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How Can I Get Her To Understand?


Guest Janessa

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Guest Janessa

Can someone give me some advice on how to make my girlfriend understand my point of view?

The other night me and her went to a friends house for a birthday party, which was fun and all but some people were allowed to spend the night and others were not. Only girls were allowed to spend the night and, even though I am a girl, I had to leave because of my body. I got upset not because they asked me to leave, but because of why they asked me to leave.

My girlfriend, on the other hand, does not understand at all why I got upset. She tried to use the 3 boys that were there as an example saying "they had to leave too, so you weren't the only one that had to leave." I may not have been the only one that had to leave, but I was definitely the only girl that had to leave and she does not seem to understand that being asked to leave because of that reason is a huge slap in the face for me. I'm just not sure how to explain this to her and I tried like all night to explain it, especially since she truly believes three boys are a good example to use.

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Guest Donna Jean

Janessa, Honey....

I'm not sure that I totally understand....

Are you out to everyone there or just your girlfriend?

If they don't know...they just be uncomfortable with a male -bodied person staying over..Even if they accept you as "Janessa"...

HUGGS...

Donna Jean

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Guest Janessa

I'm only out to my girlfriend, the birthday girl, and another friend that was there, but I was upset because I never get to spend the night at a friends house. I feel really left out because I never get to get to be a part of girl talk or spend the night, and I am positive it is only because of my body. I wasn't angry or anything, I was just sad. =\

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Janessa,

I feel your pain in not being included in certain activities. However this is something that you will have to come to grips with. Unfortunately life is not fair for Transgendered people. We are prohibited or not included from things that we associate as inclusive of the gender we are. Our world is so binary at times..male/female, light/dark, on/off.... There is no quick answer to turn the light on for others to see there is so much more than male/female and that disassociation for us is painful.

I would suggest you keep trying to help them understand who you truly are, and maybe one day you will be able to reach them.

One by one we will educate the world.

Cris

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  • Admin

Janessa, I'm so sorry that things didn't work out for you. I know that you're really disappointed.

The problem is that even though you and a couple of your friends may see you as a girl, the birthday girl's parents and most of the other girls at the party

just see the outside, and don't see the girl within you. They will treat you as a boy until you present as female and they believe it.

It isn't fair, but it is reality. Time will change things for you. You'll see. Be patient and you will be treated as the girl that you are. Soon, everyone will see

Janessa, not the boy they thought you were.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Can someone give me some advice on how to make my girlfriend understand my point of view?

The other night me and her went to a friends house for a birthday party, which was fun and all but some people were allowed to spend the night and others were not. Only girls were allowed to spend the night and, even though I am a girl, I had to leave because of my body. I got upset not because they asked me to leave, but because of why they asked me to leave.

My girlfriend, on the other hand, does not understand at all why I got upset. She tried to use the 3 boys that were there as an example saying "they had to leave too, so you weren't the only one that had to leave." I may not have been the only one that had to leave, but I was definitely the only girl that had to leave and she does not seem to understand that being asked to leave because of that reason is a huge slap in the face for me. I'm just not sure how to explain this to her and I tried like all night to explain it, especially since she truly believes three boys are a good example to use.

Janessa,

Since you are out to only your girlfriend and another girl i assume you were in boy mode, most times parents and other girls do not want boys staying at sleep overs for obvious reasons.

You may identify as a girl, but not everyone at the party knew, it would seem strange if you stayed and the other boys had to leave, and since you are not out to everyone she may have been trying to protect you.

Paula

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Guest Janessa

Yeah I guess I probably should have thought about that, so I'll have to come out to more people sometime. =\ Although I still don't see how she can use three non-transgender males as an example. >.<

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Guest Blindheart

i know how u feel here, a long time ago when i was in elementary school i got invited to a girls birthday sleepover party. the girl was one of my really good friends at that time and i ended up having to leave when all the girls started to get changed into their PJ's. i was one of only 2 boys at the party and there were like 20 girls, i was really disappointed... and i didn't even understand that i was TG yet lol. even after all these years i still think of that party and how i wish and wonder what happened after i left.

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