Femme Guys?

[Guest Alexander James]

I'm very femme. I was raised to be like that.

I tried acting "manly" but it's just not me. I'm not gonna change the way I act or dress for people to see me as male.

I even cross dress, oh yes I do; and sure it may through people off, some people may call me a fake ftm, but they don't know me.

So... where am I going with this??? (I seriously... don't... know... T___T)

I just wanna know, is there guys like me out there? I know there is some but to know more would be awesome!

[Guest Superrad]

Well, the thing is that you don't have to act a certain way and fit a certain stereotype to be a certain gender. That's what gives a lot of trans people headaches. I like skinny jeans and when things shock me I'll squeal. I fight dirty, biting and kicking. When I see the Rocky Horror Picture Show I go the full nine yards in crossdressing, but I don't generally do it outside of Rocky. I know plenty of bio men like that too. It's all about being comfortable enough with your masculinity and identity.

And I'm occasionally feminine but that doesn't make me a girl. Pfft, I've always been a bit camp anyhow.

[Guest Ryles_D]

I'm not a guy, I'm non-binary, but I may end up transitioning to male legally, et al. And I'm pretty femme. Well, to be more accurate, 50% of the time I'm androgynous, 10% of the time I'm masculine, 40% of the time I'm feminine (100% of the time I'm neutrois, though ). Although I wouldn't go out like this full time- I like make up and skirts and I've even done drag (queen) a few times. It's fun.

There definitely are guys like you out there- both trans and cis. Typically they're the only guys I like dealing with because the super macho ones either annoy or scare me most of the time.

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

I'm very femme. I was raised to be like that.

I tried acting "manly" but it's just not me. I'm not gonna change the way I act or dress for people to see me as male.

I even cross dress, oh yes I do; and sure it may through people off, some people may call me a fake ftm, but they don't know me.

So... where am I going with this??? (I seriously... don't... know... T___T)

I just wanna know, is there guys like me out there? I know there is some but to know more would be awesome!

As you know, I certainly act pretty femme for a guy. I do wear makeup when I feel like it, I dress in an androgynous to masculine fashion most of the time, my interests are androgynous and I like mostly males. I do crossdress on occasion but only in private, or potentially for cosplaying. When people say you are a fake FTM just ignore them, or point out that you are risking losing your college funds and you already lost a great deal of friends for this. Yeah, no one would do that for attention. If someone craves attention that badly they would probably just dress provacatively or at the most severe end try out factitious disorder since the latter will only make them lose friends if they get caught.

[Guest kaydinface]

I'm fairly femme. I've had some doubts about whether I was male because of it, but I'm just a sort of girlish guy. I like having long straight hair, wearing skinny jeans, colored shoe laces, and eyeliner and painting my nails black. I'm also very artistic. Does this make me a girl? Well, no...

I've tried to hard in the past to be more masculine, but it just wasn't me.

[Guest Nicodeme]

There's a difference between "feminine"/"effeminate" and "femme." Particularly that "effeminate" by definition has the implication that the person with the feminine behavior is male/a guy, and "femme" doesn't. "Effeminate" may have some negative connotations, but I would gladly use that over the term "femme" in reference to myself.

*cough*

But, um...yeah. I'm a pretty effeminate guy myself. I hate wearing baggy clothes...but if I wanna wear more tight-fitting clothes I have to run the risk of breaking my ribs all the time. Frankly I think it sucks more to be a feminine transguy than a masculine transguy. At least you have a little more room to breathe when you're going with a gender expression that actually suits you (in theory) and you don't have to face quite as many people asking why you don't/didn't just stay a woman.

[Guest CharlieRose]

As Nicodeme said, there is a difference... But I'm definitely both. *nods at avatar*

[Guest Xren]

Yeah, I could be called femme, though I see myself as more androgynous...I like makeup, I crossdress sometimes, I'm proud of having long hair and I'm not into typical stuff people think of as macho. At the same time, though, I was never very girly or prissy either, I never quite understood typical girl things or modes of social interaction. Me at my most feminine, as a kid/early teen, was pretending to be a warrior princess. I still kind of find that an apt metaphor.

As for people thinking of non-butch transguys as "fake FTMs," screw that. There's all types of guys in the world, and besides, being a transman isn't about acting/dressing a certain way to make everyone else happy. It's about being happy with yourself, and what you know you are inside.

[Guest Cricket]

I totally understand what you mean! In some ways I am very masculine but in others I'm also kind of effeminate. I love martial arts and I love dancing. I grew up playing with Ninja Turtles and My Little Ponies. I love cars and I love cooking. I can change your flat tire and then bake you a beautiful cake! What I ask myself is not, "Does this thing I like or do make me more/less of a man?" but, "Does this thing I like or do act as an asset to my goals in life?" For example, I really really like things to be organized and look nice and generally be pretty. Some people might say this makes me girly, but I want to own a bakery someday and say fie! to that, it will be an asset then because people love pretty pastries and are more likely to buy, eat, and enjoy them! I am very picky about my appearance and can take a while to get ready (especially my hair!). Again, this can be an asset in my job search because everyone loves a well dressed man and he is the more professional one that is more likely to get called for an interview. =) Embrace yourself as you are. There's nothing wrong with being on the effeminate side. Gender is not a series of likes or dislikes or action and it's not defined by the things you like to do. Gender is an important construct, as we all know first hand! But gender ROLES can be pretty stupid. Don't worry about them! Just be yourself. =)

[Guest hayden_jude]

Alex,

There are definitely lots of feminine/effeminate/femme/whatever transguys out there! And I am one of them. What can I say, I like girly things and I have girly reactions to bugs and other things. I'm not a lumberjack. But I am still a man. And I like who I am, and as you said, I am not changing that. I've finally gotten to a place where I am happy with myself (for the most part) on the inside - now it's just a matter of the outside!

[Guest ScifiComicDUDE]

well i live in the countryside, so the rugged "tough" look is my style., combined with a hip hop look .but deep down inside im very sensitive, quiet and peaceful....people expect me to be the macho type ( beating the pop out of people and all) but no that person you have sterotypically ingrained in your brain because of my perceived image isnt meh.....

[Guest JeanVier]

*waves* Me too.

I enjoy dressing up in a nice suit and tie, but I could see myself in a dress-- and, when I feel more confident in my masculinity, I do want to do so... but I would be a boy in a dress, like Bowie's "The Man Who Sold the World" cover, not a girl. I am sensitive, and I like cute animals (kittens!). I have androgynous interests, roleplay androgynously... I am an effeminate guy, and it was so hard to realise this because (like Xren said) it is much harder to be an effeminate transguy than a masculine transguy. How do you construct and embrace a masculinity that goes against such ingrained notions of masculinity as (a) only for male-born people and ( flannel, trucks, etc...

I am glad to see there is a good number of us out there, here on the forum.

-JV

[Guest Nicodeme]

Well, of course you like kittens. Anyone who doesn't like kittens has no soul!

But, yeah. A few more I thought up off the top of my head...

I cook and sew...and I'm good at it, and I like it that way.

I happen to kinda like my uterus and plan to put it to use, because I love kids and I already know I'm a family man. Even though, typically, I'm a playmate and entertainer with little kids, which is usually the more "manly" way to go about dealing with them, I'm just as capable of doing the more "womanly," need-meeting stuff, and...well, at the risk of sounding incredibly weird, I really look forward to the whole experience. The thought of being pregnant doesn't bother me. I'm guessing that's a really rare case for transguys...or people in general. XD

I listen to Patrick Wolf, and I swear-tuh-gawd, every other person I know who listens to him is a girl! XD

I wear a whole noun-load of kandi braclets; I'm usually wearing at least two at a time, and the only time I don't is when I take them off to shower, so I kind of crattle (click and rattle) when I move my arms. Like a neon, ravery rattlesnake.

I have Hello Kitty pajama pants...and they're my favorite pair of pajama pants...

Well, I have two. But one's medium, and since it's mostly pink, (mine's blue) I'm letting Ryan have it. I think it'd be cute if she and I had Hello Kitty pants in our respective gender-appropriate colors. :3

Actually, I have two pairs of HK underwear, too, and I ironically feel my manliest when wearing them. So I intend to buy more. I usually only wear one pair, since they're girlie knockoffs of briefs instead of panties. And I know they make Hello Kitty briefs for guys...so it's on my to-do list.

And, one of my goals is to amass a giant collection of unicorn t-shirts. That's with ALL kinds of unicorns, from cutesy, cartoony ones with pink and rainbows, to epically and breathtakingly detailed, dramatic ones. Why? Because unicorns are freaking awesome! And, if any of you happen to read Tha Man Sam's blog, he gives an amusing and compelling explanation as to why unicorns are the perfect symbol for trans people.

Though, I'm kind of saving that for when I've had the...*looks down*...things removed, so I can wear them without stretching them out. Once I'm flat, I'll feel more comfortable than ever wearing a unicorn t-shirt with skinny jeans and Hello Kitty briefs...and maybe wearing sparkly eyeliner... >_>

...Okay, totally wearing sparkly eyeliner. And rhinestone-trimmed glasses.

[Guest Silver]

I'm kinda femme. Sometimes it won't seem that way, like when I'm bringing in fire wood or doing some chores with my dad, but at the end of the day? Oh yeah am I feminine. Still a guy, just a fabulous one.

[Guest Otto]

i'm effeminate haha xD

i'm androgynous, so i look like a girlboy =/ (lol)

I would like to look more manly , but i don't know how xD

But i deffinitely like wearing skinny jeans and sometimes even leggings!! but sure i like black baggys too !

i Don't like really much make up, even if i could wear it with no problem, i'm just to bored to put it on and take it offf, and just like my brother, i look much better without make up. xD

[Guest SamTheMan]

I'm still new to all of this and haven't even had time to get my new wardrobe, but I will say it will be pretty lumberjack. But at the same time, I still smoke a cigarette effeminately, scream "like a girl" when I'm startled, and sometimes sigh like one when disappointed or angry. I still am fervently obsessed with figure skating, ice dance in particular, which in the way I was brought up was to be interpreted as very feminine. I also cry at the movies.

I think we are what we are on an individual basis. Maybe there is no set man mold for us to fit in to. And if I have to stop crying at the movies to be a man then I'm putting the same restriction upon myself as making myself wear dresses.

Maybe this is easier for me to stand by since I live and have grown up in a LGBT- friendly area. But we're all unique. Own it and be proud.

[Guest Adrian]

Hey, good for you man.

At the moment I am not feminine and never have been, because I do not want to be seen as a girl.

But I am not natrually very masculine either... Good, because I don't want to be seen as a bush lesbian, which is almost inevitable where I live.

Once I look male, I'm going to be crazy camp, I just know it I love camp.

And I really, really don't care if the whole world thinks I'm a gay man

[Aubrey Wretched]

This topic has definitely caused me a great deal of anguish.

For a long time I wasn't sure if I was FTM at all because I was somewhere between 'androgynous' and 'FTM'. I wanted to be male, I physically longed for that to be true, but I wasn't a super macho manly-man, no matter how much I joked about it. I'm still rather effeminate and don't mind being the typical effeminate gay man. I even like it. But it makes passing hard since I'm already so feminine in the body department. So then I tried to be more masculine to pass but wasn't happy doing that. So you can see where I'm coming from.

That said, I don't crossdress in person, but I love to think about crossdressing and being a girly boy. I don't want to become a stereotype, but frankly there's a lot of things about the "typical effeminate gay man" that I like and identify with.

So yeah.

[Guest Kaz]

Looking at me you'd think i was fairly manly, i have short hair, wear men's clothes, no make up etc. and i'm comfortable with that. But personality wise....i'm fairly girly...I'm not competitive or domineering, i like bright colours and fabrics and i'm arty i guess ( i'm a writer). I like shoes and it often frustrates me that men's clothes are so dull and boring...though wearing girly clothes makes me really uncomfortable so i'm stuck really. I think we need to consider that as our upbringing and (pre-t) our hormones are so different from bio guys, comparing might not be helpful...we're guys but we're trans guys not cis guys...we should just be ourselves...

[Guest thefireship]

I'm so glad I noticed this post. I read it and the replies following and feel less intimidated than I had been before.

I believe I hedge on effeminate. I am really attracted to pulling in more metro/business looking articles into my wardrobe but I really really like being clean.. The feeling after facial cleaners and the like is just something I could never give up. I buff my nails to a shine and generally like being neat. I take out my fun side in my hair. Right now its got a fiery chunk whereas the rest is black. Short in the back that tapers fairly long in the front. I have to have my preening ritual every day lest I get a little cranky. I honestly may always shave my pits too. The hair buggers me enough as is and lord only knows what would nest in there should I start HRT.

My surroundings are also rather orderly. I go for the 'lounge/library' look in the main room. I like old steamer trunks, maps, bottles, and weird antiques. My own room is pretty much a theme of black, white and gray with dark muted colors in pictures and such, very geometric and possibly slightly romantic. (I know, odd mix.) I don't like having a lot of stuff I don't need and what I do like/need I like to be of good quality or have something aesthetically pleasing going on.

Anyhoo, I enjoyed this thread. Its possible I am just more decadent-in-strict-moderation than effeminate but its nice to read the various responses in here.

[Guest DixiePixie]

Ahh, I was going to make a thread on this if I didn't find one, but here it is! I'm so happy I'm not alone in this...it took me way longer personally to realize male identification because of appearing androgynously or feminine in my fashion and in my body, it wasn't until comparatively recently that the lightbulb went off in my head that of course there are male crossdressers and drag queens that do so because they like dressing up or that's what suits them and it doesn't mean by default that they identify as women! I can wear glittery make-up and skirts and still feel like a guy doing it, although I like to think of myself as a "girly boy" in general.

Are there any resources out there for androgynous or feminine-appearing / dressing FTMs and what they do about 'passing', or how they go about being perceived as males? I've been having trouble finding such things, although there is this on LJ: http://community.livejournal.com/femme_ftm

[Guest Kagen]

Yup! I am. Just look at my avatar.

I don't like dresses or skirts, I just find them...uncomfortable, but I have no problem wearing androgynous clothes and make-up.

I have many different styles I like. Sometimes I just wear jeans and a tee, the next day a suit, the next really distressed clothing with some make-up, other days bright clothes and a wig.

I went through a tough time in the beginning, wondering if I really was FTM since I liked "girly" things, and I have been called a "fake FTM" as well, so that didn't help. Maybe I wasn't a man inside, but just a lesbian?

I'm now pretty comfortable with myself style wise...most of the time.

I still have moments when I let stereotypes get to me. In a few of those moments I threw on "super masculine", lumber jack like clothes, and cut my hair really short. Afterwords, I immediately hated myself for it. I hate parts of my body, but my hair and my style are things I am proud of and in those few moments I stripped that away.

My therapist has been helping me get past having to define everything as masculine and feminine, and I haven't thought about so much in the past few months.

I'm no less of a man simply because I wear make-up or wigs. My style and the things I like aren't masculine or feminine, they are Kagen.

[JJ]

This topic has helped me so much. It is something I struggle with yet never see discussed. We all seem to not bring it up. Get caught up somewhat in that manly code even though we disagree with it.

Reading all this has helped me come to terms with things I have really been struggling with.

Because I am not feminine. Not at all. Never have been. I hated dolls. Hated dresses-wouldn't wear prints or lace or ruffles. Pink stuff makes me nauseous. BUT I am part female in personality. And always will be. I have been a mother and grandmother -roles I cherished and would not change I learned to be nurturing-giving the love that would otherwise overwhelm me. I leared to love wearing long loose clothing at home in the evenings. Jeans and shirts during the day, but not when I relax. I love to cook. I love a beautiful well ordered house but frankly would prefer scooping out a barn to cleaning a house. I like plain jewelry. And plain clothes. But bright colors and fur and velvet. I like visiting with women now that I can be myself doing it. I get what they are saying because I lived in their world even if it didn't fit to try to be one. But I like talking fishing and building things and politics with guys. I like makeup because I look better. I'm an artist. It's like doing a painting and not like something more personal. But I also like not wearing makeup if I choose.

So finally I can see my self as a guy who can enjoy the things that I learned to love and appreciate the special perspectives that livig in a woman's body and world have given me. I'm not effeminate, feminine of femme either. Just partly female now due to estrogen and socialization. and I like it.

JohnJ

[Guest Batsu Maru Otoko Yo!]

Hey, if I can knit and collect stuffed animals, I think you're allowed to buff your nails and dye your hair.

You're you, and if you'll pardon the overused quote: the people who matter don't mind and the people who mind don't matter.