Why?

[Guest Elizabeth K]

This is from part of a letter to my secret lover - it could be place in the MTF forum with a few changes, possibly any other forums here particulat to us being gender dysphoric:

Why do those we love the most turn on us sometimes?

It's apparently part of being like we are, I mean, our closest and most loved people say they understand but they really don't. I don't understand why it's so difficult to see what happened to us - that we are just caught up in this terribly difficult life where we are just not what we appear to be. Sometimes I think we should have just dug in and said we are female, and to 'fix it' - when we were children! The looking like a male part of all this, the body mismatch to our real being -FIX IT!!! Instead we try to be what everyone says we should be. And we think they will appreciate that - but they don't. They say they understand, but they don't. They say they support us , but they don't.

They think we are perverted. They think we are like this because we have a character flaw. Sometimes they say we betrayed them by being what they wanted us to be, then transitioning to what we really are.

It makes me cry and cry.

Lizzy

[Guest Michele H]

Much is hidden in your post - except the pain. You are loved and appreciated and SO FAR from being perverted. Be strong but let the tears cleanse you

[Sally]

Lizzy,

There is only one easy answer to this and that is - All people are self centered.

I will repeat that because it is not JUST THEM or JUST US - ALL PEOPLE ARE SELF CENTERED!

You want the people you love to understand and accept that these changes are necessary and stay with you, love you and adjust to the changes as they occur and be blissfully happy for you. (ME TOO!)

They want you to remain the person that they met and fell in love with forever without any changes or even any growth - just always be the same.

Neither is realistic or even possible - we must all compromise - that is the way the world works - we give a little, they give a little and we can be happy - expecting them to totally understand and accept is just doomed from the beginning - back it down to TRY to understand and work with you and they need to give in on how much control they will have over your appearance - it is a little thing but from there you take each step slowly and compromise until you both arrive at your destination together.

I have a bit more that I want to say to you on this matter but that will be in private - You are one of my very dearest friends so I don't want to hurt your feelings but we do have to realize that we ARE being selfish too!

Love ya,

Sally

[Paula ult]

This is from part of a letter to my secret lover - it could be place in the MTF forum with a few changes, possibly any other forums here particulat to us being gender dysphoric:

Why do those we love the most turn on us sometimes?

It's apparently part of being like we are, I mean, our closest and most loved people say they understand but they really don't. I don't understand why it's so difficult to see what happened to us - that we are just caught up in this terribly difficult life where we are just not what we appear to be. Sometimes I think we should have just dug in and said we are female, and to 'fix it' - when we were children! The looking like a male part of all this, the body mismatch to our real being -FIX IT!!! Instead we try to be what everyone says we should be. And we think they will appreciate that - but they don't. They say they understand, but they don't. They say they support us , but they don't.

They think we are perverted. They think we are like this because we have a character flaw. Sometimes they say we betrayed them by being what they wanted us to be, then transitioning to what we really are.

It makes me cry and cry.

Lizzy

Lizzy hon,

Those that are not trans can really never understand unless they walk in our heels, for them it is not like a missing limb, a cleft palate, or something they can see and touch, they can not see or touch our minds.

It also does not help that this is in the DSM, many think we perverted, strange, crazy, child molesters etc. and think they can catch this, then the shows like Jerry Springer and DR. Phil, then you have the theory by some that we can be fixed.

My best friend, i know it is not the same as a family member but we used to be pretty close, initially when i told her she was ok with my transition because at the time there were few outward signs, it, then a few weeks later i got the cold shoulder for a few weeks, i believe she was coming to terms with it, then back to being ok, now she has wavered yet again and she only talks to me when she needs something, when i say hi to her she barely says hi back, i believe because she see the changes and it is now real to her, time will tell if she will waver yet again and we will become good friends again.

Lizzy hon, let those tears out.

HUGS!!

Paula

[Carolyn Marie]

They think we are perverted. They think we are like this because we have a character flaw.

It makes me cry and cry.

Lizzy

I understand how much this sentiment can hurt. People who know us the best, our close loved ones,

should know enough about our character to never make such statements, or even think them. How

can someone you have lived with for years, upon hearing that you're transgendered, suddenly imagine

that you are perverted or evil or bad??? Doesn't those past years mean ANYTHING? Apparently not.

I guess its just a defense mechanism. If they can believe that, it somehow allows them to wash their

hands of you. It stinks, but it is the reality we live with.

Cry all you want, dear Lizzy. It will help.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Donna Jean]

How can our dearest loved ones throw us under the bus sometimes...?

I've seen war vets come back horribly disfigured, auto accident victims and victims of other unfortunate things and they are all loved and supported..

The accidents and disfigurements no fault of their own....

But we have a condition that we were born with and cannot help and we're seen as ruining our loved ones lives as if we just made up our mind one day to be this way...not taking other's lives into consideration.....

It hurts.....

Donna Jean

[Guest daphene]

Lizzy how true it is that even the ones we love the most are willing to kick us to the curb. I am living proof. It makes me wanna cry and cry and cry because it seems we are in a no win situation or at least I am. I can be me and lose everyone else which makes me cry or I can stay in male role all the time which is not me and keep everyone which still makes me cry. So who knows the answer to happiness? I haven't found it yet so you and I will just have to cry for now.

Hugs,

Daphene

[Guest ~Brenda~]

For some reason,

Many significant others take it personally that one comes out them. I have worked with quite a few people here who are so distraught because their SO's are not listening to them and are only concerned with themselves and what a horrible injustice has been done by coming out to them.

Instead of being concerned for the happiness and well-being for the one who realizes that they are transgendered, the SO sometimes thinks that you have gone crazy and are up to no good.

Very sad

Brenda

[Guest angie]

Only time will heal old wounds Lizzy.

After building a complete life,having a family and friends,

developing hobbies, and a carreer,and them only knowing

the man you used to be,it takes TIME for them to see we

are not only taking on the aspects and life of a woman,but

are genuinely happy,that our whole demeanor say's we are.

After the time of mourning,which could take literally years

for them to come to terms with the change,many see that

our choice that was never a choice,is right for us. And it opens

hearts and minds to accept what cannot be changed back.

As has been explained to me,the change is so radical,our whole

appearance and demeanor change so much,that it takes others

by surprise. Like,who is this person? I like who you were before,

can't you just go back to being who you used to be?

In a word...NO. Living life genuinely has a cost many are stunned

to find we must pay,but pay we do as our life moves ever forward.

They only think of their pain,not the emotional pain we are inflicted

with, just to be true to who we know we are. It has taken my family,

siblings,and extended family almost seven years to accept,but they do.

Warm Hugs of Deep Understanding My Sister,

Angelique

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Great answers!

I think the 'getting kicked in the teeth' by someone who swore they would love you forever - that is what hurts.

I say to them I KNOW I HURT YOU!. I am SO SORRY!

I also say YOU MUST TRY TO IMAGINE! 61 years of playacting, hiding and being miserable.

Well - like Sally said - we are selfish creatures, we humans.

So 'For better or for worse, in sickness and in health' has some fine print "unless the problem is gender dysphoria"

Lizzy

[Guest Cris]

Lizzy,

I guess like most of us here that have been married or with a particular partner for any length of time before transition it is hard for them to adjust and accept our decisions in life. I have been married 24 years, and have two girls 21 and 18. I have been on HRT for about 15 months. Not so sure she is going to stay with me. Some days its good and we can be best friends, and then others is full of tears and pain. She refuses to believe that this is best for me, that this is truly who I am and that as my transition goes forward, I am more at peace in my life, but I have caused pain in hers. My kids are not fully accepted of me either, so I have that hanging over my head as well.

I have been told if I keep my issue in the closet at home things will be ok between us. She can tollerrate it then, but to take it out into public is an embarrassment to my family. I cannot keep things bottled up any longer. I am at peace with my being transgendered. I have 1 really good friend in my life that supports me and she is is a great friend to have. I have shed many a tear on her shoulder.

I think others probably stated it best that we have been with them for so long and they knew us as who we were pretending to be. I think I fooled many people in my life that I was a man.... Maybe a little too good.

I do wish you the best.

If you ever want to chat sometime feel free to pm me

Cris