Not That Much Different From People With Eating Disorders?

[Guest Natalie92]

I was talking with my therapist a couple weeks ago and she told me something that sort of stuck at me. Before I tell you though, I'd like to disclose that she is NOT a gender therapist (as she has reminded me quite a few times, now) but has agreed to see me for free until I go to college and can find a gender therapist as she is a personal friend of my aunt's.

While we were talking she noted that it seemed that transgender people aren't too far off from those with eating disorders in that the main problem is a low self body image. (Over half of her patients suffer from bulemia or anorexia, so she DOES know something about eating disorders.) As she mentioned, the difference between an MTF and a super feminine male (no offence to FTMs but it's the example she used since I happen to be MTF) is that a feminine male is COMFORTABLE with a male body and therefore identifies as male, even though very feminine. The main differences between gender identity disorder / gender dysphoria, she says, are what we see mainly wrong with our bodies, the main way to fix the problem, and the length of the "disorder", "dysphoria", etc. I would like to hear what your opinions are on this.

I am also interested in your opinion on some advice she offered me. She said that since some of the largest problems of transgenderism (psychological problems) stem from poor body image, she suggested that until I am able to get hormones, and once I get them, while I am waiting for them to take their effect, to focus on things about my body that I DO like, since as she said, it doesn't benefit to complain over flaws that you can't change immediately every second of the day.

These ideas have stuck out at me, and I was wondering your personal opinions on them. By the way, since it's pretty late, I know I might not've been clear in typing this, so if any clarifcation is needed I'll be happy to provide it (at a resonable hour )

Love

Natalie Alexis

[Guest Ryles_D]

the difference between an MTF and a super feminine male (no offence to FTMs but it's the example she used since I happen to be MTF) is that a feminine male is COMFORTABLE with a male body and therefore identifies as male, even though very feminine.

I would say "clearly you're dealing with a non-expert" but, hell, gender therapists try to force us into those roles, too. See the difference is that just like there are femme women- there are butch women and tomboys and andros in the cis and trans community. A butch trans woman is probably more masculine than a super femme guy (hell, a femme woman might be more masculine than him) but that doesn't make her a man.

Not only that- but your therapist is ignoring SOCIAL DYSPHORIA. Yes, bodily dysphoria is a major dysphoria, but so is social. You can't ignore the fact that there are people who are pretty Gosh darned comfortable with their body, but aren't happy being treated as someone they aren't. That isn't a body image issue.

Also- "he's comfortable with his body, therefore he identifies as male"? No. The dysphoria is caused by our identity our identity is not caused by dysphoria. Notice which causes which. There are a lot of instances of trans guys who are alright with their body, kind of confused about the whole "where's my penis?" thing and annoyed by the "why does everyone think I'm a girl?" thing, but overall comfortable. Then puberty comes around and everything messes up. Did they suddenly start identifying as male at puberty? NO! They identified as male even when they were overall happy with their body and decently okay with their life. Dysphoria does not cause our identity, our identity leads to dysphoria because society refuses to accept us.

The difference between a non-dysphoric trans woman and that femme guy is that 1. she might not be femme, 2. she is a woman regardless of the body or how society sees her and always was, 3. there is actually a big difference in how femme guys and femme girls present.

If her advice works for you- that's great. Go with it. But she has no idea what she's talking about.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Ryles - when did you get so smart! That's EXACTLY it!

Lizzy

[Guest BeckyTG]

Sweet Natalie,

Ryles really did a nice job, I can only add a few things based on my own experience.

"While we were talking she noted that it seemed that transgender people aren't too far off from those with eating disorders in that the main problem is a low self body image."

No, the problem has nothing to do with body image, it has everything to do with Gender Identification. I was born with a male body, but my brain is female. I had such intense stress, conflict and pain from that situation that I felt I just couldn't deal with it any longer. This stress was relieved in less than 2 months for me due to a therapist allowing me to see that the tremendous amount of hostility I had as a result of this condition was self-directed. I was the cause of my problem. If it wasn't for ME, I could fix it, if that makes any sense. In other words, since I didn't seek treatment, I had no one to blame but myself. Once I got started on HRT and got my blood chemistry changing and accepted that I was getting corrected, most of my inner stress has disappeared. I'm very calm now, I no longer have any hostility that I'm aware of. The difference is night and day--yet, my body has barely changed in that time. My brain has done all the changing.

My therapist accepts me as female, my doctor accepts me as female, I have a prescription for female drugs and those reinforce my Gender Identity as female. So, I feel a lot better.

In just a very short time, my behavior has gone from "sort of" self-destructive (I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day for decades) to "extremely" self-respectful (I stopped smoking abruptly within 2 hours of making my first therapy appointment because I knew I couldn't go on HRT as a smoker). I've not had a single puff since and I was a class A hopeless tobacco addict, who'd been unable to go 2 hours without a smoke all my life up until then, despite a multitude of quit attempts using every known chemical there was. I now eat a ton of fresh foods, where I never ate hardly any before.

"The main differences between gender identity disorder / gender dysphoria, she says, are what we see mainly wrong with our bodies, the main way to fix the problem, and the length of the "disorder", "dysphoria", etc. I would like to hear what your opinions are on this."

I don't know the first thing about eating disorders, but I know a lot about GID and GD. It appears to me, after only a few months of HRT and 12 sessions of therapy (to fulfill the SOC), is the main problem is blood chemistry and self identity.

My therapist told me after only 6 or 8 sessions that I really didn't need to continue. It was only a very short time after I started HRT that 90% of my inner stress, tension, anguish and hostility seems to have vanished. poof. gone. all happy now. This has been in less than 5 months of treatment between therapy and HRT and I've only been at my current dose of Estrogen for 60 days. This current dose seems to have been the real deal for me.

Let me stress once again that my body has changed, but not enough to account for the radical changes in my brain.

I won't comment on her advice. My own advice would be to first: Accept your true identity and believe it's OK to be who you are. Second: I'd start making little changes that you can make as you go. You can shave your legs and keep them that way. You can sit to relieve yourself at all times, even if the restroom is crowded or yucky. You can start working on voice training and practice at every drive thru you go through. Now that's, fun. You can start tweezing your brows and shape them.

I hope you get the idea.

I'd also agree with Ryles that this therapist needs to do some more studying because it seems to me that they don't truly understand GID or GD.

Hugs,

Becky

[Guest Ryles_D]

I don't know the first thing about eating disorders, but I know a lot about GID and GD. It appears to me, after only a few months of HRT and 12 sessions of therapy (to fulfill the SOC), is the main problem is blood chemistry and self identity.

That's a good point... I half-jokingly said that it felt like I had estrogen-poisoning, but I think that my body really isn't "designed" to handle estrogen. I've taken herbal supplements (I know, not good, I am careful) to lower the amount, and the difference when I'm on vs off them is pretty staggering- and that's not enough to make any visible changes physically.

I won't comment on her advice. My own advice would be to first: Accept your true identity and believe it's OK to be who you are. Second: I'd start making little changes that you can make as you go. You can shave your legs and keep them that way. You can sit to relieve yourself at all times, even if the restroom is crowded or yucky. You can start working on voice training and practice at every drive thru you go through. Now that's, fun. You can start tweezing your brows and shape them.

I do agree with her advice in theory- focusing on what you can't change won't help (assuming you can avoid focusing on it, not everyone can). But it's also true that there's a whole lot we can change even without hormones. With trans women, hormones only seem to bring the final changes- chemistry changes and curves that can, to some extent, be faked. Most of the rest (makeup, voice, walk, dress, etc) can be done without it.

[Guest Katrina Reann]

There is a big difference between an eating disorder andwhat we struggle with. First off those with a eating disorder can struggle with it for many reasons and it also depends on which side of the fence they are on. Because you over eaters that eat to deal with their stress levels or to avoid dealing with stress and on the other you have under eaters and those who are bulimia or anorexia. These to can be because of stress or because of a poor body esteem.

Where as GID is not caused by stress at all and the poor body self esteem stems from being wired different and our brains do not match our bodies. Big difference in my opinion.

Eating disorders can be managed by changing eating habits and dealing with the source of the problem that cause a person to over eat whether it be an esteem problem or stress. They simply have to change their way of thinking or find new ways to deal with stress or what ever it is that is triggering them to over or under eat...in my opinion.

People who struggle with GID can't do that because there is not a trigger. we are born with it. And though there are psychological issues that can and do go with GID they are not the source of GID. Also GID has been called many things Gender Identity disorder, Gender Disorder, and who knows what else. The problem is those who are not educated in GID and the issues that go with it do not see it as a medical condition, they see it as a mental issue. They also think it is something you can be cured of when that in not true at all. We cannot change that we are wired as the opposite gender, we can only change our bodys to match our wiring. Crossdresser's are a different story as it can sometimes be used as a way of dealing or not dealing with stress, for sexual pleasure, or just enjoyment.

So to me your counselor was way off base on this particular issue. Although I do agree that we have to focus on the things we do like about our bodies while dealing with all the other issues that go with GID. Like I love my legs and have always been told by women that would die to have legs like mine.

And Personally I don't think there is much difference between what ftm's and mtf's struggle with. We are both wired so that our brains and bodies don't match, we have to take away certain parts of our bodies and add other things. Hormones gives us boobs, surgery takes away their boobs, surgery gives us vagina's, and surgery gives them penis's. Horomones gives them body hair and changes their voices. while we have electrolysis and hard work for voice training. My only wish is that the hormones for us MTF's would get rid of the body hair and help us out with the voice change a little... but I am sure the FTM's would like to see homones take away their boobs rather than surgery.

Dat's my opinion in a nutshell and no one's gonna' break it to eat this nut....Huggsss