Responding To Questions About Your Gender Orientation

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

Here are some common questions I get and how I respond. This may get a tad repetitive because these overlap so much. Hopefully some of these will help out people who have to respond to common questions. Of course, everyone's experience is different so you probably couldn't just take this word for word but maybe it would be somewhat helpful to some people. These are the understandable questions I get asked. If someone is asking lurid questions about my genitals I don't respond or I say something witty. Anyway, here they are:

Question: "Why do you have to go through all the trouble of becoming a guy? Can't you be a butch lesbian or a tomboy instead?"

My answer: "I am living as a guy because I identify as a guy, not because I want to be able to act masculinely. I tried being just a masculine girl and I felt fake and miserable. I hate having a female body and I know that in order to feel at peace I need to change many of my physical female characteristics. Every time I called myself a girl or used my birth name I felt like I was telling a massive lie and I am not comfortable with lying to everyone I know. In addition, since I am nearly exclusively attracted to guys I wouldn't make a particularly good butch lesbian"

Question: "If you like guys, why are you becoming a guy? Why would you rather be gay than straight?"

My answer: "First of all, there is nothing wrong with being gay. Second of all, my sexual orientation has No one, or nearly no one, in the western world transitions so they can become straight. Transsexuality has nothing to do with sexual orientation and everything to do with how people identify themselves. I am transitioning because I feel like a guy inside. I hate having a female body and I know that in order to feel at peace I need to change many of my physical female characteristics. Calling myself a girl made me feel like a liar and I do not like feeling like a liar. Furthermore, being with a guy as a girl is a horrible thought to me and I could never have a relationship if I were to pretend to be a straight girl."

Question: "What is wrong with being a girl? Do you have something against women?"

My answer: "There is nothing wrong with being a girl if you are a girl. The problem is I am not one. Being a girl would be lying to everyone I know. I have nothing against blondes but that doesn't mean I have to bleach my hair to prove it."

Question: "How do you know you are making the right decision? This is pretty big, do you want to risk it?"

My answer: "Since starting to live as a guy and stopping my period and puberty I have had an amazing improvement in my mood. I no longer self injure, I am not suicidal and I am most of the time rather happy. I do know that I need to further transition because it has been somewhat upsetting to watch all my friends get deeper voices, grow taller, have their jaws masculinized and generally go from boys to mens while I still am not going through puberty at the age of 16."

Question: "If you want to be a guy, why do you sometimes dress in a feminine manner/not play sports/not eat meat/anything else stereotypically feminine someone can come up with?"

My answer: "I do this because I want to. Much of traditional gender roles are socially and not biologically based and furthermore it is irrelevant. I did not start transitioning in order to better fit a gender role. I did it because I felt sickened by my body and I knew I needed to change it in order to be at peace. I felt that l was lying every time I called myself a girl and I am not comfortable lying to everyone I know in such a massive way. I dress in an unusual manner because I do not see the point in going through the trouble of transitioning and then repressing myself. It wouldn't be repression to the same degree but it still is a form of needless repression. I don't particularly mind if I don't pass, though it's nice if I do, because I know I am a guy and someone having a different perception won't change that."

How do you respond to genuine questions?

[Guest Donna Jean]

Does "Buzz off, creep" count?

Seriously, your answers are beautiful and well thought out, straight form the heart answers.

But, I suppose that they fit in better when someone is serious in their question and truly are trying to understand and not just being a smart alek.

These answers of yours are really wonderful and really explain you to anyone that would sit and listen to what you are saying...someone that really wants to know.

I know that folks sometimes ask serious questions, but, come off as being rude...you handle it with grace...

You're a peach!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Praised hon,

It saddens me that you had to endure such questions. You did very well in answering them

Having been in similar situations myself, I typically respond like this....

"Being transgendered is very complex and has little to do with 'wanting' to be one gender or another. I identify as female and always have. This has nothing to do with wanting be with guys. This has everything to do with who I am and how I see myself."

Now that kind of response is when I am in the right mood to talk. Many times I just say.... "You could never understand".

Anyway, thanks Praised for this post. I am sure that your post will help many people.

Thank you for taking the time to share your experience with us

Love

Brenda

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

How do you respond to genuine questions?

Usually with genuine responses, but it depends on the person and their question.

If it's coming from my family or friends, then I will give a genuine response.

If it's coming from some stranger who's trying to be a jerk then I'll fire back with a sarcastic response.

[Guest Lynnx]

In addition, since I am nearly exclusively attracted to guys I wouldn't make a particularly good butch lesbian"

Yeah, i bi, but mostly attracted to guys. And i know i look like a butch lesbian. I'm pretty sure some of the guys a work think I'm gonna divorce my spouse. It's like "hellooooo, i gay"

Thing is, i usually don't get asked questions. kinda bumms me out. I've been waiting for a person to ask if I'm a girl or a boy.....so I can say "no". I have to turn gender related things that people say into a chance to tell them. For example, at work, after i dumped the construction trash in the bin, a coworker said "tying to be a he-man?" So i said. "well my soul is more boy than girl".

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Good TOPIC with great answers!

The biggest question I get is - because of my age - how come you have to transition now? You made it for 61 years!

My answer, because I have too. I thought I could make it, simply die at the end, still playacting male. I couldn't do it, Then I tell them I should have transitioned age eight but no one had ever heard of gender dysphoria in 1959.

I was age 14 before I found out I was NOT the only one in the world that felt like they were terribly wrong in body!

Lizzy

[Guest Nicodeme]

You know, sadly, a lot of the genuine questions I get are about my parts.

"What are you?"

"Human."

"But what parts do you have?"

"Private ones."

"Yeah, but what are they?"

"None of your Gosh darned business!"

And at that point, I sometimes like to throw in a sassy *snap-snap* because it leaves them with either "nelly boy" or "total @#$%ing weirdo." Both of which are just fine by me.