Need Advice On Identifying My Attractions...

[Guest Flistan]

sorry if my spelling is poor- i'm doing this via-cell cuz it's on my mind and i'm on a long break during school. since january, i've overcome discovering myself and breaking down barriers. it's brought relief, hapiness, concern,. and distress.

i finally connected the dots from my past, the actions, dreams, memories. i've pieced together that i'm pretty much androgyne, i've accepted my desire to be seen as male at time (even liked it- yet have yet to actually crossdress in public, although i do not prefer to be physicially one way or the other), and i think that i may be dominantly asexual.

thing is, i've been questioning the possibility of being a lesbian, and being terrified of it. it would completely screw my mom up, not to mention conflict with my belief and those that surround me.

i believe that being homosexual is acceptable if it's true to your heart- you are who you are, and that sin comes from wanting to be homosexual or abusing it for personal gain. thing is, i can't figure out how to react about my feelings.

basically, i'm not attracted to women at all, it's just the feeling of being treated male in some circumstances is what overpowers my thoughs and dreams. it doesn't really help that i'm a chick-magnet and other than the nerds they're the only obvious ppl attracted to me... i feel numb towards men, although i find their personality attractive depending on the person. i think i'm mostly asexual, but i can't explain why lately i've been realizing more that i usually think about being with women, but not in a true relationship... i've thought about men, but much less and in a more commited way than just the risk, image, and arousal.

what do u think? what can i do to react to this properly? should i supress these feelings?

i feel guilt and idk... even if i were attracted to women, i'd be secretly abusing them for desire i think...

funny, before i knew any of this i always said i'd make a great lesbian...

[Carolyn Marie]

Hon, I think it would be presumptuous to offer any specific advice here.

Only you can know which gender you feel attracted to, and I believe its true that those feelings can change

over time. So don't feel the need to box yourself in by applying a label to yourself.

I personally don't think you should surpress your feelings; I think in the long run it will only hurt you, although you

may not notice it for a long time. But I understand that there may be external factors that require you to surpress

them for a period of time.

There is no shame in feeling attraction to one gender or another; whatever you feel that is true to yourself is natural,

and good. Just remember that which gender you identify yourself as is not the same as which gender you feel sexually

attracted to. MtF TS women can and do feel attracted to men, or women, or both, and the same is true for FtM TS men.

It should be no different for androgynes.

I hope that helps some.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Flistan]

thanks for the advice. :3

thing is, i know i'm asexual cuz i don't really look for relationships and i find it hard to be attracted to people at all. i'm just having a hard time seeing myself in a homosexual standing or relationship because i'm not attracted to them- just thinking of being with them is arousing and satisfying. is it bad to feel this way, to feel like i'd only like them for the arousing idea of it and this satisfaction? it's sort of abusive in my opinion, and that's why i feel even more guilty.

i don't think i could be in such a relationship, i just want to know the truth and how to act upon these feelings. :/

[Guest Elizabeth K]

The easy answer - you are what you are and whatever that is is just fine!

But that isn't exactly what you posted. It seems you have questions about what you are attracted to, and how you react sometimes surprises you. Well - the answer to that is you are still evolving, and it is NOT cetain at all if your feelings will resolve and solidify, or move on to something else. As long as you are responsible, both to yourself and to others, that is okay too.

And don'd get bound up in labels. That is important. I know you would like to self-identify, but that isn't really a solid thing - you really need to see a therapist who has experience in gender dysphoria.

I looked at your profile and your gallery - you ARE beautifully androgynous in those presentations. So you definately seem to live the discription you give us.

So that said - I suggest: Follow your heart. Be responsible. Respect everyone. And be brutally honest to yourself, of how you feel at the moment. It will work itself out.

Hope this helps.

Lizzy

[Guest Kaitlyn88]

I'll keep it short lol since I'm really tired. I don't think that there is anything wrong with that. You just want someone to make you feel the way you know yourself to be. If you were just using someone for sex to fulfill that maybe that would change things, but like you said, you are mostly asexual. Honestly when you date someone you want it to be a person that you can make each other feel complete. I'm kind of the same way, since I don't lean all the way femme and am kind of androgynous personality and dress wise I'm starting to think that I should date an androgynous girl, maybe bisexual because I do have that androgynous thing going on. So it's not weird or wrong, everyone has a certain type of person that fits them.

It's actually a good thing that you are figuring it out.

[Guest viv]

In no way should you feel bad about your preferences . To be

sexually and emotionally attracted to someone is a gift from

nature ,,,one I hope to receive in the future . Luv,viv

[Guest Flistan]

thanks u guys. i'm glad there's a forum like this so i can get the advii sort osce i need. :3 i really feel more comfortable about myself and everything.

[Guest Flistan]

Lol I didn't notice how messed up that last message was- stupid cell phone. Hope you guys got the idea... :3