Well I Did It

[Guest savagedm]

I sent my parents a revised version of Crossed, which is posted somewhere here. I included a personalized note to them and all that, they are in the process of reading it. I wish I could be there for them, but I am stuck here in GA and they are in CA. Anyways, seeing as this is a milestone in my life, I decided it should be documented. (As should everyone else's I feel). Here is a link of a blog I will be updating hopefully bi-weekly with progress on everything!

http://savagetransition.blogspot.com/

[Guest savagedm]

Well here is what I posted on the blog about their reaction:

My mom took it as serious as cancer. She called me cool, calm, and collected... I had just confirmed what she describes as the greatest fear she's ever had. She said some things that hurt, such as the news tore her heart out and gutted her. I was expecting such a response. Though my mother loves me, she treats me more like a soldier or coworker than her child. We talked about it, and she wishes it would just go away, or I would at least wait till her and my father die. I told her I cannot do that, it would be too hard to live with myself. I feel like she is not even concerned with how I have felt my whole life, and only with how this makes her feel. I am sad because she is sad, but at the same time I feel a bit of animosity because of her selfish approach to this. But I guess that is to be expected. At least she is not going to shun me, which would kill me inside.

My father took it far more emotional that I had expected. He and I talked for a good hour about it. *I am bordering tears while writing this.* He supports me regardless of the outcome still, but he is not happy to hear this news either. My dad believes that it is possible to learn to cope with this condition if I find the right outlets in my life (he used right woman, job, child as examples). But I do not think he truly understands that I have tried outlets, and they do not work.

Dad wants me to seek all the proper avenues for psychiatric help which is attributed to this condition, which I fully agree with. In exchange, he promised he would learn as much as he can about this, so things are looking up on that. He explained to me his biggest disappointment was that I was never open with him about it earlier in life. His only true desire right now is for me to be happy and feel right with myself.

I hope that in the next few days my parents will start to come to terms with what I am going through and take a more proactive approach to supporting me, rather than encouraging me to suppress it.

On another topic, I wrote a poem a few days ago. I was inspired to pen this shortly after I wrote my letter to my parents. It is entitled 'My God':

I am strong because You knew the pain I would have to endure.

Without You I have no strength, life would soon devour me.

I am caring so that You could show me how to place others before myself.

Without You I would not understand what it is to care, I would have nobody worthwhile in my life.

I am understanding because of the trials You have set before my path.

Without Your patience, I would never have learned understanding, I would certainly be lost.

I am loving because of the family You have blessed me with.

Without your love I would have nobody to call family, I would surely be dead.

My God! My God! I thank you dearest!

My God! My God! I need you nearest!

[Guest Diva D]

*Big Huggle*

Sounds like you at least have the start there with your father. But I'd say it'll take a while for them to understand, and I don't mean days. Try weeks, or maybe even months.

Best of luck.

[Guest Katie-Louise]

Lovely poem just bear in mind it could probably take months even years but I'm so glad that your Dad is trying to learn more instead of trying to ignore it. I don't agree with what they said 'at least wait till her and my father die' for me to hear that of a parent will be heartbreaking. I'm so glad you bounced back though it definitely shows how strong you are. Try and make your parents understand that the more you suppress the worser emotional and sometimes even physical effects it will have on you and that being yourself is a necessity in life not a choice. Remember your parents will always love you! lots of cuddles and kisses

Samantha

xxx

[Guest Michelle M]

Be strong, dear. Wow, they said some harsh things. Remember, this is their first night. My parents weren't too happy the first night, either. They were very bewildered. Give them time to become educated on the subject and to see how happy and confident you've become because of this.

[Guest Leah1026]

Congratulations and a BIG

HUG

I know how difficult that was for you. At the same time putting that HUGE burden down must be a BIG relief. No more secrets, no more lies, just YOU.

[Guest savagedm]

Thanks everyone

It really warms my heart to see such support here! Yeah, I understand it will take time for my parents to learn to accept this. If there is anything my father has taught me through the years it's that you must have patience in everything you do. I spent the night talking to a few close friends here about it all and I feel like I made the right decision in telling them now.

Thanks again for all of the support!

~Brooke

[Guest Drew]

congratulations on coming out! no matter their response it's a big step*hugs*. i'm sorry to hear that your mother took it the way she did, i've been there it's not fun, the fact that your dad is trying to get educated on this is great, and alot of parents eventually come around when they see how happy their child is as their true gender. remember, no matter how your mother takes this in the long run, it's your life and as long as you're happy they should be happy for you. by the way, i like your name.

*hugs*

Drew

[Guest Mr. Fox]

Congratulations, Brooke (yay! I can write a name! I don't want to call you Savage)

You dealt better with your parents then I did with my mom when I was first forced out, and my mom wasn't as bad. Then again, I was 13.

[Guest o0tg0o]

wow, i didn't know rents...meant parents....sorry! >_<

Good job...umm....hope you did okay and congrats!

[Guest savagedm]

Heh I decided after my mom's reaction I was going to take the name I wanted; not what they would have given me had I been born a girl

[Guest JAB]

I am sorry your mom took it so hard... Give her time to digest this... hopefully she will come to understand and accept it on some level even if she doesnt agree with it. You description of you expereince with your father was very emotionally intense.. but comforting.. I hope things only continue to look up with your journey..

Your poem was awesome... very real very accurate...very inspiring... thank you for shairng it.

[Guest Mr. Fox]

Has anything changed in the past week?

[Guest savagedm]

Has anything changed in the past week?

Hey what's up Mr. Fox! Yeah things have actually started to take a great turn for the better. I talked with my mom on the phone for about an hour yesterday and to sum it all up, she kept questioning all of these things she thinks I may have not considered to see how serious I was. When I satisfied her answers and she realized I have really given this a great deal of thought, she pretty much gave me a "you do what you gotta do, I still love you more than anything." So I was really happy I am also keeping a blog that I update twice a week, Savage Transition so more and more updates will be coming through that and hopefully one day I can turn those experiences into a book!

Thanks for keepin me in mind!

~Brooke

[Guest Katie-Louise]

Hey what's up Mr. Fox! Yeah things have actually started to take a great turn for the better. I talked with my mom on the phone for about an hour yesterday and to sum it all up, she kept questioning all of these things she thinks I may have not considered to see how serious I was. When I satisfied her answers and she realized I have really given this a great deal of thought, she pretty much gave me a "you do what you gotta do, I still love you more than anything." So I was really happy I am also keeping a blog that I update twice a week, Savage Transition so more and more updates will be coming through that and hopefully one day I can turn those experiences into a book!

Thanks for keepin me in mind!

~Brooke

Thats great to hear and I think making a blog and turning those experiences into a book is a great idea which I would also like to do. Love the name Brooke by the way and I will always be wishing you all the best and rooting for you even though I won't be there in person and if ever you need to chat I will be here. Sorry for stealing the thread a bit but I wanted to post a link to my blog on myspace Samantha Jennifer there will also be pictures throughout my transition. lots of cuddles and kisses

Samantha

xxx