The Cost Of Coming Out...

[Guest angie]

You know my sister's,

With so many success stories of here couples making through the coming out process,

and adjusting to the radical change in genders,appearance,and mannerism's...

We forget about the ones who are just making the announcement in their world.

While we are supporting her,and encouraging her to take on her true gender,her whole world is

being thrown upside down.This is the time to really show her support and understanding of the

obstacles in her path. She may not want to hear about slowing down the process,knowing that

her time is now,and she wants to take her place,Now. And while a few of us have a spouse willing

to handle the change at a fast pace,the majority of ladies whose wives have stayed,have done so by

taking the slow road.So you don't get where you want to be as quickly...By keeping a part of you that

you no longer have any use for for a bit longer,and slooowly losing the (man),your relationship may survive.

No everyone's will,that is a part of the price some of us may have to pay to live our lives genuinely.

You have willingly,and willfully,invited a boat load of emotional pain into your life. Now is the time to

have a good counselor to confide in. Let it out,vent your frustration,celebrate your accomplishments,

aknowlege your defeats,and let it go.Be strong,you will need it. Good times and great rewards are coming,

but it may take a while to find them. You have my full support,and a deep understanding of what you are

now going through,and the challenges you are about to face.

Much Love and Compassion,

Angelique

[Sally]

I came out and I didn't pay much of a price, my wife, my mother, my sister - no biggie - I did stop without telling my dad, it seemed rather pointless.

I was and still am on a very slow track - some people will not even give you a chance so it is really a matter of how much your spouse is willing to try adjust - if not at all it doesn't matter how slow you go.

Love ya,

Sally

[Carolyn Marie]

Thanks, Angelique. What you say is very true.

I have been trying to take it slow, and at first everything seemed just peachy with my spouse. But things had

been building up within her and recently she shared it with me. My little bubble burst, and I find myself realizing

that nothing is certain except that the path before me is strewn with land mnes and boulders, and the only way

to navigate safely is to go slow and pick your path carefully.

My G.T. has been very helpful in helping me avoid some of those land mines, or at least mitigating the damage.

Managing this journey without one, to me is unthinkable.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Donna Jean]

I have been trying to take it slow, and at first everything seemed just peachy with my spouse. But things had

been building up within her and recently she shared it with me. My little bubble burst, and I find myself realizing

that nothing is certain except that the path before me is strewn with land mnes and boulders, and the only way

to navigate safely is to go slow and pick your path carefully.

Carolyn Marie

Yes....same here....

Started out well, but now things are not as rosey as when I started...

All we can do is move forward cautiously, because there's no going back....

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Take each step deliberately, but cautiously.

Thank you Angie

Brenda

[Guest Elizabeth K]

The Cost Of Coming Out..., can be very painful

AMEN TO THAT!

Significant Others? First we run roughshod over them, in our impatience to transition, then we are surprised at their misery, then we try to go back and help them adjust - not understanding everything is brand new to them, while we have been dealing with gender dysphoria our whole lives! And sometimes we lose our life partner.

And our children - if young - they can be taken away. They can be influenced by others, their love for us poisoned.

And our family - my sister's reject me. My parents are deceased - I think my mom would understand, but my dad would have had a terrible time adjusting. Families have a mixed reaction!

Our friends? So 'iffy.' Some say yes, then change. Most just want us to fade away.

Our jobs? Our professions?

House, home, savings, possessions - everything!

EXPENSIVE!

But we have no choice.

Lizzy

[Guest RachaelAnn]

I know I'm gonna catch flak for this, but I'm gonna say it:

So sometimes, is it even worth it?

[Guest Girl Emily]

Angie,

Is there ever a time when the pain of being transgender goes away or becomes less of a daily affair.

[Guest BeckyTG]

I know I'm gonna catch flak for this, but I'm gonna say it:

So sometimes, is it even worth it?

Rachael Ann,

Each of us has to peer deep within ourselves and ask ourselves that question. We each have our own answers and this is why we go to therapy, to understand ourselves.

Until we each understand ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to do so? Very few people, regardless of gender identity, truly understand themselves.

Love,

Becky

[Guest BeckyTG]

You know my sister's,

With so many success stories of here couples making through the coming out process,

and adjusting to the radical change in genders,appearance,and mannerism's...

We forget about the ones who are just making the announcement in their world.

While we are supporting her,and encouraging her to take on her true gender,her whole world is

being thrown upside down.This is the time to really show her support and understanding of the

obstacles in her path. She may not want to hear about slowing down the process,knowing that

her time is now,and she wants to take her place,Now. And while a few of us have a spouse willing

to handle the change at a fast pace,the majority of ladies whose wives have stayed,have done so by

taking the slow road.So you don't get where you want to be as quickly...By keeping a part of you that

you no longer have any use for for a bit longer,and slooowly losing the (man),your relationship may survive.

No everyone's will,that is a part of the price some of us may have to pay to live our lives genuinely.

You have willingly,and willfully,invited a boat load of emotional pain into your life. Now is the time to

have a good counselor to confide in. Let it out,vent your frustration,celebrate your accomplishments,

aknowlege your defeats,and let it go.Be strong,you will need it. Good times and great rewards are coming,

but it may take a while to find them. You have my full support,and a deep understanding of what you are

now going through,and the challenges you are about to face.

Much Love and Compassion,

Angelique

Dearest, Sweet Angelique Michelle,

You're my big sister. You are where I want to go and what I seek to become. Thank you for your words of wisdom. They give me courage to move ahead, survive and thrive as a new person emerges.

Bless you, Angelique Michelle, for you give me courage and hope. You'll be rewarded with good things for the good deeds you do. You are a lovely woman in many different ways.

I love you Big Sis,

Becky

[Guest angie]

I know I'm gonna catch flak for this, but I'm gonna say it:

So sometimes, is it even worth it?

YES It IS...Every heartache and emotional upheaval,

every laugh and tear you may shed...

It is worth it for the sheer joy I find in living as a woman,every single day.

You are aware you are a transgender,but it is no longer such a big deal.

To the world at large,you are seen,treated,addressed, and talk to like the

woman you are,your reward for the long journey you have taken,and come

out the other side. So ask me if it's worth it? I can unequivocably say...Yes.

Huge Hugs,

Angelique

[Guest BeckyTG]

Angie,

Is there ever a time when the pain of being transgender goes away or becomes less of a daily affair.

Dearest Emily,

I can only answer for myself. My pain subsided substantially when I finally got my meds adjusted to the right levels. The background anxiety that had always been in the back of my mind, preventing me from just being calm has finally melted slowly away.

My Gender Dysphoria sort of became Gender Euphoria when Becky first appeared as her true self to the outside world and spent several days traveling and proving that she was a viable person in society. She was not laughed at or pursued down the sidewalk by a crowd of small children.

I was not turned on by being Becky, it was not fulfillment of a fetish and it was not a sexual experience. It was a calm that came over me when I realized I felt right as me. I looked good, I fit in and I felt right. I was proud.

I came to realize that there is treatment available, there is a solution and it's possible for me to be who I truly am and realize inner peace.

Bear in mind that I understand that true inner peace is not a place, not a thing and not an ultimate destination. It's a temporary state of mind that we can achieve with discipline and determination. The better we get at it, the longer we keep it...

I wish you peace dear sister.

Love,

Becky

[Guest Genie]

Thank you Angie!

The cost is so high, I'm not sure how the younger crowd can do it without support.

Was it worth it coming out? Yes! It showed me which relationship were really based on unconditional love. Of course, it's not easy for people of your old life and sometimes they say hurtful things. I know if they are willing to work it out, that is something I treasure in my heart. If they can't stand it, there's no hard feelings.

Heck, I am way better off emotionally then I ever way in my whole life!

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Rachael Ann - terribly important question "is it worth it?"

I can only give my personal feeling.

Yes it is.

Lizzy

[Guest Donna Jean]

Rachael Ann - terribly important question "is it worth it?"

I can only give my personal feeling.

Yes it is.

Lizzy

Deeply, deeply personal.....

A question that can only be answered on an individual basis..to oneself...

Each of us are willing to give up things that the others may not be able or willing to give up.

Some of us are willing to give all, some as much as we possibly can and some only as much as we have to...

But, I can't tell you that It's worth it, you can't tell me...

The value...the worth...is in each of our hearts...

It's the amount that we can bear...

Donna Jean

[Guest Chandra]

Is it not better to try than to try nothing at all.

If we never made mistakes would we ever learn anything at all.

If we never stuck our necks out would there ever be a chance to advance.

Is it not better to try and fail than forever regretting the attempt.

Those who have never made any mistakes, never get any where at all.

OK you gal's catch my drift. Life is so short, each moment so precious we must go for it to feel the ultimate harmony of mind body unison. Everything in life has a risk reward ratio, as long as it fits with in that formula, which is different for everyone. Go for it, live each moment passionately as if it were your last. Every advance that humanity has made, has been made with risk, the trick is to balance each risk with each potential gain. No we do not have a crystal ball to see our futures, we must play each hand we are dealt the best we can. All that we can ask of ourselves is to do the best we can.

Love each and everyone of you, Chandra

[gennee]

Angie, I'm happy that I took things slow. There was so much that I didn't know and needed to learn. I had to tell my wife. I had to decide not only who to tell but when. We may want everything to happen now but there's the other parties to consider.

I'm thankful that I have an accepting wife and son. Sadly, it's not always the case. The family has to digest what you're saying because you're sharing something that'svery imporant.

Gennee

[Guest NatashaJade]

I know I'm gonna catch flak for this, but I'm gonna say it:

So sometimes, is it even worth it?

Those of us who are in the process and have some experience with this will tell you yes, dear. I know it has been nothing but a blessing for me in so many ways. It is less painful, but it is scary, too. The world does not love us and accept us. Sometimes, our friends and family no longer accept us and treat us as if we are dead. It is difficult and painful, but peaceful and lovely, too.

So the question you have to ask yourself is what "it" is that you want to do and how important is it? I'll tell you this. For close to 26 years (since I was 12 or so as I can remember), I went to sleep EVERY night wishing I would wake up as a woman. Ever since November when I began HRT, I don't make that wish anymore because when I wake up, I AM a woman. Not the woman of my dreams, but a very real person. No more wishing. No more holding out for magic. Just knowing that I am who I am as I am.

Is the transition worth it? You bet.

luv

Gin

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

Personally

I've lost about eerything

I'm AFRAID to even pursue a relationship btu luckily wasnt in one

My father has discontinued all contact with me, which means I'll never see my baby brother or sister again

My brother despsies me and doesnt like talking to me, much less beign there for me

My mother is the worst, because, she IS supportive but its a lie! Shes told me, she supports me and accepts me regardless, but she doesnt think that I'm transgender and so she will give me clothes until I snap out of it and become normal again, so thats complicated

My grandmother, well I'm the one ceasing contact, I hope to never hear form ehr again until she at least TRIES to learn

The only people who are accepting ro supposrtive, are peopel I hold no blood relation to, yall

AND I'm happy oto sya, my friend Ms. Lisa, but she is about 50, a great lady though I wish she were my mom

Is it worth it?

Well lemme coutner that with this

Even if it isnt, do you think you could hide it away now for the rest of your life?

[Guest angie]

So the question you have to ask yourself is what "it" is that you want to do and how important is it? I'll tell you this. For close to 26 years (since I was 12 or so as I can remember), I went to sleep EVERY night wishing I would wake up as a woman. Ever since November when I began HRT, I don't make that wish anymore because when I wake up, I AM a woman. Not the woman of my dreams, but a very real person. No more wishing. No more holding out for magic. Just knowing that I am who I am as I am.

Is the transition worth it? You bet.

luv

Gin

Good answer Gin,

I too used to dream of me in compromising positions partially dressed female(in undies).

Since transition I dream of me fully clothed in women's wear. My subconscious mind was

telling me what the physical mind had not accepted yet,that I was a woman just waiting to happen.

Hugs,

Angie

[Guest Donna Jean]

Isn't it interseting how many of us prayed to God to change us into female while we slept when we were young?

Thinking that the power of prayer would somehow make what was wrong with us correct over night?

Well, maybe God is looking at this now.....

He's saying..."Ya know, I've been getting a lot of calls on this one, maybe I should look into it...."

Donna Jean

[Guest angie]

Deeply, deeply personal.....

A question that can only be answered on an individual basis..to oneself...

Each of us are willing to give up things that the others may not be able or willing to give up.

Some of us are willing to give all, some as much as we possibly can and some only as much as we have to...

But, I can't tell you that It's worth it, you can't tell me...

The value...the worth...is in each of our hearts...

It's the amount that we can bear...

Donna Jean

You made a very valid point Donna Jean...

The transition hiway is strewn with the wreakage of our sisters who could not take the heat,

the intense lonliness,the complete rejection of loved ones,friends and family. They weighed

the odds,tried to walk the least traveled path,and found it too confining,too personally expensive

through the loss of family or spouse.They chose not to give up their whole past life in exchange for

the stability that staying in their birth gender would. I know more than one transwoman who could

not take the loss and detransitioned. They know that the transgender core will not go away,but have

come to terms with the fact that transition is not their path.

Angelique

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Isn't it interseting how many of us prayed to God to change us into female while we slept when we were young?

Thinking that the power of prayer would somehow make what was wrong with us correct over night?

Well, maybe God is looking at this now.....

He's saying..."Ya know, I've been getting a lot of calls on this one, maybe I should look into it...."

Donna Jean

YOU DID THAT?

I was always soooooo disappointed in the morning!

Maybe He just got the prayer requests late - need to fire that particular angel! In an eternity environment, we short lived mortals seem to be expendible. HOPE NOT!

Well - the overnight thing never worked - how about a 3 to 4 year transition?

I'LL TAKE IT!

...........................

Angie wrote: I know more than one transwoman who could not take the loss and detransitioned.

I asked my therapist about what she had seen. She has treated over one hundred gender dysphoric people, mainly MTF. She said some would transition to their comfort level - never having surgery - some not even going on HRT. But only one MTF reversed the transition - and he was in his sixties and loved his wife to the point he just could not cause her all the pain she was suffering.

I know of two cases where MTFs temporarily 'de-transitioned' because they could not get into the university they wanted, but after graduating, resumed transitioning - but that was back in the 70's. I have a transfriend, Kelly, who is 15 years post FFS - lives as a woman - says she will never have the SRS and doesn't need it.

We are all over the spectrum - but I thing a majority of us know we must be complete, whatever the cost. I am one of those, I guess. I cannot conceive of NOT transitioning all the way.

Lizzy

[Guest Genie]

Isn't it interseting how many of us prayed to God to change us into female while we slept when we were young?

I so did that almost every day! lol

[Guest Melissa Marie]

Wow Girlfriend, you sure know how to open up a can of worms. I agree with you whole-heartedly, that many of us, need all the support that we can give. Some of us, have paid the ultimate price in our quests of being a woman...death. Sad, but true. Some have no other alternative. Some cry out, and have no where to turn to. Some grow up in such a small town, that getting any kind of support at all is naught.

Many of you know from my bio, I was in prison. Was there for 5 years. First 2 years, was talking to a therapist almost daily on learning who I was. The last 3 years that I was there, I transitioned from male to female, in a mens correctional facility. Talk about opening up a can of worms. I not only baffled the staff, in charge of protecting me, but baffled many of the inmates. Some actually supported me, guided me, and backed me, when I was confronted. I remember many times when they thought I was gay, and several of my friends said to them, oh no, Melissa isn't gay. The difference between Melissa and them is like night and day. I was proud of my status, of being a woman, and was happy that some of my friends actually protected me. Act like a lady, get treated like a lady....

Then I got out....what a world we live in. No longer did I have the status of protection from my friends. No longer did I find myself in a position to be what I needed to be. Now I needed to survive. I have to find a place to live, need food, and pay bills. Melissa could no longer be Melissa, but had to be the person I was prior to going into prison. I had to survive. That was my first primal instinct. I literally had to start all over again. I was wondering if it was all worth it, to live in society....now there's a switch.....

Little by little, I took baby steps. I had sought out with earnest a counselor for this. Nearest one was 3 hours away. I saved up some money and went there. Met the counselor that counseled me when I was in prison. She said she was finally glad to meet me in person. We chatted, we talked, we got me on hormones....thank god! Or was it?

Time goes by, both up and down, moods everywhere, no family support, no friends yet, and though I am developing female characteristics, I am still living in this small town where everyone knows everyone. I craved friendship so badly, that one day, I fell in love. I knew it was wrong, I knew it would be disasterous, I knew it was something I needed to do. So back to being male...again. Disaster struck, hormones stopped, was back in forth several different times. Finally......

Finally I said no more. I can't take it anymore. I have to be me. Regardless of what happens, no matter the amount of pain, no matter how lonely I become, no matter if I may never ever have the funds needed to go all the way, no matter what the future holds, I must be the woman that I am. I can not live this lie any further.

Some asked, is it worth it? As I have nothing further to lose, <shrugs> I have now everything to gain. The future now belongs to me, completely independant of outside influences. No longer will I pay sufferage from those that don't understand, or wish to.

Thanks Angie, for helping to keep me focused, and keep my sights on the stars that guide me....we all have our paths to follow, they all lead to the same place, just some of us take a little longer to get there.

Love,

Melissa