Her Name Was Steven

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest All,

I watched the documentary "Her Name was Steven" on CNN tonight.

I have to admit that I wept through most of it (the documentary was 2 hours). So much of her story paralleled mine. So much of her story struck me to the core of my being because so much she went through, I went through myself.

I completely identified with the strife in her marriage and her resolution to help her son and to be herself (did you notice that her son still calls her dad? My children still call me that too).

Something more deep I saw too. Her coming out was very abrupt and public (sheesh I cannot think of a worst way to come out). Although there were many parallels in her life to mine, there were also significant differences. This illustrates how we are the same, but have unique paths. Like Susan, I have been conflicted with this "dual" personality all of my life. Like Susan, I experimented with crossdressing. Unlike Susan, I did not come out to my wife until it was too late. Unlike Susan, I have not kept myself completely hidden until I have no choice. Unlike Susan, I have come out to my children already and am preparing my workplace for my coming out. In all cases, I slowly expressed myself allowing questions and reactions to evolve. I do not believe in shock outing at this time in my life.

This documentary drove home for me how extremely complex being transgendered really is (as if I did not know already )

Everyone... never... ever... ever... underestimate the enormous complexities of being transgendered is. Let alone moving forward.

Dearhearts, do not compare yourself to others in their transitioning. Transitioning is extremely complex and your path in your life reflects that complexity. Keep in mind that what works for you is what is so important. Just because someone is well into HRT and makes it seem like everyting is a breeze does not mean that you are missing out on anything. Just because someone has had much success in expressing themselves in public does not mean that they have some special knowledge that you do not have. What works for them works for them. What works for you is what works... period.

If you have watched the show, you see that Susan's life was not a bowl of cherries after her transitioning. Option "C" was always on her mind.

Yes, it is a very solitude path being transgendered. Try to find happiness within yourselves each step of the way.

That is why we are all here in the first place. Encouragement and help along the way

Love

Brenda

[Bulldog1948]

Dearest All,

I watched the documentary "Her Name was Steven" on CNN tonight.

I have to admit that I wept through most of it (the documentary was 2 hours). So much of her story paralleled mine. So much of her story struck me to the core of my being because so much she went through, I went through myself.

I completely identified with the strife in her marriage and her resolution to help her son and to be herself (did you notice that her son still calls her dad? My children still call me that too).

Something more deep I saw too. Her coming out was very abrupt and public (sheesh I cannot think of a worst way to come out). Although there were many parallels in her life to mine, there were also significant differences. This illustrates how we are the same, but have unique paths. Like Susan, I have been conflicted with this "dual" personality all of my life. Like Susan, I experimented with crossdressing. Unlike Susan, I did not come out to my wife until it was too late. Unlike Susan, I have not kept myself completely hidden until I have no choice. Unlike Susan, I have come out to my children already and am preparing my workplace for my coming out. In all cases, I slowly expressed myself allowing questions and reactions to evolve. I do not believe in shock outing at this time in my life.

This documentary drove home for me how extremely complex being transgendered really is (as if I did not know already )

Everyone... never... ever... ever... underestimate the enormous complexities of being transgendered is. Let alone moving forward.

Dearhearts, do not compare yourself to others in their transitioning. Transitioning is extremely complex and your path in your life reflects that complexity. Keep in mind that what works for you is what is so important. Just because someone is well into HRT and makes it seem like everyting is a breeze does not mean that you are missing out on anything. Just because someone has had much success in expressing themselves in public does not mean that they have some special knowledge that you do not have. What works for them works for them. What works for you is what works... period.

If you have watched the show, you see that Susan's life was not a bowl of cherries after her transitioning. Option "C" was always on her mind.

Yes, it is a very solitude path being transgendered. Try to find happiness within yourselves each step of the way.

That is why we are all here in the first place. Encouragement and help along the way

Love

Brenda

Brenda,

I too watched the program. It was an extrememly well produced documentary that I found, to not only be on a personel level, but also quite an educational one.

You have the gift of wisdom and words. You express your thoughts quite eloquently. The younger transsexuals need to take note of what you have to offer, as well as the other older TSs have tro offer.. As you and I both know, nothing comes easy in our lives. Oh sure, it may look easy to others, but we each have our own very personel problems and challenges that we must face on a dailey level.

Even thouigh Dee Jay, Sally, Liz and the other "Golden Girls" have not chimed in yet, I applaud each and every one of you for having the courage to continue onward to achieve your lifes goal of becoming complete women in all aspects of your lives.

Mike

[Guest viv]

Missed that Brenda,,,fell asleep . Im gonna try get it on the CNN website .

Thanks re the lowdown though Hun, your a gem ,,,luv,viv

[Carolyn Marie]

I watched the show with my wife, and found it to be very relevant and thought provoking. A lot of Susan's background is similar to mine, as is

her family situation (one teenage son). On the other hand, there are many differences as well.

Overall, I thought the show was balanced and authentic. I also think Susan was very foolish and naive to trust political people to keep her secret.

She should have laid all the groundwork at home before ever mentioning it at work.

Other issues I have with her behavior involve her desire for press attention (her protestations aside, its obvious she liked it); her very

hurtful remarks and opinions about the TG rights movement; about TS women who don't meet her appearance standards, and her

conflicting desires for anonymity in her job search vs. her taking the spokeswoman role whenever and wherever she could.

I also marveled at what seemed like an inexhaustible supply of money for FFS, SRS, nice places to live and multiple moves, all without a source

of income (at least one that she cared to mention).

I also found the City Supervisors laughable in their lame excuse for their decision. Susan went from local hero to incompetent in the space of a

week. REALLLY?

Still, it was a good show that should help demystify us for some.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Katrina Reann]

I too watched I found her personal struggle very moving. But as for her political views and opinions toward other ts's who might have trouble passing were very cruel, hurtful, and may confuse the public. Many ts's have worked hard and dedicated their lives to make a difference in this country and around the world for tg people. And although I was moved by her story I feel she has dealt a blow to our movement somewhat and Ican understand why many in the tg community are upset with her.

[Guest Kieri]

I'm with Katrina. As much as we all know what she went through, I don't think the documentary did a good job of selling it AT ALL. The pacing made it seem like she made her decision on a whim even though the time frames were given in years. Add on top of that the sometimes contradictory viewpoints she was expressing (regarding herself vs. "men in a dress" for example) and I fear this special may have done more harm than good. I was thankful that Donna Rose was in there to put some of Susan's comments into perspective with regards to how we feel about them.

I tried to watch from the perspective of an average person. I'm afraid all they will *see* is a selfish hypocrite that destroys a marriage of 15 years. I guess I can only hope I'm wrong about that :\

[Guest]

I suspect that Susan's story was skewed by CNN paying her bills - they were the ones pushing her into the limelight. She isn't perfect from our perspective, but I don't think anyone would be after being thrust into the media spotlight.

All in all it was a big step to put this on center stage in prime time. I hope a few folks in the community at large were watching and eyes were opened a bit.

Kat

[Guest Melanieshaman]

I posted in one of the other threads already, but i think it was an important program, while Susan being a terrible role model for the rest of us. I didn't like how she practically "lusted" for the limelight, and joined organizations she really had no business joining (with her apparent views). She should not have been such a figure head, due to the fact that she really wasn't involved in the community as a whole. I'm sure the way she got some of her money was from CNN, and from her speaking engagements.

I don't mean to be harsh, as i wept at certain parts as well, but i find it funny that so much attention was thrust upon her within the LGBT community, when it seemed like she really wanted nothing to do with it, other then to be in the spot light. Hopefully people won't take our transition as a cry for attention as it seems she did, always one to give an interview or stand on a stage under a spot light.

Needless to say, overall i was unhappy with the program.

Melanie

[Guest RachaelAnn]

I had to quit watching after the first hour. All it did was enrage me. I just saw a man that was making a joke out of transgenders. The way the town treated him was a big key. 20 years of working as a city manager. Everyone liked him, thought he was an intelligent good person. Then it comes out that he is transgendered and he is an "abnormal" that needs to be fired? I lost it. Then after he started his transition, it felt to me that he just wanted to get his face in the news more than anything else. I couldn't watch anymore.

[Bulldog1948]

Well, I can see that this program has definately brought out some very interesting viewpoints. And that is a positive in my opinion.

I also found it very interesting that she3 could afford all of that expensive medical help. They made it sound like it wasn't costly at all. But, I'm sure that you ladies beg to differ on this subject. I do know that from what I've read, it costs a pretty penny though. Does anyone have an approximate cost of the entire costs. I do know that an FTM can get close to 100G involved with all of the surgeries and other medical costs, or they can go for less; just depends upon how much they want done.

Anyway, I found Susan to be offensive in her remarks of " men in a dress". I thought to myself-opps wrong comment to her fellow saisters in transition. And, after reading your various comments, I sure was right in my assessment, wan't I ladies. Something else, since she supposedly was thrust into the limelight and invited to be a speaker at such important events, including DC, she should have been more supportive of the transsexxual rights movement. I thought to myself, now here's a woman that that has a good education, has interacted with all types of other important professionals and maybe ahe'll really be a good spokesperson for the movement-wrong. I was dissapointed with many of her remarks and inactions. When you are thrust into a limelight position, you either seize the moment, pick up thr torch or get the heck outta the road. Looks like she could not or did not want to carry the torch that needed to be borne.

I, too am glad, that Donna Rose added her comments to counter-balance Susan's negativity. I could sense tha she was very frustrated and chose her words carefully, instead of really letting loose of a barrage of more colorful commemts. lol

Mike

[Guest Kaitlyn88]

Maybe I missed something? I didn't get to see all of it. I seemed to me like she was more forced into being famous then that she chose it. With her her job being trans made her an instant celebrity. Also it seemed like people wanted to look up to her just because she used to be a city manager, not because of how she handled her transition or viewpoints. So I wouldn't blame her all the way for that. Although it seemed like she only applied for city management jobs, I mean really since she was a good city manager before she should be able to find a job doing the same thing in an ideal world. If she didn't want so much fame she could have applied for low profile jobs and asked the media to leave her alone. So I guess it is a mixture of the media and her fault.

I really don't get how she got so much money. She had FFS, SRS and electrolysis at the very least. She moved a couple of times to nice houses. It made it seem like you don't even need a job to transition.

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

I too watched the program and felt allot of her issues in her early years paralleled mine, like the dual personalities. But that's where it stopped. Because of my gender issues I was never able to successfully integrate into everyday life as a normal person so I've had to live on the fringe of society. Plus I never married so I didn't have that to possibly ruin when I came out. I can understand being in the public eye though because of my work as a photographer and artist. So many people knew of my male persona it was scary at first to transition because of that. My mom even told me that I was throwing away a wonderful career as an artist/photographer but I have proved her wrong and will continue to do so.

I can't understand her opinion about the rights thing, I think she's an arrogant witch for that we all can't be beauty queens. But one thing she has been made to suffer the effects of her wrong ideas. Nothing like making a lonely life even more lonely.

Take Care

Charlene Leona

[Guest Kaitlyn88]

I must have missed where she said other transsexuals looked like men. I don't know why she would say that considering how she looked. I don't mean to be insulting but if she is saying she looks good and others are manly she deserves to have it turned around on her.

[Guest meridian]

As a parent, I found this program at various times informative, upsetting, sad, and irritating, but ultimately reassuring, inspiring, and very valuable. I thought it was odd that they had Susan dress as Steven in the early segments; she had obviously already come out, and while I suppose they were trying to bring the audience along as the story unfolded, I would have liked to see her as Susan in the interviews from the beginning, a more honest way of presenting her story, and the flashbacks filled in the Steven persona well enough. I find it hard to believe she agreed to do the documentary before she began her transition.

I was out last night and taped it, so I just saw it, and I came to Laura's right away to read the responses. Bernii, I admire you so much. I know your words about each of us being different and doing this differently were directed to others going through transition, but they resonated with me, too. Thank you.

Love to all,

Meridian

[Guest NatashaJade]

I found the documentary to be very upsetting. It was horribly exploitative and I thought Susan was guilty of allowing herself to be exploited for the sake of a somewhat sensationalist telling of one transsexual's story. The only bright spot of it for me was the inclusion of Donna Rose. Otherwise, everything, from all the before videos, the inclusion of genital electro and the surgery, well, I was more interested in who she is now, perhaps with some reminiscence. The way it was presented fit into Julia Serrano's model of how the mainstream media likes to portray us rather than who we really are. Susan's participation in this dog and pony show only made it worse, especially given her continual use of suicide as "Option C" which must be so lovely for her son (who needs to use the correct pronoun!) who must have watched this and now has to live with the constant fear that his father may kill herself. Ugh. It just made me sad and angry.

luv

Gin

[Guest Donna Jean]

Well, at first I was bummed at the fact that I wasn't going to be able to see it..(I live in the sticks...)

But, now after reading all of this I guess that i really didn't miss too much at all....

Maybe next time....

Thanks for all of your reviews and opinions....

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest Katrina Reann]

One of my friends called today who knows about me and asked if I had seen it. I said yes and asked him what he thought about it. I was just interested in getting his opinion since he is neither a cd'er or struggling with GID. He said the show and Susan was kind of a joke because he/she was commenting on ugly guys in a dress. Then my friend said has she looked in a mirror??? He also thought that Susan was not a good model for society. Randy (my friend) has lived in Florida and though he is as straight as they come he has had tg and gay friends, he says he doesn't look at labels to pick his friends and he has seen my struggle as well as others. So I valve his opinion. He went on to tell me that he did not think Susan represented people like us well at all. And that now many in society, because of this particular show, will have their own personal views toward us reaffirmed. Because she was painting a flawed picture o who a tg/ts is.He would have preferred to see the gal who was commenting on Susan in the program because she would have been able to express the tg/ts community better. He had much more to say, but that is it in a nutshell. I just thought his opinion was interesting and thought I would share it here.