Coming Out: My Experience And Hope For Others

[Guest Dani4Life]

Well I couldn't think of a better place for this, so it's going in general...

It's been a very long time since I've posted on the forums, but I have some really good news and couldn't hold it back from everyone.

So last Wednesday I started HRT. I must say my life has improved so much since then. I haven't been depressed once this past week... the initial "omg yay estrogen" feeling kinda wore off (I was so excited for a couple days)... but I'm still on average in a much better mood than usual. But that's not why I'm writing today. I'm writing because I wanted to maybe give some hope to people who are afraid of coming out or aren't sure what to expect from their friends.

Anyways, months ago I had drafted a note on facebook to share with all my friends. Every once in a while I would edit it or add to it, never really refining it too much but trying to make it as good as I could so that everyone would understand as easily as possible. I drafted it initially without the intent of waiting until I was on HRT, but I never felt ready before then. Once Wednesday came around I felt ready though. Except I forgot to post it... woops. It was 3am when I realized I had never posted it. It was now April 1st. I laughed to myself at the thought of posting such a letter on first of April, and decided to wait until Thursday. So I wake up Thursday morning, take a deep breath, and published the note. I had no idea what to expect at that point... would I get hate mail? Would everyone ignore me? Who knows...

So here is what I said to all my friends:

I wish there was an easier way to do this, however facebook only lets you send a message to 20 people at once and you can only tag like 40 or 50 people in one note at once... There's 144 of you currently, so the easiest way is to just make a note. So that no one feels left out or ignored I'm not going to tag anyone. I just hope that this information makes its way to everyone I know on here. If you think someone we both mutually know might miss this, go ahead and tell them or ask them if they saw it please.

Well, now that I have the introduction out of the way, and hopefully have made a point about how serious this is... Down to business. There's something about me that not many people know, but some of you who will see this already know. It's not the easiest thing for everyone to understand and I don't expect all of you to get it right away. I'm even prepared for the chance that some of you may not ever get it or accept me for who I am. What I am is transgendered. More specifically, I am a male to female transsexual. I am now on my way to transitioning to the gender I feel I was meant to be. Or to put it more bluntly, this means I'm getting a sex change... even though the verb "get" is terribly inaccurate in this situation as it's a long process that takes years to accomplish.

The reason I have chosen now to share this with everyone is based on a number of factors. One factor being that I have only fully accepted who I am within the past year (there's a long story behind this if anyone is truly interested in my life and what I have gone through), and the largest factor being that things are going to be changing soon now that I know I'm going through with this and it would be slightly difficult to hide, heh. As of Wednesday I have been on HRT (hormone replacement therapy).

It's pretty difficult to explain how I really feel, but the best way to put it is that I am a girl trapped in a boys body. I live every day as a lie to the world, pretending to be someone I am not, feeling like I don't belong anywhere, filling a role that doesn't fit me. The person you see isn't me but the result of years and years of being ashamed and scared of who I truly am out of fear of rejection and ridicule. It has taken me a great deal of time to come to terms with everything I face. I no longer fear writing this note or the consequences that will come from it. In fact, I look forward to being more open with my friends and allowing you all further into my life.

I'm not sure what else I can say right now to help everyone understand, but I hope that you all at least try to understand and accept me. I highly suggest going to http://www.tsfaq.info/ to get a better idea of a lot of aspects of this, or go to Google or Wikipedia, and look up the words transgendered and transsexual.

If anyone has any questions or concerns, I am willing to answer literally just about any question you want to ask me. Seriously, ask me anything, I don't mind especially if it helps you understand me better. Or even if you're just curious about something... ask. Feel free to ask and discuss in comments on the note, or you can talk to me privately if you wish.

As of now there are 24 comments on this note. All extremely positive, all amazingly supportive. More people have also contacted me through the chat on facebook and through AIM and have had nothing but amazing things to say to me. I was in tears from some of the kind words my friends have given me.

I want to share what some of them have said:

we love yo and we are always here for support. Even if you wanted to do something outrageous I will still be behind you 110%. we cant protect u from everything, but just know that if anything bothers you, not to keep it to yourself. we want to help and support you all the way. if this is what makes you happy, i will support yo uno matter what... See More. im also very proud of you for making this leap! if you ever need to talk or vent, you have my number!!!!!!

Even if someone takes a stab at you, just let us know.....we'll take care of them lol

I am proud you had the courage to write all this.

If you ever need anything or someone to talk to im always here, remember that.

I give you alot of credit for being honest and open with people. takes alot of courage to do that.

Your probably the most courageous person I know now. Do what makes you happy So my only question to you about this is, so if your not going to be Greg anymore, what shall we call you now?

I think it was really brave of you to come out this way and I hope that this path brings you happiness and contentment.

I am honestly almost in tears as I read this. I think you are incredibly brave and strong to pursue what makes you feel complete and happy and to be this open about it. Just know that because of this I only respect and admire you more, and you have my full support no matter what. I'll be here to talk to or whatever you may need as you go through this process.

I have to admire your courageousness in sharing this with all of us. 100% behind you in your decision!

congrats, don't be ashamed of yourself. you're an awesome person inside and out, don't let this get to you. you are who you are and you have SO many people that love you regardless. just do what makes you feel more comfortable and makes you feel happy.

That is only a few of the comments. I couldn't ask for better friends... I'm truly amazed by all this and I hope it only works out so well for others. I guess I just want to show that people can surprise you and maybe be more accepting than you'd imagine. Even the one person who I thought would hate me supports me 100% and even is considering sharing an apartment with me and his girlfriend.

[Carolyn Marie]

Dani, that is a very courageous thing that you've done, and I am so very glad that it's turned out so well for you.

I won't say that you're lucky, because that would minimize the importance of your own role in choosing your friends. You seem to have

a great knack for choosing some wonderful friends, and that is a testament to both you, and them.

Your Facebook post was very well written, giving just the right amount of information in a very open and sensitive way. Posting the link was

a great idea, as well.

One never knows how coming out will go. When it goes as well as yours has, it brings a big old smile to my face, and warms my heart.

Congrats, girl!

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Dani

What can I say? An amazing testimony. Simply a wonder!

GRAND GRAND GRAND

You produced a thorough and well worded explaination of your condition and your decision to transition.

Well done! The results indicate how well you did.

Lizzy

[Guest Donna Jean]

Dani.......

Honey, I LOVED IT!

The way that you did it...

The way it was received...

The Love...

The support...

And, it's kinda funny...courageous ...one heck of a word...

I've come out to people and then called courageous ...all the while nearly in tears, shaking and sweating like a pig...courageous?...I guess so....LOL

Your post was inspiring...

Wonderful!

HUGGS! & LOVE!

Donna Jean

[Guest Girl Emily]

Dani,

Wow Wow Wow!

You are an inspiration to me. I am so happy for you. I am also pleased to hear that people are becoming more accepting of us and our situation.

Huggs and continued success,

[Guest Yinyang Mist]

You have guts, for posting such a note. Pre-anxiety from waiting to post it would have sent me to the hospital but ya pulled it off : ) Congrats on your supportive responses and should we all be so lucky.

[Paula ult]

Dani,

That was very well written young lady, just the right information and length, courageous.. oh my.. many people said the same thing to me when i came out, you are lucky to have such good friends.

Being young many people your age have a few friends they know that identify in the LGBT spectrum and thus are more accepting than some older folks.

Oh and congrats on starting hrt.

Paula

[Guest Dani4Life]

Thanks everyone. The way I see it though, is that I had to do this. I really don't feel like courage applied because my identity isn't something I planned on hiding any longer, it wasn't something I could hide any longer. I didn't spend the past year trying to get on HRT just to keep hiding from everyone

I owe it all to this site though. I owe my entire life to this site. It was around this time last year that I started chatting in the live chat actually. You have all been here for me every step of the way and I couldn't be more thankful than that. Whenever I needed help someone was there... whether it was coming out to my parents, or even just dealing with depression. If it wasn't for the chat room I wouldn't have met the person who told me of the existence of the LGBT health clinic I'm going to (which is how I'm getting my HRT)

[Sally]

First I want to congratulate you on your coming out success.

And as to the help that you have gotten here - that is what Laura's is all about - the friendships and love all grow out of the caring and support that the site was founded to supply - it was a gradual but inevitable evolution to the wonderful place that this has become, from Laura's dream of stopping Transgendered suicides to adding in a loving and safe environment where young and old can flourish - it is a work in progress and each new member plays a part - weaves their own thread through this tapestry and adds to its beauty.

Dani, you may not be aware of how much you have helped others - not always through grand gestures but by being there when others need you and posting of positive outcomes like this - you give hope - so I want t o thank you.

Love ya,

Sally