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By Sally Stone · Posted
Post 10 “My Feminine Presentation” I have no illusions about fooling people. It’s a pretty safe bet that most of the people I meet or interact with recognize I was not born female. Going “stealth” just isn’t in the cards for me. Despite this, I am usually recognized and addressed as a woman. As an example, I recall a past shopping trip to a department store. After finding a nice purse, I took it the checkout counter. The store associate took my credit card, rang up my purchase, and when she handed my purchase and credit card back to me, she said: “thank you Miss Stone,” despite the fact that my credit card had my male name on it. Clearly, she recognized I was presenting as a woman, but when I thought about it, I realized I had made it easy for her to choose the correct gender response. The way I was dressed, the way my makeup and nails were done, ensured there was no ambiguity regarding my gender. In fact, I can’t remember the last time somebody mis-gendered me while presenting in my feminine persona. But that’s because putting such effort into my feminine appearance, I don’t give people much of a chance to be confused. Occasionally, one of my trans friends will accuse me of being overdressed, and in some situations, they might be right, but in my defense, I feel the need to present in a way that supports the feminine woman inside of me. I’m a “girly-girl” by nature, and it leads me to be overtly feminine when it comes to the fashions I choose, and why I spend so much on the details of my appearance. I simply want my appearance to match the way I feel. Because my girl time is limited, I always want to make the most of it. This is another key factor driving my upscale feminine presentation. I honestly believe life is too short to wear pants and comfortable shoes. Things might be different for me if I was living fulltime as a woman instead of only part-time. I’m sure, for practicality’s sake, I would dress casually more often, but I know I’d still retain my penchant for a more upscale or girly-girl appearance. Another one of my friends asked me one time if I worried that my appearance caused me to stand out. She seemed to think it was important for me to blend in and not bring attention to myself. I may not be typical in this regard, but I don’t actually want to blend in. I’m proud of the effort I put into my appearance, and I like being noticed for it. As I stated earlier, I will never be able to achieve true stealth, so for me, it seems wasted effort to try blending in. I am comfortable with my feminine appearance, and occasional criticisms don’t bother me, but this wasn’t always the case. For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me. Within the transgender community I kept hearing that it is more important to be comfortable and practical. Dress casually and blend in seemed the general consensus. Because my views were quite the opposite, I wondered if perhaps I wasn’t trans at all. Maybe my perceptions regarding feminine appearance came from a completely different place. The assumption I made was that instead of a “girly” feminine side driving my appearance motivations, maybe the catalyst was more akin to a fetish. It was a sobering thought, but maybe I was in actuality, a prototypical transvestite? For the longest time I couldn’t shake this concern, and it caused me to question everything I thought I knew about myself. But the questioning phase, while difficult, turned out to actually be beneficial. The first thing I questioned was why we want to blend in when we are trans, and the answer is, we have a legitimate reason for not wanting to stand out. The second thing I questioned was whether cis women had the same concern about the need to blend in. I think the answer is no. In fact, there always seems to be levels of competition among women regarding their appearance, so in many instances they actually seek to stand out from their peers. The desire to put so much effort into my appearance, while not typical for everyone, seems to be a fairly common female behavior. Since the female half of my personality exhibits this behavior as well, I cling to the idea that just because I like to stand out doesn’t mean my motivations are fetish driven. This was a happy epiphany for me, and it turns out the fetish concern and the questioning phase that followed, brought me to a clearer understanding of who I am. Possessing a better understanding of why I am the way I am makes me comfortable expressing a feminine appearance that leans in a more girly-girl direction. Ultimately, the way we choose to portray our gender identity is a personal choice. Each of us has to be comfortable with that choice. I’m a part-time woman, so consequently, things like GRS, HRT, or feminizing surgery aren’t the right choices for me. Therefore, I rely on clothing, makeup, and other typically feminine fashion details to ensure I’m recognized as a woman. I acknowledge that my choice may not be typical but it has proven to be extremely effective. Hugs, Sally -
By Mmindy · Posted
I’m not a fan of Starbucks either. I love our little town cafe coffee, anytime of the day. Apple Pie is my go to treat. Today I had a wonderful omelette with my coffee. Mindy🌈🐛🏳️⚧️🦋 -
By Ivy · Posted
I thought this was interesting. https://www.thepinknews.com/2024/05/06/trans-history-week/ There is a link to watch it. -
By Mmindy · Posted
I’m on the other side of the imposter syndrome AMAB and on a slowed pace in transition. Best wishes, stay positive and motivated Mindy🌈🐛🏳️⚧️🦋 -
By Ivy · Posted
https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/mississippi-passes-bill-allowing?r=k5hac&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web This part could be pretty bad- "Lastly, it offers a “private right of action” that appears to be targeted at transgender people, allowing cisgender people to sue to prevent transgender people from using bathrooms aligned with their gender identity…" I can see a potential for bathroom "vigilantes" to use this. Just paying legal fees to defend yourself can ruin you, regardless of the outcome of the case. -
By awkward-yet-sweet · Posted
It's all well and good, but the facts on the street will always be different than what is written on paper. It takes a very long time for an EEOC or OSHA complaint to get attention. For most people, the length of time between filing a complaint and something actually getting done means just finding a different job. -
By FelixThePickleMan · Posted
As a transgender male often I feel as if I'm not viewed as man enough especially around other biological males. I often also feel as if I'm not enough in general not good enough to have the things that I have because I ruin everything and I feel like a phony when trying to pass. I look in the mirror and my outside appearance doesn't match the way I want to look and appear and my mom prevents me from reaching my maximum male potential and around my mom I'm always mis-genderd and she tells me that Im not a man and never will be one which plays into me feeling not man enough because I feel like I never will me the man I know I am. I don't know what to do with these feelings and thoughts. -
By Mirrabooka · Posted
I was really lucky when I gave up smoking. I just decided one morning that I just didn't want to smoke anymore. That was back in 1996. The silly thing was, I still had a couple of packets left I and used them up! After that I only 'borrowed' less than a handful in the months after that and I haven't missed them since. -
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By Mirrabooka · Posted
Our Maltese daughter-in-law makes a very mean Bolognese sauce, which we combine with spiral pasta. We pulled some leftovers out of the freezer for tonight's meal. Tomorrow night will be chicken Kiev, with potato segments baked in the same dish, accompanied with boiled peas and broccolini. -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
I suspect some of these people are not primarily LGBTQ+ but primarily get their kicks by publicly shocking other people. They take advantage of the parade and think they can get away with it year after year, and sometimes do. Not just the parade, but sometimes other events that provide cover for them to act this way. They do a great deal of damage to perceptions by the public and by the legislators against us. -
By Ivy · Posted
I used to smoke many years ago. Now it makes me sick on my stomach which I consider a plus. -
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By Ivy · Posted
I use a electric kettle and a French press. I am not a fan of Starbucks. I sometimes go to a local coffeeshop, but am satisfied with your basic coffee and a scone.
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