Jus Trying To Learn!

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

I know personally my family infuriates me by refusing to research or even udnerstand me, and I've been curious abotu what being intersexed is exactly and what you go through because of this, I hope this post is okay, So, um, I guess questions! ^^"""

1. Whats it like?

2. Are parents Supportive/Unconcerned/Trying everythign to get it 'fixed'.

3. What emotional stress is added to your normal lifes because of this?

4. Does this affect relationship/Romantic life?

5. Anythign that you wanna add in to help me learn a lil more ^^"

[Guest Ryles_D]

I'm not intersexed, so take it with a grain of salt, but from what I've seen-

There are a wide variety of intersexed conditions, so there are very different experiences. Some people appear to be non-intersexed until puberty, and then they start going through the wrong one or don't develop as much as expected or any of a number of things- which can be a very scary prospect. Some people are happier about htis, some people are very upset, it really depends on your situation and probably a bit on your gender. I think some intersexed trans people have the problem where they don't go through as "thorough" a puberty so they're forced to take hormones to further masculinize/feminize their body, which is just awful.

Some people grow up and develop as expected, and only find out they're intersexed when they try to have children or something else that causes the need for a DNA test. I think in both situations the person can end up having an identity crisis and get very confused.

Parents vary- but so do hospitals. I've heard a couple of stories where the hospital "fixed" the child without really explaining what was going on to the parents. I know someone who's mother is a nurse, and when he asked her about it- she just said that "parents want to know if they have a boy or a girl". A lot of times parents don't know what's going on any more than their children do. That or the parents do know, but think that it's in the child's best interests for the child not to. A lot of intersexed people who were clearly intersexed at birth end up with serious trust issues because their family and/or doctors lied to them for their entire lives.

A lot of intersexed people also have different medical concerns that non-IS people. It's basically the same as the medical differences between males and females- checking for cervical vs prostate cancer. They aren't more dangerous, there's nothing more risky with being intersexed, you just have to get different things checked. This is one of the biggest reasons to find out if you're intersexed or not- some people find out they are when an organ they didn't realize they had gets cancer or something like that and by the time they realize it is usually very severe.

I know an intersexed person who has basically been banned from every church or religious forum/community they've been to. Religious people apparently don't understand what IS is, and so they refuse to accept this person and see them as wrong even though that's just how they were born. So that's a big problem as well. I saw on a Christian forum they were talking about IS people, and the general consensus is that they shouldn't be allowed to marry because they aren't men or women, and that was the most open-minded thing said. It was really awful.

I think what IS condition you have effects the stress and relationship things. If you can't have children- that effects your relationships and life no matter what your sex. If your body isn't what romantic partners would expect, you have to deal with that. I think they have to deal with a lot of ignorance and close-mindedness in general, too, not many people know what intersexed is.

[Guest Sunshine]

I know an intersexed person who has basically been banned from every church or religious forum/community they've been to. Religious people apparently don't understand what IS is, and so they refuse to accept this person and see them as wrong even though that's just how they were born. So that's a big problem as well. I saw on a Christian forum they were talking about IS people, and the general consensus is that they shouldn't be allowed to marry because they aren't men or women, and that was the most open-minded thing said. It was really awful.

I've never had a problem at a conservative church service, even after going forward and talking with the elders about it. I actually wanted to know if I should marry a man or a woman.

I got a scriptural response and a suggestion to join the women's bible study more often. As long as I "looked" like I was in a hereto relationship, they didn't care.

On the other hand. The are very anti-trans, and anti-gay (they've invited Cy something-or-other to speak about being ex-trans). They don't deny that the feelings are real, but instead say that acting upon the feelings is wrong.

This is a typical response from my personal experience. I no longer go to that church.

[Guest Sunshine]

Almost forgot the questions:

1. Whats it like?

Lead to being able to get away with some very crazy stuff. Also lead to me being very defensive even against people that I should have seen as allies. (I was homophobic because when I would try to tell them that I'm not a girl, they'd be like "OHHHH" and assume I was gay. It felt like people were trying to "convert" me.)

2. Are parents Supportive/Unconcerned/Trying everythign to get it 'fixed'.

In their own way, yes. My mom has guilt issues about it.

3. What emotional stress is added to your normal lifes because of this?

Too vague a question. There was a lot of stress, but good stuff too.

I still managed to be a brain, a founder of Teen Scene, a club bunny, a surfer.

My mom got me out of highschool when I was 15 and I started college early, which was kind of cool.

On the other hand I slit my wrists twice. The first time was not deep enough, the second time I woke up, cleaned up the mess, then got caught by one of my friends that almost dragged me in to see a school councilor about it when he saw the dressings.

4. Does this affect relationship/Romantic life?

Yes and no. Other people don't seem to have a problem with it. I do. So far the universal response I've gotten is that I'm "sexy". My stomach is more of an issue than the lack of either male or female parts sometimes. On the other hand, I have major hangups about it because I don't like having an itch I can't scratch.

5. Anything that you wanna add in to help me learn a lil more ^^"

IS does not do anything to justify being male or female or anything else. Its independent.

Gender is between the ears, not the legs.

Sexual orientation is independent of gender.

Being IS does not invalidate either of those because IS is between the legs (and sometimes the lower back).

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

More questions o.o"

Especially from Ryles_D

I thought beign intersexed meant, you ahd both between your legs or what was between your legs diddnt match the rest of your body, how can you have organs you dunno about? O.O

[Guest Sunshine]

More questions o.o"

Especially from Ryles_D

I thought beign intersexed meant, you ahd both between your legs or what was between your legs diddnt match the rest of your body, how can you have organs you dunno about? O.O

No, transsexual means that what is between the legs does not match what is between the ears (or rest of the body)

Hormonal conditions (that are not necessarily intersexed conditions) can mean that you develop in a way other than one's genitals might imply that their body will.

How can you have organs you don't know about? Not sure I understand the question. There are a LOT of ways that can happen.

Oh... and about having both... um no, not really that I know of, its more like something else that is in-between, different, or feels like having neither.

[Guest Ryles_D]

More questions o.o"

Especially from Ryles_D

I thought beign intersexed meant, you ahd both between your legs or what was between your legs diddnt match the rest of your body, how can you have organs you dunno about? O.O

That rarely happens. It is possible to have half of each (typically in the case of an XX/XY chimera), but I believe that's uncommon. I don't think it's possible for a person to develop a full set of both reproductive systems- I've never heard of it at least. One of the major complaints a lot of intersexed people has is that stereotype right there- Intersexed people do not necessarily have "both sets of tool boxes"

Intersexed is anything that can't be neatly fit into either sex. This includes people like AIS women who develop as women and are almost completely identical to non-AIS women, but are genetically XY (usually, I believe it can occur in XX women it just doesn't do much) and 46 XX males who develop as men but are genetically XX. Here's a list of some common IS conditions- http://www.isna.org/faq/conditions

As for the organs- some people have undeveloped sex organs or they think they have ovaries when they really have undescended testies. I remember reading about someone who got an ultrasound and they found tissue that was an undeveloped ovotesti or something like that.

And if it's internal- how many of us actually know what organs we have? We assume we have what we're supposed to because everything functions,but it's not like the doc opens us up when we're born and goes "Ah, yes, there's the pancreas, liver looks fine, heart's beating, ah- there we go, the sex organs are where and what we expected! Excellent!".

[Guest Jewel]

More questions o.o"

Especially from Ryles_D

I thought beign intersexed meant, you ahd both between your legs or what was between your legs diddnt match the rest of your body, how can you have organs you dunno about? O.O

Wikipedia Entry on Intersex

Intersexuality in humans refers to intermediate or atypical combinations of physical features that usually distinguish male from female. This can mean what's between your legs. It can also mean internal organs, sex chromosomes, etc. There are many different ways that we can divide organism into "male" and "female" categories, as well as in between areas.

For instance... most humans born with male genitalia have XY sex chromosomes. But many (about 1 in 500) have XXY. Or XYY. Or XXXY. etc. Similarly, most individuals born with female genitalia are XX. But some are XY or X.

So you could refer to that as "chromosomal sex." Then you have gonadal sex - whether you're born with testicles, ovaries, ovotestes, a combination of the above, or no discernible gonads. Then you have hormonal sex... some mutations can cause ovaries to produce more testosterone than estrogen. Then you have androgen or estrogen insensitivity... if you produce tons of testosterone but your body can't properly process it (androgen insensitivity) then you may develop as female instead of male. Then there's "gametic sex" - i.e. whether you produce sperm or eggs or neither. And so forth.

We tend to assume that all of these things line up. That if one of these characteristics is male, then all are. Or vice versa. But the reality is that for a fair number of people (some estimate as much as 2% of the population), one or more of these factors don't line up exactly with the others. These are the individuals that are called intersex.

So no, it isn't just what's between your legs.

Also, since there is a tendency (still) in the medical community to try to "normalize" infants born intersex, many intersex people have their intersex status hidden from them by doctors and parents. They undergo surgery as children to "fix" their genitals, for instance. They grow up with suspicions of being different, but aren't told the truth. So when they look "down there", they may not be sure if they're any different from others... they may be simply unaware of the surgeries performed on them as young children.