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Im Almsot Certain...:'(


Guest Emily H

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Guest Emily H

Its unfair...its just unfair..... :'(

I'm a girl inside. I'm not a boy.

Why.....its unfair..... I love Ashley so much......Its unfair.....Its unfair........ Love, or being a girl....its unfair!!!!

~Emily

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Its unfair...its just unfair..... :'(

I'm a girl inside. I'm not a boy.

Why.....its unfair..... I love Ashley so much......Its unfair.....Its unfair........ Love, or being a girl....its unfair!!!!

~Emily

Aw Hun,,,things usually work out for the best , I know about love

and the pain of love too ,,,,sorry for you Emily ,,,,,viv..

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Guest Emily H

I just had the largest, hardest, loudest cry of my life. It lasted for a while. At the end of it, i hadn't the strength to say its not true. but I do know, it might not be the reason I have been feeling stronger and stronger feelings of wanting to be Emily. The feelings have been getting stronger, the ideas and thoughts have been so much about being physically female, in my daily life. But it could mean anything. Self diagnosing is bad, right?

But..I told her this....I had no choice..just now. Events are still unfolding now.

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

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Guest Donna Jean

Sweetheart......

You probably know what I'm going to say, but I need to say it....

I think there may be way more to your cross dressing...more than you understand...

Have you given thought to some therapy?

I love you, Hon...I'm just trying to help....

LOVE

Donna Jean

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That is your best next step - getting a little professional help sort through all of these emotions.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Emily H

It seems to me, that transitioning, at least in a long term way... (such as living full time female, maybe not getting completely operated on one day) is like going to the moon- Its possible, but its a long, hard path of struggle,sacrifice, pain and tears. But getting to the moon would be so fulfilling, so long lasting of an experience...

I dont' think I could go to the moon.

No. Scratch that.

Being with Ashley, the one that I love so much, is the moon.

Transitioning would be Mars.

I...

Have to decide. But, yes. I have to know more. I talked to my therapist about it but honestly she wasn't too helpful in this one case, I don't know why.

Could I live my whole life as a male? Honestly, at times it seems impossible. Female feels so much more comfortable. There are so many times I wish I was female, not just for a few hours...

I've posted before about having a fear, of not being able to go back, from being male to female, as cross dressing would imply.

But honestly...I have very few reasons to go back to being male.

But one of them happens to be complete love for my Ashley.

I can't imagine a future life without waking up to her smile, in my bed, every morning. Its just...something that has always felt, right, guaranteed. Its always filled me with extreme emotional happiness, fulfillment, and tantalizing thoughts of physical ecstasy.

We are perfect for each other.

Or...

What if our souls are perfect for each other... souls....don't' care about the body. But when the soul is in a body; it does matter.

I secretly find myself praying that one day she'll come on and tell me that she could be lesbian. I could take care of her and love her just as I do now...only forever, i wouldn't be her man,

I'd be her woman.

Another flaw with that...when I imagine myself a woman, with another woman. I'm always the weak, vulnerable one, and the other woman always is the one to care for me in the relationship (and in bed, but lets not discuss that right now;))

I don't know what to do.

~Emily

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Guest Penelope

Dear Emily,

You are lucky to sense an underlying reason for your cross dressing whilst young. From what you write, your motivation seems stronger and a lot more definite than mine. From my experience of nearly fifty years, I feel that you will not be able to suppress the female part of your nature for long and you will damage yourself if you try.

If you intend to survive you have to accept yourself as you are. Relationships are frequently transient and, like it or not, must take second place to this. You cannot have a genuine relationship, however wonderful you perceive the other person to be, if you project a false image. You would be living a lie and deceiving the partner you say you love.

You have a hard decision to make. Better sooner than later, you will have to start letting your lover see you as you truly are. You will need a lot of courage to do this and there is absolutely no guarantee that there will be a happy outcome. When and how you do this will depend absolutely on your judgement.

I can only echo the advice that the excellent ladies of this site normally give to help you resolve your gender issues. (You don’t say whether your current consultant is a properly trained gender therapist.)

Good luck.

Big hugs,

Penelope

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