Confessing Feelings To A Friend

[Guest Anthelia]

Hello all, I have a question for yall regarding telling a good and friend of mine that I like him. I have known him since 9th grade and between 10th grade and through my second year of college we hung out almost daily. I have always had an attraction to him and for a while after I came to terms with who I was I struggled between coming out to him and based on what I knew of him thought he would be greatly against it. When I finally mustered the courage his response was shocking, "You finally decided to tell me. Ive known for a long time" Since then our relationship really has not changed a whole lot which due to my work/school schedule and where we live now we don't see each other anywhere near as often. Lately I have started to think about him much more than I used to. Unfortunately I have always had issues telling people how I really feel, and especially on anything romantic. I would love to tell him how I feel but do not want to lose the relationship. Do any of yall have some good advice on how to tell someone that you like them or the venue in which to do so.

Thanks,

Lauren

[Sally]

Lauren,

You have two options - you don't tell him and there is no chance of anything developing or tell him and then there are two options - he will not like the idea and you will lose the friendship or he will be a little curious about the idea then there are two options - he will decide that you are not the one for him or he will like the whole relationship - then you have two options stay with him and be happy for your decision to tell him or leave him to hunt for someone else - I would stop before that last option.

Seriously - if you never tell you will most definitely lose him - if you do it is a chance but that is more than you have if you don't tell him.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Skylar]

I would say tell him and see where that takes you. If you don't tell him most likely he's going to end up figuring out something is up. We tend to act a bit different around people we like, especially when they are friends. After you tell him he can decide where it wants to go from there. I doubt it will ruin the friendship although it is still a possibility. But if he doesn't want to pursue it then he can just say he thinks you would be better off as friends. Hope that helps.

-Sky

[Carolyn Marie]

Good advice so far, Lauren. I agree that you should tell him.

How and where, that's more difficult and requires more knowledge of your situation than I have.

But, a heartfelt letter is often nice (and I mean letter, not e-mail or twitter message), or a card with a message, or something else personal.

Of course, there is the ever popular face to face talk.

You know him and yourself better than any of us, honey. Be honest, be real, and be prompt. Neither of you is getting any younger, you know.

Good luck, hon. Tell us how it all works out.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

Well you say you don't see him so much anymore, so it gives you the ideal excuse to make a point of you two seeing each other by going out together, invite him to see a movie, or go for a meal, something which friends can do, but is generally more in 'date' territory, and see how it goes, if it all seems good, to just and swing it more into a date, casualy touch his hand, compliment him more, take the conversation more personal, if he starts to act uncomfortable at any point, then you'll know not to act any further on your feelings yet. in which case dial it back a little to the most familiar you can be while he's still ok, and then enjoy the evening together, and then do it again, make a habit of just the two of you going out once a week or so, nd let your relationship grow stronger. if he is totally cool with everything, then hopefully you'll know enough to be able to confess your feelings for him. You can always do the taking about past crushes or girlfriends thing and then confess "i used to have a crush on you" he'll laugh but then his level of intrigue should tell you if he'd reciprocate.

I'd say that's probably safer than just telling all straight out.

[Guest Anthelia]

Thanks all for the replies. I have this week off from work so I could probably get together with him a few times. Going to see the new Alice in Wonderland with him this week. As for seeing movies together I have, for a long time now, asked him to go out for dinner and a movie. He is perfectly fine with doing that and I think we used to have a dinner/movie outing atleast once a month usually closer to twice. As for swaying it into a date of sorts that might take a little effort, but I figure I should be able to sway it in that direction. But I will think about what to do and keep yall updated on what happens.

Thanks,

Lauren

[Guest Natalie92]

Hello all, I have a question for yall regarding telling a good and friend of mine that I like him. I have known him since 9th grade and between 10th grade and through my second year of college we hung out almost daily. I have always had an attraction to him and for a while after I came to terms with who I was I struggled between coming out to him and based on what I knew of him thought he would be greatly against it. When I finally mustered the courage his response was shocking, "You finally decided to tell me. Ive known for a long time" Since then our relationship really has not changed a whole lot which due to my work/school schedule and where we live now we don't see each other anywhere near as often. Lately I have started to think about him much more than I used to. Unfortunately I have always had issues telling people how I really feel, and especially on anything romantic. I would love to tell him how I feel but do not want to lose the relationship. Do any of yall have some good advice on how to tell someone that you like them or the venue in which to do so.

Thanks,

Lauren

Here are the following senarios that will most likely play out depending on you're decision

~~~YOU TELL HIM

1) He doesn't mind too much but doesn't want it to really go anywhere. You might be a bit upset for a little while, but should eventually get over it.

2) He likes the idea and you 2 date. It works out great and you two remain in the realitionship for a long time.

3) He likes the idea and you 2 date. However after a while things don't go well and your relationship suffers as a result (even though it may not be over, things will be VERY different for you.)

4) He gets upset that you want to take your realtionship with him to that level and your relationship suffers.

YOU DON'T TELL HIM

5) You eventually get over it and you guys remain good friends.

6) It eats you up inside and you do something stupid either harming you or your friendship.

7) You let out enough hints without knowing it that he forces you to admit that you like him thereby forcing one of the first 4 senarios to play out.

(FYI, I've had the same thing happen. Senario 7 played out and after I was forced to admit I had a crush on him a mix between senarios 1 & 4 played out. We are still friends but he didn't want to be BEST friends anymore. We're still close but not quite as close as we were.)

Good luck & lots of love!

Natalie

[Guest Anthelia]

Well, I have decided that I am going to tell my friend how I feel... eventually. My main issue is that I don't really know how to go about telling anyone this. The last time I told someone that I liked them not only did she turn me down but had to send a friend to tell me that she was turning me down. But, me and my friend had a nice dinner last night. I could just be imagining things but the mood/atmosphere seemed a lot different than the other times we have gone out to dinner. We ended up talking for around 3.5 hours hooray for unlimited refills on drinks and a never ending basket of french fries. He even started to joke about how us sharing beds together and him changing in front of me might have been a tad confusing for me. I just smiled and nodded. Though sadly the night ended, only because the restaurant was closing and we were almost being kicked out. He then paid for the meal, walked me to my car and we drove off. Now to see if I can setup another date for this Sunday.

-Lauren

[Guest Anthelia]

Wanted to update this with some progress me and my friend have made. During the last month we have been on quite a few dates, usually dinner and a movie. However we did some bowling a few times as double date and small group. I have told him that I like him but was unable to really read his reaction after telling him. He is much more comfortable with physical contact, mainly just holding hands during movies or me resting my head on his shoulder(very comfortable by the way). He also at times will refer to me as his girlfriend, but not often. Not that there are a lot of times to bring up, "Shes my girlfriend" into a conversation. On the last date we had I invited him over to my place for dinner and a movie, I was rather surprised when he showed up with flowers. But was nice to actually be on the receiving end of that for once. Final thing for now would be that in the Dallas area SMU is hosting a Gayla Prom which is a prom targeted at the GLBT youth community. He is going to be taking me, and after telling his mom that he was going to prom with Lauren she is pestering him into making sure he gets his tux plenty of time in advance. His parents both know me but I have not come out to them, which might make prom a bit fun if I do not come out to them before hand. Luckily for the prom I get to go dress shopping with some of friends whom are also going. Honestly I am not sure what to call the relationship but I am liking it and while I would like to see it get more serious it is nice to have for now.

-Lauren

[Sally]

Lauren,

I am so happy for you - I have had those same problems in my life and they reinforce our natural fear of rejection - I spent years afraid to tell anyone how I felt about them because for me saying, "I love you," was pretty much the same as saying, "Good bye forever."

Recently I had met someone very special and while they were sending all of the signs that no one could miss (except me) for over a year and a half until finally one night I had to tell her (that was another problem - I have always considered myself to be completely straight so as an MTF I should only express feelings of love to males, but gender is fluid as is sexual orientation it seems and besides Love really isn't about sex at all, so I called and told her how I felt and she didn't run away - she just asked what took me so long.

So now I can tell my close friends that I love them and I don't worry about them disappearing, not one of them has and we are closer now than ever before.

So you have told him how you feel and he is taking you to the prom - I guess you know that he isn't running away, now you can be more open with your friends let them know how much they mean to you - people like to hear that.

I love you, that wasn't hard to say because I mean it and I am so glad to see you this happy.

Sally