Dating

[Guest Firegirl]

Hey Girls!

I have had issues with asking guys(by that I mean men) out and I was wondering if any of you had any suggestions. I just don't really have the confidence to go up to guys and ask them out. I have read so many horror stories about men finding out the girl they are dating is MTF and most of the time it ends up with the guy either hurting her or just hating her for it, and I am pretty sure thats where my fear comes from. I am someone who feels that they should be honest with their partner about stuff as big as that, so that there is no suprises later on. Dating in general is scare, but some how being trans just makes that much worse. Thanks for the in advance!

-Lessa

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

I know how it feels.

I'm also nervous of dating, although I'll date practically anyone I'm interested in... I'm more worried about the opposite scenario, with the potential date finding out I'm a transguy. It really does make intimacy difficult... and I have social problems on top. I want to tell the truth, but it's a screwed if you do and screwed if you don't scenario.

[Guest shimmeringkristal]

Well, while there is a possability that those problems can happen it is getting even more rare for violence to happen these days. Remember that most of the things that you might see on the news is bad news. I am the same way and have been in several relationships both with gay and straight men and in all circumstances I have been honest with them 100%. Now that doesn't mean that I tell them right off the bat. I simply go out with them several times till I know that there might even be a chance that one is going to want anything like say a kiss from me and that is when I tell them. Not all the time does it end badly but I am not going to lie to you and tell you that all of them don't hate me, cause a few do hate me and think that they were lied to. I have been going out with this one guy that to this day tells me that although I am who I am (a MTF pre-op) that he is a straight guy. We have been seeing each other now for about 6 months while going steady for 5 of those months. I told him my secret after about 2 weeks of going out on about 5 dates during that time. I told him one night when I stopped him from kissing me for the first time that I had to tell him something and that if he were mad at me he would never have to see me again. I told him that I valued honesty and I told him my secret and this is what he told me. "Wow. I never would have thought that but I am glad that you told me. But honestly ....... I don't care. I like the person that is in here and here.(pointing to my chest and head) "

So if you look at my experience take pride that things don't always go like on the news. There is always someone out there for everyone. All you have to do is to look. If you don't ever look you will never find. Yes I am sure that you will be terrified but then so was I. But look at what you can get if you just look. I know that somewhere there is a soulmate for you just waiting for you to find Him. I wish you luck with your search. Please keep me posted?

Hugs girlfriend,

Kristal Jennifer

[Guest Firegirl]

Well, while there is a possability that those problems can happen it is getting even more rare for violence to happen these days. Remember that most of the things that you might see on the news is bad news. I am the same way and have been in several relationships both with gay and straight men and in all circumstances I have been honest with them 100%. Now that doesn't mean that I tell them right off the bat. I simply go out with them several times till I know that there might even be a chance that one is going to want anything like say a kiss from me and that is when I tell them. Not all the time does it end badly but I am not going to lie to you and tell you that all of them don't hate me, cause a few do hate me and think that they were lied to. I have been going out with this one guy that to this day tells me that although I am who I am (a MTF pre-op) that he is a straight guy. We have been seeing each other now for about 6 months while going steady for 5 of those months. I told him my secret after about 2 weeks of going out on about 5 dates during that time. I told him one night when I stopped him from kissing me for the first time that I had to tell him something and that if he were mad at me he would never have to see me again. I told him that I valued honesty and I told him my secret and this is what he told me. "Wow. I never would have thought that but I am glad that you told me. But honestly ....... I don't care. I like the person that is in here and here.(pointing to my chest and head) "

So if you look at my experience take pride that things don't always go like on the news. There is always someone out there for everyone. All you have to do is to look. If you don't ever look you will never find. Yes I am sure that you will be terrified but then so was I. But look at what you can get if you just look. I know that somewhere there is a soulmate for you just waiting for you to find Him. I wish you luck with your search. Please keep me posted?

Hugs girlfriend,

Kristal Jennifer

Thanks for that Kristal.

You pretty much described my dream situation (with a few minor changes =D). It is nice to know that it can and has happened to other MTFs. I hardly watch the news, unless they talk about political race for president, and I don't watch because it is depressing, so most of the horror stories I am talking about I read from books or the internet and not th news. I have a far amount of guy friends, the problem is most are gay or taken. I can't see myself dating a gay man, because I am not a gay man, yeah I might still physically be a man, but that doesn't mean I am one. It also isn't fair because I am going to eventually take away the thing that he is attracted to. Maybe I am to picky about that, but thats they way I feel and it really isn't going to change anytime soon. It is just hard, but I will gladly keep you posted about any changes.

Slightly sad

-Lessa

[Guest AndreaSC]

Hey Girls!

I have had issues with asking guys(by that I mean men) out and I was wondering if any of you had any suggestions. I just don't really have the confidence to go up to guys and ask them out. I have read so many horror stories about men finding out the girl they are dating is MTF and most of the time it ends up with the guy either hurting her or just hating her for it, and I am pretty sure thats where my fear comes from. I am someone who feels that they should be honest with their partner about stuff as big as that, so that there is no suprises later on. Dating in general is scare, but some how being trans just makes that much worse. Thanks for the in advance!

-Lessa

As a MTIDKWTFIA*, here's my advice.

1. First and foremost, become his friend. If he's truly your friend, he won't care what equipment you were born with.

2. Be aggressive, and don't be afraid... as a rule, guys are easy and will take your coming on to them as a compliment. I mean, even if you're Roseanne Barr, guys interpret being hit upon as a compliment and a boost to their ego.

3. The quickest way to a guy's heart is not via his stomach, but be becoming his friend. If you make him your friend, well, he'll be your friend for life

4. Tell the truth, but not the whole truth. Until you you think he's ready for the _whole_truth_ (i.e. when he's your friend), just push his hand away from your crotch whenever he tries to cop a feel and explain that you just aren't ready. (This isn't to say that you shouldn't try to fondle his crotch- in case I didn't make it clear above, guys are easy:) )

When he's a true friend, he'll be ready, and it won't matter what equipment you were born with- he will want you for who you are.

*Male to I don't know what the F I am.

[Guest Firegirl]

ROTFLOL!

But seriously, thanks for the advice. I will be sure to give a try with the next guy I like and I will let you know if it works out.

-Lessa

[Guest Just_Call_Me_Nick]

Wow...dating...I just began dating recently...so far things are going great...and I happen to find one that accepts me for who I am...

How it happen was I just let things be...I didn't actually set out to date...but in one day...it happened...as they say you never know...the person you may love may just be right next to you...

Nick~

[Guest Firegirl]

Thats true Nick, but I am not someone who likes to wait for something like that, but to each their own. I am like so determined to get a boyfriend, no I am not just going to go out with the next guy I see I am going to get to know him first, but I am getting bored with the single life and I feel like I am ready to date.

-Lessa

[Guest Just_Call_Me_Nick]

Thats true Nick, but I am not someone who likes to wait for something like that, but to each their own. I am like so determined to get a boyfriend, no I am not just going to go out with the next guy I see I am going to get to know him first, but I am getting bored with the single life and I feel like I am ready to date.

-Lessa

Oh yes I can understand that...the itch is there...

You sound like the type to get things done...I like that...asking anyone out for a date can be hard...and yes as you mentioned scary as heck...and yes at times dangerous.

I wish the best for you in your search...

Hopefully with the thought of all your friends here backing you up can create some confiedence in finding a date...

Nick~

[Guest Patricia]

This is a very dangerous topic and one of the CD caveats. I am assuming we are dealing with a CD who is straight. There that there are no rules or guarantees as to how I guy would act when he finds out your are a CD and not the female he thought you were. Be forewarned that anything could happen, no matter what success stories you may have heard. Damage a male ego and you could be in deep trouble, with no telling what could happen. It’s a kind of Russian Roulette.

This is a dangerous statement to make:

2. Be aggressive, and don't be afraid... as a rule, guys are easy and will take your coming on to them as a compliment. I mean, even if you're Roseanne Barr, guys interpret being hit upon as a compliment and a boost to their ego.

I don’t think men are that stupid. They are just as likely to have their ego hurt and act accordingly.

There was a story on another forum recently which went like this. There was a party and a lot of the people knew the CD who was there and he was fully accepted. He came on to a guy who after a while found out that the CD was not a female and there was a big scene. The rest of the people took the side of guy, turned against the CD and started to sharply criticize sharply. It was a complete disaster for this CD.

Obviously the safest way is to let me know right away what you are, a CD, and straight. If he accepts this you’re alright.

Be careful.

Patricia

[Guest Katie-Louise]

This might be suprising but I get guys chatting me up all the time I do want to start dating and maybe have a serious relationship but I'm scared. would love some advice haven't really dated before and I would like to find someone special I can share my life with get married and have children.

[Guest Firegirl]

Thank you all for the advice.

I just wanted to say Patricia that if CD means Cross dresser, that is not what I am. I am a Male to Female transsexual, and have been in the process of changing my gender for the last 2 years. Thanks for the advice about being careful, but please don't call me something I am not.

-Lessa

P.S. New avatar is actually me!

[Guest]

People's self identity is important to them and is to be respected here. If I say I'm MTF then I'm MTF. No one has to right to call me anything else. Respect for others is one of the most important rules here. Glad you spoke up Firegirl. I'm sure it was a mistake you were called a CD.

Laura

[Guest Firegirl]

This might be suprising but I get guys chatting me up all the time I do want to start dating and maybe have a serious relationship but I'm scared. would love some advice haven't really dated before and I would like to find someone special I can share my life with get married and have children.

Lucky, I haven't got the guys chatting me up yet. All of my friends say I pass pretty well, so I am not sure why they haven't been talking to me *shrugs*. Oh well, guess I am going to be the one who has to do it. My advice to you would be, if there is one of the guys that is chatting you up that you really like, I would say ask him out sometime.

Heres to the both of us =D!

-Lessa

[Guest Lexi]

Sweetie I was sorta nervous to the best thing is to be confident and be yourself. If it wasn't meant to be then it wont. I think that confidence and having a strong personality would be somewhat of a turn on for guys.

[Guest AndreaSC]

Lucky, I haven't got the guys chatting me up yet. All of my friends say I pass pretty well, so I am not sure why they haven't been talking to me *shrugs*. Oh well, guess I am going to be the one who has to do it. My advice to you would be, if there is one of the guys that is chatting you up that you really like, I would say ask him out sometime.

Heres to the both of us =D!

-Lessa

Since I seem to be the resident "MTIDKWTFIA", I thought I'd chime in again. While my testosterone may make me unhappy, I certainly hope that it could help others.

Lessa, the testosterone that unfortunately courses through my veins makes me say that you are freaking hot. Trust me, I'm not exaggerating. Unless your photo is _extremely_ misleading, you are extremely attractive.

Quite honestly, the only reason that I can think of that guys would not hit on you is that they're afraid that you are out of their league.

You gave someone else the advice that she* should ask out a guy who seems interested in her. I think that you should take your own advice. Just because a guy doesn't seem to be gushing over you doesn't mean that he doesn't want you.

*I have to admit, it feels freaking awesome to be able use "she" instead of "they"

[Guest Firegirl]

*Blushes deeply!*

Thanks for the complement, sorry about the whole testosterone thing, I know how that goes =(. My friend Jazmin took the picture, she need to do it for a class and she choose me as her model so to speck. The picture isn't misleading, that is how I look now. The only thing that is different is that normally I wear glasses and Jazmin had me take them off for the picture.

Anyway, just I thought I should let you all know that there is a guy that is in two of my classes that I really like *excitement*. He is friendly with me, not friendly in sexual way but you know friendly. I was sitting next to him last night, and we where laughing and joking and helping each other. I am having two problems. One I am not sure if he even has a girlfriend, I tried to get him to tell me by asking him what he was doing this weekend, but that didn't work and I am not sure I should just ask him about that or not. And two I am not sure if I should just come out and tell him that I like him, or if I should do it another other. I guess these may be more questions for the transguys out there, but if the the transgirls or anyone else for that matter want to chime in feel free.

Thanks for all the advice so far, it has gotten my confidence =D.

-Love, Lessa

[Guest AndreaSC]

*Blushes deeply!*

Thanks for the complement, sorry about the whole testosterone thing, I know how that goes =(.

Well, you just can't suppress the truth....

Anyway, just I thought I should let you all know that there is a guy that is in two of my classes that I really like *excitement*. He is friendly with me, not friendly in sexual way but you know friendly. I was sitting next to him last night, and we where laughing and joking and helping each other. I am having two problems. One I am not sure if he even has a girlfriend, I tried to get him to tell me by asking him what he was doing this weekend, but that didn't work and I am not sure I should just ask him about that or not. And two I am not sure if I should just come out and tell him that I like him, or if I should do it another other. I guess these may be more questions for the transguys out there, but if the the transgirls or anyone else for that matter want to chime in feel free.

Thanks for all the advice so far, it has gotten my confidence =D.

-Love, Lessa

Remember, guys tend to say what they mean and not say what they don't mean. Crazy, huh?

Try asking him on a "study date" and then rubbing your leg against his...