Get Yourself Together!

[Guest Lauren D.]

If anyone here is like me, then you forget all about other issues in your life and you convince yourself that once you sort out your gender identity issues, everything else will fall into place. I have to tell you, IT WON'T! Is there anything you just don't like about yourself? Like bad habits, aspects of your personality? They will still be there no matter what gender you are. So I've realized, that before I, or any of you, can deal with GID, we need to tackle the other issues that face us. The dark things that scream at your window and beat at your door need to be confronted before you can make any major decisions in your life. I've been fighting these things back for the longest time and trying to solve them all by solving my gender identity problems but today, I sat down and organized a list of these problems and how to deal with them. How can we see ourselves clearly is other issues are clouding the mirror?

First, I listed every serious problem that causes me difficulty in my everyday life. I came up with 10 and simplified to 7: Self-esteem issues, anger, obsessive behavior, constant self-evaluation, moping, anti-social attitude, regret, and then I skipped a few lines and wrote G.I.D. in big, bold letters.

On the next page I came up with a time line, telling me what issues can be resolved now, and what needs to wait. I evaluated why the issues needed to wait to make sure there were logical reasons why my problems could not be fixed in the present.

After this I came up with plausible solutions for every issue. I can do things to make myself feel pretty, or smart, or whatever I feel lacking in on a particular day. I can try to see the good in people and not just the negative aspects of their personalities. I can learn to let things go and focus on the world around me to keep those thoughts from creeping back in. I can confront problems from my past that cause me to feel regret. I can stop feeling sorry for myself, and I can put myself out there and be more social.

I am now going to set goals for myself in my notebook every morning that will help me to deal with these things and every evening I will check off what I managed to accomplish and the rest can be carried over to the next day. However, I will never plan on carrying them over to the next day!

I hope you like my little system and maybe some of you can even use it yourselves! What are your goals? Are there still issues in your life that you need to confront? Let's fix these problems, my people!

[Guest Elizabeth K]

MY GOODNESS

That is such a wonderful post! YOU SEEM TO HAVE HIT ON A MAJOR THING WE EACH NEED TO DO - KNOWING THAT TRANSITIONING AIN'T NEVER GONNA BE THE ANSWER TO A LOT OF BAGGAGE WE CARRY!

Good advice on how to handle that!

Lizzy

[Guest KellyKat]

Hey Lauren

How did you become so wise? You are like an old soul, with a young heart.

It took me nearly four decades to come to terms with myself and where I am heading in life.

I'm in a holding pattern for transitioning until certain aspects of my life are back to 'normal'.

But I view these also as tiny steps to reach my goal. For me finally coming to terms with myself was a relief.

I was a pressure cooker before - now I know how to vent. I still have hills and mountains to cross.

But I now try to focus on the future, with a timeline to guide me. For every small step brings me closer to happiness.

Even though my next step - quitting smoking - isn't a immediate concern. It's still something bad for me, and needs addressing.

I'm lightyears from HRT - but need to quit before then - so why not now? I have reduced from 2 packs a day to less than 1.

As each day comes I try to find a little more happiness and move one step closer to me.

Which in turn makes the next even easier. I do have my moments of rough times. But I also have you all to help when I need it.

Luv Kat

[Guest Donna Jean]

MY GOODNESS

That is such a wonderful post! YOU SEEM TO HAVE HIT ON A MAJOR THING WE EACH NEED TO DO - KNOWING THAT TRANSITIONING AIN'T NEVER GONNA BE THE ANSWER TO A LOT OF BAGGAGE WE CARRY!

Good advice on how to handle that!

Lizzy

Lauren....Lizzy said just what I was going to say....

Transition is not the magic pill to a wonderful life and you totally understand that!

Wonderful...

So many people cannot see it that way and have unrealistic expectations!

You will still be you-----you don't turn into Angeline Jolie.....and have her life...

We become the correct gender/sex but, we drag all of our baggage with us...

Your list is awesome...

You really have a handle on it!

Good on you, Honey!

Love Donna Jean

[Sally]

Lauren - you get it!

That is what we all have to understand - this changes only our outward appearance - we still have the same issues other than our dysphoria - so we had better fix them along the way.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Tamara Ann Valla]

So true! No matter how you look, you still have your life to attend to. If you were messed up before SRS and didn't address the issue, then it will still be there after.

Making plans to change the undesirable aspects of one's life are just that, plans. Now is the time to quit smoking, drinking, doing drugs, whatever, and lose that excess weight.

[Guest Wry]

First off, I agree with the statement that "transitioning won't solve everything," but that really doesn't take into account the comorbidities associated with GID. I don't think that there is a single transsexual out there who hasn't dealt with clinical depression at some point. Some people smoke as a way to deal with it, some eat, some drink, some just implode. Yeah, the little things aren't going to change once someone transitions, but that depression, and the self-hatred, *should* go away, which relieves a bit of pressure from the other issues as well.

Once more, I totally agree that everyone should work on the small things prior to transitioning though. I mean, if you just plain suck at socializing or something, then that ain't going to change by itself.

[Guest Donna Jean]

First off, I agree with the statement that "transitioning won't solve everything," but that really doesn't take into account the comorbidities associated with GID. I don't think that there is a single transsexual out there who hasn't dealt with clinical depression at some point. Some people smoke as a way to deal with it, some eat, some drink, some just implode. Yeah, the little things aren't going to change once someone transitions, but that depression, and the self-hatred, *should* go away, which relieves a bit of pressure from the other issues as well.

Once more, I totally agree that everyone should work on the small things prior to transitioning though. I mean, if you just plain suck at socializing or something, then that ain't going to change by itself.

Excellent point, Wry......

When I went to my therapist early on...I told him that I had a ton of issues. But, he told me that the gender dysphoria was most likely at the core and causing so many of the other things like depression, anger, uselessness......

When I accepted myself as Trans...a lot of the other issues cleared up...

Some things can be relieved by easing the dysphoria...

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest AshleyRF]

Wonderful post. Very insightful and helpful. I hope everyone gets a chance to read this.

Hugs

Ash

[Guest BeckyTG]

Fabulous post, Lauren. You have hit on some wisdom there, girl and you understand the way to fix it. It's not as easy as fixing "a thing a day", but you understand to tackle an issue at a time.

Ben Franklin had similar ideas and wrote about his own program of self-improvement in his autobiography.

In many cases, those "other issues" are things that can actually prevent us from solving our gender issues or make them harder to solve.

Let us know how it goes.

Hugs,

Becky

[Guest Yinyang Mist]

Wonderful idea! I have a way of thinking that your life is often shaped by the people around you in many ways. In respect to that many of the things about myself I do not like are the result of their ideals and way of being. I am learning to change my environment to suit my mental needs for overall comfort : )

Yes I know, easier said than done..

[Guest Soph]

Transition doesn't fix all those problems, I agree.

However, considering fixing any of those problems while still dealing with how much you have having to look into the mirror or open your mouth (I particularly hate my voice) would be overwhelming to any trans person. So while those problems don't disappear, it becomes possible to deal with them. Not necessarily easy, but just possible.