Hello

[Guest Britta9981]

I am not sure exactly where to start so I will back up a few years. I got married to my lifelong sweetheart four short years ago. Lifelong sweetheart because I met him and fell in love when I was 12. Prior to our marraige we dated for 4 years while I was in middle and high school. We weathered a lot of difficult situations. After certain circumstances we had to part ways. It was not our choice but forced upon us. I was 17. I graduated high school, went to college, and started a career. He got married and then divorced. About 8-9 years after we parted ways we got back in touch with each other. After courting and getting to know each other all over again we started dating. Then we married. We have a great marriage and I love him dearly. We have two handsome boys that are our pride and joy as is with most parents.

Why am I here?

My husband confided me while I was pregnant with our second son that he thought he might want to be a woman. He gave me the reasons and most of them were sexual reasons. I suppose I had the usual reaction of thinking it was all my fault. (this and everything is always my fault in my brain...because of my personal past). I figured I wasn't pleasing him and I apparently did not make him happy. Furthermore, he seemed uncomfortable with this and embarrassed which bothered me. I tried to be understanding. I tried to ask questions to better understand. I accepted that he wanted to be pleased sexually as a woman.

Then a year later he confided in me again and told me that he really wanted to a woman. I acknowledged that he had told me this before. Then he said that he wanted to see what he looked like as a woman. I was shocked. I hid my emotions from him (I should not have). I assumed once again that it is all my fault. He asked me for help since I am a woman. I told him that I would help him dress as a woman. Then he dressed as a woman own his own (I knew he was going to do it) I cried. I cried a lot. I cried because of so many reasons. I don't want to list them all here for fear of offending some. I knew if I told him these feelings then I would upset him as well. When he seen me crying he stopped. Then he did something I will never forget. He laid down in bed beside me, he put his arms around me and told me that he was sorry. He told me that he did not mean to hurt me. He told me that he loved me and he would never do it again if it bothered me. He told me that I was more important to him than his own desire to be a woman. I cried a lot that night. I cried a lot that week. I also began doing research that week as well. I learned a lot about transgender even though there is a lot more I need to learn. Then we finally talked about it a week later.

I had hurt this feelings just as I had gotten my feelings hurt. I did not mean to hurt him. I told him that losing him scared me the most about the whole thing. He promised me I would not lose him unless I wanted to. We talked a lot about transitioning, us, our realationship now and what he would become. We reconnected with each other on a much stronger level. We both felt better. Then I went shopping for him. It was a few weeks later but I did it for him. Before the day was over I convinced him to go shopping with me. We bought shirts, skirts, dresses, and a bras.

A while later while we had some time alone (without the children just us) we took things a little further. I helped him crossdress. He was unsure and hesitant but I convinced him. He let his long beautiful hair down. A purple velvet dress was our choice. It was liberating for both of us. It was difficult for me but I realized the love for the person I married can weather such unforeseen difficulties. The reason is that I love him that much.

I realized the journey ahead will be difficult but it is worth keeping the person I love so dearly.

So, I did more research and it brought me here. So, as we move forward together I hope to encourage and be encouraged by the other members here. After reading some of the posts I have been encouraged so much. In addition, I am a member of a similar forum and I know how much it helped me deal with some things that needed to be dealt with. So, I am happy to be a member here. Thank you for accepting my membership.

[Carolyn Marie]

Hello, Britta, and welcome to Laura's.

I know how big a step it was to come here and become a member. It took courage, and it shows me that you truly

do care for your spouse, and love her very much. Only someone with such a strong love would make the effort

to understand and support her spouse by learning all she could about the world of TG. Its wonderful to read your

story, and I applaud you.

I am married also, and my wife and I struggle daily with this new world that I've entered, and dragged her into.

I know how hard it is for the wives. I've heard the questions, and the accusations, and seen the pain in my wife's

eyes. But we are trying hard to see it through, just like you are, and I hope you succeed.

One of the rules here is to use the proper pronoun to describe your spouse. I know its hard to do, and it will take time

to get it right every time, but please do try and refer to your spouse here in the Forums as "she." There is a link to the

rules at the top of most pages, and I would encourage you to read them. We moderate posts to keep bad people off

the site, and to keep it at a PG 13 level for the younger teens.

I hope some of the other spouses will come along soon to offer their own welcomes. In the meantime, please look around

and make yourself at home. I also encourage you to invite your husband to join Laura's as well, if she isn't a member

already. I'm sure she will benefit from it.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hello again, Britta...

It's me, Donna Jean...

I'd also like to say Welcome to the Playground again...

Honey, I've got to commend you and your quest for knowledge to make it all work.

Is it all easy? Heck no!!

It hurts everyone involved and confuses them, too...

I'm 60 and married 30 years...Coming out to my wife was probably the hgardest thing that I had ever done in my life.

But, if we could just all of decided to not be Transgendered at one point, this site would wouldn't exist...Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way...we're born with it.

I'm really so happy that you've come here...it shows that you care and we care also..

This condition affects a lot of lives...not just those that have it...

Please make yourself at home, read a lot and post a lot...

We're really happy to have you...

LOVE & HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest Sarissa]

Britta,

I dont know what at all I can tell you to help or encourage you, though I would love to do just that, I just cant.

I can however offer a different view.

I have no spouse or anyone for support me, no one to talk to or be with. It is tough and lonely. It is alienating. It is miserable. Each day is usually depressing.

I am 45, have 2 boys and an Ex Wife whom ran me through the wringer.

I read your story, and it was touching to hear your S/O has someone as loving and supportive as you are at her side. I know it will not make things any easier, just makes your issues different than mine.

But I always wonder, What if..

SO I am so suportive of you and wish you streangth, Love and patience. I know I cant offer much, but what I can it is yours to help.

Sarissa.

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

Welcome to Laura's

[Guest Girl Emily]

Britta,

Welcome to Lauras. I probably can't say anything that could help you, but you have helped restore my faith in humanity. Thank you for being such a loving wife. My prayers are with you both.

Huggs,

[Guest swee'pea]

Hi Britta,

<<hug>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have SO meetings Sun & Tues. 9pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Sally]

Dear Britta,

Welcome to Laura's, I am very impressed by your efforts to learn and understand your SO - my wife walked out on me and never even bothered to learn anything about what I was going through - it may sound selfish to say it that way but over half of each session with my gender therapist I spent with me trying to figure out how to make things easier for her.

Be strong and be patient and everything can work out it has for others.

Welcome to the family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Sunshine]

You sound like a really amazing woman. My ex kicked me out when I told her about my feelings (before I had even considered transition).

If I had been given the chance to stay in the marriage, I would have. In fact, I would have done just about anything to keep the family together.

Its wonderful to hear of a family that is actually working together to get through this.

I have 3 children, aged 9 months to 11 years when I transitioned. If you have questions about how they deal with it, let me know and I'll share my own experiences.

Love & light,

Sunshine

[Guest Yinyang Mist]

I loved your story, thank you for sharing. In the end you found understanding, just enough to do the research. That was the most important thing you could have done to save your relationship, believe me I know...... If it works for you it can be alot of fun because it can sometimes bring you closer together. I shop with my girlfriend for makup and dresses all the time! Online and off. We help each other with many more things. We also make sure not to spend to much time together as best and give each other some space to keep it healthy.

Here is something I found interesting, linked from Laura's CD links page

Seems well done although I might amend that there should be allowance for vairables based on each couples relationship