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Coming Out


Guest emiruu

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hey peps has anyone here NOT told there parents and HAS known they were the wrong gender for all there life

im 16 and i have tried to tell my parents but i really dont know what went wrong in telling them :(

any tips ?

Amy :)

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Guest Mr. Fox

1. Try to resolve any confusion and build self-confidence.

2. Do not be emotionally dependent on what you parents think.

Easy to say, hard to do. It may end up being easier to write a letter/email (that's what I ended up doing). Even if you come out vocally, it can be good to write a letter in order to organize your thoughts and decide what to say. And if you end up chickening out, don't hate yourself. You can always do it later.

Adrian

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Guest Michelle M

I think it's best and most honest to come out in person. Can you explain yourself when you say 'you went wrong in telling them' ? Like, did you end up not telling them, or did you end up kind of hinting at it, or did you end up halfway saying but not being clear about it?

I came out to my parents in person and it didn't really go well. They didn't even talk for 30 minutes, so I just went back home. They eventually came over to my house the next day to talk about it more. They were in complete shock the whole night.

It has been 3 months since that night, and they do love me and accept me, but they still don't get it. They think I'm a boy turning into a girl. They are the last 2 people on earth to treat me like a boy, use my male name, and male pronouns. They don't see it like I see it. I am a girl now taking steps to get the rightful body she deserves.

But, coming out in a letter is easier than in person. It might give them some time to recover from shock, too. After that, it's going to be your duty to educate them. You might want to educate yourself more first before telling them, so you have all the right documents/books to show them. You will have to prove them that this isn't a fetish, or a fad, or a cult you're getting into.

Take your time and make sure it's the right time. Don't do it at a point in their lives when they have extra stress of something else. Also, try coming out as gay at first, and see how they react. Ask them if they'll always love you and accept you no matter what. If they say yes, tell them that you're trans. You can use the fact that they said yes against them. "No matter what." The gay thing might backfire though, like it does with some parents. Because then they'll say "I just wish you were gay, instead of trans." Use it at your own discretion. Good luck.

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Guest Brianna

The above suggestions are good.

I am in the process of coming out. I came out to my psychologist about 2 weeks ago. She was very understanding. The next step is for me to discuss my options with my psychologist, perhaps get a referral to a gender identity clinic. At that point I'll ask either the gender specialist or my psychologist to explain it to my mom. From that point I'll get my mom to tell the rest of my family (my dad is gonna be a pain about it, I can already tell, hes pretty homophobic). However, this will only work if you can convince your parents to get you into therapy for different reason (say stress from school/work or something). I am lucky since my brother and sister and my mom all see a shrink as it is, so the idea wasn't too foreign for them. And I just took it from there.

Coming out to my psychologist was pretty easy, I wrote her a letter. I found this to work best since I could organize my thoughts and word it exactly how i wanted to.

And I can tell you this from experience, DO NOT chicken out when talking to a psychologist. This led me to be diagnosed with OCD, and my gender issues to be completely ignored. It basically ended up with me being completely lost and miserable last year, and now I am back in the closet. I had chosen a car ride with my older brother to come out. I wrote my sister a letter, and she basically shut me down. My mom was kinda awkward for a while. SO!! That was a bad way to do it, and also, I didn't have the guidance of the awesome people here on the forums.

Anyways, good luck!!

Alyssa.

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Guest o0tg0o

Funny. I am just logging in as I am taking a break from writing my coming out email to my boss at work.

One thing to know is, yes it is a hard thing but there is never ever ever a good time to come out. It's competely something you have to straw inhaler it up and tell them.

Things to remember when coming out is to make sure you elaborate what your feelings are and what your future plans are going to be for it. Don't be wishy-washy as they will start poking at your weakness. You can try to tell them at person, but writing letters or emails is just fine. The truth is, you just need to get the point across.

G'luck! I'm going to go back to write the email! :)

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Guest savagedm
Funny. I am just logging in as I am taking a break from writing my coming out email to my boss at work.

One thing to know is, yes it is a hard thing but there is never ever ever a good time to come out. It's competely something you have to straw inhaler it up and tell them.

Things to remember when coming out is to make sure you elaborate what your feelings are and what your future plans are going to be for it. Don't be wishy-washy as they will start poking at your weakness. You can try to tell them at person, but writing letters or emails is just fine. The truth is, you just need to get the point across.

G'luck! I'm going to go back to write the email! :)

I agree whole heartedly. When I first came out, I intentionally was wishy-washy with my parents which was a mistake. They had a false hope that I could be "cured" for a while and it was not until I finally took a stand with them that they really started the process of acceptance. Also, G'luck on that ltter girl! Let me know how it goes!

~Brooke

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Guest o0tg0o

Crap, and sorry for the double post, but yeah, I haven't told my parents yet, but that's cuz I'm 22...and I definitely have plans to tell my mom, whether the results will be good or not. Hehe, like savagedm said to me, even if they had a bad response, it must have felt liberating right? That's still a big improvement. Also, there's a lot of things that gets better as time goes. Don't give up if it really is what you want. That rule goes for almost anything in life ;).

Oh, and minor update from that email: my bosses from work are cool with it ;) yay.

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Guest Andrea-M

If its any consolation, I came out to my parents at 39yrs , they new i had cross dressed through my teens and early 20's but new nothing further. When i actually told them they gave me a hug and said that they loved me dearly and would support me i any decision that i made toward a more fulfilling life. Being a parent of teenage daughters i would do the same to my kids given any such circumstance. Basically, if you love your kids unconditionally then you should support them fully.

If a parent is mad it usually means they are trying to be protective. But coming out positively is the best advise...and stand your ground...to many parents try to play things down.

Good for you o0tg0o, with your job.

Andrea

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Guest Shanetastic

Hey Amy,

I came out to my parents when I was 17 I think. . .

It's probably one of the scariest but most liberating things you can do to move toward who you want to be though. I tried hard for months to tell them verbally, dropping little hints and stuff, but they never caught on or just looked the other way. Eventually I wrote a letter to my mom, who helped me get in therapy and figure out what I needed to do to be happy. Then later when I decided on my decision I told my dad. They were both really understanding, so that's always a big relief.

You just have to do what you think will work best for your parents. Separate them, talk to them one on one, or get them jointly together. Write a letter, show them a movie? Do whatever you need to do to just get the point through I think. Be sure to hold your ground and have some references and facts they can look at too if they so choose to. Anyways, good luck and I hope it goes well for you.

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Guest Rika-chama

Sweetie trust me coming out is very very tough but also very liberating. You just need to get in there and say it "I want to be a girl" say it and get it over with. That's what I did I just blurted it out to my mom :lol: but then again I have a very understanding mom. If you know your parents aren't going to do something drastic like say, kick you out of the house, then I say go for it. You will have to tell them one day and better now then later. Maybe have a friend there with you or even your doctor. Having someone with you will kinda "force" you to say it.

Maybe you can show your parents this place to see what other TS people are like or maybe have them watch a documentary. Just trust me when I say that it feels great to finally come out ;)

Ni-paa~

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Guest AndreaSC
hey peps has anyone here NOT told there parents and HAS known they were the wrong gender for all there life

im 16 and i have tried to tell my parents but i really dont know what went wrong in telling them :(

any tips ?

Amy :)

I'm certainly not the best person to give advice about coming out, but here are some words of wisdom that apply to just about anything:

"Focus on the fundamentals"

I.e. you are who you are, and the most important thing is to tell your parents just who you are.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest emiruu

thanks everyone, i appretiate all the advice im convinced my mum knows, after all i did tell her once and chickened out but she kept seeing hints ie laura's on the laptop so its like duh lol

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