Hello Everyone

[Guest Bob_MTx]

Hello,

I have been coming to this site for about a week now...a newbie.

I am susan57 in the chat...mtf ts, age 57, frustrated in male mode.

I have had historical events and progressions from age 5, 6, 9, 14, 19,

and at age 27 I finally heard the vocabulary word, transsexual and knew

what I was experiencing. It took years (before the internet) for me to

learn much about this phenomenum. I married late in life thinking that

it could fix me and I could be normal. My experience now says it never

goes away, independant of external forces or even a good wife and family.

In the late 90's I observed a distant co-worker about my age go through an

mtf transition (although I never introduced myself and talked to her at that

time). I was happy for her and sad about how many (but not all) people

reacted to her. I was also envious because she was so brave.

A little over five years ago I started therapy ...then herbs ...and I finally

even introduced myself 'honestly' to the above trans woman. I read lots of

books like "She's Not There", "My Husband Betty", "The Man Who Would Be Queen",

"Gender Blending"...trying to get my hands around everything.

I am only 'out' to my wife, my therapist and a very small number of local trans

folks. After having tried very hard with online wives groups like Helen Boyd's

and reading etc., my wife will now have none of it with me and believes it is

an addiction. I had to purge and convince her it was over, for her to stay.

So, I too, really tried but I am now a liar. This is not sustainable (and yes

I kept a little collection hidden away during the dramatic purge).

(Shortly later I actually saw another young local trans woman wearing a

skirt that I donated to one of our local clothing recyclers. I know it was

mine and I was happy where it ended up--and she looked good).

I am really happy to have found this site in hopes of having some

real conversations that will provide growth for me and I hope for others.

I also hope it will continue to give me the encouragement to proceed on

this path in the real world in a sane manner. I want to continue

feminizing and let life unfold day by day. I look forward to

meeting each of you. I have found the chats to be very friendly and

welcoming. It makes me so happy to be here that I can almost cry.

Sincerely,

Susan

[MaryEllen]

Hello Susan,

Welcome to Laura's Playground forums. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Ask away with the questions you must have. We'll try our best to give answers and support.

MaryEllen

[Guest ChloëC]

Hello Susan,

Welcome to Laura's Playground and the forum side of it. Your story is both unique and common, just like many of us here. Also, lots of supportive and caring people, some you probably met in chat, and more besides. We're happy you're here.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hey!

Hello, Susan!

Welcome to the Playground, Hon...

I'm Donna Jean...and let me tell you something...you are NOT alone! And there even more here that are in your same position...

Let's start with me....OK?

60 years old MTF ...12 months HRT this month...married and not all a bed of roses!

But, I've quit pleasing the world and started pleasing myself ....life is too short and I've waited WAY too long, so, I know exactly how you feel!

Maybe Lizzy will stop by, too...62 years old and married...14 months HRT....

Or Sally...58 years old and 6 months HRT and married (but separated)

Or Becky...or Angie...or ..well, you get the picture...

What I'm saying is that it's never too late!

So, let me get you a cup of hot coco and a few cookies...

Please have a look at the forum rules (link at the top of most pages)..,..

It's really good to have you, Hon.....

You're gonna do just fine here...please post some more and see how many want to talk with you!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Carolyn Marie]

Hi, Susan, and welcome to the Playground!

You really are among friends and kindred spirits here, hon. Like Donna Jean, I'm nearly 56 and just started HRT in the last month. I came out to my

wife last summer and I'm one of the lucky ones - my wife has been supportive and is making a huge effort to understand me. I'm sorry to hear that

your situation is not as good, but it is a common result, unfortunately.

Like you, I got married late (36 years old) and repressed my true nature for 20 years before my feminine side reasserted itself. You're right in that

it won't go away. Being transgendered is not a switch you can turn off.

Please look around the forums and post your questions and comments. Someone will always respond. I hope we can help and support you.

After 5 posts you will have full member benefits and can send private messages (PM's) to other members. I look forward to hearing more about you.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest sarah f]

Welcome to Laura's Susan. Glad you decided to share your story with us.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Bob_MTx]

Hello again,

Thank you MaryEllen, Chloe, Donna Jean, Carolyn Marie and Sarah for the warm welcome. I felt a little exposed when I wrote my post but I am glad that I did. ...And then your replies made me feel a lot better.

For the married folks here (with all that stress...) my wife and I found some of the websites and groups run by Helen Boyd (author of "My Husband Betty" and "She's Not The Man I Married") to be very helpful. My wife still goes to those sites sometimes. I am not sure why. As I said in my post, I am presenting to my wife as 'cured' at this time so I really can't go to those sites. Discovering this site has been really wonderful so far for me. ...So thank you again for the welcoming.

Sincerely,

Susan

[Guest snow white]

Hi Susan,

<<hug>>

I'm glad that you finally made it here.

If you can't figure out how to change your name here , just ask MaryEllen, and she will help you.

I look forward to seeing you again in chat as well as here in forums.

vanna

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

Welcome Susan

[Paula ult]

Welcome to Laura's Susan,

I am another one that got a late start, my journey started 19 months ago when i was 56.

Your wife still goes to those sites most likely because she is looking for answers, maybe in the near future she will want to talk to you about it.

Paula

[Guest Sunshine]

Hi there.

I'm new to the forum too, and transitioned a bit younger than many I've met and wanted to chime in.

Your wife might be resistant but if there is any chance that she can be involved in your transition it might be worth any extra effort it takes.

One of the reasons I was able to transition a bit early was that my wife kicked me out almost immediately after I had "the talk" with her. I've always kind of regretted the way it happened. When I finally found out that there was a name for what I was going through, I just came home all bouncy and excited and told her. I was bouncing around like a happy puppy, and so excited about the possibilities that I didn't first or come up with a plan on how to "come out" to her.

She kicked me out within days of finding out, even though I hadn't even thought about transition yet. I always wonder what would have been different if I had sat down and planed this out with a therapist before just blurting things out.

I also wonder what would have happened if I would have fought harder for the marriage instead of just leaving when she told me to get out.

I place a lot of the responsibility for the death of the marriage on myself for not being wise enough to think it through first.

You are still together after her finding out, and that says a lot about the bond you two have. I'm not saying that you should delay transition or anything like that. I'm just thinking that you are wiser than you might give yourself credit for because you are taking things cautiously.

Love & Light,

Sunshine