Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Does It Seem "fake" To Not Pass But Not Care?


Guest Flistan

Recommended Posts

Guest Flistan

Well, I'm really looking forward to getting a summer job and getting myself a new wardrobe to better fit my style and possibly occasionally crossdress (if I get the chance), but like... idk I've been going through a couple of thoughts lately...

I don't really "fit" 100% in to ANY category. So...

I'm androgyne, and even though I'm a little more masculine some times, 1- I don't want an over-masculine body (although skinnier hips, a flat chest, and some muscle mass would be nice), 2- my face is androgynous but feminine-looking if I wear glasses(and idk if I could afford contacts all of the time for substitutes, and I would have issues with insurance and my dad whom I refuse to talk to/see would not like to b/c he cares more about his money and insurance and I do NOT want him to know about my gender identity), 3- I'm too lazy to practice the "voice" (although it's not ANNOYINGLY high-pitched, just sort of "yeah that's a girl pretty sure"), and 4- why should I care what people think of me? I'm wearing what I want even if I might not fit in with guys OR girls completely all of the time.

Well, I haven't had the opportunity to exercise these reflections in combat on the battlefield, so might I ask a few questions?

1- Have you ever had the same feelings? What were the outcomes? Did you get flack for it?

2- What do you think of people when you see others who obviously don't fit "into their dress"? Do you think they appear/act fake? I want to be true to myself, but I don't want to be seen as fake...

3- I'm sort of afraid if I get this new dream wardrobe I'll look like a drag king in the making (hope that doesn't seem offensive, but in general I don't want people to generalize negative connotations about me, even though well, that's people). Although that wouldn't be so bad, because I shouldn't care what people think of me, right (who knows maybe I AM a drag king in the making! XP ) ? It's just another one of those transgender barriers everyone has to get past I suppose, getting treated poorly and worrying about what people think.

Basically, sometimes I'm quite masculine, but other times I slip and I'm a total flaming gay-guy in a girl's body, but it'll be more strange because I'm afraid I won't "pass" and I'll be seen as a crazy chick out to taint the world and all of its morals... which is weird because I'm one of the most religious people my age I know... -.-

Man, if my dad saw me... 0.o BIG issues... but I'm not going to bother about that... lol. He could've burned the house down with his hothead when he saw combat boots by the door... (It was for a costume... >.>)

And then there are things like me fantasizing about a semi-punk wardrobe, dying my hair black and white/black and gray, maybe getting that nice little eyebrow ring that'll raise eyebrows at church... haha... puns... too many puns lately...

If I got an eyebrow ring Mom and my sister would kill me anyways. >< But still, all of these things (and my somewhat neutral wardrobe desires) might appear "fake". I mean, I already have a unique wardrobe, but everyone thinks it's cool.

Basically, how hard is it to have a persona that doesn't really "fit" and do nothing about it?

Link to comment

Dear Shift,

I have never fit in anywhere as a male and now I am reasonably certain that I will have similar difficulties as a female but none of that matters as I have remained an individual - I have never followed the crowd even when trying to fit in - I grew up when smoking was considered cool - I never took a single puff, drinking was a given rite of passage in my high school - I have had one sip of communion wine when I visited a different church - I have been a jazz musician and worked in record stores for a long time and drug usage was every where - I never tried.

I march to a different drummer and I always will.

Be you and be happy.

There can be nothing fake about being yourself.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K

About four months ago - and I am MTF un transition - I realized there was a problem passing in male mode anymore. So I had to admit to myself - I am what I am - and I am seen one way by some, the other way by others. So I have gotten to that point its not a scary thing. It's not important how people see me, as long as I am what I want to be.

So be it!

Lizzy

Link to comment
Guest unsolvedmystery

let me answer the questions, or try to lol.

1. the other day i was mistaken for a drag queen... i'm a woman and naturally very girlie so why they thought i was dressing as a drag queen i have no idea, it was amusing though. i took it as a compliment, i love it when people get confused with who i am.

2. no i don't think any one is fake as long as they are doing what they're heart tells them to. i have recently become friends with various 'non-conventional' people, i admire them for breaking down the usual stereotypes of what a woman should be and look like and what a man should be and look like.

3. just be yourself, you may get people that don't agree with your choices but so what? i was so worried what my dad and grandparents would think of my new haircut, well i worried for nothing, they loved it.

life is short, embrace it and enjoy who ever you feel you are, what you choose to be is true to yourself, any one that tells you otherwise is simply wrong. that's what i say any ways.

by the way i always enjoy reading your topics and posts, you're a really interesting person and seem very smart, i admire that. i hope i helped, i think i rambled off and didn't actually answer anything lol.

Link to comment
Guest Flistan

Thanks you guys. Hopefully I'll have the money/freedom/whatnot to take the liberty to just lay all of myself out there, lol. Can't wait! Just need the money... ><

unsolvedmystery: nyaw... thanks! ^.^ and you're right about everything. I'm glad your dad and grandparents like your haircut. ^.^ Sounds like when I accidentally dyed my hair too dark and secretly liked it, and Mom liked it too. ^.^

Link to comment
Guest Evan_J

Personally, I'm supportive of peeps doing what suits them. WHATEVER that is , as long as it doesn't hurt other people, or little animals :mellow: I don't think its any person (or groups ) place to dictate what someone's comfort is. I'm one of those peeps though who care more about what kind of person you're being than what you've got on while you're being it.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 118 Guests (See full list)

    • Vivelacors
    • Betty K
    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,060
    • Most Online
      8,356

    FelixThePickleMan
    Newest Member
    FelixThePickleMan
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Aelia
      Aelia
      (22 years old)
    2. Just-Jenny-finally
      Just-Jenny-finally
      (65 years old)
    3. KelcieK
      KelcieK
      (50 years old)
    4. Krimson Kya
      Krimson Kya
      (35 years old)
    5. Robin
      Robin
      (56 years old)
  • Posts

    • KymmieL
      I have wondered how basic training is for transgender recruits?   Kymmie 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Some of them are us.  I view while logged out sometimes.  But I also know that so much of this forum is public.  I really wish more areas were "members only."  I'm aware that stuff I post here is publicly viewable, so I never post last names, first names of other people, pictures, or give my location.  I tend to think my husband and GF would be displeased at the few things I do post here.... and they may be right.   Our times are pretty uncertain, and it seems to be "fox hunting season" out there. 
    • VickySGV
      Welcome to the Forums Felix, enjoy yourself, but please get the homework done!!
    • VickySGV
      On May 4, the Trans Chorus Of Los Angeles did a whole 90 minutes of music that was all written by Trans composers and all of our singers and musicians were Trans / NB.  Several of the pieces were actually written by our chorus members.  (I was running a $3,500 set of video cameras on the show and am editing the the massive gigabytes they put out today. We had several guest artists either on stage or who contributed material.  One of the artists was Wrabel who wrote the song The Village which he has dedicated to the Trans Community and describes a young Trans child and the problems they had in their village.  The other MAJOR Trans Artist was Jennifer Leitham, a Bass Viol and Bass Guitar player who as a young man played with the Big Bands of the 60's and 70's in her male self into Transition, and wrote an autobiographical song entitled Manhood which tells of her love of the men she played with in the bands but her not really fitting as a man. Jennifer has played with the Chorus before and is always good music fun to have around.  Two of our members collaborated on a music and poetry piece simply entitled "I'll - - " which brought some tears with a promise to Trans Young People with the whole chorus shouting "I'll be there for you, I will be there for you" said for Trans Kids.  (We actually had a few Trans kids in the audience to hear it.)  My video editing program has about 40 minutes to go producing the main body of the edited video which has the actual song clips in the right order.  Next to put in the Title slides and the credits.  The stuff I get myself into.   The concert took place at the Renberg Theater which is part of the Los Angeles LGB Center in Hollywood.   
    • FelixThePickleMan
      Hi, I'm Felix a little trans guy from a small town. My pronouns are he/they and I enjoy music and all wildlife, I doodle on all my homework assignments. I really don't know what to say but, my favourite animal is a cow, my favourite musical genre is country, I play electric bass & acoustic guitar as well as the ukulele a little bit of piano and drums (hand drums and drum sets). I like things of all sorts and I like food, a lot. My favourite meal is French fries and a good steak. My Personal Record for dead-lifting is 310 lbs and I like to sprint and play basketball. My mum's a "bit" overbearing but what can you do. I love reading Manga, I'm currently reading Assassination Classroom, I also enjoy reading Stephen King. I plan on joining the Marines after high school and become a k-9 handler.  I think that's all. For now :) 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I didn't use makeup even in my girl form.  And certainly not now in my boy form.  I don't even like sunscreen...it just feels greasy.  I've always disliked putting stuff on myself.  Partly because of the physical feeling, and partly because I don't want to pretend to anybody.    My partners are mostly the same...makeup isn't really a thing for our faith.  But my GF and husband have one particular vanity - covering up gray hair.  IDK if I will feel differently when I start getting some of my own, eventually.
    • Jet McCartney
      I'm ftm but I still wear makeup on occasion to cover up my rosacea. Just primer and sunscreen usually. Sometimes I'll fill in my eyebrows too
    • DonkeySocks
      I think some of "them" are just us. If I log out, I might come in and putter around the forums for a minute before I commit to logging in and reading or participating. That probably shows as a guest visit.
    • DonkeySocks
      I have the Pierre by New York Toy Collective, I think I bought it from a different online store but it is that brand. The size recommendations will say that the four-inch shaft (the small Pierre) is for people 5' tall and under. I am 5'8" and it is fine for me. The larger (regular) Pierre shaft size is way too big to wear regularly, but it is a great packer to have around for gender affirming play at home. So even if you are taller than 5', if you aren't sure and you want something easy to wear, go with the small. It is a silicone packer.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Yes, resilient, for sure.  Ours were elementary/middle school age when their father died.  The girl took it really hard, losing her father.  My husband has been there as friend, counselor, and stepfather.  He was a dear friend of their father, and he has put in a lot of effort to raise them.  The eldest son is now his secretary, aide, and driver at work.   Since I'm young-ish and not their primary parent(s), I have the role of being an older friend to them.  They don't seem to have any issues with my gender.  I'm just Jen, and everybody knows that Jen is a little different.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      If you're looking for a millennial female who might be interested, maybe contact Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez? Y'all might have some things in common, and I think she and her partner are doing the "childless" thing.      Interesting that your wife did concrete work.  My GF spent some time laying concrete for her own projects....while 6 months pregnant.   She's a very stubborn girl.  Probably the exact opposite of the millennial female you're looking for, since she's a mother of 5 (and wished she could have more.)  Interesting how folks can have similar origins, but come to opposite conclusions.  My GF grew up in dire poverty, stealing to eat and take care of her little sister.  As a young adult, she spent several years living in a commune, and was a member of an armed communist political movement.  Now she's probably the most fervent anti-leftist, anti-government person you could ever find.  Experiences really shape who we are.    The lesson I draw from this is that globalism is not the right solution, and even the USA is too large a nation for everybody to agree.  Time to downsize voluntarily, before a civil war does it for us.  Some folks suggest that the USA could become between 4 and 7 different nations.  The way the world is going, I suspect you'll get your "depopulation" wish....but it will come about through war, plagues, and famine. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I made apple pies, since we have apple trees here.  A classic, simple recipe, everything made from scratch.  We can make just about any kind of pie here - pecan, apple, pear, peach, blackberry....    I think the 6-burner stove came from an old diner.  So, technically a restaurant stove, just a small one.  It probably came from an auction, as my partner usually has an eye for deals.    This stove has 8 burners:   https://www.lowes.com/pd/FORNO-48-in-4-32-cu-ft-2-26-cu-ft-Steam-cleaning-Double-Oven-Convection-Gas-Range-Stainless-steel/1003096398?cm_mmc=shp-_-c-_-prd-_-app-_-ggl-_-PLA_APP_186_Cooking-_-1003096398-_-online-_-0-_-0&ds_rl=1286890&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIj86BiPj3hQMVeTbUAR2m5wexEAQYASABEgI9tvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds   This one is the one I would love to have...it has 10:   https://www.lowes.com/pd/FORNO-Galiano-Gold-Professional-60-inch-Freestanding-Gas-Range/5013821825?cm_mmc=shp-_-c-_-prd-_-app-_-ggl-_-PLA_APP_186_Cooking-_-5013821825-_-online-_-0-_-0&ds_rl=1286890&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIj86BiPj3hQMVeTbUAR2m5wexEAQYDSABEgIt__D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
    • missyjo
      69 years young dear  winks it's just a number..   transcend it n be fabulous  hugs
    • Lydia_R
    • Lydia_R
      Not to bump this up or anything, but I just want to put one more note on the end of this...   Thank you for allowing me to post this here and thank you for all who have responded.  This step has been a huge help to me on my political journey.  I've made several key decisions in the last few days that allow me to run a better campaign for the next 4 years.  I worked my way off of the streets 20 years ago by writing math and computer programming on paper.  10 years later I was able to buy a house with the software engineering work that I was doing.  Now 20 years after getting off of the streets and having two failed bids for US Representative and likely another failed bid in the next couple weeks, I've come to the point of selling my house to run a very frugal campaign for vice-president (it's a thing even though it is an appointed position) for the next 4 years, all on the money I have earned from that work I did on the streets.   My policy going forward is that I'm not going to ask for money and I'm not going to ask for people's votes.  The vice-presidency is an appointed position.  I'm also not going to run for legislative offices anymore.  I'm simply going to tour the country on my own dime looking for good people and a strong millennial female who sees my logic and would like to be president.   I have reached out to tens of thousands of people on my own dime in the last 7 years.  Famous people, ultra-famous people, business leaders, civil engineers, random people, news people, educators, unions, politicians.  I certainly got less than 5 emails from those efforts.  Actually, I only really remember one person.  He is an educator and we had a good Zoom meeting.   I'm not bitter.  I'm not complaining.  Those of you who have followed me on this site know I like to keep things positive and talk about cooking and living healthy.  I hope that this post doesn't get buried.  I think the title is strong and my message is clear.  I don't want to bog this site down with the details of the whole thing.  I simply want people to know that there is a transwoman working to be vice-president.  Notice that I didn't title this a-transwoman-as-us-respresentative.  My politics are executive level.  I'm a whistleblower, not a complainer.  I aim to educate and inspire.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...