How Do You Come Out?

[Guest Ryles_D]

I saw some people say they came out to people about this and it worked out, but I'm not sure how. I mean, how do you explain you have no gender? Even on here I've seen people who had a hard time believing it.

I don't really want to tell mom, I know she won't take it easily. She wants me to be a girl, buys me slutty clothes most people would never let their kid leave the house in, has gotten on me for 'standing like a boy' (Oh my goodness?) when I was younger, and has always complained that when she left for Bosnia (she left for over a year with the army when I was in 1st grade and dad took care of me) I acted like a girl and when she got back I didn't because I stopped wearing dresses. But I can't stand it anymore.

I hate my pants. I know this sounds shallow, but I can come up with lame enough excuses to buy shirts that aren't baby doll, but with pants I can't. They all fit too snug (I like them really loose so too snug is probably just right for normal people), and they don't have enough pockets or anything. And I can't get her to let me get pants I like, and she got this really offended sort of look when I went out and bought pants I liked myself. And then she keeps buying me pants that I don't want and I sit there feeling guilty that she spent the money to get them. It's infuriating how she is about that- she got vanilla instead of regular milk once. I didn't mind, but I needed regular so I told her, making it obvious I liked the vanilla but needed regular, next time it comes up she talked about how I don't like the vanilla milk. And that was with me trying to spare her feelings, how's she going to react to "I don't like these pants"?

Gah, I don't know what to do. I don't think she's going to accept I have no gender, and if I can't get her to stop getting me to try and dress/act like a girl I'll go insane.

[Guest Rika-chama]

Hmm...that's a tough one. Explaining no gender must be hard but if you want to be treated less like a girl you're just gonna have to come out and say it. Maybe sit your mom down and explain that you do not like being a girl. Say that while you appreciate her doing all this for you she's doing it the wrong way. If she insists in buying you clothes maybe have her come with you and you pick out all the clothes yourself. Just come out and tell her that you won't wear anything she buys you and if she still buys it that's her waste of money. Tell her you don't want to conform to what a boy and girl should be and that you want to be your own person without a gender attatched to you. I hope things go well. She seems like a nice mom, just a little misguided is all

Ni-paa~

[Guest Ryles_D]

She seems like a nice mom, just a little misguided is all

I know, it makes things so much harder. I feel guilty when I get annoyed with her because I know she's got good intentions and is just trying to be a good mom. ^^;

Thanks, I'm going to try. It's still something I'm real nervous about, though. And not sure how to bring it up. o_o There's been maybe twice when conversations actually touched on how I don't act like a girl, normally it's just hints or inauspicious comments, so I can't just wait for it to come up and go from there. :/

[Guest Rika-chama]

Good Luck

Ni-paa~

[Guest Ryles_D]

Good Luck

Ni-paa~

Thanks. Have you got any advice on timing? I've seen things like trying not to during financial issues or before vacations or when you're angry and such, but beyond that, any idea what might work well?

[Guest Mesingw]

timing I'm guessing would be to just come up to her and to say what is going on. The way i see it though, after you drop that bombshell you are gonna have to worry about the fallout. I would say tell her at a moment when she/you are calm because it will make things easier. This is one of those things that really is never easy. I wish I could say more than that, but I really don't know your mother as well as you do so I can't provide any more detail...

[Guest Ryles_D]

Heh, thanks, but I posted that well over a year ago now. She's still in denial and refuses to talk about it.