawned on me how apropos this desire of achieving something quicky

has to what we all are experiencing... Transitioning.

I have seen many posts about the frustration and despair associated with not transitioning fast enough,

or not transitioning to one's schedule. All of these posts are tied to not getting into therapy, or HRT

in an acceptable timeframe. Sometimes the posts are about not getting into the appropriate therapy clinic. Sometimes being held

back due to parents, finances, current health, red-tape, etc.

I have also seen many posts that point out the more subtle aspects of transitioning. I have seen

people talk about how to make their eyebrows more masculine, or more feminine, discussions about clothing,

shaving, makeup, packers, binders, gaffs, shoes, underwear, coming out, acceptance.

This got me thinking about the ads, the posts, my experience, and life in general.

I came to the realization that we all have many other goals in addition to transitioning.

Take for example, high school. We all have gone through or are going through high school. We all accepted

that to graduate from high school that we must attend and pass the curriculum that takes four years

to accomplish. No one questions this requirement. We enter as freshmen, and graduate as seniors.

The same is true for college or any other endeavor. One may join the military, and it is accepted that

you will do your tour of duty before you can leave the military. When one graduates from college, one may

continue with grad school and/or enter the workforce of their chosen profession. Grad school/work there is

the accepted expectation that you will be at the beginning, and only after time will you advance in

your career.

When I first graduated from college and started working in my field, I was called the "fresh out". Meaning

that I was green and had much to really learn about the realities of my profession. Like school, I accepted that

this was simply a rite of passage and required time to migrate away from the title "fresh out". In time, "fresh out"

was replaced with "architect".

What all of this leads to is that transitioning has all of the same attributes of milestones as all other

apects of your life does. Transitioning is really far more involved than simply getting on hormones and

getting SRS. Transitioning means the entire dynamics of evolving/maturing into your true self that cannot

ever be expected to happen overnight. One has to relearn their true gender. This always takes time.

All I am suggesting is that one must not look at transitioning as something completely different than any other

goals you have ever had in your life. We all accept the time it takes to achieve our other goals in life. We

can all accept the time it takes to transition too.

With All My Love

Brenda

[Guest sarah f]

This was a well thought out and eye opening post. We all know that it takes time to transition but we are all still impatient about it because we are a results oriented world. What have you done for me lately. I have never looked at it in the terms that you posted about today. Maybe we should look at this like school. Each step in the process is another grade you just passed. I just hope it doesn't take 13 years to graduate this school I am in.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Donna Jean]

Great post, Brenda...

I think the those of us who go step by step have the most chance for success...

Transitioning is difficult under any circumstances..

And unlike school and it's set time lines that we all accept and follow...

When we decide to transition our drive and desire to become ourselves is almost overpowering!

And it makes it very difficult to take a slow, steady pace as we go.

But, the best results are from a slow, methodical progression....

We'll get there in one piece!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest NatashaJade]

I really enjoyed reading this, Brenda. I have always been bad about projecting into the future, thinking about what will happen as opposed to what is happening. When I drive, it's all about the destination and not about the trip. But lately, I've literally been stopping to smell the flowers (because they smell so beautiful) and realizing what a wonderful time I can have living in the now, enjoying all the things that are happening today. My children are at a lovely age and being with them today is my greatest pleasure. Experiencing the little changes of hrt and having the little successes in my transition, these are things to celebrate (like getting an A on a test ). I'll get where I'm going eventually and I'll be happy when I get there. But for now, I'll enjoy the ride.

luv

Gin

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

That's a great way to look at it

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

My Dearest Brothers and Sisters

Due to the snow storm today, I took the day off from work.

As I sat on my couch watching TV, I saw many ads about getting

this or that degree fast with the appeal that one could get on with their life and quickly.

While watching these ads it dawned on me how apropos this desire of achieving something quicky

has to what we all are experiencing... Transitioning.

I have seen many posts about the frustration and despair associated with not transitioning fast enough,

or not transitioning to one's schedule. All of these posts are tied to not getting into therapy, or HRT

in an acceptable timeframe. Sometimes the posts are about not getting into the appropriate therapy clinic. Sometimes being held

back due to parents, finances, current health, red-tape, etc.

I have also seen many posts that point out the more subtle aspects of transitioning. I have seen

people talk about how to make their eyebrows more masculine, or more feminine, discussions about clothing,

shaving, makeup, packers, binders, gaffs, shoes, underwear, coming out, acceptance.

This got me thinking about the ads, the posts, my experience, and life in general.

I came to the realization that we all have many other goals in addition to transitioning.

Take for example, high school. We all have gone through or are going through high school. We all accepted

that to graduate from high school that we must attend and pass the curriculum that takes four years

to accomplish. No one questions this requirement. We enter as freshmen, and graduate as seniors.

The same is true for college or any other endeavor. One may join the military, and it is accepted that

you will do your tour of duty before you can leave the military. When one graduates from college, one may

continue with grad school and/or enter the workforce of their chosen profession. Grad school/work there is

the accepted expectation that you will be at the beginning, and only after time will you advance in

your career.

When I first graduated from college and started working in my field, I was called the "fresh out". Meaning

that I was green and had much to really learn about the realities of my profession. Like school, I accepted that

this was simply a rite of passage and required time to migrate away from the title "fresh out". In time, "fresh out"

was replaced with "architect".

What all of this leads to is that transitioning has all of the same attributes of milestones as all other

apects of your life does. Transitioning is really far more involved than simply getting on hormones and

getting SRS. Transitioning means the entire dynamics of evolving/maturing into your true self that cannot

ever be expected to happen overnight. One has to relearn their true gender. This always takes time.

All I am suggesting is that one must not look at transitioning as something completely different than any other

goals you have ever had in your life. We all accept the time it takes to achieve our other goals in life. We

can all accept the time it takes to transition too.

With All My Love

Brenda

My sweet sis, as usual you have hit this right on the head. I think the reason many of us are in a hurry, especially us older gals, is that we know we have a limited amount of time to complete what normally takes a lifetime. After all, many people talk about winding the clock back, about what if I had my life to do again. However this insnt quite the same, while we do (in a sense) wind the endochrine clock back the one that governs how old we actually are keeps ticking. Some of us may have at best 30 years to do what most of society does in 40 or more.

You are right though, I was one of those who got on that crazy train wanting it all and wanting it now. I dang near came unstuck doing that and had to slow down and find a slower and more balanced path to where I was going. We have many things to learn and unlearn; we have to learn how to move like a member of our target gender, sit, stand, dress, carry ourselves, we have to learn what clothing, makeup and hair styles are apropriate. FOr MTF's the hardest thing we need to do to learn to talk like a woman. These are the life stages that we go through, however they are done (for many of us) after many decades of living as the oposite gender, and being socialized that way. Much of that socialization has to be taken apart in order for the new person to come to the fore and be the emancipated woman that she needs to be.

The scariest and most liberating time for me was the beginning of my RLE, that day when I first walked out into the world dressed the way I knew I should have been dressed for my entire life. Was i nervous, no I was scared crapless, but I had a point to prove to my gender team. In our world we have to mature fast since society expects people of our size and age to be mature adults, they dont and in many cases cant understand that infact we are giggling teens and need that space to figure out who we are and mature into adults.

[Guest viv]

Loved reading your stuff hun and yes , its folly to rush to finish.

Theres just way too much to learn . Right now I know I got to

start" peeling the onion ", those layers of manhood got to go,

and this is not achieved over night . And I got to get moving on

my voice . This is a difficult stage for me ,,I feel awkward a

lot of the time so rushing Transition for me is the wrong way

to go . Posts like these help us with perspective Brenda ,thanks.

luv,viv

[gennee]

Any goal will take time and patience. Along the way you discover new things, learn new lessons, and experience different ransitioning is one things, learning to live in our new identity is quite another. When you become comfortable, a feeling of contentment usually follows.

Gennee

[Carolyn Marie]

Excellent advice, Brenda. Well said.

A while back I said to my therapist, "now that I've decided to transition and I know who I am, why do I need to keep seeing you?"

She told me that I could stop if I wanted, but that her job didn't end just because I determined my path and was going to start HRT. She wanted

to help me with the mental part of transition...integrating my male self with my female persona so I could adapt and adjust to being a woman

in the world. It isn't a process that happens overnight. It takes time and effort. When you've spent 55 years in one gender, the "transition" becomes

much more than just physical.

I am good with that advice. It does take time, and a huge effort, to transition to womanhood in all its aspects. The physical is just one part of it.

Take the time required to do it right, and you will be as successful as Lizzy and Angie, Paula and Joanna, and all the other wonderful women (and men) here.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Penelope]

Dear FTM's and MTF's,

I am amazed at your courage and tenacity.

That over used word, awesome, really is a suitable adjective for what you are doing.

I wish you all success.

P.

[Guest Justme]

Hi Brenda. Your message is a good one. But not one that works in all circumstances. I have 2 BS degrees and used to have a CPA license. But because of the laws in my state...I am a reject. The only work i have been able to find is as a part time janitor. And i keep thinking ...what a waste of my talents...just because the general public refuses to see me. I think about all of us...that have so many talents to share...But because of legislation ....we live on the fringes of society. I know when I was working in the accounting field.....I was a great accountant....but because I look to be me....I am seen as a reject in the accounting.field, I might even now...lose my license., It's nice to think great thoughts but until all of us find the strenght to fight the good fight....it's all for nothing.

[Guest My_Genesis]

You're right, and achieving our goals make us stronger as people.

[Guest Chandra]

Spoken so beautifully, dear Brenda

The best things in life are worth waiting for.

Hats off to you o wise one

Love Chandra