Society's Lines

[Guest BrandonIThink]

Ok, so I've been writing poetry for a really long time, but I never let anyone read it. I write a variety of poems (I don't know if you could even call some of them that) but I really hesitate to let others see them....so I'm just starting with this one. A lot of the things I write have little or no structure, but this is one of the rare ones that does. It's really simple, but this is how I look back on the time I spent trying to be the perfect girl, and what the concequences are now.

I am a playwright

I am an actor

The person I design and the person I portray

Are one in the same

Every day is show time

A carefully designed performance

I lead a mechanical life

It revolves around conformance

Every action is calculated

Every move carefully planned out

With regards to my femininity

There can never be a doubt

Each step is fluid

Each hand gesture is graceful

I have fun with my clothes and makeup

But I remember to be tasteful

Each laugh

Every dazzling smile

Each step

Every gentle touch

Scripted, rehearsed, perfected

I made her perfect.

Too perfect, in fact

For now I plainly see

She seems to have taken over

And no one can see the real me

She was constructed perfectly

Beautiful, confident, without a flaw

She fits perfectly into society’s lines

Outside them I dared not draw

And now I cry out

To my teachers, parents and peers

I scream and pound against the glass

Yet not one of them seems to hear

No one ever hears.

I don’t know how to tell them

That I don’t want to be she

It’s complicated....yet so simple

I only want to be he

(I only want to be me)

Yet I continue to drown

Within my creation who holds me so tight

She binds me, silences me, and slowly kills me....

I don’t think I can win this fight.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Oh my, Brandon!

I REALLY liked that!

It really tells about the mask that so many of us hide behind and keep down our true selves....

Very good, Hon!

Donna Jean

[Guest Elizabeth K]

In prose it would be a delightlul commentary on a 'girl' being what 'she' is told to be. And the boy he really is, striving to be seen.

I can only imagine how hard that was for you!

In poetic form it is a beautiful work, with a flow and an ease that is betrayed by the angst. Your need to be yourself was negated my your need to be what others wanted. And you did this to yourself... a tragedy... something many of us here at Laura's share.

I smile and I cry reading this. I do hope you have more to show us.

Lizzy

[Guest JKarician]

That was great Brandon, very powerful. I found especially profound the line "She seems to have taken over" and the last stanza, "Yet I continue to drown Within my creation who holds me so tight She binds me, silences me, and slowly kills me...."

It reminds me of a section in Dhillon Khosla's book, "Both Sides Now - One Man's Journey Through Womanhood." (An exceptionally good read, would highly recommend.):

"...I began to feel as if I was soothing a little boy, resting beneath my protective wing...I had to face the realization that I had spent so much of my life being unloving and unkind to myself in a most profound and fundamental way. Every time I listened to those outside voices that said I should let this go; I should accept what I’ve been given, that this does not matter, I was turning away from that sweet, precious boy. Every time I tried to tell myself it’s just a pronoun – don’t get so upset; don’t be so angry – I was telling that little boy to shut up, that he did not matter. Even something as subtle as trying to take my mind off things or cheer myself up had been, in actuality, a turning away. Because in each and every moment of frustration, of pain, of sadness, of rage, and of hurt, that little boy had been trying to reach me.”

Bravo Brandon! Keep writing!

[Guest BrandonIThink]

Well thank you so much!

And JKarcian, I'm glad that line stood out to you, it was kind of the focal point of the poem.... I wanted to express how in the beginning, it seems harmless to create a slightly altered persona to portray, and then it just becomes larger with lies, and eventually you literally cannot find yourself anymore, which I know has happened to so many people here, myself included.

I knew you guys would understand where I'm coming from with this..... Glad I finally worked up the courage to post this lol

[Sally]

Brandon,

It is not only a very good poem (it is!) it is also a magnificent way of explaining the feelings caused by our situations.

Please do share more with us.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest JKarician]

Well thank you so much!

And JKarcian, I'm glad that line stood out to you, it was kind of the focal point of the poem.... I wanted to express how in the beginning, it seems harmless to create a slightly altered persona to portray, and then it just becomes larger with lies, and eventually you literally cannot find yourself anymore, which I know has happened to so many people here, myself included.

I knew you guys would understand where I'm coming from with this..... Glad I finally worked up the courage to post this lol

You definitely have a great deal of talent Brandon. Like Lizzy and Sally, I hope you have more to share with us, forgot to mention that before.