I Can Do This All By Myself

[Guest ~Brenda~]

I can transition all by myself without therapists, without endocrinologist's, without anyone.

Heck, I can get hormones over the internet and I can take them at any dosage I think is right.

Who needs that hassle anyway. Therapy? Diagnosed with GID? Carrry Letters?.. Why?

All I need to do is get the hormones I need and do what ever it takes to get the look I want.

The Standards Of Care are just a bunch of hooey, setup as road blocks to slow my transitioning down.

The fast track is hormones now!!! I am getting those breasts now, and I am not waiting for some dingbat doctor to tell me something that I alread know.

A little silicone here, a little silicone there, hormones, clothes... done... no hassle.

Perfect!!!! Right?.....

Wrong.......

The above was my attitude long before I even knew about Laura's, before I started talking to people about my transsexualism.

I did go online and buy hormones. I self medicated for about two years before I joined Laura's. I know that excitement of swallowing that first pill. I know the anticipation of the physical changes as a result of taking estrogen (in my case.. MTF). I also know the unrealistic expectations of how I would look after a few months on being on hormones. I know the taste, the feelings, the hopes associated with taking hormones.

I also know the uselessness of self-HRT. I will not divuldge how much money I spent on hormones, but it was significant (hundreds of dollars).

I took low dosages, I took high dosages. I took everything in between.

After deluding myself for those years, I had to admit finally, that none of my fantacies were coming true. After all that time, after all that money spent on Estrogen, I looked in the mirror and said... Brenda, your body has not changed at all, but your bank account certainly has.

I consider myself lucky that nothing tragic happened to me during those years as a result of my self-HRT. Actually, nothing, at all happened to me during those years. No visable effects from self-HRT. Nothing at all, but time and money wasted.

For those who think that self-HRT is the way to go, think again. Forget about the possible health effects. Think about how much time and money you are going to spend with no results. If you notice, people here (such as Lizzy, and Donna Jean for example) who have been undergoing HRT properly, they have had dramatice changes in a very short period of time. Why? because they are taking the right dosages for them, prescribed by a doctor after blood analysis.

This is important!! The correct dosage for you is very important. Too little, and your body just washes it away. Too much and your body goes into overdrive and the opposite effect happens (for MTFs, your testosterone levels dramtically increase and the net effect is that you become even more masculine). Way too much, and you are now toxic and are poisoning yourself.

The right dosage for you is dependant upon your starting point based upon your blood work. With just the right dosage of hormones, and other hormone related products (anti-androgens, progesterone, etc) your body will respond positively and the desired effects will appear.

Laura herself tried self-HRT and suffered severe physical health problems as a result. I tried self-HRT and got no where and wasted a lot of time and money.

Lesson learned....

Stick to the wpath SOC. They were developed for a reason. Safety and Efficiency of Transitioning.

Brenda

[Carolyn Marie]

Great post, Brenda. Thanks for this.

I had to admit, when I first started reading it, I got scared and thought you had fallen and hit your head on a rock and woke up as someone else.

I'm glad you're OK, though. Don't scare me like that, hon. Getting too old for this.

You're absolutely right about the SOC. Remember, all, that the SOC is not a rigid, inflexible document that fits everyone the same way. Your therapist

has wiggle room within them to fit your individual situation. But they do work, when followed by an informed and dedicated professional. We

have all heard about those cases when a therapist seems as misinformed as the general public. Thank the Goddess they are few and far between.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Katrina_Carter]

Yeah, one of the first things my therapist asked me was "Are you self medicating?", which I said no, but then he went into why it was bad. There's a reason for doctors, most of them know what they are doing

[Guest Donna Jean]

Really wonderful post, Brenda......

I know that so many people hate the 1-2-3 of the transition process, but it's for built in protection!

And, yes...Lizzy and I did have very good results from being on the right doses of HRT...and we're both over 60 ...

Please do it right...we need to be monitored so we don't shut down our livers...

LOVE

Dona Jean

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

Are you now on prescribed HRT and seeing results?

I ask because, while I don't condone the irresponsible nature of how you went about everything, if you really were taking the right stuff, (this was real estrogens not the herbal junk?) then you should have seen or felt some effects, maybe not what you wanted, and you were certainly putting yourself at serious risk, but you can't put that amount of hormones into you and not get some effects unless there is something else wrong with you.

If you haven't started prescribed HRT yet and you know for a fact that you were taking the correct stuff then it might be worth talking to a doctor and making sure that you are ok and will respond correctly.

[MaryEllen]

Very true, Brenda. Too little estrogen will not work and too much will convert to testosterone and make you even more masculine and become toxic to your system. The dosage has to be correct and only a doctor can determine what that is. Also remember, that which is the correct dosage for one person could very well be toxic to another. Play it safe and do it under a doctors supervision.

MaryEllen

[Sally]

Great Topic Brenda,

But next time don't start out like that!

I was half way through my computer trying to wring your neck before I got to the WRONG!

I didn't see how on Earth you could have that attitude after being here for so long - and I see that you cannot.

I am not as much of a poster child for supervised HRT as Lizzy and Donna Jean because of my extreme weight problem but if you look at me from straight on you can see that there is a figure developing in spite of my huge stomach - my chest is wider than the mid section and so are my hips the weight loss is all taking place from my stomach and several of my chins!

The development is rather obvious but due to my weight no one says anything - that will be changing pretty soon as I am now past an A cup and can no longer squeeze my enhancers into my B cup bras - not too bad for just 7 months and the body hair is all but gone now.

I am a very happy lady and I know that I am in good hands because my doctor specializes in trans issues - he is a volunteer at a GLBT clinic and does this for free because he knows how dangerous our alternatives can be.

Love ya,

Sally