Kayla's Introduction

[Guest Kaylakitten]

Hello everyone,

My name is Kayla Renee. I am 29 with several years experience and I reside in a land that is round on the ends and hi in the middle. I am a post-op MtF transsexual. I had my surgery with Marci Bowers in Trinidad Colo. May 22nd, 2007. On that note, if there is any way you can finance her high(er) cost, don't hesitate to go to this extremely gifted surgeon! I was her 291st solo and I can not give her enough praise for her work. 60% of what she does in her grs procedure, no other surgeon in the world does. My recovery was very quick, easy and with little pain or discomfort. I am completely sensate and orgasmic; not that this was even a concern for me, because sexual activity had very little to do with my reasons for having grs. If Marci is this good now, I can only imagine that her abilities will just keep blossoming in the surgeries and years to come.

I have had a fairly fortunate transition. Two of the most important issues in transition (for many), I never had to worry about - career and family. My father has been my biggest supporter from the onset. My mother took a little bit to "get it" but never withheld her love or support from me or due to my decisions. I think she finally actually "got it" after talking to Marci Bowers prior to my surgery. Her and I have become increasingly closer since then. Both of my parents (divorced since I was 12 and haven't been in the same room but maybe 2 times since) were present for my rebirth. This was a major consideration for staying in the States for surgery. You just can't put a price on that kind of personal-in-person support! I have one older sister (no brothers) who lives in Utah and she has been caring and considerate throughout as well. Again, since my transition, we have only been developing a closer bond; a bond that just was never there in our childhood. I couldn't be close to her growing up, because she was everything that I wanted to be; and couldn't. I work for an independent company serving the library community internationally. My transition on the job was without incident. I have now worked with them for over 12 years (currently cataloging music!) and I never had any doubts as to their position on workplace discrimination. Heck, one of my first supervisors was a little, round, jolly gay man! AND one of the directors of HR was a gay man as well. While I was not officially the first to transition, I was the first "known" transperson there and I have been treated with respect and dignity always.

Additionally in my transition, I have almost always been able to not be "read" by strangers. I am, and have always been pretty androgynous and have been told by others how attractive I am (which is all a matter all perspective - as I have a serious self-esteem/confidence issue). Since making the transition, I do not get "sirred" ever, in person, on the phone, the drive through window, etc. So I guess my voice isn't too gawd awful. I am thankful for this last fact, because I know that voice can be an extremely jaded issue with many transpeople. When I walk into a room, or through the mall, there aren't a lot of people turning to stare or gawk at me because I look like a "guy in a dress" or something and I haven't been the object of verbal or physical attacks.

My journey has been one that many (probably most) would envy. Family support, no job issues, attractive (no shortage of guys wanting to date me at least - although I have been single and not looking for over 2 1/2 years); people might think that I wouldn't have any problems associated with my transition ... I still have struggled emotionally with being trans, none the less. Internally I battle every day with thoughts that are negative, self-defeating and harmful. I have had such a negative body image for soo long, I am not sure I know any different or *how* to make it be different. 5 months ago I began work on this more only to crash hard right before Christmas ('07). I was keeping a gratitude journal, doing positive affirmations and had a good coaching relationship going on with my step-mom (which is her profession). I am not sure what happened, but all of that just stopped; and I have been in a rut ever since. I have only been able to focus on how "masculine" I look (even though I suppose I don't really) and how others *must* perceive me. This is why I am here, to try to re-align myself. Get back on the right track and feel good about myself again ... err, wait, I have never really felt good about myself! lol

Other things about me - Are you tired of reading this yet?!?! I know it's long, I apologize It will end soon, promise! I live alone (well, with my kitty Lucky Charms) in a descent area. The majority of my neighbors are friendly (at least polite) enough. I really enjoy cars and music, especially when they are connected to each other. I have 3 wonderful children (whom I don't see anymore) - Dakota (boychild #1 - almost 10), Mikaela (girlchild - 8) and Dawson (boychild #2 - 6 1/2). They are all beautiful, highly intelligent and intuitive. Although I have limited involvement in their lives right now, I know that we will eventually be a large part or each others lives in the future. My last relationship lasted over 7 yrs (not with biological mother - she couldn't accept me as I was) with a wonderful woman whom actually (although she can't be with another woman) got me to examine whether I needed to transition or not. She helped me out for the first time publicly, helped find medical resources, etc. She and I are still the *best* of friends. *I* pathetically am still in love with her after over 2 1/2 years of not being together. Next subject! I prefer outdoor activities to being inside (as long as the weather is warm). I am technologically challenged, although I know enough to get by, but that's about it! Here, get a chuckle out of this one - I don't even have a cell phone! LOL

So this is me! if you want to know anything else, ask, ask, ask. I am very upfront, open, objective, honest and sincere. I would be more than happy to enlighten the masses

Good day to everyone! *hugs*

--Kayla

[Guest kaos]

Welcome!

[Guest savagedm]

Wow sounds like you experienced a pretty smooth transition indeed! Great job! I am hoping for the same myself >< Dont worry about the technological challenge part, lots of people my age still are I found out! Anyways Kayla, welcome to Laura's Playground and hope to see more of you around!

~Brooke

[MaryEllen]

Hello Kayla,

Welcome to Laura's Playground and thank you so much for sharing your story with us. It's always good to hear about positive transitions. Hopefully, your negative thoughts will be resolved soon. Stay the course, girl. You'll make it.

MaryEllen

[Guest Drew]

hi Kayla, welcome to the forums hope to see you around more.

Drew

[Guest gwenthlian]

Welcome to the forums!

ps: i dont have a phone either :

[Guest Michelle M]

Congrats on making your life happier! Marcy Bowers is awesome! I saw her on MSNBC and my mom really likes her.

[Guest Andrea-M]

Hi Kayla and Welcome,

I find your storey encouraging, hope mine goes so smoothly. I learnt you have to learn to love yourself from the inside out, where i hate my masculinity and sometimes can't be objective, I still love myself (I am a little vane, you tell what girl isn't lol)

Hugs Andrea

[Guest raedub]

welcome! glad youre here. and thank you tons for telling us so much about you and your transition. no matter which way one goes MTF or FTM its always good to hear a positive story.

-rae

[Guest Mani]

Welcome!

[Guest Kaylakitten]

Thanks for the welcome from everyone. I am always willing to share my experiences with others in hopes that they can gain some insight from me and/or my story. Many of us may go through similar experiences, but everyone's experiences are individual, we all have diverse personalities and we handle/deal with things in different ways. It is a blessing that there is soo much information available to people today, compared with 10, 15 or more years ago. Hearing about other people's experiences is a wonderful thing. I believe it helps us to sort out our *own* issues and sometimes gain a new perspective on things.

[Guest Agony]

Thanks for the welcome from everyone. I am always willing to share my experiences with others in hopes that they can gain some insight from me and/or my story. Many of us may go through similar experiences, but everyone's experiences are individual, we all have diverse personalities and we handle/deal with things in different ways. It is a blessing that there is soo much information available to people today, compared with 10, 15 or more years ago. Hearing about other people's experiences is a wonderful thing. I believe it helps us to sort out our *own* issues and sometimes gain a new perspective on things.

Kayla, I really hope that I do not bring up bad feelings, but one of the things you mentioned scares me. You said that you don't see your children anymore. Is this really painful for you, or were you out of the picture very early on in their lives? I have a very beautiful, sweet and loving 21 month old son and constantly worry about how transitioning would affect him. I would NEVER want to hurt him, yet I am torn between making sure he has a 'daddy' and that he knows he is loved, and doing what is right for me.