Normal, Boringly Normal

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Yes ladies and gents there comes a time where all, or nearly all, of the work is behind us and we slip into that boring normalcy that is called life. The hormones will be with you forever. You now live and work as you, others no longer see the male and see only the woman you are. Going out "en femme" means going out as yourself, doing your shopping, running other errands and just being another woman on the sidewalk.

This is the time when your GT might ask if you still feel the need for therapy (the SOC doesnt mandate it) its up to you if you want to continue. You will either be working on getting or have got your surgery letters, if you plan on doing that. When does this anticlimactic event happen? Hard to say, since it will vary from person to person; I am 8 months into RLE, 6 into hormones and 11 since diagnosis and I have hit that point. I still have some things I need to do but those are on hold pending a move back to Canada this June.

Living and working in my transtioned gender; with an extremely positive comment by my therapist still rattling around in my brain. I step boldly forward into a life with no further couselors, no more psychiatrists, just my GP every 3 or so months and being one more female in society. As it was said in another thread, "I have transitioned, now what?" Now what, live your life the way it should have been lived if nature hadnt played a cruel joke on us. The journey is far from over, yes your transition might be but you now have the rest of your life to live as a happy, healty and productive member of society.

[Guest sarah f]

Joanna that sounds like a wonderful place to be in to me. I wish I could say the same thing. You are what you have always wanted to be and that is a wonderful thing.

Love,

Sarah F

[Sally]

Good Morning, JoJo,

Now your real journey begins, focused on living not in transitioning to be able to live.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Joanna that sounds like a wonderful place to be in to me. I wish I could say the same thing. You are what you have always wanted to be and that is a wonderful thing.

Love,

Sarah F

Dearest Sarah

It doesnt seem so long ago when I was where you are, wondering if I could salvage my marriage, did I have the mental and physical strength to go forward with this course I had set for myself. The secret is time and patience, one foot in front of the other with your eyes fixed on your prize its amazing how the time and miles dissappear below our feet. One day you turn, look and nearly faint with the progress you've made. As I said in my piece "Eyes on the Prize"

"

To those ahead, thank you for making the trail

to those with me, thank you for being there

to those coming behind, follow our trail but make it yours

keep your eyes on your prize, none but you knows what that is

"

Only you know how far you need to go to feel that completeness, it may not be all the way to surgery. No matter your path you are one of us, a loved and respected sister on a similar path to the rest of us.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Joanna...

Well, Honey..

Congratulations....you're in a place that I long to be! "Normal"

Out of the "Trans" mode and into the odinary part of just living...

I don't want to be Transsexual...I'm a woman...I understand that this is a Transitional time and the word Transsesual is correct, but not for much longer!

Thanks for the insight!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Good Morning, JoJo,

Now your real journey begins, focused on living not in transitioning to be able to live.

Love ya,

Sally

to quote an old song "yes the worst is over now, the morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball (Simon & Garfunkle)"

Today is the first day of the rest of my life

[Guest sarah f]

Thank You Joanna for that. It really is needed right now.

Love,

Sarah F

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Joanna...

Well, Honey..

Congratulations....you're in a place that I long to be! "Normal"

Out of the "Trans" mode and into the odinary part of just living...

I don't want to be Transsexual...I'm a woman...I understand that this is a Transitional time and the word Transsesual is correct, but not for much longer!

Thanks for the insight!

Huggs

Donna Jean

Dear Sweet Dee Jay

Normal just sort of happens, you wake up one day and realize that for all intents and purposes you have transitioned. Yes there is still that door called surgery, if you want it, but thats more like the icing on the cake. It marks the final step on this road (for me anyway). Right now boring normalcy feels really good.

[Paula ult]

Joanna hon,

I am in the same place as you, all of the hard steps are behind me, though i am still working on getting my surgery letters this year, in some ways i did not jump through many hoops in the beginning as others, but this part they are making me jump through many, it is more of a cya type thing, plus my therapists office are sticklers on the SOC, i need to take the mmpi test, see one of the other gender therapists then go before their gender team, of which my therapist is part of, he says all this is a formality and that i am farther along than many that go before the gender team and i will get my letters, i do not plan on having my surgery for a year or two anyway, i need to keep putting those pennies in my coin jar, you know the ones everyone seem to throw away everywhere.

Paula

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Yep Paula, Im looking at mid 2011 for mine. It will give enough time for somethings my wife needs done, she has been in so much pain with her knees (she needs them both replaced) that I will delay my surgery until she has hers and gets better.

[Guest BeckyTG]

Sweet, Loving Sis,

It's difficult to imagine that the twisted, tortured person I first met right here 8 months ago was you. That was about the time I joined and you were one of the first girls I met here.

It gives me a lot of hope for my own future, actually validation is more like it. You are living, breathing proof that there IS such a thing as GID and that there IS treatment and it DOES work.

Since I've had my own levels of E adjusted upward, I'm at complete peace with myself, now. I get blood drawn in a few days and go in in a few weeks for a periodic check to see where the levels are.

I'm traveling the same road, thoroughly enjoying the trip and feeling good about being me for the first time ever.

I am so very happy for you, Big Sis. I am so happy that you're finally at peace and able to pursue something you didn't know existed--a normal life.

Bless you, Sis, bless you. I'm crying like I'm at a wedding or something.....

A big hug for you, Sweetheart,

Becky

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Sweet, Loving Sis,

It's difficult to imagine that the twisted, tortured person I first met right here 8 months ago was you. That was about the time I joined and you were one of the first girls I met here.

It gives me a lot of hope for my own future, actually validation is more like it. You are living, breathing proof that there IS such a thing as GID and that there IS treatment and it DOES work.

Since I've had my own levels of E adjusted upward, I'm at complete peace with myself, now. I get blood drawn in a few days and go in in a few weeks for a periodic check to see where the levels are.

I'm traveling the same road, thoroughly enjoying the trip and feeling good about being me for the first time ever.

I am so very happy for you, Big Sis. I am so happy that you're finally at peace and able to pursue something you didn't know existed--a normal life.

Bless you, Sis, bless you. I'm crying like I'm at a wedding or something.....

A big hug for you, Sweetheart,

Becky

Becky, my sweet lil sis

You may not know just how much of a smile your posts bring to my face. Yes much has happened in the last 8 months and it is great to be looking at now doing what most of the rest of the world takes for granted, living a normal life. I dont know if crying at the drop of a hat is part of normal but it happens. I was standing in the kitchen the other night trying to figure out what to make for dinner, I dang near started crying just because we didnt have the ingredients for what I realy wanted to make.

[Guest julia_d]

8 months in eh? .. actually you are soon to hit the big wall of normality and reality. Right now what you have is an illusion that this is what it's about. The reality is rather different. "therapists" can be a hinderance to the reality of the situation.. they assume godlike powers of perception to the individual. Personally I don't care what any psych says.. to me it's more about who I am and not having to bother remembering to do things that seem like normal daily things. I don't always bother putting makeup on to go shopping in the rain.. I don't care that much if my boots need a polish. I'm not trying to pass or be anybody I'm not, I just do it unconsciously. 9 years hrt.. I don't have to "think like a woman" because I am a woman... the "like" doesn't apply.

Yesterday was a case in point .. I had a (successful) job interview but had to out myself when it came to why I need a couple of days off for medical reasons next month. Most people would no doubt hedge the issue and teeter around the edges.. me.. I'm a Lancashire girl so I just come out with it..

Stunned silence for a few seconds followed by.. "wow.. I would never have guessed you haven't always been the woman sitting in front of me" Even after that I guess they think I'm post op.. I'm not required to go into details about that, or divulge any more information like my old name etc. They do have the right to know about a diagnosed medical condition and any treatment I am having/taking for it (insurance purposes)

I wasn't shocked by the reaction, in fact I don't even have an opinion on it one way or the other. As somebody who studied psych it's just interesting to see peoples reactions faced with somebody they see 100% as female and always has been just come out with that kind of bombshell.. It's similar to getting read as butch lesbian going with some stubble for laser.. Interesting but not earth shattering.

Please note.. just because you have changed genders (or actually just accepted and affirmed the one you really are) it doesn't invalidate the person you have tried for years to be. That's stage 3 .. realising that even the fake persona you have held is as valid as who you are now, just a different aspect of the whole person. (man skillz.. exploit them why not) It took me probably 4 years after transition to work that out, but now 5 years on from that it's ok.. I don't even bother to hide the fact of my previous existence when it comes to the crunch.

When you can sit back and take a long hard and honest look at the situation and where you are in it then that's the time you have finally made it.. 8 months is nothing compared to what has gone before and what is to come. I could go off into the stages of learning and stuff like that.. right now you are probably stage 3 .. consciously competent.. but only that. You are probably read 80% of the time.. or at least people are uncertain of your actuality.

By our shared experience hopefully we make it all a little easier for those who follow us down this long (and sometimes horrific) road. Just be honest to yourself and be yourself and in time it all clicks into place quite naturally. You really don't want to be one of the awful fakes I encountered last year. They make me laugh.. they really do.. one 20 years post op.. and still pretending... and hiding.. and only going to "safe" places. strewth.. wheres my pint? (I drink pints in a local bar.. just to annoy the men who are stuck back in the 60's when lone women weren't even allowed in pubs, let alone drinking pints!!) I do it to deliberately make a point, and a couple of other girls (much younger I might add) have started to follow suit.. womens liberation is still a long way off in the North it seems. By our actions you can measure us. My mother always said "Just because you are a woman doesn't mean you have to be a doormat and do what men say" .. she was so right. I don't dislike men, but sometimes I don't get where they think they are coming from... even having tried to be one for 30 years I don't really understand how they think (or maybe they don't think.. hmmm.. that could be it)

Be you.. relax and live your life.. we all have bad hair days from time to time

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

8 months in eh? .. actually you are soon to hit the big wall of normality and reality. Right now what you have is an illusion that this is what it's about. The reality is rather different. "therapists" can be a hinderance to the reality of the situation.. they assume godlike powers of perception to the individual. Personally I don't care what any psych says.. to me it's more about who I am and not having to bother remembering to do things that seem like normal daily things. I don't always bother putting makeup on to go shopping in the rain.. I don't care that much if my boots need a polish. I'm not trying to pass or be anybody I'm not, I just do it unconsciously. 9 years hrt.. I don't have to "think like a woman" because I am a woman... the "like" doesn't apply.

Define thinking like a woman. I am a woman so any thinking I do will, by definition, be thinking like a woman. Actually I am under no illusions as to what this is all about and how much work actually lies ahead. In many ways I am celebrating where I am and what I have done, as well as the fact that I am about to cut myself loose from the mental health people.

Yesterday was a case in point .. I had a (successful) job interview but had to out myself when it came to why I need a couple of days off for medical reasons next month. Most people would no doubt hedge the issue and teeter around the edges.. me.. I'm a Lancashire girl so I just come out with it..

Stunned silence for a few seconds followed by.. "wow.. I would never have guessed you haven't always been the woman sitting in front of me" Even after that I guess they think I'm post op.. I'm not required to go into details about that, or divulge any more information like my old name etc. They do have the right to know about a diagnosed medical condition and any treatment I am having/taking for it (insurance purposes)

I wasn't shocked by the reaction, in fact I don't even have an opinion on it one way or the other. As somebody who studied psych it's just interesting to see peoples reactions faced with somebody they see 100% as female and always has been just come out with that kind of bombshell.. It's similar to getting read as butch lesbian going with some stubble for laser.. Interesting but not earth shattering.

Please note.. just because you have changed genders (or actually just accepted and affirmed the one you really are) it doesn't invalidate the person you have tried for years to be. That's stage 3 .. realising that even the fake persona you have held is as valid as who you are now, just a different aspect of the whole person. (man skillz.. exploit them why not) It took me probably 4 years after transition to work that out, but now 5 years on from that it's ok.. I don't even bother to hide the fact of my previous existence when it comes to the crunch.

Wht you refer to as that fake persona is a phase I refer to as my former life. Yes I have separated the two, but I also have much knowlege and experience from that life. I dont tell everyone Im trans, because it really isnt their business. No, I never said I invalidated that prior existance, that life is as much part of me as the one I am living now. 4,5, or 6 months ago it would have caused me much pain and anger if someone got the name and gender wrong. Now I try to just gently correct them. Its awful hard to hide who you were when all your ID is still in the old name. Yes he sheltered me for a long time, but now its my turn to live and be me. Changing a tire, changing the oil, filters and all that other man stuff, hey I know how to do it so why not. Might save a few bucks too.

When you can sit back and take a long hard and honest look at the situation and where you are in it then that's the time you have finally made it.. 8 months is nothing compared to what has gone before and what is to come. I could go off into the stages of learning and stuff like that.. right now you are probably stage 3 .. consciously competent.. but only that. You are probably read 80% of the time.. or at least people are uncertain of your actuality.

Actually about 95% of the time I am accepted at face value, even by those who have known me on both sides of transition. It has been this way for the last few months. Long hard look at where I am, that piece didnt develop in a vacuum. It is the result of me looking back at where I have been, looking at where I am now and where I am going. My therapist is the one that told me I have gone as far as i can with her and that she no longer sees any of the old me in my voice, mannerisms, dress or how I carry myself.

By our shared experience hopefully we make it all a little easier for those who follow us down this long (and sometimes horrific) road. Just be honest to yourself and be yourself and in time it all clicks into place quite naturally. You really don't want to be one of the awful fakes I encountered last year. They make me laugh.. they really do.. one 20 years post op.. and still pretending... and hiding.. and only going to "safe" places. strewth.. wheres my pint? (I drink pints in a local bar.. just to annoy the men who are stuck back in the 60's when lone women weren't even allowed in pubs, let alone drinking pints!!) I do it to deliberately make a point, and a couple of other girls (much younger I might add) have started to follow suit.. womens liberation is still a long way off in the North it seems. By our actions you can measure us. My mother always said "Just because you are a woman doesn't mean you have to be a doormat and do what men say" .. she was so right. I don't dislike men, but sometimes I don't get where they think they are coming from... even having tried to be one for 30 years I don't really understand how they think (or maybe they don't think.. hmmm.. that could be it)

Feel sorry for them going only to safe places, I am out in the world doing everything I do as the woman I am. I never played it safe; during my early days in RLE I attended a major statewide conference with my wife, dressed full femme the entire time. If I was read, I have no idea because either they were all too polite or nobody was crass enough to confront me. Youre not the only one who doesnt understand them, I spent 50 years trying to be one and do as society expected of one.

Be you.. relax and live your life.. we all have bad hair days from time to time