Would Calling An Mtf "dude" Be Offensive?

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

Well, I have a habit of referring to everyone, regardless of gender, as dude. I have to really watch my mouth when talking to an MTF because I don't want to accidentally call her dude and offend her. I'm curious as to if it would actually be offensive since I refer to genetic females as dude too. Would it be hurtful?

[Sally]

Not to me personally but I have a habit of calling everyone guys!

My ex - a genetic female got all bent out of shape when a waitress would say, do you guys need anything else.

I guess it all depends on how secure you are - it wouldn't bother me but I don't care what people call me as long as they don't hurt me physically.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Sotha]

Well...

I might be offended unless I understood that you call everyone that regardless of gender.

And for people with more fragile feelings, even being called guy could be.

I apologize. I am bad at explaining things.

[Guest Wry]

Well, I have a habit of referring to everyone, regardless of gender, as dude. I have to really watch my mouth when talking to an MTF because I don't want to accidentally call her dude and offend her. I'm curious as to if it would actually be offensive since I refer to genetic females as dude too. Would it be hurtful?

I don't think they would, unless they just started transitioning, and are being overly sensitive.

I call everyone "dude" as well. Well, at least I do when I'm being a dude, dude.

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

My brother does that too, calls me dude but like you everyone is dude to him. I don't like it myself and I've asked him not to do it out in public because it would out me accidently. But like Sally said she say's guys in referring to a group of people. That happened to Rhea and myself last week when we went out window shopping at the mall and in a few of the stores the sales ladies asked us in the store's "How are you guys doing?" or "Is there anything I can help you guys with? Neither of us took anything wrong with it and this was only the first day Rhea had been out in a mall since she went full time. Someone who was uncomfortable with themselves might of gotten upset but we both just let it be said because it was being said to all coming into the store by those sales people. Were got called ladies more often than we were called guys but you have to take it in context with the situation and not be offended when there is no offense meant.

Take Care

Charlene Leona

[Guest julia_d]

I have been called far worse today.

Depends on the context and the way it comes across to the person it is used towards. Handle gendered terms with care.. you might get a very unexpected backlash.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

It all depends on context Praised

I have heard many natal girls refer to each other as guys and dude. This seems to always be in the context of familiarity and friendship.

I would suggest that you refrain from calling anyone "dude" until it is established that you both are very good friends.

You may call me dude if it suits you because you and I are friends

Love

Brenda

[Guest Robin Winter]

I get offended by it, but only because I'm so frustrated over having to stay closeted right now. Every time I get addressed as a guy, which is all the time since I'm living as one pretty much all the time, outside of home, I feel a twinge of anger/self pity. I don't think there's anything actually wrong with it though, I'm just overly sensitive.

[Guest Ryles_D]

To a complete stranger it's kind of uncertain. Some women get peeved by how male-specific terms are becoming neutral (dude, guys, etc). If it's a trans woman who's early in transition then you could end up giving the poor girl a panic attack thinking she didn't pass. Then, 'dude' isn't an informal term so using it for strangers is a bad idea in general.

If you use it with someone you know then you can find out if they have a problem with it and why. Then respect those reasons and don't use it.

In conclusion: It doesn't matter what it is or who else you use it for. If a person tells you not to use a term for them, it's disrespectful. So you should ask them.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Well

Personally, I do not like to be called any male pronouns or male slang names like 'guy' or 'dude.' Especially if not male mode.

BUT

I consider the source - younger people have it in the culture they live in, so its not offensive.

Also , we are NOT to use inappropriate pronouns here at Laura's. It's in the rules.

That's my take on this - grin.

Lizzy

[Guest julia_d]

When I hear "dude" I just think "wheres my car?" or "Kenny is dead" .. but it's not a common term around here..

I was just thinking (because this post actually made me think) and I haven't used any kind of term like that for months if not years..

Our old (sadly defunct) support group always used to start with "hi guys" .. but we were a mix of friends in a safe place, not out anywhere public..

There is one old bag at work who insists on calling me "he" all the time.. in front of customers in the shop, to other staff.. all the time.. I'm going to have her for it.. because ALL she knows about me legally is my name and the F on my job rota sheet... I hope she has £5000 for the fine for "illegal disclosure" because I know she has been looking in the applications folder... and even that doesn't give any other details apart from the reason for my time off to attend medical appointments.. that makes it "official capacity" and that's all I need to make a complaint. (the GRA is a classy minefield)

so take care.. you just might get sued if you venture somewhere and inadvertently out somebody.. I think it's easier to train yourself to not use such terms at all. Just a "hi" or "hello" will do surely?

[Guest Sunshine]

Um...

I'm a surfer. Everyone is a dude or a barney or rarely... chief.

On this site and when I am around people that have known gender issues, people are tetchy about it so I try to avoid it, but in real life. Dudishism...Abdides.

[Paula ult]

In Cleveland where i live i almost never hear the word dude, it is always you guys, i does not matter where i am or who i am with it is can i help you guys or do you guys need anything else or hi guys, i do not take it as i am outed since i know that is not the case and they say it to everyone, i tend not to use it around my housemates who have transitioned or people i know are transitioning because i do not want them to take it the wrong way.

Paula

[Guest Donna Jean]

I don't mind "Guys" when it's used in the plural as it's commonly accepted to be gender neutral.

But, I don't live near the beach, I live in central Ohio where 'dude" is a male greeting...

I've spent considerable pain, money and effort to leave anything male behind.

I would certainly not want to be called "dude" in any context by anyone.

Donna Jean

[Guest Adrian]

Depends on the context.

I happen to hate being called "love" or "darling", which I happen to feel is a slightly derogitary term for a woman in any case, let alone a guy, but to be honest where I live it is the standard form of address and the gay bars in particular will call everyone darling even if they are a huge, sweating hairy mound of heaving brutish muscle. And even more interesting, the huge, sweating hairy mound of heaving brutish muscle will usually return the favour!

Also, where I come from "mate" is more masculine, but where I live now it's neuter.

[Guest SuperKali]

I'm the same way with all of my female friends genetic and mtf. They call me dude and I'm ok with it and I call them dude and they are too. Its just the way some people are. Don't take it out of context and you should be fine.

[Guest Nicodeme]

Well, I have a habit of referring to everyone, regardless of gender, as dude. I have to really watch my mouth when talking to an MTF because I don't want to accidentally call her dude and offend her. I'm curious as to if it would actually be offensive since I refer to genetic females as dude too. Would it be hurtful?

I have addressed both my friend D and my girlfriend as "dude" before and they're both transfeminine. The first few times I stopped myself and asked if it bothered them and neither one cared.

Fact of the matter is that "dude" today is a unisex term, as is "guys" for the most part. Unless you're saying "______ is a dude/guy" it really shouldn't be a problem. I might get a little bit of flak for this but I frankly think that anyone feminine-identified who nitpicks over being addressed as "dude" is being oversensitive. Being addressed as "dude" is a very different thing from being addressed as "sir."

[Guest Aaeriele]

General consensus among my friends is that "dude" is gender-neutral (for us, at least).

[Guest ChalenAustin]

I guess it all depends on how secure you are - it wouldn't bother me but I don't care what people call me as long as they don't hurt me physically.

I'm with you!

Me no- the chick across/behind/next to/ or far awy from me? Maybe depends on the chica!

[Guest viv]

Dudess ?????. viv

[Guest Maelee]

My amazing friend Daniela who was the first person I came out to in real life is a genetic female and she calls her good friends dude, male or female. It never bothered me one bit since I knew it was neutral for her. In fact it was reserved for her good friends so I felt honored to have her call me that.

It would depend on the circumstances of it but for the most part it would not bother me. Now being called sir, that is another thing entirely. I don't blame people for it since I still present male (sort of I guess, lol) but inside it bothers me a lot that I still have to present as male and get called it.

If you are not sure about how someone will react, ask them. That way you know if it will bother them or not instead of having to guess.

Love and *hugs*

Mae

[Guest KellyKat]

As for me it doesn't bother me one way or the other - as long as it's not ment insultingly.

I don't use it much myself but I do seem to call everyone 'hun'.

Except of course when I'm in male mode at work. It MIGHT raise a few eyebrows there. lol

To me it's a term of endearment suitable for chatting with friends.

If this bothers any, please let me know.

Luv Kat