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Guest Lauren S

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Guest Lauren D.

If anyone here is like me, then you forget all about other issues in your life and you convince yourself that once you sort out your gender identity issues, everything else will fall into place. I have to tell you, IT WON'T! Is there anything you just don't like about yourself? Like bad habits, aspects of your personality? They will still be there no matter what gender you are. So I've realized, that before I, or any of you, can deal with GID, we need to tackle the other issues that face us. The dark things that scream at your window and beat at your door need to be confronted before you can make any major decisions in your life. I've been fighting these things back for the longest time and trying to solve them all by solving my gender identity problems but today, I sat down and organized a list of these problems and how to deal with them. How can we see ourselves clearly is other issues are clouding the mirror?

First, I listed every serious problem that causes me difficulty in my everyday life. I came up with 10 and simplified to 7: Self-esteem issues, anger, obsessive behavior, constant self-evaluation, moping, anti-social attitude, regret, and then I skipped a few lines and wrote G.I.D. in big, bold letters.

On the next page I came up with a time line, telling me what issues can be resolved now, and what needs to wait. I evaluated why the issues needed to wait to make sure there were logical reasons why my problems could not be fixed in the present.

After this I came up with plausible solutions for every issue. I can do things to make myself feel pretty, or smart, or whatever I feel lacking in on a particular day. I can try to see the good in people and not just the negative aspects of their personalities. I can learn to let things go and focus on the world around me to keep those thoughts from creeping back in. I can confront problems from my past that cause me to feel regret. I can stop feeling sorry for myself, and I can put myself out there and be more social.

I am now going to set goals for myself in my notebook every morning that will help me to deal with these things and every evening I will check off what I managed to accomplish and the rest can be carried over to the next day. However, I will never plan on carrying them over to the next day!

I hope you like my little system and maybe some of you can even use it yourselves! What are your goals? Are there still issues in your life that you need to confront? Let's fix these problems, my people! :)

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Guest Elizabeth K

MY GOODNESS

That is such a wonderful post! YOU SEEM TO HAVE HIT ON A MAJOR THING WE EACH NEED TO DO - KNOWING THAT TRANSITIONING AIN'T NEVER GONNA BE THE ANSWER TO A LOT OF BAGGAGE WE CARRY!

Good advice on how to handle that!

Lizzy

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Guest KellyKat

Hey Lauren

How did you become so wise? You are like an old soul, with a young heart.

It took me nearly four decades to come to terms with myself and where I am heading in life.

I'm in a holding pattern for transitioning until certain aspects of my life are back to 'normal'.

But I view these also as tiny steps to reach my goal. For me finally coming to terms with myself was a relief.

I was a pressure cooker before - now I know how to vent. I still have hills and mountains to cross.

But I now try to focus on the future, with a timeline to guide me. For every small step brings me closer to happiness.

Even though my next step - quitting smoking - isn't a immediate concern. It's still something bad for me, and needs addressing.

I'm lightyears from HRT - but need to quit before then - so why not now? I have reduced from 2 packs a day to less than 1.

As each day comes I try to find a little more happiness and move one step closer to me.

Which in turn makes the next even easier. I do have my moments of rough times. But I also have you all to help when I need it.

Luv Kat :)

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Guest Donna Jean
MY GOODNESS

That is such a wonderful post! YOU SEEM TO HAVE HIT ON A MAJOR THING WE EACH NEED TO DO - KNOWING THAT TRANSITIONING AIN'T NEVER GONNA BE THE ANSWER TO A LOT OF BAGGAGE WE CARRY!

Good advice on how to handle that!

Lizzy

Lauren....Lizzy said just what I was going to say....

Transition is not the magic pill to a wonderful life and you totally understand that!

Wonderful...

So many people cannot see it that way and have unrealistic expectations!

You will still be you-----you don't turn into Angeline Jolie.....and have her life...

We become the correct gender/sex but, we drag all of our baggage with us...

Your list is awesome...

You really have a handle on it!

Good on you, Honey!

Love Donna Jean

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Lauren - you get it!

That is what we all have to understand - this changes only our outward appearance - we still have the same issues other than our dysphoria - so we had better fix them along the way.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Tamara Ann Valla

So true! No matter how you look, you still have your life to attend to. If you were messed up before SRS and didn't address the issue, then it will still be there after.

Making plans to change the undesirable aspects of one's life are just that, plans. Now is the time to quit smoking, drinking, doing drugs, whatever, and lose that excess weight.

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First off, I agree with the statement that "transitioning won't solve everything," but that really doesn't take into account the comorbidities associated with GID. I don't think that there is a single transsexual out there who hasn't dealt with clinical depression at some point. Some people smoke as a way to deal with it, some eat, some drink, some just implode. Yeah, the little things aren't going to change once someone transitions, but that depression, and the self-hatred, *should* go away, which relieves a bit of pressure from the other issues as well.

Once more, I totally agree that everyone should work on the small things prior to transitioning though. I mean, if you just plain suck at socializing or something, then that ain't going to change by itself.

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Guest Donna Jean
First off, I agree with the statement that "transitioning won't solve everything," but that really doesn't take into account the comorbidities associated with GID. I don't think that there is a single transsexual out there who hasn't dealt with clinical depression at some point. Some people smoke as a way to deal with it, some eat, some drink, some just implode. Yeah, the little things aren't going to change once someone transitions, but that depression, and the self-hatred, *should* go away, which relieves a bit of pressure from the other issues as well.

Once more, I totally agree that everyone should work on the small things prior to transitioning though. I mean, if you just plain suck at socializing or something, then that ain't going to change by itself.

Excellent point, Wry......

When I went to my therapist early on...I told him that I had a ton of issues. But, he told me that the gender dysphoria was most likely at the core and causing so many of the other things like depression, anger, uselessness......

When I accepted myself as Trans...a lot of the other issues cleared up...

Some things can be relieved by easing the dysphoria...

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

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Guest BeckyTG

Fabulous post, Lauren. You have hit on some wisdom there, girl and you understand the way to fix it. It's not as easy as fixing "a thing a day", but you understand to tackle an issue at a time.

Ben Franklin had similar ideas and wrote about his own program of self-improvement in his autobiography.

In many cases, those "other issues" are things that can actually prevent us from solving our gender issues or make them harder to solve.

Let us know how it goes.

Hugs,

Becky

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Guest Yinyang Mist

Wonderful idea! I have a way of thinking that your life is often shaped by the people around you in many ways. In respect to that many of the things about myself I do not like are the result of their ideals and way of being. I am learning to change my environment to suit my mental needs for overall comfort : )

Yes I know, easier said than done..

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Transition doesn't fix all those problems, I agree.

However, considering fixing any of those problems while still dealing with how much you have having to look into the mirror or open your mouth (I particularly hate my voice) would be overwhelming to any trans person. So while those problems don't disappear, it becomes possible to deal with them. Not necessarily easy, but just possible.

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    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      You might need adjustment. I think fatigue might be something you discuss with your endo or doctor or NP.
    • Heather Shay
      Welcome. Well written and relatable. I get it. I see you've met some of the wonderful sisters here and more will join in soon.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I'm finally home after a really long day.  I haven't been online much because I've been with my husband, helping the victims of the tornado in the neighboring county.   A lot of progress has been made in 4 days.  Some electricity has been restored, and wreckage has been cleared away from the roads.  We got the kitchen and lodging areas set up for the folks who lost their homes, so hopefully local folks can take over now.  Its amazing how much food has been donated so far, and clothes being collected.  My husband's company donated electrical equipment, and the time of work crews to install it.  They're going to be really busy in the coming weeks, with work locally, producing parts, and fulfilling orders from other areas.  So many places have been severely damaged in recent weeks.    For the moment, my part in the work is completed.  Now comes the next struggle - taking care of my husband.  He was finally able to come home tonight, since the situation is stable and their local people are gradually taking over.  But he stayed awake from Sunday morning until this evening, working constantly with only brief naps.    I'm already getting the medicines prepared, because I know he'll have a cold or the flu by this weekend.      Very true.  I think they have been teaching math in a different way for the last 30 years.  Kids aren't proficient in it...I know I'm not.  My husband believes in knowing how to do calculations on paper, just in case.  Its interesting to watch him scratch a few figures on the back of a receipt, just to check.  I never fully learned long division in school, and anything algebra was way beyond me.  Easy enough to get a passing grade without really knowing the material.  I've slowly learned some of what I should have known years ago...
    • EasyE
      Vicky is spot on. Find a therapist who can help you walk through these next steps. That did so much for me just to have someone there to listen, smile, ask me lots of questions and validate all my thoughts and feelings. It has helped me find me!   I am no professional, just a friend on the journey who wants you to know that you are not alone, you are in great company here and that you are a one-of-a-kind treasure. Best wishes and blessings to you!   EasyE
    • EasyE
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    • missyjo
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    • EasyE
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    • awkward-yet-sweet
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    • VickySGV
      All of these are very common things that have been discussed by our members here over the years.  It sounds very much to me that you need to find a Therapist who deals in Gender issues and get some therapy going.  Where it will eventually take you is not mine or anyone else here's position to tell you who or how you wish to live as, but we can be here to tell you that you are not wrong for having those feelings or questions.  Because you have questions, you have at least a chance of finding answers.  Welcome to the Forums.
    • benwitz2
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    • Mikayla2024
      YASSSSSS GIRL!! 🥳🥳🥳   Such a small world, Kathy!! If you live in NS, you’re def a bluenoser in my eyes ⛴️ !! 😊    But thank you so much for the response and advice!! Everyone’s HRT path is def different and I realize that, I’m just thankful that I’m finally starting somewhere and you’re right having the script has totally relieved my dysphoria symptoms even more! It’s like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can finally start the transitioning process !!   The way I see it, It’s only 4 weeks or 28 days on Spiro then I’ll be on Estrogen pills along with it. So, it’s going to come much sooner than I would’ve liked to realize. I just have to trust the process as I’m her first patient ever to do a full transition from the beginning and the fact that she’s willing to take me on and learn about it at the same time makes me really comfortable and trust in her process. The thing I like about her is that she told me she took an online course on gender affirming care on her own time specifically for me. So I believe she might know a thing or two.    We have a plan to do that for 6 months to 1 year and if everything is good with my labs then it’ll be injections and I hear that alone is enough to suppress T once it’s suppressed by the original regiment. 
    • Betty K
      That’s a brilliant analogy! 
    • VickySGV
      Now that you put it that way, I fully agree on its potential for those putting together educational guidelines.  One of my HMO's medical centers, has a garden plot with ONLY our local plants that are poisonous to human beings as part of our diet or skin absorbtion for teaching purposes.  I can easily the document as that sort of display. 
    • Betty K
      I think there is one (and probably only one) way to positively view the Cass Review: it collects all the most powerful weapons of the “gender critical” movement into one convenient repository, at least as regards gender-affirming care. To me, it’s like a crash course in how to fight GC ideology and advocate for trans kids. I am seeing it as my doctorate in the topic.
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