Does It Seem "fake" To Not Pass But Not Care?

[Guest Flistan]

Well, I'm really looking forward to getting a summer job and getting myself a new wardrobe to better fit my style and possibly occasionally crossdress (if I get the chance), but like... idk I've been going through a couple of thoughts lately...

I don't really "fit" 100% in to ANY category. So...

I'm androgyne, and even though I'm a little more masculine some times, 1- I don't want an over-masculine body (although skinnier hips, a flat chest, and some muscle mass would be nice), 2- my face is androgynous but feminine-looking if I wear glasses(and idk if I could afford contacts all of the time for substitutes, and I would have issues with insurance and my dad whom I refuse to talk to/see would not like to b/c he cares more about his money and insurance and I do NOT want him to know about my gender identity), 3- I'm too lazy to practice the "voice" (although it's not ANNOYINGLY high-pitched, just sort of "yeah that's a girl pretty sure"), and 4- why should I care what people think of me? I'm wearing what I want even if I might not fit in with guys OR girls completely all of the time.

Well, I haven't had the opportunity to exercise these reflections in combat on the battlefield, so might I ask a few questions?

1- Have you ever had the same feelings? What were the outcomes? Did you get flack for it?

2- What do you think of people when you see others who obviously don't fit "into their dress"? Do you think they appear/act fake? I want to be true to myself, but I don't want to be seen as fake...

3- I'm sort of afraid if I get this new dream wardrobe I'll look like a drag king in the making (hope that doesn't seem offensive, but in general I don't want people to generalize negative connotations about me, even though well, that's people). Although that wouldn't be so bad, because I shouldn't care what people think of me, right (who knows maybe I AM a drag king in the making! XP ) ? It's just another one of those transgender barriers everyone has to get past I suppose, getting treated poorly and worrying about what people think.

Basically, sometimes I'm quite masculine, but other times I slip and I'm a total flaming gay-guy in a girl's body, but it'll be more strange because I'm afraid I won't "pass" and I'll be seen as a crazy chick out to taint the world and all of its morals... which is weird because I'm one of the most religious people my age I know... -.-

Man, if my dad saw me... 0.o BIG issues... but I'm not going to bother about that... lol. He could've burned the house down with his hothead when he saw combat boots by the door... (It was for a costume... >.>)

And then there are things like me fantasizing about a semi-punk wardrobe, dying my hair black and white/black and gray, maybe getting that nice little eyebrow ring that'll raise eyebrows at church... haha... puns... too many puns lately...

If I got an eyebrow ring Mom and my sister would kill me anyways. >< But still, all of these things (and my somewhat neutral wardrobe desires) might appear "fake". I mean, I already have a unique wardrobe, but everyone thinks it's cool.

Basically, how hard is it to have a persona that doesn't really "fit" and do nothing about it?

[Sally]

Dear Shift,

I have never fit in anywhere as a male and now I am reasonably certain that I will have similar difficulties as a female but none of that matters as I have remained an individual - I have never followed the crowd even when trying to fit in - I grew up when smoking was considered cool - I never took a single puff, drinking was a given rite of passage in my high school - I have had one sip of communion wine when I visited a different church - I have been a jazz musician and worked in record stores for a long time and drug usage was every where - I never tried.

I march to a different drummer and I always will.

Be you and be happy.

There can be nothing fake about being yourself.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

About four months ago - and I am MTF un transition - I realized there was a problem passing in male mode anymore. So I had to admit to myself - I am what I am - and I am seen one way by some, the other way by others. So I have gotten to that point its not a scary thing. It's not important how people see me, as long as I am what I want to be.

So be it!

Lizzy

[Guest unsolvedmystery]

let me answer the questions, or try to lol.

1. the other day i was mistaken for a drag queen... i'm a woman and naturally very girlie so why they thought i was dressing as a drag queen i have no idea, it was amusing though. i took it as a compliment, i love it when people get confused with who i am.

2. no i don't think any one is fake as long as they are doing what they're heart tells them to. i have recently become friends with various 'non-conventional' people, i admire them for breaking down the usual stereotypes of what a woman should be and look like and what a man should be and look like.

3. just be yourself, you may get people that don't agree with your choices but so what? i was so worried what my dad and grandparents would think of my new haircut, well i worried for nothing, they loved it.

life is short, embrace it and enjoy who ever you feel you are, what you choose to be is true to yourself, any one that tells you otherwise is simply wrong. that's what i say any ways.

by the way i always enjoy reading your topics and posts, you're a really interesting person and seem very smart, i admire that. i hope i helped, i think i rambled off and didn't actually answer anything lol.

[Guest Flistan]

Thanks you guys. Hopefully I'll have the money/freedom/whatnot to take the liberty to just lay all of myself out there, lol. Can't wait! Just need the money... ><

unsolvedmystery: nyaw... thanks! ^.^ and you're right about everything. I'm glad your dad and grandparents like your haircut. ^.^ Sounds like when I accidentally dyed my hair too dark and secretly liked it, and Mom liked it too. ^.^

[Guest Evan_J]

Personally, I'm supportive of peeps doing what suits them. WHATEVER that is , as long as it doesn't hurt other people, or little animals I don't think its any person (or groups ) place to dictate what someone's comfort is. I'm one of those peeps though who care more about what kind of person you're being than what you've got on while you're being it.